440. Training ~Jazz Oddities Part II~

"Ugh! What do we do!? What do we do!?" asked Finn, pacing around. "Why am I so stupid!?"

"It's okay!" sighed Yoshiko. "We'll just find that Remnant of yours and kill him for breaking the rules... Also for making you cheat on me!"

"Yoshiko! You don't understand! That person is still technically me! I did those things... And I hate that I did them... Because I practically messed things up between us."

"Finn, honey... Half of my personality is a psychotic serial killer. I get it. Believe me... Yes, I still partially blame you... But in the end, those thoughts exist in Dark Finn. Not you."

"I still decided on the things I've done, Yoshiko."

"Yeah... But I'm fine with it. Believe me."

"I still feel unworthy of you..." frowned Finn.

Yoshiko sighs. "Yep... But I think the opposite."

"What do you see in me?"

"I see... Someone I've been striving to be. Someone who has a good heart, Finn. A good guy who has so much love who does stupid things because of it."

"Yep... Your amount of kindness really enforces that I don't deserve you."

"Yep! I'm so adorable when I'm evil!" smiled Yoshiko, as she sleep in their bed. 

Finn sighs and looks at the sky. "I'll redeem myself... and be the hero that'd deserve this life... Right, Billy?"

The sky was silent.

Mark squats on the ground and begins screaming in an ascending voice.

A bunch of neighbors passes by Mark.

"Fuckin' weirdo," said one.

"White people..." one shook his head.

Josuke and Miguel pass by them.

"Hey, Mark! What are you doing?" smiled Josuke.

"Yeah... What are you doing?" asked Miguel. "You look like you're about to shit out a massive load of bricks."

"Practicing Ultra Judgment," said Mark. "Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-...!"

The pair stares at Mark. "PFFT!!! Aha! Ha! Hahahahaha! Ha! Aha aha aha aha aha aha! Hoowee!"

"What...?" asked Mark.

"That's not how you get Ultra Judgment!" laughed Miguel. "You need to balance both instinct and ego or whatever! And meditate to balance your Chi!"

"Your what now?" asked Mark.

"Y'know, Chi? It's Ki that hasn't left the body?" asked Miguel. "Life energy...?"

Mark is confused. "Okay! Where can I train Ultra Judgment?"

"Why do you want to do this in the first place?"

"To prepare in case my Dad comes back..."

"Oh!" smiled Miguel. "That psychotic Viltrumite? No-Lan?"

"Nolan. His name is Nolan."

"No. No-Lan."

"No-No-Lan?"

"No. Not No-No-Lan. No-Lan."

"No-Not-No-No-Lan-No-Lan?" asked Mark.

"We're not doing this. I'm gonna go on and say that I could teach you, kid," smiled Miguel. "Let's get to the Hyperbolic Time-!Oh, right...I'm technically mortal now. And if I break the rules like overpowering myself?*blows a raspberry noise.*We're done, boy. Lost in the Multiverse forever while Bill attacks all life."

"What's so bad about getting lost in the Multiverse? You can open portals!"

"Yeah... Within that Multiverse. It takes a long time before you can navigate your way back through infinite universes. I'm canonically nerfed just for the sake of it."

"So... How do I learn Ultra Judgment now?" asked Mark.

Miguel sighs. "There's that one guy in the Earth-A-137... Then again, he's a frog person... And I hate eating bugs again... And the Calamity Gems are-... OOH!!! How about that Demon Witch in Earth-OH-137...? Nah... After Belos died... That place is practically in ruins..." Miguel's eyes widen as he hammers his hand. "Holy shit! We could go to Earth-DBZA-7!"

"Goku's Earth?" asked Josuke. "Why? None of them except Gogeta can do that! And Gogeta is pretty-..."

Earlier...

"IT IS I... PRINCE GOGETA!!! HOW DARE YOU INSULT ME BY NOT SERVING RAMEN HERE!?!?" yelled Gogeta, while yelling at a party with the guests looking at him. "Vegeta! I don't wanna be the Prince of Egypt!I'm the Prince of Vegeta you numbskull!You're the Prince of yourself?RAUGH!!!" Gogeta headbutts the table filled with the buffet foods. Gogeta then takes off his shirt. "RAMEN!!! I WANT RAMEN, YOU FOOLS!!! OR ELSE!!!"

"Sir! Stop! Please stop stripping!" yelled a waitress.

"I will spray MILK ALL OVER YOUR FACES FROM MY OWN BEAUTIFUL NIPPLES!!!" roared Gogeta.

"SIR!!! SECURITY!!!"

"GOGETA NO!!!GOGETA YES!!!"

Now...

"NO!!! Not Gogeta! The person who trained Gogeta!" smiled Miguel.

"Who could train the most powerful Saiyan Fusion in the Multiverse!?" asked Mark.

Later...

The trio reaches an area with a very tall pole at the center of the Korin Forest.

"So..." said Mark. "Do we fly up or whatever?"

"I can make Eldritch stairs!" smiled Miguel.

"I can fly!" smiled Josuke.

Later...

Mark flies up past them.

"Was that Invincible?" asked Yajirobe. 

Josuke flies up past them.

"AT LEAST A 'HELLO' WOULD BE FINE!!!" yelled Yajirobe.

Miguel runs up the Eldritch stairs.

"Was that the Messiah?" asked Yajirobe.

"I don't care about no one caring about the lore of this place anymore," said Korin.

The trio reaches the top of the tower, reaching what is known as the Lookout, where all square tiles make a circle.

"This doesn't make sense..." said Josuke. "In terms of architecture... and... the laws of physics..."

"*GASP!!!* GOHAN!?" smiled Dende, the current god of the planet. "Oh... It's the 'real' God and a couple of stooges."

"Pleasure to see you again, too, Dende!" smiled Miguel. "Here are my two new uh... well... one of 'em is my student and the other works under my ally. Let's just say they're both my kids!"

"This is pretty weird..." said Mark. 

"It's Super Kami Dende, to you, Miguel Ibarra..." said Dende.

"Haha! Not calling you that, Dende," smiled Miguel.

"Hrngh..." said Dende

"So... you're the guy who's gonna train us, right?" smiled Josuke.

"No... I don't know how to fight," said Dende.

"Then who?" asked Mark.

"Oh boy..." sighed Miguel.

A shadowy tentacle-like mist meticulously forms itself before them as Popo appears in front of Josuke and Mark after they blink once.

"OH, GOD!!!" yelled the pair, stumbling backward and tripping to the ground.

"What is that thing?" sobbed Josuke.

"And why does he look like an offensive Pokemon?" asked Mark.

"Waddup Majin Popo," said Miguel.

Note: He's a Canon character in TeamFourStar's Dragon Ball Z Abridged. He's also canon in the actual Dragon Ball series... But he's terrifying in TFS. And yes, this is what he canonically looks like. And no, he is not supposed to be racist. And yes, he does look racist. And no, he's not a human. He's a legitimate Arabic demon.

"Hiiii..." he said creepily.

"'Popo?'" asked Josuke. "Majin Dumplin Popo? Demon God of the Church of F-Box? Creator of the Pecking Order?"

"The what!?" asked Mark, terrified.

"Yep..." sighed Miguel.

"What the hell is that!?" asked Mark. "Some kind of KFC Meal...? Or-...? Something absolutely horrifying that is a constant reminder of how weak I am despite being a Viltrumite."

"No... The Pecking Order is how mortals like us are placed when under the training of a Majin...!It goes us. The dirt. The worms inside of the dirt. Popo's stool. The current Kami. And Popo..."

"So... the second one..."

"Yes," sneered Popo.

"Is that highest to lowest or lowest to highest?" asked Mark.

"What do you think, dipshit?" asked Miguel.

Popo teleports in front of Miguel. "Hiiii...."

"Hello, Popo..." Miguel squints his eyes.

"You. I don't like you," said Popo. "After what you did to my daughter, Puddin..."

"YOU DATED THE DEMON GOD'S DAUGHTER!?!?" asked Josuke.

"Uh-huh..." said Miguel.

"Isn't that... like... spiritual incest...?" asked Josuke.

"What!? No!" yelled Miguel. Miguel crosses his arms with disgust. His eyes then widen. "Wait..." he puts his finger beneath his chin.

"Well...? Who are these maggots, Messiah of the Maggots?" asked Popo.

"Mark and Josuke. They need to mast Ultra Judgment and reach Autonomous Ultra Judgment."

"Fun," sneered Popo. "So... Maggots... Do you know the Pecking Order?"

"Yep," said Mark.

"Yeah!" smiled Josuke.

"Wrong," Popo smiles. "You won't know until you feel the pain of the Fuck Box. There, you will learn balance... improbably...Now, you're asking, 'Why? Why did he say improbably?'Because you're all maggots, that's what. Let me remind you, maggots, that the pecking order is a constant reminder of how weak, pathetic, unworthy, and worthless you maggots are. So, what's the first rule of Popo's training, Maggot Messiah?"

"That's a trick question," said Miguel.

"Exactly," said Popo."Good..."

"What are the rules of your training anyway?" asked Mark, as Josuke grabs his mouth.

Popo kicks Mark as he falls off the Lookout.

"OH, GOD!!!"

Josuke then flies down to get him.

Later... 

"1: Do not talk about Popo's Training, 2: Do not explain Popo's Training, 4: Do not eat Popo's snacks. 6: Do not break Popo's stuff."

"What about 3 and 5?" asked Mark.

"You're a foolish one, Viltrumite Maggot," said Popo.

*BOOM!!!*

"AAAAAAAAH!!! NOT AGAIN!!!" yelled Mark, falling off the Lookout.

Josuke follows after.

Later...

"Jesus Christ..." said Mark. "Why couldn't I fly after he punched me...!? WHY COULDN'T I FLY!?!?"

"You're as annoying as when I trained a warrior called Shaggy," sneered Popo. "He was such a maggot. A Shaggot."

"Sounds inappropriate..." said Mark. "So... We'll do this, then!"

"Please," smiled Popo, opening the door. "Enter here..." The camera closes up to his face. "With me... Filthy Maggots..."

"Can I not-...?" asked Miguel.

"No..." said Popo. "You have to..."

"Sounds easy en-!!!"

Later...

Horrified screaming could be heard inside the Hyperbolic Time Chamber.

Meanwhile, Miguel eats some ramen inside the room as Josuke and Mark are brutally beaten by unknown dark genies, constantly being bruised, battered, and torn up while they struggle to use Ultra Judgment.

"HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW!!!" cackled Popo. "HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW!!!"

"You're enjoying this way too much," frowned Miguel.

"Well... Both of these friends of yours are quite fast learners... Especially the half-breed."

"Which half-breed?"

"The half-Grimm."

"Oh... Well, yeah... He's actually Fortuna's reincarnate."

"Does he know?"

"Yeah. He doesn't think too much about it, though."

"So... I'm only a few trillion years older than Cipher, but he's one of the few people that I'm actually quite afraid of. What are you going to do about him when his granddaughter tries invading your multidimensional nation of maggots, chosen one maggot?"

"Well... I have some hope in those idiots..." said Miguel, smiling. "They're all we've got... The others are pretty busy with other villains and it's pretty annoying."

"You know... I never really understood you filthy maggots and why you keep trying to save yourselves from constant suffering like that idiot Bill. Bill is inevitable. Suffering is inevitable, maggot."

"I still have some life left in me," smiled Miguel. "I have hope..."

Later...

Mark flips left and right in his bed, shaking out of fear.

"Why did you make me do this? You're fighting so you can watch everyone around you die!"

"This is the only way, Mark."

"Don't touch me!"

"Think, Mark!"

"What will you have in 500 years!?"

"You, Dad. I'd still have you."

Mark wakes up, gasping while being all sweaty and shaking very heavily. "Holy fucking shit..."

"Hey, bud!" smiled Josuke, drinking some nice warm taho.

"You're still awake?" asked Mark.

"I have very, very traumatic dreams," said Josuke. "Tonight, it was about Toffee. And he turned into maggots!Y'know, because Popo kept calling us maggots...Hahahaha-...! Ha...He oddly reminds me of Toffee. But unlike Toffee, he's on our side!I... At least I think he is...What about you? You kept calling for your Dad every night, now."

"Well, what do you expect, Josuke!? I've been on edge ever since he left and I think that any second now, he's gonna come back and kill the people that I care about and destroy my life! And here I am, trying to make a living out of this Jazz Fusion nonsense but I know that every second, it inches closer to everyone's death and destruction!"

"I get it," said Josuke.

"No, you don't!"

"Mark..." Josuke grabs his shoulder.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!!!" Mark grabs Josuke's arm and squeezes it, only for Josuke to activate Ultra Judgment Sign immediately, woging at the same time.

Josuke grunts. "I need you to calm down, Mark. Believe me... I'm just as scared as you are..."

"Of what...?" Mark's voice broke.

Josuke woges back to normal. "Of Toffee... Of Eobard... Of Betty... Of my friend's wife... Of my own girlfriend... Of my dead family... Of my other family who abandoned me... Of every day out there while the Rogues plan on killing us..."

"I'm sorry..." said Mark.

"It's fine..." said Josuke. "Aswangs naturally sleep shorter than most Cryptids and sentient beings. Around 2-4 hours a day. You know... even though I only sleep shortly, it feels like several eternities to get through each suffocating nightmare. Your memories keep looping in your head. Sometimes, you think you've woken up but it turns out that you're still asleep and you keep waking up in several variants of the same world. Sometimes, you're distorted in some way. An extra limb. Lost size. Different shape. Then, in yet another dream your world's distorted. Things are animated. Things are arranged strangely. Wait... That chair wasn't there before. And then a Golden Demon, with red lightning, red eyes, red horns, and looking like a blurry image appears on that chair. He begins whispering things like how you were supposed to die that night... But he couldn't touch me because of something I had... Something I had that protected me...But now... you feel defenseless because you lost your special weapon. Your special blankie... Your teddy bear... Your coping mechanism. Your copium. It's gone... because you were an idiot... allowing jackals in your head to tear it away from you... And now... Who are you without that Stand? Who are you without Prince? What is a Prince without his crown?What's worse is that you could still hear the jackals speaking to you... even if they aren't even there anymore... Because you killed them... And now, you will use the teeth of the jackal for your own spear... The teeth that killed your precious crown... your weapon... your guardian... the closest thing you have to a father that's still alive..."

Mark stares at Josuke. "Jesus."

"Yeah..." Josuke woges back to his human form and closes his eyes. "Well...! I'm not much of a 'speak-out-your-feelings-heart-to-heart' kinda guy... At least... I was..."

"So... when you use Killer Queen..." said Mark. "You get angrier at yourself?"

Josuke sighs. "Every time."

Mark sighs.

"I could also tell that you hate yourself... right now... Mark. You hate the Viltrumites... You hate your race... Your kind... Half of yourself... The side of yourself that you want to cage away... You want to maul it... Get rid of it... But it'll always be a part of you... and as long as you live... that part of yourself can never die...Jesus... now, I know how Finn feels..."

"My Dad is irredeemable."

"I believe everyone deserves a second chance... I've seen people do bad things and good in the end...I won't be surprised if your father is one of them," said Josuke, smiling.

"Thanks for the optimism, Mr. Higashikata."

"You're welcome, kid.Pfft! Can I call you kid? Can I even dare to call you that...!?!?"

"Yep," said Mark, smiling.