Sakana no Nitsuke

"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option." ~Mark Twain

~

Sighing, I stared into the mirror and at the odd child that stared back. Our eyes were the same shade of dark platinum grey, and we had that same wild mane of hair that was like soft downy feathers. Yet we weren't the same.

The girl's eyes in the mirror were empty like the dark abyss. Reflecting the same empty feeling I held deep within myself. We were different, weren't we?

Even when we looked the same. After all, one of us is a reflection of the other.

Pulling up my new black mask over my mouth and trying out a small smile, with soft grey ears perked and tail peeking out from behind. I watched as the figure in the mirror mirrored my movements. Exact, perfect, and cheekily. Frowning again, I watched as the child frowned as well, perfect in rhythm, in movement, and timing.

Sometimes I wonder if there is a whole world behind the mirror's surface. Then again, there kind of is. Or else why would ungaikyō exist? Ungaikyō are like gate-ways, but once you pass it is nearly impossible to come back to this reality. They can trap souls and spirits within itself, or reveal what a person truly is.

In fact, there was a mirror that revealed one of Emperor Konoe's favored consort Daji, was a nine-tailed kitsune. She was known as Tomamo no Mae, a famed trickster known for her evil ways and such.

Or so I read in a book. The original story itself could have been different, but that was the version I read. It was interesting, but it also seemed a bit biased, but that's okay.

In fact there are several versions where—

Ano, what even am I doing wasting my time thinking about bed-time stories when I should be getting ready? I need to be going out, because I'm running out of milk and eggs. Then I need to catch dinner and—

Shaking my head, I cast the final Illusion that hid my ears and tail from sight. Looking in the mirror, I stared at the human-child that stared so aggressively at me. Hm, I need to cut my hair again, it's getting to long. It wouldn't stop people from feeling or touching my ears and tail, but it was enough to hide away those extra appendages of mine.

Illusions weren't a type of Genjutsu. No, instead Illusions are cast using spiritual energy instead of chakra. They're very similar but aren't the same, because intent matters and so does energy type. Based on how good a standing you have with those, an Illusion can last longer and work better than a Genjutsu, but it varies. Apparently a calm and clear head and a decent amount of energy is good enough, but it also messes with my chakra.

The pendant I was given when I first started the Academy helped me with that. It calms the raw chakra into something manageable and allows it to mix with the energy. Now I can channel a decent amount of spiritual energy and chakra, instead of only one at a time like before. Only for a short while though, mixing them is ill-advised and could lead to serious repercussions.

In fact, I'm not allowed to take it off until I have complete control over both energies. Although there is no one to enforce that rule, I still follow it. Ever since—

Any longer than four hours and...well, it's not like I haven't tried my limits.

Walking outside, I embraced the morning air as an unwanted memory played in my thoughts. Yet, the one question I couldn't help but ask. Even when I pretended all was fine, so I don't break down was...

Why?

Staring down at my hands, I couldn't help but remember of when they were died red. A deep crimson red that resided deep within, flowering into gorgeous colors only upon death. And I hated it.

Warm lifeblood flowered so beautifully on the white kimono, the shini-shōzoku. Shaky black gloved hands cupped the face that was once so familiar. Empty eyes once filled with so much warmth stared into nothingness.

Why?

Taking a deep breath, I wondered if I could perhaps become a medic-nin to avoid the blood. Even if I don't become a warrior, a fighter, or restore the lost honor. Perhaps... Looking down at the cool earth, I wondered. Then I remembered.

Shakily I tried to heal him. Chakra pulsed dimly as I performed healing jutsu after jutsu. My stores were so small...it wasn't safe for me to continue. But those were the only healing techniques I knew.

I tried so hard to bring him back. WHY WASN'T HE WAKING UP?

I had yet to learn how to use my other half.

A hoarse voice spoke in the empty silence. Distantly I realized it was me but it just didn't sound real. And—

"Please Tou-san. Don't. Don't."

Don't leave me.

Please, what did I do?

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being such a worthless child. I'm sorry, I'll change. Just don't leave me.

Don't leave me.

Don't leave me alone.

Please wake up.

Sighing, I pushed the memory back down as I felt cold glares filled with killing intent prickle the back of my neck hairs. Whispers grew louder as talk grew quiet, doors and windows were shut and locked. Ignoring their looks of hate, I continued strolling down the street searching for a store that would allow me in.

Shop-keepers shut their doors as I came near, so I had to find one that still didn't know my face. After all, milk and eggs are important to have. With eggs being multi-purpose and milk good for a growing cub.

Meat and protein is no problem for me but foods that require livestock are expensive. Thus today's shopping trip.

Perhaps I should have pretended to be Sukea again? Just to avoid the unnecessary attention if anything. So sad I have to wear this black mask because apparently all Hatake must save their faces until marriage. Before, I heard, the rules were lenient but because of how many clans kept trying to steal people away to have children, masks became a must-have.

I've already had to hide the bodies of several potential kidnappers. The smell of their lust and want had alerted me before-hand, and now they won't ever be around to bother me again. Hopefully their bodies won't resurface for a long time.

Taking a turn downtown, I finally spotted a store although it looked abandoned it was open. It had nearly shattered windows with bars covering both windows and door. Quickly ducking inside, I hastily searched for the items on the list. Grabbing whatever was on sale as well, I quickly filled up the small battered shopping cart.

After I was done, I quickly exchanged money with the inattentive cashier. Sighing in relief, I quickly started heading home. Avoiding people with ill-intentions and the other weirdos found in the Red-Light District.

There were some good people here, but I have yet to see them. I know they're here, somewhere, because I can feel it. Deep inside this place, there's something good but there's also more bad but that's normal.

It's been like that for a long time.

And that was okay, I had long accepted that there were bad people. That no matter how kind they acted, how righteously they spoke those words of truth. They were liars.

But that's okay because I am a liar too.

Breathing deeply, I noticed that I was heading home instead of to the house. The house- the house that is mine. Turning around, my ears pricked upwards as the sound of rushing water became more clear.

"Hm."

I suppose I forgot about the river that resided on the skirts of town. Well, fish sounds good for dinner. Although how should I prepare it? Make it deliciously raw like sashimi or something a bit more complex?

A good challenge should get my mind off of these distracting thoughts.

Something that smells good, aromatic, perhaps sakana no nitsuke is a good choice. Simmered fish doused in that juicy sauce sounds delicious.

Staring at the river, I questioned how much time it would take me to grab a few medium-sized fishes and leave. Removing my gloves, my claws were unsheathed. I had yet to file them down again, but it seems keeping them as they were was helpful.

I should be home by the time the day slowly turns into evening. It's only late midday, and it really shouldn't take that long.

They're just fish after all.

~

Tiredly, I pushed open the front door. Nearly face-planting into the floor as I dropped the bag filled with fish beside me. It was so hard... They had flopped everywhere and-and I just bought some from a nearby stand.

There I met a beautiful lady who really liked to pinch my cheeks. She said that I was adorable and 'would just like to eat me up.' Her hands were cold and clammy, coincidentally she smelled like fish.

At the stand, she seduced this young man that smelled like fish and sweat, and hinted to sharing a room. Although why she wants to share a room with such an icky and smelly man is beyond me. He really did smell bad.

Just, when I was about to leave the stand because of the ickiness of people getting 'dates' and 'gross flirting.' She was attacked by the fisherman's cormorant birds, which was the best part. Her 'date for that night,' rescued her from the 'monstrous beasts that attacked her' and promised to recompense her for the trauma she experienced.

Then, she said that 'she would like take a kawa-kudari together later on that night. There, she will properly thank her savior.' Or in other words, sight-see while going down the river with the man, I guess..

Afterwards, she winked at me and told me I was a lucky charm. That she was going to have a good meal that night. Her hands still felt weird, with how cold and clammy they were.

Coincidentally, the woman convinced the man to sell me a fishing pole. Apparently, 'he has no need of such things now that they're together. Now, they can elope into the sunset' and other whatnot. Although why a fisherman no longer needs his fishing tools, the things that help him make a living, is another question.

The lady also told me that fish like bait that stinks. Anything with a strong smell attracts fish, and of course it being shiny is a plus. Though it was helpful information, I don't know why she told me that.

Hm, I 'll find her tomorrow. After I perfect cooking this dish of course. She was a benefactor to me getting a good deal at that stand, and I need to thank her. Though I really really want to know how she got the seller to be so generous.

What's so great about sleeping under the night sky together?

My thoughts were pulled back to earth as the enticing smell of sizzling fish made my mouth water. The spices scent had mixed beautifully with the natural aroma of the fish. Distantly I could feel my stomach cramping as my impatience grew.

This was my third try, but I don't know if this one will be any better.

The first time, I didn't like waiting. So I left to finish up a few minor tasks and chores, the food turned out burnt.

Second time, I had finished and left the window open to air out the kitchen. Somehow, this really fat cat, got inside and stole the finished fish. It was brown and striped, leaving only a red ribbon behind as it fled. It was gone before I could catch it.

This is my third attempt. If I don't succeed, no more tries because this is my last fish. The rest were used to feed the strays that come around. Sometimes, if I listen really hard, I can hear what they're saying.

It's a useful way of getting information around the village. Though they usually talk about food and other stuff. I have yet to speak to them, but I don't know how. My yips and growls carry an accent different than theirs, and I don't think they'll understand.

Not without continuous practice, the language of the dogs is different than the one I was taught. It's not untamed, not unrestrained like the sky above. It's not still and quiet like the calm before the storm, nor rugged and loud like thunder.

No, dogs sound different and it's grating on my ears but they're the closest I'll ever get to. The human language sounds much different, there are different sounds and require oneself to show weakness to properly speak.

How dare they believe that I'll show them what is mine. My emotions, my feelings, my weakness.

Shifting, I refocused onto the dish set out in front of me. The tender fish had been garnished with lemon juice and a small leaf. Its aroma wafting temptingly through the air. Poised, I held up my chop-sticks.

Habitually, I uttered familiar words of thanks.

"Itadakimasu."

Quietly, I remembered gentle laughter as a steady voice replied with a happy 'osomatsusama-deshita.' Inside my heartstrings were pulled and I lowered my head gently. Pushing it back down as I started eating. Slowly eating a bite of food.

"Mm."

Delicious. The spices and fish blended together in harmony. Creating a dish that was more than just mere delicious, but something more. Perhaps it's just me, but it felt empty. Though how can food hold emotions? Well, it's still food and it's acceptable.

"I think I've mastered nitsuke dishes."

The flavor had blended into something so wonderful and surely this is acceptable. It was delicious and heavenly. Slowly, I stared at the cook book from which I had learnt from. This was merely the first book in a series and if it can teach an inexperienced youth as I. Then I want to try every recipe in here.

I picked up the cook-book and browsed a bit before another recipe caught my eye.

"I guess I'll try meunière next."

That night I went to bed with a full stomach and that was the greatest feeling I had ever felt. There were no hunger pains that had to be ignored nor an empty kitchen untouched because of faded memories.

It was so familiar.

It ached inside, but it felt so real.

It was nice.

That night, I dreamt of distant memories filled with faded smiles and distant laughter. Of chasing butterflies and playing in the green forest beyond the boundaries of Konoha.

The next morning, I woke happy and rested, even though I was so close to tears. Though when I looked up, I remembered.

Trying to calm myself, I decided to start my day as I always did. With chores and cleaning. Arming myself, I decided to start with the weekly task of cleaning the bathroom then from there conquer the house room by room.

These familiar actions calmed me back into that vague calmness that held everything back. I could think clearly and no longer held a faint bitter smile.

Recalling that I had things to do in the village, I started getting ready to leave. Hiding kunai and scrolls in hidden pockets while reinforcing the Illusion I wore. Absently removing my slipper-like uwabaki, and exchanging them with my wooden sandals. It felts so familiar.

Almost distantly, I felt surreal as I called out towards the house.

"I'm leaving."

Freezing just for a moment as I recalled that no one would hear my quiet departure. No one to see me off, or any last-minute hugs or...

Taking a deep breath, I closed the gate behind me as I continued down the winding street towards the main village. Taking step after step down that dusty road as the chatter and voices of the villagers grew louder.

Within the chatter I could hear the voice of a child. Sounding so happy, so excited.

"En. En. Tou-san! Tou-san!"

The sigh of an exasperated but indulging parent.

"Oh sure, what the heck."

And that familiar cry of triumph as he gave in. Overjoyed and expecting and-

"Yay! Yay!"

I heard this all with a cold face. Unwilling to give in to that torrent of sadness that threatened to pull me in. This was my second week among the ranks of the upperclassmen and first day being back after-

Tou-san.

I tried so hard not to let it affect me. I have no more excuses to act weak, now I must face life without the guiding hand of an adult. I am an adult in the eyes of society, and so I must act as one. No more coddling.

That day, class was held in the local dojo. Apathetically I performed each kata and when the time came to face off against the sensei. I was sent flying with a kick that I couldn't dodge. Yet, unexpectedly the old man praised me.

"Ah, Kakashi you are terrific."

Vaguely I could hear the quiet agreement of my classmates. Apparently I had done better than most despite it being my first time. I could feel the jealousy and indignant anger of others around me, so I went to the only corner in the room that felt safe.

Coming closer to that quiet corner, I recognized the boy with the orange goggles. Obito held his nose up as he spoke haughtily towards the girl with purple stripes on her face.

"I bet he's...a closet pervert."

Any semblance of friendship I had towards him, dissolved in that instant. Instead I felt a distant sense of betrayal but also a quiet wondering if he would ever smile back at me. Inside, I felt something odd, it felt weird. Beside me, the brunette girl's soft voice suddenly seemed irritating as she complimented me.

"Kakashi-kun, you're great. Seriously, you're amazing."

Staring forward, I bluntly replied back to her. Voice impassive and indifferent as I wondered about why the boy's words hurt.

"I kind of read a few books."

It was then I decided that he deserved to hurt. Then I remembered that he was a stranger to me and that to him I'm just the straight-A kid that skipped several grades already. I want him to be my friend but his words had hurt and...

Wait, why do I want that idiot to be my friend?

He should be the one begging to be my friend.

Hmph, if he wants to be my friend, he should get on his knees and beg for it. Like a puppy.

~

Hesitantly I knocked on the door. There was a blood-trail and the fish-seller was nowhere to be seen and I had tracked his scent here. I had planned to find the man earlier, because the lady said she would be staying overnight with him but now...

Gently, I pushed open the door and nearly gagged as the overwhelming smell of dank water. It was stuffy and nearly suffocating as I took a step in.

It took me several tries to stop gagging and open a window to air the small room out. The floor was littered with large puddles of water and river kelp. Looking around, it seemed as though this place was underwater for quite a while, but how?

Why?

A soft voice laughed through the contemplative silence I had found myself in. Gentle like the waves that caress the rocky shores but strong. Breaking through the tense atmosphere like how a ship breaks through the gentle waves.

"Maa maa, little child. It's just me."

Looking into sea-green eyes, I recognized the lady that had been doing that thing called flirting with the fisherman from yesterday.

"Where's the man from yesterday? And why is it so messy in here?"

A soft hand caressed my cheek, batting it away I stared into her eyes. Sea-green eyes twinkled mischievously, alight with insatiable greed and hunger. I recognized that look, and it never meant anything good.

Stepping back, I watched as the glimmers of greed were pushed back and faux kindness gleamed in those eyes. Yet, I could still feel her want and hunger deep inside. This was not the woman that had indulged me yesterday, a favor for a favor.

No, this was what she truly was yet...

"You're yokai."

Her eyes widened in shock as I stated the obvious. The cold clammy skin and those fish-like lips, with how they protruded and her actions and everything made sense. She even smelled like a fish, now that I think about it.

She's probably an aquatic type yokai. Obviously not from the sea as this is a fresh-water river, one that leads to a rather large lake in the Forest of Death.

Sharp teeth gleamed in the murky light before fading back into normal human teeth.

"What a smart little child. Such a good little child. Such a delicious looking child."

A clawed hand slashed at me as I rolled backwards. Pulling up a kunai as I blocked each attack. Focusing on the battle, I let the Illusion drop. The fish-woman gasped but seemed to be reinvigorated. Practically moaning as she continued her assault.

"Cub. Delicious cub. So long since I last tasted such flesh."

Rushing forward with kunai in hand, struck at her throat but my knife snagged on a leather cord. Breaking it, something shiny, a pendant, came flying onto the ground. Immediately, her form was revealed.

Instead of skin, there were scales.

Instead of soft human hands, there were webbed claws.

Instead of flat human teeth, were jagged incisors.

Instead of wide sea-green eyes, there were bulbous, sickly green eyes.

Her yellow kimono was ragged and stained with red blood.

Immediately I recognized the type of yokai she was. Frozen in shock, her next strike sent me flying. Pain seemed to dull the world around me as cold hand gripped my throat. Choking, I clawed at her hands but she seemed to have expected this.

Hot breath tickled my face, but the stench from it disgusted me. I gasped out,

"Wh-what's a umi nyōbō doing so far inland?"

She smiled viciously as she leaned inwards. There was a sick gleam in her eyes as webbed fingers stroking my cheek. While warm breath sprayed across my face.

"Shame you're such a good kid. But I have to kill you, because your father killed my son. My only child—"

Suddenly I felt a wetness growing as something dripped onto the ground. Frothy blood dribbled down her mouth as the fish-woman silently gaped, before falling to the ground. Fingers twitching every so often.

Looking back up, piercing blue eyes stared into mine.

Then all was nothing.

When I woke, I found myself in my room. Rolling out of the cocoon of blankets, immediately I inspected the whole house. There was no evidence that a stranger had infiltrated the premises, not even a scent for me to track. It was as though it were a dream.

If it weren't for me not writing down the day's events, which is something I do every evening, I would have thought the previous day's events was some elaborate genjutsu.

The alarm clock blared.

I yelped in shock,

"THE ACADEMY!"

~

That day, nothing seemed different. So, I decided to treat it like a normal day.

For the idiot Obito was still Obito-baka.

The brunette with purple marks still complimented me.

The Academy sensei still praised me for being one of the best in the class. Despite still being a beginner.

Everything was the same, even when Tou-san died nobody acted differently. Nobody cared.

When I searched for the lady with blue eyes. I bought a book to cover up the reason why I kept circling the stall where the fisherman was. Who knew there would be a book-seller right across?

The fisherman, hasn't shown today. Apparently today is his off-day and won't be selling any fish, although I doubt he's coming back...

My stomach growled as I paused my search for the people I had met yesterday. The house that I had entered, had burned down last night. Cause was unknown, because it was abandoned but probably due to some vandals or something.

The events last night were real though and...

Breathe.

Nobody will believe me.

Don't worry, I'm no stranger to death. This is not the first time a person has tried to take revenge on me. No need to bother finding them, because they're probably all dead anyway.

Pausing, I wondered why it was so easy for me to drop the death of the yokai, but so hard to release the matter of Tou-sans.

Why?

Breathing deeply, my nose caught the scent of sweet dango. Sniffing the air again, I found a nearby dango-stand. Staring at the plump dumplings, I decided to buy one. Before remembering I had no money.

"Damnit."

Gritting my teeth, I could only stare pathetically as temptation itself was given away to paying customers. My hands clenched as I turned back home. Knowing that there would be no dinner again.

"But..."

The fishing pole!

The fish seller's fishing pole!

Reaching down I pulled out the book I had bought earlier. I picked it out at random, but I had no idea it would come in so useful.

"Hmm."

~

Carefully, I skimmed though the book. 'Ultimate Techniques: A Beginners Guide to Fly Fishing.' After reviewing the page one more time, I felt more confident.

"All right."

The fishing line whooshed, as I threw it out. Distantly, I could hear a small splash as the hook landed in the water. The expected jerk of the line, and focusing, I started reeling it back in.

Pulling it up, there was a fish on the line.

Huh, it really worked.

~

Quietly I left flowers by the river shore as I turned and left. Aware that the lady that had tried to kill me had killed the man. But who killed the lady?

All I remember are piercing blue eyes that seemed to engulf me. Endless and blue.

Blue like the sea.

~

Opening the door, I immediately headed towards the kitchen. Acutely aware of the aching hunger in my belly as I started pulling different spices down. Preparing everything beforehand so that I wouldn't need to find missing ingredients with dirtied hands.

It was almost like being in a trance.

Every movement familiar, knife rhythmic as it chopped and sliced. Cleaning and de-boning the flesh of the fish.

The harmony I had started was ruined as a stray scent that didn't belong, reminded me of my stalkers. I had noticed them before, but didn't bother at first because they were probably just passing by but now—

It would be rude to not invite them in.

Hesitating, I spoke out loud. Voice a bit rough, and strange-sounding after not speaking for so long.

"I made a lot."

Looking pointedly at the two hiding figures, I started pulling out extra dishes and flavorings for the two.

"So you might as well stay and eat."

The people, classmates, whom had been following me showed themselves. Obito-baka pulling himself out of the bushes as behind him, a figure rose. Head bowed guiltily as she said,

"Gomenensai."

The boy, Obito, shrieked in alarm. Sighing, I continued preparing room for the uninvited guests. Not wanting to seem even more rude when faced with familiar faces.

~

Tilting the pan, I toasted the top of the fish with a quick flame. Enjoying the quick rush of heat as blue flame roared then quickly died down. A bright bubbly voice broke through the usual silence I had found myself in.

"Hey! That thing you do that 'whoosh-whoosh' is great."

Quietly I smiled, pleased at the unexpected attention. Cooking it was slightly hard, as I was still a beginner, but hopefully they appreciate my efforts.

"Yeah...that 'whoosh-whoosh.'"

I served the dish to them. Obito stared judgingly, orange goggles flashing in the dim light, then spoke in an awed voice.

"Kawaii."

Blushing I couldn't help but proudly reply,

"Kakashi-style."

Careful not to let my eyes curve into an eye smile. Since emotions are a sign of weakness and I am not weak.

Quickly placing their plates down as I pulled myself a chair. We stared at each other before, finally, the mouthwatering smell seemed to much. In unison, we picked up our chopsticks and cried out,

"Ittadakimasu!"

Expectantly, I awaited their reactions. Keenly watching as the brunette put a small piece in her mouth. Her eyes widened. Is it bad?

"Kakashi-kun, this tastes really good!"

On my right, Obito looked up from his plate. Dark eyes bright with a familiar but strange emotion.

"You're amazing..."

Blushing I tried to form a response to him, I couldn't speak, my mouth felt dry. I started to feel slightly hot, standing there under his intent gaze. Then he asked.

"Are you going to become a chef?"

The question gave me time to speak. Preening at the attention, I looked into his eyes. Momentarily wondering if I truly did want to become a shinobi. No, I had made a promise to Tou-san, that I was going to restore our lost honor.

And the first step is becoming something Konoha can be proud of.

Smiling shyly I shook my head no. His voice had a happy tone in it. Like happiness itself making the world bright.

"I guess not, huh?"

Their giggles filled the house. The house is always empty now, but for today it was filled with joy. For the first time in a long time I finally felt whole.

~

For some reason today, I woke up happy. No bad dreams, no nightmares. Nothing bad.

Staring at the calander, I realized that today was a free-day. All the previous chores for the week had been done and there was no school.

Well, might as well go to town.

~

The chattering voices of the villagers made me wary. Their glares already forming as I curled inwards. Looking around, I spotted Obito.

Waiting for me.

No, stupid Kakashi-baka, he's probably just there for... My heart felt warm and relieved after seeing him, odd, but I pretended not to see him. He started yelling as he realized that I had seemingly not seen him.

Yet, it wasn't to scold me but to compliment.

"Oi Kakashi! The food last night was great!!!"

Hesitating, I stared into those goggle-covered eyes as I thought out an answer. Instead of needing to defend, I had to accept a compliment. It was different, and I blurted out the first word that came to mind.

"Yeah."

I could still taste the blend of spices I had used, that dryness that filled my mouth as I looked into those dark eyes.

"Hey, are you listening?"

Mm, yes. Then I remembered I had to speak, but something felt different. Unease filled me, I pushed it back. Maybe...

"Yeah."

"Oi! Hold on!! Let's go here next time."

Where? Maybe. I really don't know what he's talking about, but just nodded along.

"Yeah."

~

Relieved I called out to the house.

"I'm home."

Almost expectantly wanting an answer, even when I knew no voice would reply.

Falling into learned habits as I cleaned away the dust and prepared dinner. While eating I remembered the date, tomorrow is it.

"Oh yeah... It's tomorrow."

~

Slowly, I turned away from the house. Habitually calling out to it, even when I expected no answer.

"I'm leaving."

Everything seemed so monotone as I passed house after house. Flowers were in hand as my feet carried me to a field of gravestones laid in neat rows. Standing in front of one, I whispered out a low,

"Tou-san."

Cold drizzles of rain fell down as I laid down a white lily.

He left me here.

Conversationally I started talking. In a tone completely at odds at how I felt, that crushing sadness that threatened to engulf me. One I fought off with work and chores. Pretending, pretending that everything was alright, just so that they wouldn't see me break my mask.

The people who betrayed us. The people Tousan saw as Pack.

Never again.

Eyes staring dully downwards. Knowing that I would never see him again, never hear him, never smell him. Because he was dead.

"You broke the rules for your friends' sake, right? I've made friends too."

The cold fear that I had felt earlier had started to grow.

"But I'll never be like you, Tou-san."

I'll never die for people who never were true Pack. Packmates who had no loyalty. Never. If only you had shown loyalty to your Pack you would never have died. Loyalty to the mission.

"I'll see you later, Tou-san."

My doubts surfaced.

Maybe, I don't have any Pack. Maybe they will prove to be just traitors. I'll give them a chance though. A chance to prove if they're suitable Packmates.

~

Some weird kid with black caterpillars as eyebrows tricked me.

I shook his hand and-and now we-we-we're RIVALS!!!! We're rivals.

All because I shook his hand

Our rivalry was based on where we challenge each other continuously until someone wins by a twenty point margin. I already have a head-start, but Gai is from the Maito clan. Their persistence and will-power is well known, so that means we're rivals for the rest of our lives!

Tsunade-oba-san used to complain about them a LOT.

Now, being rivals?

A lifelong rivalry sounds a lot like Tousan's books, where the man proposes to spend the rest of his life married to his lady. Of course I declined but he tricked me into make a handshake with him. Sealing the deal.

After the hand-shake, he immediately tried to one-up me, so instantly I retaliated.

Tousan said that once you're in a relationship, any relationship (possibly a rivalry), take responsibility no matter how much it bites back. Also, that getting to know that person and that living together helps with that process.

So I was relieved when he went down. He came down slower than most people, I wonder...

"Instant kill..."

Maybe... maybe, he can be good for something, instead of a rivalry, we can become friends. If I learn to hunt using this person, I can improve and get better. Stealth is easy, so are recreating instant kill scenarios. Except, most people are proving to weak to help me grow.

"My eternal rival is...amazing."

Of course I am.

Except, I don't want to live with a person like that. I've heard of friends. Friends don't have to live with you, and friends don't really count as another type of relationship right? Or is a friendship a type of relationship? Maybe a rivalry is what a friendship is?

Wait. Is this what friends are? Rivals. No, no no no no no no. Cold heavy fear settled in my gut.

Biting it back I pretended everything was okay and went through the day.