Ep. 103 - Settling, Boring Battles, Malachor

Our arrival wasn't appreciated by these Jedi, seeing as they all ignited their lightsabers and stared at us warily. One guy, who I guess could be seen as the leader from his different clothes, moved forward.

"You are in a restricted area. Leave now, or we will have to remove you." he said

"Shouldn't Jedi be kind to other people? Did I get it wrong? Oh well… Look, random guy, you can't exactly order us around, so shut it before I kill you. Answer my questions: how many years passed since you settled on this planet? Are you familiar with the word 'Sith'? What about 'Jedha'?"

"Jedi are indeed supposed to be kind to the other denizens of the galaxy, but this is our sacred ground, which we need to defend. We have been on this planet for less than a decade, and I am not familiar with the words you mentioned. Now, would you answer some of my questions?" I nodded. "Who are you? I didn't feel you arriving, you just appeared out of nowhere. It is also difficult to sense you through the Force… Also, what are your intentions?"

"Pretty easy, actually. We are primordial beings. You can think of us as Gods. We are, usually, neutral to the denizens of the universes we visit, so you don't have to worry. Now, we should get going." I said and turned my back, walking out of the cave. Once I was outside, I saw a familiar scenery, one that I had monitored for several years while waiting for the gang to finish meditating. Yep, we are before the creation of the Old Republic… This will be fun.

"So, any planet you guys like?" I asked the gang.

"Hm… One with sandy beaches, crystalline seas, nice coral reefs, and no other life except for us." said Yang.

"Gotcha. One planet, ready for takeout." I said as I created a new planet close to Naboo. Well, it was still a few days from there by hyperdrive, but distance is meaningless to me. I immediately created a portal to our new planet and left, leaving behind a holocron with information on lightsaber fighting styles, force powers, and the creation of lightsabers. I will advance the Jedi Order a little, just to see what happens. I have already a bucket-list of changes I want to make to the universe, so I just need to wait for the right time while having fun. At any rate, we built some nice bungalows on the planet, along with a nice swimming pool that faced the setting sun. Oh, a hot spring and a river as well. And tiki torches on the beach. I also added some exotic plants and fish to the planet to make a functioning ecosystem. Oh, did I mention that the water is elixir, similar to the Island of Knowledge? Yeah, I also accelerated evolution here on this planet, because why not. Oh, let's not talk about the trillions of formations and spells Hecate casted. This is basically the 'Death Star' perfected. I also added a dock with some sailing boats and kayaks. We decided to name the planet '30th Haven', since we are exactly 30 at this point in time. I guess that the name will be subject to changes depending on our mood.

And now, comes the boring part: waiting. 'For what', you ask? Well, for the Sith to form, of course. I won't interfere until the conflicts on Coruscant, since those will be entertaining. Ah, but I will collect some of the historic, famous sabers throughout the years. Actually, I will collect historical Jedi and Sith. The female ones. I'll put them in cages and hang them up for decoration… Maybe not, I don't know…

Well, obviously thousands of years of doing nothing are annoying, so we explored the galaxy a little. We encountered all sorts of civilizations and left our legends so that we could be worshipped by those primitive mortals. One particularly interesting race was a humanoid one, on a backwater planet in the Outer Rim. The inhabitants were exactly like humans, except they didn't have defining features on their faces. No nose, eyes, mouth, ears, hair, nothing. They were also white. Like, very white, reflective almost. Their peculiarity is that they are all Force-sensitive and used it to create a hive mind of sorts, which also allows them to cooperate perfectly and as a single being, if needed.

Around what? Four millennia and a half after our arrival, the Sith were starting to make preparations for their return. Ooh, this should be the part where they storm Coruscant and then start waging wars among them! I'll have to get some popcorn, or it won't be enjoyable. We should be in 5300 BBY or sometime close, so it will still take some years, probably a century or two. Should we intervene? Maybe kill some Sith? Or maybe some Jedi? Maybe we should just settle the conflicts by killing everything that moves…

In the end, we decided to just let all of the Force-sensitive beings in the galaxy know that we are here. This brings us to today, which is the day the Sith will storm the Jedi Temple in Coruscant. We were all sitting around the Round Table like normal, civilized people while enjoying the drinks brought to us by our maids.

"So, when do we start?" asked Scheta. She has gotten a little more talkative in the past few millennia.

"When they start their battle. I want to see how they react. We will just reveal ourselves today. Our goal is the battles between now and 1000 BBY." said Pyrrha. She was the one most excited about all this.

We waited, and waited, and waited, until the Sith crashed into the Jedi Temple and did their pro-gamer, biggus-dickus move of igniting their red blades while in the dark. I must say that they know how to make a big entrance. Well, what a shame that we must ruin it.

We all started exerting pressure on the Force, causing all the Force-sensitive beings in the galaxy to turn in one direction. Many fell to their knees, even those that didn't even know what the Force is. Our pressure was just too much for a mortal to bear without consequences. The Sith in the Jedi Temple were the first to snap out of their reverie and strike down the Jedi… They have better battle instincts than those boy scouts, and are surely as powerful as them, so why did they fail in the end? Was it seriously infighting and greed that led to their destruction? Well, they are just mortals, though strong ones for sure.

"Well, that was uninteresting. We are waiting for the battles to have fun, right?" said Jaune.

"Yeah, these guys should be waging wars for like four millennia or something. That ought to be entertaining. Otherwise, we might as well time-warp into the Clone Wars or something."

Spoiler warning: the wars between Jedi and Sith are not as interesting as you might think. The Jedi had enough surviving members to maintain a functioning Order, while the Siths were… Substandard at best.

I mean, in one battlefield we joined, we found basically moody teenagers wielding red lightsabers like toys! They even cut themselves on a couple of occasions! It was honestly depressing to know that the Jedi, a group of galactic super-soldiers were defeated by these idiots.

These battles weren't even interesting from a normal viewpoint! It was just something like: teleport in, kill everything that moves in front of you, collect the lightsabers because of collection purposes, get the fuck out.

Space battles were much more interesting, to be honest. I mean, they were still kinda outdated compared to Destiny's spaceships, or even those used in the Clone Wars, but I guess that it's still four millennia too early. Oh, to participate in the space battles, we each made our personal fighter. Since these are supposed to be used just as a fighter, I made a new one for myself. I took 'Silverwing Kestrel' from Destiny and made it an absolute beast. Hephaestus reworked absolutely everything and now we have the absolute fastest bad bois in the Omniverse. Frighteningly high speed, advanced weaponry, impenetrable shields, all powered by Omni Energy. Anyone should understand what kind of beasts our ships are. It was fun entering and exiting FTL navigation and just zooming through the hordes of Sith fighters.

Since I was in the mood, I personally reworked on my ship, to make it relevant in the long run. We can use it as a mobile base and it can easily hold against an Origin like me. I even made it capable of transforming into a mecha. I made it humanoid, at least as much as possible. It seems that my recent modifications have led to the development of a primitive intelligence and ego. I decided to fuse MoonRay, who started screeching about how I wasn't paying enough attention to her and all that shit, to the ship. Now, it has a proper name: 'Second MoonRay'. Yes, I could have called it 'MoonRay' or 'MoonRay II', but it would be too common… Anyway, it has a humanoid mecha form similar to those from 'Darling in the Franxx', just that it's fully black with white 'eyes'. I decked 'her' out with a giant version of the 'Whisper of the Worm' and a lightsaber. Oh, since I thought it would be useful, I even made it so 'Second MoonRay' could cultivate a special type of technique, so now it is absolutely impervious to attacks below Origin level and can shrug off most of the attacks it receives while blasting enemies to pieces easily. I tried her out once and it was fantastic. I slashed through the Star Destroyers like butter and crushed the fighters under my feet, literally.

Now, our faces were not known, but the Jedi and Sith had the recordings and accounts of our fights. We got the moniker '30 Ghosts', with me being 'First Ghost', since I appear to be the leader of the group. I kinda like it. I mean, every time we go to battle, we just kinda appear, wreck shit, and disappear after collecting the loot. The idiots were also convinced that we were the ones that messed with the Force when the Sith invaded the Jedi Temple, so they might not be as stupid as I thought. Oh, did I ever mention that the holocron I left when we first arrived on Ahch-To is considered a secret of the highest order and has allowed the Jedi to have superior firepower in battle? I still wonder why they haven't cleared the Sith already.

And so, time passed. I honestly got bored most of the time and kinda had a thought or two of ruling the galaxy like the future empire, but it would defeat the purpose of coming here. When the events on Malachor happened, I literally teleported there and started floating around with a pack of popcorn. Heh, no one dared utter a word and they just stared at me, both Jedi and Sith.

"Come on, I want to watch the show. Entertain me." I said in a commanding tone and applied some pressure on the poor bastards. They fought quite well. It was entertaining. Well, the powerful Sith were here on their 'home planet' so it was expected. One of those red idiots smirked when he activated the superweapon that was supposed to kill everyone. I erected a barrier around the Jedi and Sith, which protected them from the blast.

"I am not nearly as entertained as I should be. Continue fighting. Die for my enjoyment." I said as I removed the barriers. They all shivered and lost their wills to fight after understanding that they were really just providing entertainment to me.

"Who are you?!" shouted a Sith

"You red idiots gave me a moniker. 'First Ghost', I believe it was. Now, continue, or I will get rid of you myself."

The Sith and the Jedi looked at each other and deactivated their lightsabers. Huh, so they don't want to fight? Very well then. I slowly descended to the ground and took my own lightsaber out. They were all shocked. Well, obviously: not once had the 'First Ghost' ignited his lightsaber in battle. Damn, talking in third person is cringy as fuck.

Oh well, I activated my fantastic weapon and the Jedi were confused as fuck. 'A bluish blade while not acting like a Jedi at all, more like a Sith?', 'Why did he not bleed his crystal?', or 'That blade made no sound at all.' were all thoughts racing through the Siths and Jedi's minds.

"Come on. You don't want to fight against each other. At least fight against me. Who knows, you might be able to kill me…" As if! Haha! If they could kill me, I will change my name to Tiffany Cocksucker. I swear on my name!

The first to attack was a Sith, probably a human judging by his appearance. He came at me shouting like a retard and holding his weapon up high. I bisected his body and took his weapon. How did this guy manage to come this far with his life intact is a mystery.

After that, every single one of the combatants rushed at me, but they were absolutely awful. I mean, compared to the average capabilities in this universe, the Jedi are quite good and the Sith are objectively strong. However, they pale in comparison to even RWBY's combat training. These guys probably fucked their brains with all that meditation and never actually got the fact that their styles are stiff and leave quite a lot of openings. Take Darth Sidious for example, when he pounces on Mace Windu while shouting 'Reeee!'. Why didn't they sidestep and cut him in half? Are they seriously that stupid? If I remember well, and I do, there was more than enough space to do so.

Oh, my crystal might have also been a part of my qualms with their fighting style, since I was basically constantly perfecting their personalized techniques. Oh, a Togruta girly, probably barely old enough to be considered a Jedi, tried piercing my eyepatch. A good method since it would usually be a blindspot, but eyes are overrated. I let her saber strike me, then the blade literally broke upon making contact with the eyepatch.

"What? Did you think that I was normal? Oh, please! Not a single one of your weapons can hurt me, neither can your puny Force powers. You have been doomed, the moment you decided to not fight against each other." I said while ominously laughing. Heh, that ought to scare them properly. However… That girly… She's not scared. She's been eyeing me throughout the fight and is trying to find a moment to strike, a weakness… She's interesting… Now that I look at her better, she's kinda different from a normal Togruta. Her montrals are smaller and her skin tone is, well, skin-colored. A hybrid? Possibly…

I continued cutting down enemies and storing their weapons while observing the Jedi girl. I had also noticed a human Sith girl that looked dazed. He, hehe… I have a shitty idea, but it might be fun. Well, around 3000 lightsaber-wielding idiots were not a problem to get through. I noticed some interesting hilts, so I might look through them afterwards.

At last, only the Togruta hybrid Jedi girl and the dazed Sith human girl remained. I signaled with my finger to come closer, which they not-so-gladly did. I looked at them a little better. The Togruta seemed pretty much a human with a peculiar hair-style, just that it wasn't hair. No facial markings, around 170 in height, slender build… Pretty nice. The Sith girl was comparatively more normal. She had black hair, glowing orange-ish eyes, pretty nice face, some black tattoos going up her arms until her neck, slightly shorter at 160-ish.

"What are two children doing here?" I asked, just to see their reactions. I also took their weapons.

"Obviously getting rid of the Sith on this planet!" said the Jedi

"Congratulations, you failed your task successfully! What about you?"

"My master was training me when the Jedi attacked. I just barely got my lightsaber and finished my initial training…" Hm… Yes, she is still pretty balanced compared to other Sith. I guess that she was abducted or 'rescued' by a decent Sith. How ironic for her to meet me, who is probably worse than most Sith… I mean, I can strike fear in their hearts, so that says much about me.

"Well, congratulations to both of you on surviving today. I will offer you two options: first, go back to where you came from, be it Coruscant or maybe your home planet, second, come with me."

"Why would I ever come with you?!" asked the Jedi girl

"No reason, really. It will just be more entertaining than dying within the next ten years. Actually, I guess that you wouldn't let this girly here go, so she would die within the day."

"I… I will follow you." said Sith-chan

"I won't. I have the Republic to defend."

"Fine, suit yourself. As for you, girly, what's your name?"

"Darth-"

"Real name."

"S-Sara… Beckett."

"Very well, Sara. Come with me, to the 30th Haven." I said and extended a hand. She tentatively took hold of it. I immediately teleported us back 'home'.

I found my wives in their bikinis, sunbathing near the shore, so I changed into a swimsuit and joined them, followed by a confused Sara.

"Dear, who is she? Did you finally resort to kidnapping?" asked Rimuru, grinning

"Rimuru dear, you know I still have standards! She's… A war prisoner? Guest? Ugh, I dunno, I just kinda felt like taking her with me. She's Sara Beckett, theoretically a Sith."

Now, Sara stiffened and got ready to be struck down due to her affiliation.

"Huh, cool. Give her a swimsuit or something. We will talk afterwards. Oh, Jaune was talking about fishing for tonight's barbecue. Might want to see what he's doing and if he wants some help." said Yang.

I changed Sara's clothes to a bikini and made two recliners appear. Hm… She has… Too many scars, for someone her age… It somewhat pisses me off.