(not) a god

Opening my eyes hurt, being able to see hurt, even thinking hurt. My head felt like it was going to crack from the feeling of it being engulfed by that little girls power, a power to nearly kill a god. How much suffering had she gone through to have such destructive power against a god even after her demise?

I had been passed out for some time before I could get my conscious back to working order, she quite literally had been so close to killing me that I got scared, scared beyond imagination.

'Was this how humans felt before they died?' I asked myself, too frail, too much in pain to even open my mouth.

I laid there sprawled on the ground for sometime before getting up, feeling nauseous from the pain.

Slowly getting back onto my feet, I looked around, trying to confirm that I was still in the dungeon i had been before "that" incident, sure enough i still was.

Although something felt off, well more off than when I had come here. Every single skeleton was now gone, not a single one left, but that wasn't the only thing though, I felt off. Something was missing, no, something had come into me. There was more of me now than before, but what.

Searching myself i didn't find anything wrong. My hands, legs, even my torso was still there, same as ever. Quickly moving my hands to my face, trying to feel that everything was still there.

While feeling my face, my fingers had touched my eye sockets, a burning sensation flowed through them.

My face paled as i started to panic and frantically look for a mirror or a shiny peace of metal, there weren't any.

My panic wasn't directed at my burnt fingers though, it was directed to my eye sockets that had always been hollow and empty.

Going from cell to cell in the dungeon in search of something that had reflective surface, there were none.

"A poor, poor god suffering."

"Did you not think I knew what you were from the moment you came here?"

I stopped my panicked search, petrified. Afraid of this voice, the voice of the little girl from a moment ago.

"Afraid are we now? Afraid of a little girl?" the little girl giggled as she spoke.

"What... have you done to me?" I asked before dropping to my knees in despair.

"I just gave you something I had sought-after while being tortured by a god", Her tone was filled with malice.

"Why?" i asked as fear, despair and everything in-between overtook my whole being.

"Why? WHY!? Wouldn't you want death to those who tortured you for years, showing no mercy to the weak, instead taking pleasure off it."

No god would do this, there isn't a single one so merciless. But, deep inside me I knew, i knew they would, every last one of them would.

I was angry, angry beyond my mind.

"who did this to you, I... I need to know?"

"Oh, you should know who it was."

"Just tell me." Still on my knees i tried to keep my composure as a god, but, in the end it was for nought. I didn't want to hear her name, i couldn't, how could I.

"Jemin, the so called goddess of nature." The little girls words reverberated through me and I could feel myself trembling.

"No..."

"You don't believe me." This wasn't a question, but rather a statement from the little girl. "Well you don't have to believe me, everything i have gone through, you have also"

I could feel my blood starting to run cold as i raised my head. I wanted to deny it, with all of my being I wanted deny everything.

Silence overtook me, and for a while there was nothing, no little girls voice, no thoughts in my head, nothing.

After a little while the little girl spoke again

"Are you sad?"

"Yes."

"Don't be, you are the god of nothing, after all." Confusion over took me as her words disappeared. I'm not the god of nothing!

"You're wrong."

"Oh, am I now, then which of the gods are you?" She asked me mockingly.

"God of..." I hesitated.

Somethings wrong, this feels wrong.

The little girl giggled.

This... what... who am I?

"You gods are so simple."

No... i need to... I am...

"Oops, did i break you? The little girl giggled again as she asked.

"Gaaaahh!!!" I yelled and yelled and yelled.

I started clawing my face, nails digging deep into my face. Bloody gashes were left everywhere my burnt fingers dug.

it hurt, not knowing... it hurt.

"Do you want to know?"

I slumped in resignation, I couldn't remember, i needed to know.

"yes."

"Nothing, you are nothing, always have been, forever will be."

I wanted to disappear, never have I heard these words spoken to me by a human before. Gods title, prestige, honor didn't seem to matter, not to Jemin, not to this little girl and definitely not to the other gods.

What had she become to do such horrific, unspeakable things to these people who suffered down in this dungeon. And of course I had to be the one, the one to suffer for their actions.

Back when the creator made us, fathered us, he always emphasized to never harm humans, animals or even insects, but, even back then they still did. The other gods always found a way to push the blame on me, me who just wanted to study how the humans lived, laughed, loved and hated. Always they created the image of me being a cruel and hateful god, even for the creator. I hoped that the all mighty creator would see through their lies and deceit, but he never did, he even went with their lies, their cruel plans to ostracize me from the rest.

"But fret not for i have made you something, something greater than a measly god." The little girl spoke, not a hint of respect in her voice, like i was to prove myself to her.

"What? what did you do? CAN YOU JUST FUCKING TELL ME!!" My blood boiled in me, my body felt as if it would lash out all on its own, like i had no control over it.

Bright golden flames were ablaze all around me, I hadn't even noticed them before, their golden light, the brilliance that the flames exuded mesmerized me. Looking around myself i noticed that they didn't burn me, in fact they weren't even hot.

"I simply made you the creator of these flames."

Dumbfounded i couldn't stop looking at the flames, from touching the flames. "How did you..." I trailed off.

"You could say that even the gods don't know how their own powers work, so i managed to steal some of that goddesses powers, and with it and all the hatred in here i created these flames. Although i couldn't do much with them, other that to keep my soul intact to my lifeless body and skeleton. I simply waited for some unlucky god to come around, and what a surprise it was to see you of all gods come in, the god who even the great creator despised." The little girl explained her voice slowly becoming more and more distant, her soul was disappearing with out the flames to keep it intact.

"Wait... i need you to tell me what it is you want?" I asked scared to be alone again, I haven't talked to anyone in a millennia, even though i was scared, in pain, speaking to someone felt good.

"You know what you need to do, follow the flames voice and you will know everything..." The little girl disappeared, or rather her voice disappeared, I knew she was gone for the flames told me.

A single thought flew in to my mind, I could feel clarity, something i had lost, it finally came back. The agony of the unknown disappearing, and with it i finally knew who i was and who i am now.

The flames dissipated around me and for a second i felt that i could do anything, until i couldn't. For in my pain i hadn't noticed that there was now people inside the dungeon right behind me, soldiers, scouts.

"You there, what are you doing in here, it is forbidden by the goddess to enter this place." One of the soldiers behind me asked and announced. I didn't move, i didn't answer, i just stayed still, breathing and enjoying the flames inside me. Oh how warm they felt, the sparks of flames in my once empty eye sockets, for the first time in a long time i had found a reason, a reason to hate the other gods.

"Answer me, or have you lost your mind completely down here!?" The soldier was increasingly more furious as i ignored him.

Finally i chose to pay him attention, just enough to answer him with a question of my own, "if it's claimed forbidden by your goddess to be here, then why have you come, is it not heresy to disobey your goddess?"

I could feel the soldiers furious gaze on me, "We are the envoy of the goddess herself, we do not commit heresy with our actions nor our words, we are true to her teachings no matter what we do. Now name yourself or we will take action!"

Hearing his words, those words that make them be seen as better compared to other peaceful people, made me think back. Their heresy to the laws that we gods made, for we deemed everyone to be equal, only gods could be better than they themselves. I rose to my feet still keeping my back to the soldiers.

"Name yourself..." The soldier cut his sentence short as he looked at my back in shock. My head touched the ceiling of the dungeons cell, I was taller than any other god and now, i was not even a god anymore.

"Kassius", I said while slowly moving out of the dungeon cell i was in.

I could hear one of the soldiers start to run away, his loud footfalls echoed through the dungeon clearly before they came to a halt and a loud shout could be heard.

"MISA, IT IS A GOD!!"