Chapter 1: Jack and "G"

Ah.

"I really died from that?"

I floated in– what every other weebs would call– the "void"

An empty, infinitely expansive, barren nothingness. Pure black, like the armpit stains I get from wearing white clothes.

"Hey! Anybody!"

As a total last ditch effort, I tried calling for help, I don't exactly feel my throat hurting, nor do I even think I have any vocal chords at all, so after only 2 shouts I stopped.

"God, this is even more boring than how they portray it to be..."

No legs, no arms, no nothing. I can't even touch my jingle, let alone wank. Is this retribution from that fidget spinner? Was I actually cursed? As many racing thoughts invaded and corroded my peaceful virgin mind, I had an absolutely bright idea.

Just like every protagonist ever, I decided to relive my life and my death in one quick summer.

"Shit"

...

Okay, jokes aside though. My name is Jack Freshman, an eternal 21 year old...wastrel, born with dysfunctional legs and a naturally obese body, my life was more or less the stereotype sob tale. My dad was a fat 3rd son of a rich family and my mother loathed both me and my father extremely, apparently the 2 were born to marry each other– politically of course– and because of that she doesn't like me by extension.

It grew worse when I started becoming more and more retarded, my body naturally got fatter and fatter and my entire being refused to not eat. Bullying was sufficiently enough to make me suicidal once but my life– just like the others– was saved by the glorious fiction.

For a total of 26 years, I have immersed myself is multitudes if western and eastern comics, games, and cartoons. Using the only thing I have for me, which was money, I fed my greed and went the NEET way. In fact, it was so bad that I somehow got the habit of calling myself eternally 21– courtesy of a certain information broker– whenever people or I mention my age. Swarms of figurines and countless games, from left to right, all the way to porn games, I have experience with.

Now enough of that, no one wants to listen to a walking fat bag talk about his daily life. Yesterday, or probably yesterday before I died, a famous challenge found itself at my newsfeed, a particularly stupid but easy to do challenge if you ignore your pride.

The challenge entailed using fidget spinners for technically anything that you do.

You want a drink? Use the fidget spinner. You want to pee? Use the fidget spinner. You need to wank- need I say more?

And thus the very next day after seeing that, I tried to do it, forgetting the fact that I was essentially a crippled, obese, NEET, I got the smart idea to open my window using the fidget spinner.

Chaos ensued.

Losing my balance because legs, and actually opening the window with the darn thing, I found myself falling from a 3rd floor all the way to the ground floor. But sadly, as much as I wished, I didn't die there, in fact I managed to land right at our neighbors backyard with the meanest dog on Earth– not that I've ever seen other dogs– hungry and angry.

Coincidentally, I was fat and landed just right in front of it, so the chains did not help and...

I died getting eaten slowly by a dog.

"Now that I think about it, it's more gruesome than sobbing huh?"

I don't know what happened after it are my eyes, I died feeling my eyes quite literally "bloodshot"

I sighed, the imaginary one, and floated in silence hoping that whatever was supposed to transport me just does it already. Not long after though, a bright light assaulted and violated by poor eyes again but the difference is that a voice came to speak with me instead of barks.

"Oh lost soul. Count yourself as fortunate for I a being is supreme existence have deemed you worthy to be my- why are you radiating joy?"

The figure of light slowly formed a humanoid being who– other than having a humanoid form– was still effectively a bright light bulb.

"Because I'm about to live the life that every single one of my brothers wished for?"

"Oh. A misconception. You're not going to be like those. You, lost soul, will be my employee"

I did my best to stare incredulously at the supreme existence in front of me, I don't have a body by the way.

"Employee? As in the working for type or what?"

The supreme existence nodded. He flicked his fingers and the entirety of the void I was in disappeared and we arrived at a particularly spontaneous looking room.

It was still black, but black as in the one with many stars, two chairs laid in front of me, both facing each other and my body that has magically manifested.

"Sit, let's have a proper talk"

The supreme existence pulled a chair and sat elegantly, legs crossing each other and his two arms resting on his thighs while clasped together.

"Ok, thanks, err just that I can't actually walk towards the chair"

I floated to the chair.

"Is that enough?"

I nodded meekly and waited for him to continue talking. We both had a strange stare off, or just him staring at me like how you stare at something weird.

"Are you not going to ask a question at all?"

His feminine masculine voice suddenly spoke out, taking me out of my daze. I already knew what to ask, or no, it was obvious what to ask.

"What exactly do I have to do?"

"Technically, all you have to do is catch certain buggers from many different universes, kill them if left with no choice and detain if possible, a police if you will"

Wait, I'm being asked to be a police? Like, the ones who go around doing the "hands on the air" things?

"Cool. And if I refuse?"

He silently showed me a hand, palms facing upward as he casually pointed at me and my body started disappearing. Oh sure, I die again.

Now then, brain time.

"First, what do I gain from this?"

"Fun"

Accepted.

"Okay then, I'm in"

He held out an arm and motioned me to accept the handshake.

"Err, nice working with you...umm"

"Call me G, Jack Freshman, nice to work with you as well"

I awkwardly shook it while imagining all the cool stuff I might and might not wish for, I even had a vision of me beating up certain perfect life forms and a creepy smile made its way to my lips.

"So, my first wish is-"

"You get no wish"

Oh, lookie here, my imagination just shattered. Cool.

"how the fuck do you expect me to do the police thingy then?!"

G laughed a little and gave me a shooing gesture, a portal suddenly appeared from behind me, it was spinning and ghastly, also it was sucking me, not in the way I wished it was.

"You'll find yourself a more useful something, now go along, do your... tutorial, I'll also contact using the niche gift I have for you so don't fret, oh little lost soul"

It waved at me as I slowly found myself getting farther and farther from him.

With that everything turned black one more and my consiousness disappeared.

[Initializing System...1%...2%...3%]

Ignorant of the something that is even better than what I originally wanted to wish for.