Chapter 15 - Sisters

That night, Ao Wen's family laughed and ate merrily. Hou Jia brought out several of her best dishes and Ao Yang opened a bottle of his favorite plum wine to share with the two young cultivators. Finally, both parents retired for the night, leaving Ao Wen and Feng Xi to clean up.

"Big sister," Ao Wen said pensively as she stacked dishes. "I," she hesitated for a moment, unsure how she would express what she felt. "I don't want to be alone right now," she said, finally giving voice to the fears that lingered in her heart since she woke up. "I'm afraid that when I sleep, I won't wake up again. At least, that I won't wake up here. Tomorrow, I'll explain everything. But tonight, I just want to stay up late drinking tea with my sister, talking about all the silly things and the sad things and…"

"Wen," Feng Xi said, stepping in close and looking deep into Ao Wen's dark amber eyes. "I didn't want to say it while mother and father were here but the way you're talking now… it's like my father. Sometimes, melancholy strikes him when he feels that it would be better for the family if he succumbed to his illness. He talks about the days before he fell like he wants a happy memory before he goes. Or maybe he wants to find a reason to keep hanging on." Feng Xi paused, gently touching Ao Wen's face. "The Honored Elder said that it's possible to be crippled during the Awakening. Did something happen that you haven't told us yet?"

"No," Ao Wen said quickly, wanting to reassure Feng Xi. "I mean, yes, I haven't told you everything, but I'm not injured. Look," she said, rolling up her sleeves to show the smooth skin of her upper arms. "Nothing, not even a scratch. See? I'm sure that I can cultivate just fine too. It's just… I need to decide if I want to. If I want to take the paths in front of me or find new ones." Taking a deep breath she confessed to a portion of what she was going through. "My Awakening gave me many gifts but I'm afraid none of them are really free. I'm afraid of losing myself in them. I'm afraid of not being me anymore. So I want your help. I want help remembering who I am. Can you… can you help me?"

"Oh Wen," Feng Xi said. "It's okay. We're sisters. We'll always have each other, no matter what changes. Two years ago, do you know how much it meant to me that you still called me big sister? One day I was Feng Xi, a cute girl with a zither. The next day, I was Fairy Feng. People bowed when I walked by. Girls everywhere wanted to be my friend. Wealthy families wanted me to play zither, just so they could say that a Fairy had played for their guests. No one saw me. They just saw what I'd become," she said, loneliness clinging to every word. "Whatever changes, I'm still me and you're still you and that will never change. We'll always have each other."

For a moment, Ao Wen wanted to say that's not what she meant at all. Unlike Feng Xi, Ao Wen remembered living a life that wasn't hers. She wasn't afraid of changes in how the world saw her but changes in how she saw herself. Being looked at differently by the people of a small town felt like a very different scale than being the reincarnation of an Immortal Empress! The feeling passed quickly though. When Ao Wen thought about what it felt like the first time a stone pillar exploded under her saber, or the first time something died on the tip of her blade… She wondered what it felt like for an Artist like Feng Xi the first time her music shifted the hearts of others in a way that took more than simple notes to accomplish. How many other things had Feng Xi faced as she grew her cultivation quietly these past few years? How did it feel to become suddenly so different from so many people around her? She had thought it was different for Feng Xi whose parents were also cultivators but had it really been as different as she thought?

"Okay," Ao Wen finally said. "Together. Here, let's get some extra blankets and we can tell stories all night long."

In the end, the stories didn't last all night long, but it didn't matter. For hours they talked about things they'd all but forgotten about or hadn't known how much something had mattered to the other one. Feng Xi pulled out the pale jade finger pick that Ao Wen had made her years ago, worn on a cord around her neck. It had cracked before it was finished and it didn't fit at all but she'd kept it anyway.

Ao Wen talked about the time they'd gotten lost in the Thundercloud Forest, hiding in the dark and cold until Feng Xi's father had tracked them both down and brought them home through the storm. There had been endless noises out in the dark and both of them had been terrified that some gigantic beast would devour them before help would find them. On and on they went until they both curled up in blankets on the floor and slept the rest of the night away.

In the morning, Feng Xi woke alone, the mess of last night's impromptu pajama party cleared away and a fresh set of clothing waiting for her. After washing up, she found Ao Wen standing in the kitchen, piling up a stack of fluffy layered scallion pancakes with creamy whipped eggs and a pot of fresh tea. "Morning sleepy," Ao Wen said, putting the food on the table for Feng Xi.

"Where's yours?" Feng Xi asked, noticing that there wasn't a plate set for Ao Wen. "And the pancakes are crispy? This doesn't look like your mother's recipe. Is this something new?" Feng Xi asked.

"I ate hours ago," Ao Wen said with a slight smile. "Spread the eggs on the pancakes, they're better that way. There wasn't any goat's milk at the market this morning so I made things work with sheep's milk instead. It's richer than granny Jun Bing's cooking but she'd probably have used sheep's milk if there had been any available. What do you think?"

"I like it," Feng Xi said, savoring the combination of the crispy exterior of the pancake with the fluffy interior and the creamy eggs. "Jun family again?" she asked, probing lightly.

"Jun clan," Ao Wen corrected. "Only awakened cultivators carry the surname Jun in the Jun clan. Everyone else carries their original family names, Qing, Ji, Bao and Fang," she continued, deliberately missing the point of the question. "I promised I'd explain but there's something we have to do first. After that, once we get outside of town, I'll explain as we go."

"Okay," Feng Xi said, putting aside the bigger questions for the smaller ones. Looking at Ao Wen today, she seemed more determined than yesterday. Less lost. "What's the thing we have to do first?"

"I need to make something in Father's workshop. It won't take long, I asked him to set out a few pieces of Thundercloud Plum wood for me."

"You're being mysterious again," Feng Xi said with a smile, wiping crumbs away from the corners of her lips. "What's the stonecutter's daughter going to make out of wood?"

"Same thing a stonecutter always makes out of wood," Ao Wen replied, smiling mischievously. "Something for practice."

"Now I know you're being mysterious deliberately," Feng Xi said with a smile. It felt like Ao Wen was coming back to herself. "Okay my cryptic little sister, lead the way," she said.

The walk to Ao Yang's studio didn't take long. He had moved into a large corner lot near Hou Jia's bakery not long after Ao Wen had been born. The outer courtyard was filled with ready made works. Household guardian dogs stood on short pillars waiting only for a family name to be carved before being placed at a gate. Granite lanterns in a dozen sizes lined up like soldiers protecting the stone fountains of stacked vessels and jumping fish. To the right of the courtyard, a small shop sold her father's small works and anything made of jade. To the left, their destination, the small workshop used for delicate projects and designing new pieces.

Ao Wen walked slowly through the workshop, running her fingers along the work bench she'd watched her father toil over since she was a young child. Memories flashed with each tool she touched. The days she'd spent learning each tool in the shop, trying to replicate the creations of her father's magic fingers that seemed to produce wonders from the humblest pieces of rough stone as easily as drinking tea. She knew it wasn't easy, her countless failed attempts only proved how hard it was, but that only made her admire her father more.

"So are you going to be an Artist like your great grandfather? Commanding an army of stone beasts and soldiers?" Feng Xi asked. Ao Wen still hadn't told her what kind of ability she had awakened. It would be nice if they were both Artists, even if they were different sorts.

"No," Ao Wen shook her head before walking to a small workbench in the back of the shop that her father had gifted her on her tenth birthday. Two long blocks of Thundercloud Plum Tree heart wood waited for her, each nearly two meters long. "I am going to be an Artist of some kind," she finally said. "I don't know what kind of Artist yet, but I know I'll cultivate my Heart."

Feng Xi grinned broadly. "So you did awaken as an Aesthete like me!"

"Probably," Ao Wen replied cryptically. "That too at least. Everything really, all of it, all at once. Lock the door for me?" Ao Wen asked as she picked up a pair of wing dividers and began marking the long planks. She looked at the tools because she was afraid to look into Feng Xi's emerald eyes when she said what she had to say. So afraid that she felt like she'd lose her courage if she saw anything in her friend's eyes that looked like rejection or worse, revulsion. "I'll tell you the first part now," she said, jotting numbers down on a piece of slate as she worked, distracting herself from the rapid pounding of her heart. "You may not believe me. You might think I'm mad," she continued her voice becoming thick with emotion as she pushed through. "But I promise you, it's all true. At least, as far as I know. Today is about figuring out just how true some of it is."