Chapter 3: Convocation & Not Oneself
Chapter 3: Convocation & Not Oneself
It was time for graduation. Everyone on campus was covered in green and black caps and gowns. Alex and Jordan sneaked cigarettes by the campus in the morning. Sometimes there is no substitute for the real thing. Jordan sprayed himself with Polo Red by Ralph Lauren cologne to hide his misbehavior. He shared a few shots of his rum with I.T. and Alex, as Asim drank Red bull and vaped at the dorm.
They each discussed what they would do after graduation. Alex would apply to be a consultant with his economics degree at Bain Capital in Boston, Massachusetts. He mentioned an alumnus of the firm, "Mitt Romney made it there, so can I". Asim, who studied Political Science and Government, would become a public policy analyst before tossing his hat in the ring at law school, preferably, Columbia University. Ifedolapo as a computer science engineer had his sights
set at Google. Finally, Jordan with mixed feelings from his passion and family pressure believed he would take a year off to travel and drink. Realistically, he knew that he would work with his family's support until he was ready to apply to medical school. This depressed him. He made a cheer to the future with his friends.
The ceremony was splendid. All his close ones were present. His father, mother, older brother, and younger sister were all there to witness his success. Mae and her family were in attendance as well. Mae with her psychology background would work under her father and perhaps take a children's psychologist job in the meantime before applying to medical school to become a psychiatrist. Her father wanted his daughter to have the interactive skills of a professor, while the lucrative position of a doctor.
The guest speaker spoke of perseverance and ambition in life. The possibilities for the future being endless. A quote from Dr. Seuss stroke attention, "You're off to Great Places! Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting, So... get on your way!" The calling of names for diplomas would ensue. Jordan, Mae, and all their friends received mentions. Everyone was ecstatic and grateful. One of Jordan's favorite professors stated, "Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened" and handed him a fine cigar. The moment was profound.
Upon returning to Long Island for the Summer, Jordan met with his cousin to drink and smoke cigars at the harbor to celebrate. He too just graduated UCLA with a bachelor's in history. They roamed around the area puffing their tobacco. James, his cousin, discussed the last great American president was Kennedy. To evade the Cuban Missile Crisis, help the disenfranchised during the Civil Rights era, and the fact that he intellectualized international and domestic affairs at the ripe age of forty-three years old.
The two entered the Brewology bar at Port Jefferson, this time Jordan shared scientific facts about ethanol metabolism. He described how alcohol is degraded by an enzyme called alcohol dehydrogenase. The alcohol is changed to acetaldehyde, next to acetate, and finally into carbon dioxide and water. He paraphrased that ethanol is the intoxicating part of alcohol and as it reaches the brain, it interferes with normal neurotransmission. Jordan said, "Here's to alcohol, the rose-colored glasses of life" with a smile. That day was especially good, so he thought.
Jordan ended the evening by spending time with Mae at West Meadow Beach. Usually, the place was delightful, many great memories were shared there, however in this occasion it felt somber. She had bad news. Mae told Jordan she was pregnant. Jordan stayed calm and said, "We'll take care of it". Mae cried, but knew it was best. She was upset but realized she was not alone in the matter. This would be the most difficult part of their relationship with constant bickering and slight comments. Deep down they knew the real issue was the unborn child, but it was not something they had the maturity to debate. The two resolved the problem in the coming week, so they thought. After the ordeal, the partnership was never the same. Whether it be due to the nerve-wrecking and painful process of an abortion or because they felt what was the point of a relationship that did not lead to family and marriage. Within a few months, the relationship met its end.
Without the support of a loving companion and the pressures of the world after graduation Jordan confided in the bottle. He drank strong liquor at home. Sometimes friends would stop by to hangout and family encouraged him to be productive, but nobody knew his pain. One night fueled by sleep deprivation, sadness, and drunkenness he started a heated argument with his family. His parents and siblings were scared for Jordan's health with nothing left to do they provided police and ambulance support to take him to the hospital.
Not Oneself
Psychiatric emergency at the hospital was a place unknown to Jordan. As he sobered up, he was alarmed and worried. The staff provided him Ativan to calm his nerves. Jordan had to strip down to his underwear and was observed for physical harm or any potential weapons. He dressed himself in scrubs and had to spend several nights with other patients. Some were criminals and others were deranged. Healthcare professionals viewed them from a safe and protective barrier, only contacting them to administer medications or perform quick psych evaluations. During his stint at the emergency hospital he got involved in an altercation with another patient. A guy tried to push Jordan around because he stood out like a sore thumb, several patients for some reason or another disliked him. They de-escalated the situation and injected Jordan with drugs. In a drowsy state, he walked to his hospital bed and knowing he would soon be unconscious. He was left in a haze of security, doctors, and nurses attending to him.
Jordan was transported to a behavioral psych and rehabilitation center. It was different than anything he was accustomed to but there was a strict regimen. The daily routine consisted of smoking in the gated courtyard, breakfast with medications, recreation, lunch, entertainment and counseling, dinner with medications and another smoke break. It was a glance into the real world. Patients were homeless taking advantage of the system they were given, entitled people with a dysfunctional background like Jordan, and in general individuals down on their luck. One thing they all had in common was they all were suffering in one form or another. On his first night, a bum offered him alcohol in which he managed to sneak into the premises. If Jordan were not about his wits and truly attempting to make a change in his life, he would have indulged.
In the morning, a cigarette to adjust to his new setting. Surprisingly, a healthy breakfast with eggs, milk, and fruit. Drugs that altered his mind and thoughts, presumably for the better. A short time of television in the common area, in which the seniors controlled the channels. There was a hierarchy of the patients at the hospital. Those who not only suffered from mental illness but performed some criminal acts on the outside or were simply strong in figure to demand authority. The true power lied with the healthcare professionals who could command rule with the force of security disguised as aides. If you fell from favor of the doctors or nurses, one could be subjected to an injection for bad behavior. Jordan did his best to stay calm and focused. For recreation, he kept a journal to track his thoughts, daily occurrences, and possible improvements in his actions. For lunch, he planned with the dietician to have salads. One of the patients who was ignorant to the guidelines to adjust his diet with the nutritionist was upset to see Jordan eating a salad and he spit on him from across the cafeteria. The aides detained him as the nurses injected him with a mixture of Depakote and Ativan for his misbehavior and he was left to rest in his room. Before counseling, he talked on the phone with his parents. They ensured him to stay strong and to continue with the treatment.
At counseling, the psychiatrist and social worker described to him that he suffers from depression and schizophrenia. They came to this conclusion since Jordan did not keep the best hygiene during his stay. His facial hair was unmanaged, displaying an unkept beard. His nails were not as clean as usual. He presented with delusions that people at the hospital disliked him. Jordan said, "I'm piece of shit." The doctor privately consoled to him that he reminded him of his son and reassured him that things will get better in time.
After dinner, one of the patients, who was short but strong physically played chess with him. Jordan soundly won at the game and the patient became furious. The patient forced him into
the hallway and punched him in the gut. The patient was attacked and detained. He was medicated and stripped himself naked on his hospital bed before he was tied down. He was unconscious with an erection on the bed. Obviously, the patient was ill and possessed a sick sense of humor. Much of the staff were amused and laughed. The men were glad that he was obstructed, and the women were appalled. Jordan relaxed for a short period of time in the recreational area and reflected. Jordan smoked his cigarette, took his medications, and slept the night away.
Most days at the center were the same. Jordan's parents visited more often over time to check on his development. He prepared to leave, and one kind patient gave him the shirt on his back for good fortune. One nurse gave remarks of how much she is going to miss Jordan. All he could think of how far he came. He was hopeful for the future, but he was jaded.