1 Prologue: Log In

I look at myself in the mirror one last time. This is a big day. This might be the beginning and also the end.

End of confusions, regrets, anger and pain.

I gathered all the things I need. They might be already waiting for me outside. I do not want them to get bored. This is an important day for all of us, after all.

But suddenly, an idea struck in my head.

"It won't hurt, I guess."

I took my laptop and sat on the edge of my bed. I booted it and opened the internet browser. I typed a particular website on the search engine.

tumblr.com

I sighed before typing my email address and password. It's been years since my last log in. I didn’t know I was already feeling nervous.

As I observe the dashboard, I realized that it changed a lot. From the website’s design to the people who posts stuff. Before, my dashboard was full of pictures, GIFs, and news regarding my favorite girl group; but it is now just full of random pictures and quotes. It felt like the party has already ended.

I realized that those bloggers I was following on this site, who were also fangirls, have already matured and have ventured different opportunities in life. Into good or bad? I don't know. Life is a matter of choice after all.

I scanned some posts. I saw something humorous. It has a picture of a certain Disney character.

Your song is fucking irritating the shit out of us but its message really works. Good job, Elsa.

I smiled.

I checked the navigations located on the side. I can’t remember anymore if the number of my followers remains the same, but what I know is that I had a thousand of them.

I am fortunate that I gained friends from this thousand of followers. Online friends that turned into real-life friends. And one of them changed my perspective in life.

I checked the other navigations.

Posts

I clicked it. I was welcomed with my posts few years back. Those posts have reached hundreds of reblogs. I smiled as some memories rushed back. I clicked the mass post editor and the next thing I knew I was already scanning the conversations from the previous years.

Our conversations.

Memories punched me real hard, I could almost feel a physical pain. But despite all of this, one thing is for sure…

I have accepted defeat.

And finally, I can let it go.