Ep. 60 - Vacation, Boss

"Where do you two think you are going? I gave you a quest, you better complete it, or I'll put your souls in a couple of chickens." Is the message I sent to Kirito and Asuna who were trying to sneak their way out of the amphitheatre. They immediately came back and saluted.

"So, we are here on vacation, so guide us through the place. Maybe some nice locations for a pic-nic or dinner." I said, gaining the approving nods of the group.

"Aren't you all Gods? Do you even need to eat?" asked Asuna

"Oh, we are." I said, pointing to myself, Freya, Loki, Hephaestus, and Hecate. "But only I don't need to actually eat. Let's say that I am a level 100 God and they are level 5 or so."

She nodded and started thinking before saying: "Well, there are several nice spots close to the Town of Beginnings, though it's a bit far to reach in time…"

"Oh, don't worry about that." I said and brought us all to the Town of Beginnings. "I guess you can guide us from here?"

She nodded absentmindedly while thinking: 'What was that? An NPC teleported me without a prompt?'

"Well, I told you I am not an NPC but forget about that, guide us to this place you talked about." I urged her.

She gave up even trying to understand and started guiding us.

It took a little more than half an hour to reach one of those 'floating island'-style things that surround the Town of Beginnings.

"Here we are. Problem is, I don't know how to get up." Asuna said.

I transported all of us to the top of the 'island', in the ideal spot for a pic-nic. I created a blanket to cover the ground and all sorts of foods, drinks, and alcohol. It was a little after six in the evening. Maybe a little too early for an aperitif, but we are on vacation, do we really care? Nope.

Kirito and Asuna just stared at my group and I getting comfortable.

"So… are you just going to stand there being awkward or do you want to eat something?" asked Blake, who spooked them from behind.

"Uhm… It's just that… If you really are Gods, you are really underwhelming." said Kirito

"Well, that was just to mess with you players. The only real God here is Tula. He's the… What was it again? 'Primordial God of something Knowledge'? Something like that. Freya, Loki, Hephaestus, and Hecate are considered Goddesses in their world, but they aren't really all that powerful. The rest of us are in the process of becoming real Gods like him, just because it sounds fun. Oh, just a reminder. He may look all casual and act like an idiot, but he's really strong. Like, Omnipotent strong." said Sun, who reached his wife with Rose in tow.

"I really don't know whether I should believe all this or just think that you are OP NPC's…" said Asuna.

"Well, why don't you decide. Tula is Omniscient and you caught his attention, so you will see us around pretty often. Actually, I think he wants to bring you with us. As for you, edgy-boy… No idea why he brought you along. Probably wants to troll you or something." said Blake again.

"Oh, by the way, the God guy is Tula. I am Blake, this is my husband Sun, and this girl is Rose. There we have Nora with Ren, the hyperactive-calm couple, Jaune and Pyrrha, the paladin-war maiden couple. Then there's Weiss, Yang, and Ruby, Tula's wives. After that, we have Ais, Tula's adopted daughter, Aria, her mother, Freya, Goddess of Beauty and Love, Loki, the Trickster Goddess, Hephaestus, the Divine Blacksmith, and Hecate, the Goddess of Magic." she then said, pointing to each of us in order. "Be careful around Loki and Tula." she added in a whisper.

"I heard you!" I said from the blanket.

"I know you did! That's why I said it." Blake said, winking when she said the last part. "Come, eat with us."

We spent the night drinking and eating while watching the sky. It's quite beautiful, with more stars than in reality. Asuna and Kirito fell asleep at a certain point, so I created a couple of beds and put them to sleep. I also left a sign that said: "Wait here. See you in the morning."

We instead returned to the ship. It was much more comfortable than sleeping on the ground. That night, Freya and Loki joined in on the fun with my other wives. I will have to get a bigger bed. On the pro side, I think Freya actually committed the Kama Sutra to memory because it was wild. And I can't be subject to illusions.

Ahem- Skipping over the details, because that's for my eyes only (reference!), I had a great night, so did my wives.

We woke up with time to spare, so we decided to go back to the surface to have breakfast.

There, I found Asuna and Kirito freaking out about something.

"Whoa… What's the freak out about?" I asked

"It's about you guys! Where the hell have you been?!" asked Asuna.

"Well, certainly Godly treatment. We've been sleeping, what's the problem? I even put you two to bed��� Anyway, take these. Rewards for the quest! You're happy, right? Yes, squeal in happiness, so that I can enjoy your squeals as you get massacred tod-" I was slapped on the head by Weiss.

"Give me that! Ahem! Tula is an idiot, he was just joking. Here, take these, then we will go back to Tolbana." She said, handing them their endgame outfits and weapons, just that they were much better. Kirito basically jumped on the gear, while Asuna was more reserved.

They quickly changed into the outfits and checked the stats. Heh, their jaws hung wide open.

"Like them?"

"I think I got hard."

"I think I got wet."

"Noice. Diana, do you mind?" I said to my dear dragon familiar.

"Sure, Master. All of you?" she asked, flying off of my shoulder towards a clearing.

"Yep."

She started enlarging herself until there was enough space on her back for the entire group.

We flew towards Tolbana at record speed. We have scared a few players shitless, but that is not my problem. We touched down just outside the dungeon-tower-thingy and waited for the other players. I didn't forget to send an update on their quests:

"Congratulations! Quest Chain Advanced!

Mortals! The 'Origin God of Primordial Knowledge' is waiting for you at the Dungeon! Meet him there, or be obliterated!"

They arrived around 10:30, which was pretty quick. Well, I expected it after my threat.

"Congratulations! Quest Chain Advanced!

You have done well arriving quickly to the Dungeon. The 'Origin God of Primordial Knowledge' will follow you on your quest.

Note: This does not mean that he will fight. Amuse him or tug his heartstrings!"

Heh, I am so evil!

"You have arrived quite quickly. Come on, I don't have all day! Places to be, places to make, stuff to decide…"

"I like how casually he just talked about creating something." said Asuna.

"Oh, don't make me blush, it'll ruin my Godly image!"

"You basically kidnapped us for a pic-nic! Your Godly image is already ruined!" said Kirito

"I gave you gear!"

"We earned it!" they said together.

The players were confused while my group was laughing their ass off at my skit. I am such a good actor. Well, when I mentioned gear, they looked better at Kirito and Asuna and saw their new outfits.

I heard several hearts break and crying. Must be my imagination.

Anyway, we entered the Dungeon and started making our way towards the Boss room.

Ais was wandering around with Ariel and Aria while I was just strolling around with the gang and Goddesses. This Dungeon was less cave-like and oppressive than the one in Orario. Actually, this gives me a little idea for what I want in my ship's personal dimension, which will be accessible from my personal dimension. What God would I be if I didn't have an inner world?

It took around two hours and a half to reach that damned door. I should have just blasted my way through…

Since there were some players in pathetic conditions, so Jaune healed them a little. Then, he entered role-playing-mode: "Mortals, you have done well reaching here. I have healed you, so get a move on. Give us a good show. We will prevent any of you from dying. In exchange, we will 'spice things up' a little. Don't disappoint us." He then winked at me. Oh, so this is where I buff the boss to impossible levels, got it!

I think I had a sadist smile on my face, because all the players paled. It shouldn't be possible, but they paled.

Well, since it looked to me like things wouldn't go on, I entered the Boss room, took out my Round Table and our personalized seats/thrones, and placed it in the center of the room. My group soon joined me and we started waiting for the Boss. Since we weren't players, the encounter didn't trigger, though it will when someone steps inside the room.

While waiting for the players, I looked over the room. I must say that it is quite beautiful. Maybe a little trippy, but still very nice. Oh, here they come.

The Boss spawned and did it's jump-entrance. I stopped time and buffed it to impossible levels: 40 health bars, thick armor, better weapons… Jaune said we would guarantee they didn't die, not that we would help them. I made time move again and looked at the players' reactions.

They lost their will to live, and that was an understatement.

Ruby being Ruby cheered on them: "Come on! You can do it! It's not that hard if you forget about the 40 health bars and armor!"

"That doesn't help!" said Asuna.

"She… has a bad character…" said Ruby.

"I mean, that thing IS pretty insane. Good thing that equipment is way more insane." I said.

"Thank God! At least something…" Kirito said.

"No problem. Now, go and beat that rat?" I said.

Fighting time!

The players, having understood that Illfang wasn't a foe they could handle, ditched the place and left Kirito and Asuna to die… Oh, and Agil.

Yeah, I cursed their asses to die withing a month. Fuck them. I also notified them through the quest:

"Congratulations!

You have seriously disappointed the 'Origin God of Primordial Knowledge'! You have been cursed!

Details:

Curse of 'Fuck You': You will die withing a month (30 days remaining). Depending on your Luck, it might happen earlier. It might hurt a lot or be painless."

Oh, I heard seven Death SFX. I love it.

Back to the fight. Agil was basically knocked out immediately. He didn't die since I 'blessed' him to stay with at least 1 HP, but it sure hurt like a bitch.

"Now then… You two! Go get it!" I said, pointing at the Boss.

Kirito started using the Sword Skills to stop the attacks and knock back the oversized rat, while Asuna weaved in and out of the attacks to stab the thing time after time. Stab-stab and the thing died.

Hecate was salivating because there was some 'unidentified energy' that accumulated on the blades with every Sword Skill. Well, it was a part of the programming so, until she becomes a Goddess for real, she can forget about it.

I messed a bit with the world, therefore this message appeared to them:

"Congratulations!

You have defeated the Boss! See the 'Origin God of Primordial Knowledge' to receive your rewards!

Note: Hehe boi, this will be fun. For me at least!"

"I don't like it. Not one bit." said Kirito

"Yeah… Sounds fishy." said Asuna.

Since they didn't really move, I updated their quest:

"Congratulations! Quest Chain Advanced!

Move it! Come here and get the rewards, or I'll curse you. Call Agil as well, since he stuck with you."

They immediately ran over to get Agil and came to me. I cleared my throat and said: "Well done, mortals! You have entertained us and fought with great valor! As a reward, I will let you choose one weapon, armor piece, or accessory of your choice. Now, imagine what you want!"

Kirito chose a weapon. Black with red details. Since I wanted to try my hand at creating Noble Phantasms with just my memories from the wiki, I gave him the Excalibur Morgan. I think it's called that. I want to go to the Nasuverse so badly… Well, he was pretty happy, in particular after seeing the Skill that came with the weapon. It wasn't a Noble Phantasm, but it was pretty good. And that's coming from a God.

Asuna chose a pocket watch. Since she didn't have many details and just liked them IRL, apparently, I went ham on it. I went with a steampunk design, black with golden details. The gears inside were in full view and could open on two sides. One would show the time, the other would be a compass that points to what she needs or wants most. Yes, Jack Sparrow would love it. It also came with an interesting skill: it was able to turn back time for a maximum of 5 minutes, a total of ten times.

Agil chose some armor. I gave him some pretty generic titan armor. He was knocked out immediately, so it's not like he deserves much. It's just because he stuck with these two.

"Now, Agil. You may go. I still have some matters to discuss with Asuna and Kirito."

"Oh, God no." both of them said.

"Oh, yes! God is right here. And he's got some fresh new shenanigans to put you through." I said.

Agil nodded and legged it, not wanting to be involved with that shit.

"Now then. You two! From now on, you are my subordinates!" They stared at me. "Come on, that stare is killing me… Ok, basically I'll give you a long-term quest. I will be waiting on the 22nd floor. You will immediately know where to come. Now, isn't there something you should ask Diana?" I said, looking at Asuna.

"Oh, yeah! I forgot with everything that went on yesterday. Why did I attract the attention of a dragon?"

"Oh, that's because she smells like a 'good' person. Smells like someone I would be friends with."

I then updated her quest status:

"Congratulations! Quest Chain Completed!

You have discovered why the White Dragon Diana was interested in you. Diana is a very unique being, but stands at the top of most dragons! Having gained her recognition, you will have the ability to summon a dragon as a mount. Speak to the 'Origin God of Primordial Knowledge' for more details."

"Seriously?!" she asked

"Yeah, now, think of the dragon you would like."

She imagined a pretty generic Asian dragon, the flying snake type, you know? Like Shenron from Dragon Ball. Well, she loved white and blue, so she gets a white dragon with blue fur/mane.

"Give it a name." She thought for a bit before saying 'Haku'. "From now on, you will have to say his name and Haku will appear. If he likes you enough, he will even fight with you. Now then, onto the long-term quest!" I said and updated their quest:

"Congratulations! Quest Chain Completed! New Quest Found!

Now that Tula, 'Origin God of Primordial Knowledge', has taken a liking to you, he wants you to act as his subordinates. Find Yuna, the Traveling Bard, Argo, the Information Broker, and Silica, the Dragon Master, and bring them to Tula. Bring any and all knowledge you find to the God and you will be rewarded handsomely.

Oh, if you stick together that would be great, but you do you.

The God will wait for you on the 22nd floor, in the 'Tower of Knowledge'. You will know when you see it.

Remaining time: 60 days"

Kirito and Asuna looked over to the quest and then each other. Then, they said: "Pleasure doing business with you, Boss!"