236. Wheel of Fortune and Hanged Man

Bombs went flying. Guns went blazing. Shrieking. Sobbing. Howling. Horrific sounds of slaughter. All that was heard from a large city, Singapore. Two armies in the field gave each other hell. It was a cold day and crackling, booming, and cries of horror and fear echoed in the city streets. The streets were empty, only having papers flying around in the dust. A baby's wailing echoed in the streets.

Women and children are seen crying in their homes close to the battlefield.

This is the South East Asian Wars. The cause?

A classic one. Territory.

A group called the "Wall Army" did not like the eradication of the territorial boundaries between former nations, as those near the former boundaries faced prejudice and racism from the other parties. They ironically ended up joining together and fighting a new war... The Southeast Asian Wars.

Another war happened in the Middle East, called the Desert Wars. The same happened in the desert streets where the sounds of wailing and guns blazing echoed in their streets as well. Headhunting was practiced by a nearby cult. Soldiers began doing war crimes and joined these cults by practicing headhunting as well. Children in their hopes were decapitated and their heads were crucified by other tribes. This was done by the entire Middle East and South Asia by a rebellious group called, "The Anti-Religion Club" which wants to abolish religion so that prejudice would disappear.

Surprise, surprise! Another war happened. The Euro-African War. This time it's about racism. Weird, huh? An African Black Supremacist War Criminal decided to call upon colored groups to wage war against the white Europeans in the hopes of colonizing Europe.

Oh, dear, God! Another war! The Latin American Wars! How awful! The Latin American wars are over communism. The Latin Americans force Cuba and other Communist Latin American Countries to embrace liberalism.

Aaand... Can you guess what happens next? Huh? Anyone? Yep! The Filipino-Chinese Wars. China wanted to take the Spratlys Islands, so the Philippines, using its Maharlican ties, bombs Beijing with a cosmic nuclear bomb. A horrific action? Probably. But the Philippines, now a World Superpower, battles against China.

Nice... Another War! The Russian Wars. A rebel group tries to take out the Russian government to bring back Communism.

Canada and Australia? They're fine... For now...

Territory... The basis of sovereignty... The basis for supreme power... What happens when you take away the whole world's power and give it to one man? This... The horrors that came are because of one man's faith. No... an entire family's vision that one man could save the world. A belief that one man has the power to rule the world and save it from burning itself without becoming a tyrant themselves.

The paradox is that these problems will arise even if they have the intention to save the world... People will not participate because people are unpredictable... You cannot forecast what they will do... They are also inconsistent... You cannot completely lay your trust in the entire world...

In the end... The JoJo Family, if they continue going this path, will become the very people Simoun sought to destroy... 

They will become...

...The Emperor of The World... a man with so much power that they are driven mad to the point where they become the world's biggest hypocrite...

Doughnut makes a house of cards on his table. Behind him is the American Flag, held carefully by two white men.

"YES!!!" he laughed as he puts the final card on top.

The doors slam open as Miguel JoJo entered.

"Oh, come on!" yelled Doughnut. 

"Hello, Mr. President!" smiled Miguel.

"President JoJo." He sighed in disdain. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

He tries to rebuild his house of cards once more.

"Here to offer you a deal! You get to join Maharlica, but America will act as a separate Super State!" smiled Miguel.

Doughnut scoffs. "And the rest of the Earths are forced to join The Philippines' Super State?"

"Well... I can't just give the 1600 nations to some corrupt jackass, right? Hahahaha!"

"I'm pretty displeased by your offer."

"Oh, come on!"

"JoJo, people are dying out there and you're too focused on trying to 'protect' America. America doesn't need your protection! America has its own problems. Our problem, our responsibility! Leave America alone!"

"I have a feeling, man! That... That-!"

"That what? Stefan comes back from the dead? Miguel, listen to yourself. You're beginning to sound like a Goddamned colonizer! The only reason why your country is free is because of our own!"

"Your country exploited ours! 1898 to 1946! Your colonized our country to take our resources! For the first four years, America genocided and burned our villages after they shot soldiers who didn't understand your language and didn't halt! The American Spirit is a myth because you people are no GODDAMNED DIFFERENT THAN THE FUCKING BRITS WHO RULED YOU!!!"

Note: Yeah, in our world, that shit actually happened. On February 4, 1899, Private William W. Grayson fired a shot at a group of unarmed Filipino soldiers because "they didn't halt when they told them to" (though, Filipinos couldn't speak English at the time) and the Americans massacred and genocided several villages. Men, women, and children were eviscerated by the American soldiers enforcing their nation to colonize the Philippines. Though the Philippines never really got the justice they deserved after that event since hundreds and thousands of Filipinos (most because of the effects of the war such as famine and disease, not the war itself) were killed compared to four thousand soldiers, that still doesn't make Miguel in the right, actually...

References:

https://history.state.gov/milestones/1899-1913/war

"And there it is! You hate white people!"

"What!? No!"

"Yes, you do! You just luuuv hatin' on white people, huh!?"

"Why the hell are you talking like a black man?"

"That is racist, Miguel JoJo."

"Oh! I'm the racist!?"

"Damn straight!"

"The only reason why no one talks about what you filthy Americans did is that history is written by the winners!"

"Damn straight we won!"

"YOU PEOPLE KILLED MEN, WOMEN, AND CHILDREN!!! WE WERE A RACE OF HUMBLE CATHOLIC VILLAGERS, ASSHOLE!!! Who... crucified your soldiers in the-... SHUT UP!!!"

"Did you just tell yourself to shut up?"

"SHUT UP, TOO!!!"

"Fine! As the President of America, I'm sorry for the atrocities white Americans did to your race!"

"I-!!! I... Wow... Actually... Thanks... Thanks! As a representative of the Philippines, we forgive you!BUT THAT STILL DOESN'T MAKE YOU RIGHT FOR NOT ADDING YOURSELF INTO MY NATION EVEN THOUGH WE SIDE-TRACKED A LITTLE BIT OVER THERE!!!"

"Jesus Christ... What is it with you Filipinos being so divided about your opinions with America!? Some say that we're a race of heroes while others say we're a race of genociders..."

"Because Filipinos are a naive yet golden-hearted race who desperately always try to claw out of poverty... So yeah! We're pretty dumb... Constantly clawin' out... Because of your nation...Also Spain!Damn that Spain! Not only did they steal our resources, but they stole our recipe for Adobo..."

"I don't like Spain either."

"Cuba..." said the pair, shaking their heads.

"You're alright, Mr. President of America!" smiled Miguel.

"Yeah... You... You, too..."

The pair smiled and nodded at each other, crossing their arms.

"GIVE ME AMERICA!!!" yelled Miguel.

"NO!!!" cried the President.

Meanwhile...

Dark sings with Yuki "This Is America" by Donald Glover.

"This is America! Don't catch you slippin' now! Don't catch you slippin' now! Look what I'm whippin' now! This is America!"

Yuki sings. "WOO!!! Don't catch you slippin' now! Don't catch you slippin' now! Look what I'm whippin' now!"

"What are they whippin' now?" asked Hercules.

"I don't know!" yelled Dark. "Americans whipped alotta shit back in the slave era... Even around the time, they colonized my country! Right?"

"I don't think so. I think everyone was just really racist," smiled Yuki.

"Wait... You're Japanese," said Dark.

"And?" asked Yuki.

"Didn't you colonize our country or something in World War II? You know... your men raped our women and possibly children?"

"OH!!! The Japanese Occupation! Yep! Hahaha!"

"That's not funny, Yuki..."

"Yeah!? Well, as a representative of the Japanese race, I apologize for World War II!"

"I forgive you! Great! All we need now is to call the Italians and the Germans to say sorry to the Africans and the J-!OY!!! I ALMOST HIT YOU!!!"

The three are revealed to be in a car that almost hit some Italian dude.

*BEEP BEEP*

"'EY!!! I'M WALKIN' HERE!"

"I WILL RUN YOU OVER!!!" yelled Dark. "THIS IS A FREE COUNTRY!!! I CAN DO THAT!!! CAR ROLLAH!!!"

"No, you can't, actually," said Yuki.

"Wait... Really!? Oh... shit... That's why Agnes and her family won't let me in their laundromat!"

"You ran someone over!?" asked Hercules.

"Old lady from two blocks away from the mansion."

"Dark... this is my car!"

"Look, Herc... I think it's safe to say that it's your fault for handing me your keys."

"DUDE!!! MY PLATE'S BEEN CLEAN FOR OVER SEVENTY YEARS!!!"

"Sorry, man... No one else to blame but yourself."

"Dark. Say sorry to Hercules," said Yuki.

"Nah," Dark laughed.

"DUDE!!!" yelled Hercules. "FIRST YOU BRAND MY CAR AS THE DARKMOBILE-!!!"

"Oh, lay off the specifics!"

*vroom*

*tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk*

A blue sedan flashes its lights behind the Darkmobile.

Dark squints his eyes.

"I think that car is chasing us, Dark," Hercules looks behind them and shudders.

"Why would a car be chasing the Darkmobile at night!?"

"Maybe because we're a group of vigilantes who have been hunted down by The Second World Order for the last few weeks?" Yuki asked rhetorically.

"Maybe..." Dark squinted his eyes.

"DARK!!!"

"WHAT!?"

"UGH!!!" Yuki facepalms at Dark's stupidity.

Hercules asks something. "What if you turn to this corner?"

Dark nods and does so.

The car follows after them.

"OH NO!!!" whimpered Hercules.

"YOU'RE A DEMIGOD, HERC!!!" bantered Dark.

"I don't want to die! Wahahaha...!" Hercules cuddled up like a baby in the back seat.

Dark looks at the mirrors. Suddenly, a dagger slowly emerged formed in the mirror.

Dark immediately breaks the rear-view mirror. 

Hercules shrieks.

"GOD!!!" yelled Yuki, covering her eyes. "WHAT THE HELL, BRUV!?"

"Shush! The guy can travel in mirrors..." Dark squinted his eyes as a small ray of light transported to the reflection of the car behind them.

Dark calls Miguel JoJo.

Meanwhile...

Miguel drinks tea as Raphael, his Chimpanzee adoptive son, silently wrote in Latin on a paper. 

"Dad," said Raphael in American sign language with his hands. "Look! I translated the Filipino Anthem in Latin!"

"Whoa! Cool, buddy!" smiled Miguel, looking at the anthem. "Amica populus. Margarita orientis... Cor in pectore vivit... Buddy, this is a good one! Kinda... Weird translation on the last two lines... But still, good!"

"Thanks, Dad."

*beep beep*

"Gimme a minute, bud!" smiled Miguel, as Raphael went back to writing. Miguel presses the button on his watch. "What?" he angrily asked.

"We're being attacked by an enemy Stand!" yelled Dark.

"Oh," Miguel drank some tea. "Describe their Stand Abilities. I might be able to tell who they are on the list of possible members I have based on their Stand Abilities and linking them to their personalities..."

"One can move around in reflections! The other is driving a car so we're not-!!! Multiple cars! What!?"

Multiple cars begin following them. Empty cabs, sedans hatchbacks, sport utility vehicles, golf carts, motorcycles, bikes, coupes, and station wagons begin following them.

"Maybe there's a whole army-!!!"

"No... There are only two Users. Make sure none of the cars overtake your Darkmobile and end up in front of yours or the man will kill you from the second User's rearview mirror. This is actually a good strategy and I commend them for such."

"You could commend them IF THEY AREN'T TRYING TO KILL US!!!" yelled Yuki.

"The man's name is Jay Cruz and the woman's name is Haley Hernandez. The man wields the mirror Stand and the woman wields the car Stand. The man is a narcissist and the woman is a sports car fanatic. They are both illegal immigrants who had their parents killed by white cops in Virginia when they were really young during a rally against hate crimes. I guess The Boss decided to offer them justice in some way.Are the windows closed?"

Dark shuts the windows as he sees a ray of light enter the left side view mirror. "FUCK!!!" Dark then turns to Yuki and yells, "YUKI!!! BREAK THE SIDE-VIEW MIRROR!!!"

Yuki teleports her arm via a shadow as she punches the side view mirror into pieces.

The ray of light returns to one of the cars behind them.

One of the cars, an empty hatchback, overtakes the Darkmobile.

"Shit!" yelled Dark, as he sideswiped the car and it crashes into a fire hydrant and explodes.

About one hundred cars begin chasing after Dark.

Another car ends up beside them, this time on Yuki's side.

They see a humanoid Stand, a silver robotic Stand of some sort with a red and white sports racer costume. It has car's headlights for eyes and a mouth resembling grilles. The eyes, however, were mirrors.

*BEEP BEEP,* said the Stand.

"This is my Stand..." she spoke on Dark's radio. "Wheel of Fortune!"

Dark speaks into the car's radio. "Haley Hernandez?"

"Yep."

"What deal did The Boss strike with you?"

"We were promised a new Republic Act that protects the rights of illegal immigrants."

"Republic Act? But the only person who can do that... is the President and the Senate..." said Miguel.

"They have their own ways. Ah... Senior JoJo..." smiled Jay. "Buenas Noches..."

"Could you please spare us... From one Hispanic dude from another?"

"You don't speak Spanish, though," said Haley.

"I do!"

"¡No, no lo haces! (Yeah, right!)"

"Lo Hago... (No, really!)"

"Hm..." said Haley, squinting her eyes. 

"I even turned Spanish as the third official language of the Philippines!" smiled Miguel.

"You brought back Spanish!?" asked Dark, smiling.

"Si," smiled Miguel. "Also, Ilocano is fourth and Cebuano is fifth."

"What are the first and second?" asked Haley.

"First is Tagalog. The second is English. But, Tagalog is now written in Baybayin!" smiled Miguel.

"Bruh..." smiled Dark. "Ang ganda naman ng ating bagong mga wika! (Our new language truly is beautiful!)"

"'Di ba!? (Am I right!?)" smiled Miguel.

"Fresco, (Cool)," smiled Haley. 

"Espera, ¿tienes cinco idiomas oficiales? (Wait, so you have five official languages?)" asked Hercules.

"Kini mahimo na unom ka, apan ang mga senador dili gusto Cybertronian nga sa usa ka. (Could've been six, but the senators didn't want Cybertronian to be one.)" replied Miguel

"Kler kler kree kler kler! (I loved Transformers!)" smiled Jay.

"Ako rin! (Me, too!)" laughed Haley.

"O! 'Di ba? Haan ni kasapulan ti ag apa! (See? We don't need to fight!!" smiled Miguel.

"Aún así te mataremos. (We're still going to kill you, though,)" said Jay.

"Si, (Yeah,)" said Haley.

"Ay caramba... (Hay Naku.../Good grief.../Yare yare daze...)" sighed Miguel.

A car rushes beside them as Dark's eyes widen as he sideswiped the car as well as the car crashes into an oil tanker and explodes.

Dark sighs. "I think we just uh... killed some civilians!"

"Goddamn it, Dark!" yelled Miguel.

"What do you suggest I do!? We're losing a lot of gas and HERCULES WON'T DO ANYTHING!!!"

"But the gas tank is full, though!"

"Wait... Do you have any heavy objects inside the car?" asked Miguel.

"In the trunk!" yelled Dark. "I have a lot of paint cans filled with rocks!"

"What!? Why the hell do we have that you fuckin' idiot!?" asked Yuki. "That's why we're so slow! Not because of the gas, dumbass!"

"Why do you even have paint cans filled with rocks in the trunk!?" asked Hercules.

"Because after using the paint for our fence, I needed to fill the paint cans up with something!" yelled Dark.

Yuki and Hercules stare at Dark with the absolutely most confused expressions mixed with "I will fucking kill this man if he doesn't explain further" eyebrows.

"What!?" asked Dark.

"That makes no sense!" yelled Hercules.

The other cars begin to slow down.

"¡Qué pasa!? (What's wrong!?)" asked Jay.

"¡Estas putas están actuando como idiotas gritando en mi puto micrófono-...! (These bitches are acting like fucking idiots yelling in my fucking microphone-...!)" yelled Haley.

"I have an idea!" smiled Dark. "Yuki! Teleport to the trunk and throw shit! I'll go do something!"

Yuki nods and does so.

She opens the trunk and tosses hundreds of paint cans filled with rocks and most of the cars crash into each other. Some paint cans fall into the driver Stand's face, crushing their heads.

Yuki teleports back to the seat beside the driver's seat.

"I did it," smiled Yuki as she turns to Dark.

Dark smiles at her, but his smile disappears as he sees a man in her iris.

"YUKI!!!"

*SHING*

An arm with a dagger warps out of her eye and stabs her in the throat.

"Ukinana!" Miguel growled.

"RAUGH!!!" yelled Dark in horror, as he grabbed the arm of Hanged Man, the Stand. But it teleports around their eyes.

Miguel turns on video into the car's screen and sees the light move around.

He looks around.

"Hey! Dark! Calm down!"

Dark freaks out and growls, woging into an Aswang.

"Hey! It's gonna be okay! Turn on the camera!" yelled Miguel.

Dark pants in fear. "Okay! Okay..."

Miguel sees a ray of light teleporting around. "Damn... He's smart... He teleported into the reflection of Yuki's iris from the eyes of one of the Stands of Wheel of Fortune... Yuki... You okay?"

Yuki grabs her throat to stop the bleeding and gives Miguel a thumbs up.

"STAR PLATINUM!!!" yelled Miguel, as his Stand blasts out of its user's body. Star Platinum follows the ray's movements. Miguel uses Star Platinum to spot the movement of the ray of light because of Star Platinum's extreme precision.

Star Platinum spots the Stand shifting from one of their eyes to another.

"HERCULES!!! CLOSE YOUR EYES!!!"

Suddenly, the teleporting stops.

*SPLAT*

Hercules' eyelid is cut open by Hanged Man as he screams in pain.

"Dark! Open the dome lights!" yelled Miguel.

Darl follows.

"DARK!!! THE COIN!!!" yelled Miguel.

Hanged Man teleports outside as Dark flips the coin.

"KILL HIM!!!"

"WRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!" yelled Dark, as he slices the coin in half and slices Hanged Man in half. 

*SPLAT*

Meanwhile...

A man and a woman watch from the highest building in town. The woman looked at the Darkmobile and saw that it stops.

"I think we killed them," smiled Haley. "Great job, Jay!"

Haley turns to Jay and sees that he is speechless.

"Jay?"

Jay's head slowly slides off of his body.

"JAY!!!" she shrieked. She grabs his head. "No!" she sobbed. "No... ¡Esas putas de mierda te mataron! Oh, Dios mío... Oh, Dios mío... no... Jay... Mi Amor... No... (Those piece of shit whores killed you! Oh my God... Oh my God... no... Jay... My love... No...)"

*ZIP*

Her head is zipped in half as she drops to the ground. A fist is then blasted into her chest, killing her instantly.

Anne sighs. "Hey? Sweetie?" Anne smiled sweetly, talking to the radio. "I found her. You were right! She was emitting massive amounts of radio waves in the Central Park Tower."

"Good job, Anne..." smiled Miguel. "Now, find Dark and zip Yuki's throat close."

"Yes, sir," smiled Anne.

"Anne, I'm your husband. You don't have to call me si-... Actually, that gives me pride. Keep calling me that."

"Hihi... Yes, sir."

"GET A GODDAMNED ROOM AND HELP YUKI ALREADY!!!" yelled Dark.