Chapter 130 - Cracked Soul

"My soul is cracking?" Ao Wen said, eyes widening in alarm. 

"Every time you throw your soul into the river of time, you suffer some damage from doing so," Qi Yue explained. "It's too soon to explain everything, but what you need to know right now is that after you step into the life of one of your previous incarnations, you need to spend twice as long back in your current life before you risk it again," she explained. "You spent three months as Jun Biyu, which means you should have waited at least six months before trying anything else. If you don't give yourself time to reintegrate, you'll become fractured in painful ways."

"But what else was I supposed to do?" Ao Wen pouted. "I couldn't let Tang Jin die!" 

"Little Yu is always Little Yu," Qi Yue teased. "The person you care least about is still yourself," she chided. "I'm not saying you did wrong my love, only that you're paying the price for what you did. I can help to heal some of the damage, that's part of why I'm here after all, but the price is that I'll place a seal on your ability to reach back. You won't be able to connect with your past again for a full year, no matter how badly you think you need it," she warned.

"You can do that for me?" Ao Wen said, relief flooding through her. One of the things she feared the most right now was that she'd be forced into another life again and that things would get even worse. Now that she understood some of the rules about how much time she needed to give herself, she felt like she could prepare the next time and plan for proper recovery afterward too. Now that Qi Yue was talking about sealing her ability to go back, she'd no longer be tempted to do something that could injure her soul further. 

"My darling, my treasure, my eternal flame," Qi Yue said, running the tip of her finger along Ao Wen's jaw, lifting up her chin, and staring deeply into her amber eyes. "In this life or any other, what wouldn't I do for you?"

"Then, can you tell me something else?" Ao Wen asked, desperate to find closure to a few aches from her other lives. She felt like she finally had a connection who could tell her what happened after she was pulled away and she ached to answer some of the questions in her heart. 

"What do you want to know? I won't tell you about your other women you know," Qi Yue said with a sly smile. "They wouldn't like it if I spoiled their chances to have their own first meetings with the new, not even human, you." 

"I, I didn't even think," Ao Wen stammered, thrown off in the way only Qi Yue could. "I wanted to ask about Jun Ben and Jun Xiang. I was fighting Wind Howl Coyotes on a training hunt with Instructor Xie and I woke up before I found out if they survived or not," she asked, wringing her hands anxiously. 

"No one died while you were training," Qi Yue said in a reassuring tone. "The Jun clan suffered later until you could rescue it, but Jun Biyu didn't have to experience the death of a clansman until years after she first picked up a saber."

"That's good," Ao Wen said, drooping in relief. If it had been her fault somehow that those two had died… "What about Mother? Mother Cong Houzi, is she still alive?" True Dragons were supposed to be essentially eternal beings, weren't they? But an eternal lifespan, as Mei Lien had told her, didn't mean nothing would happen to a person.

"Master was doing quite well last time we visited her. The sect is gone though," Qi Yue said sadly. "Along with the entire Jade Light Mortal Realm, overtaken by the Dark Yin Empire more than twenty thousand years ago. Your mother, you, and I had all left by then. The sect wasn't what it was in our era. We lost touch with most of the other Direct Disciples over the years but Huang Yuze made it to the Myriad Paths Divine Sect eventually," she said wistfully, thinking back on some of her earliest memories. 

"Twenty thousand years…" Ao When whispered. "I guess, if I've been an Immortal Empress seventeen times, I must be pretty old," Ao Wen said, stunned by the enormity of the time that had passed. 

"Mmm, are you calling me old Junior Sister Ao Wen?" Qi Yue teased, poking Ao Wen in the ribs and tickling her mercilessly. "You know I'm almost a hundred years older than you are and that's before we include all the gaps while I have to wait for you to be reborn each time. I know my dearest love isn't calling me 'pretty old' is she?"

"Okay, I give, I give," Ao Wen said, fighting off the merciless tickling from Qi Yue. 

"Now," Qi Yue said gently. "As much as it would delight me to do far more wicked things to you than tickle, those things have to wait until you find the real me. You should rest now. You'll sleep deeply while I mend the cracks as best I can. It won't be perfect, you need to take the year to heal. Be kind to yourself during this year. Don't push too hard."

"I won't," Ao Wen promised. "Will I still be able to visit you?" Her visit with Qi Yue felt like it was ending too soon and it was even worse than the short visit she'd had with Mei Lien. Now, she knew so much more but had so many more questions. She desperately wanted to lean on the advice of her Senior Sister and to learn more about herself and…

"I will always be here for you but you should only reach out to me either just before or just after you touch the past," Qi Yue cautioned. "Of course, I have my own ways to help as well but you shouldn't expect it. The more you awaken this wisp of my soul the faster it will dissipate. I don't want that to happen before you make it all the way back to my side, you understand?"

"I understand," Ao Wen said a touch reluctantly. "At least, will you hold me for a bit? Like you used to?"

"Oh, my Little Yu," Qi Yue whispered. "Of course, I will," she said, gathering up the shattered feeling Ao Wen and pulling her head close to her soft chest, just like she had when nightmares of the orphanage had plagued Little Yu all those years ago. "You sleep my eternal flame. Before you know it, we'll be together again," she whispered, soothing purple energy flowing from her lips like a cloud of sweet perfume, pulling Ao Wen into a deep sleep and dreams of soft places and warm embraces.