End month depression?

There are different types of depression. Or should i say, there are tons of different type of depression. Everyone will have one in their life. It seems like an obstacle they we have to overcome. Fight against our feelings, fight against our trauma and fight against our mind.

This is Shin Yeon type of depression, month end depression.

Shin Yeon is the type that never open up to people about anxiety nor depression. Or should i say no one have ask her before as she never portray her weak side to others.

Shin Yeon loves reading about psychology and all that is just to get herself "fixed" because seeing a psychiatrist will cost alot, to her.

Nearing to month end, around a week before the month ends, Shin Yeon will suddenly get anxiety attack. This anxiousness will makes her think that something wrong is going to happen or she did a mistake at work.

That will only be the first day.

As time passes, her own feelings will start eating her up. This will affect her work, her concentration, and basically zero interest in almost everything that she used to love.

During this period or week, if Shin Yeon did a mistake at work, she will hate herself for being incapable and will have thoughts of giving up.

She will start having thoughts of her senior gossiping behind her back, her colleagues hating her for delaying their work. That moment all she wants to do is just go home and sleep this feeling away.

This is the period where her negativity has reached its peaked. Shin Yeon knew this will happen and it happens to her almost every month for the past 4 - 5 years.

There is a part of her who just want to give up, run away from the world and lock herself up in the darkness and there is another part of her knowing that this could not be cured, will find ways to balance that feeling out for that week.

That sudden feelings of emptiness, loneliness even though she have people around her, useless and hopeless. How long more will Shin Yeon have to go through this journey.

She once thought if she quits her job and find something easier it will improve her state. She quit. She's happy. But it doesn't change the fact that she still has it.

Nothing has changed and she can't run away from it.

A week? End month? Others must have assumed, oh its just a normal girls depression thing due to menses. But nope, she was clean. She had no menses.

She is the type of "strong" girl that doesn't get stomach cramps nor mood swing as she knows how to control them. The only thing that will happen to her during menses is just that she tends to eat alot.

She will always google, look for realistic quotes that will "speak up" on behalf of her, or watch dramas that she can relate to her life.

She keep telling herself and that other "emotional" half of her to just bear it with. As soon as it changes to a new month, all these feelings will disappear. Till then, she have to just face it by herself. No one can help her, except herself.

That is one of the reason she doesn't date or be in a relationship because she have not found someone who will understand that side of her or should i say, no one will.

No one would want to date a sudden depressed person every end month who will cry or think about death for no reason.

Till then, she tries her very best to go through this.