Chapter 7 Fading
It's incredible how alone one person's absence can make you feel. I could be in a room surrounded by all my friends and family. But without him I felt like standing on the surface of moon. I miss him as soon as I wake up, I miss him as soon as I'm about to sleep. I wish he is always here next to me. But I know it's not possible for time being. You may get something without efforts but you will not know who worthy it is but if you get the same thing with efforts you will know its value and you will preserve it like a treasure. It's the same with love. The longer you wait for someone, the more you will appreciate it when you get it. Because anything worth having is definitely worth waiting.
The distance between us has stolen my happiness, everything in life seems dull and useless. I need him to come back and lift me in his arms, I'm desperate to surrender to his charms. You know what exactly I wanted? I just wanted to see him, hug him, and make him smile. And make a laugh and just lie on the couch next to him and then fall asleep beside him.
Distance taught me to appreciate the days that we were able to spend together, and also taught me the definition of patience. It made me realize that every moment together was special, and every second together should be cherished. But as days passed our calls started becoming shorter, conversations were becoming pale. I was not feeling that bad because I knew he was mine, and love doesn't mean talking every day or going out randomly. Sometimes love is also means understanding each other's situation and providing each other the space which is needed to them. According to me in every relationship couples should give each other the space, because if you don't give space or freedom to your partner they will feel suffocated in that relationship and it will result in hiding things from each other. I tried my level best to give him space and freedom but sometimes due to possessiveness I used to ask him like with whom you were talking and all other rubbish stuffs. He used to get every information about me from his spies in my college from the colour of my dress to with whom I'm talking. But I didn't had any idea about what he was doing there and I didn't needed any spies or some informer because I believed that he will tell me everything which I needed to know and the things which he didn't tell me may not be that important for me to know.
Day by day our conversation started paling and I also started feeling avoided. You know what is the worst thing one could ever feel? The person who made you feel special one day is now making you making you feel worthless. In a long distance relationship you don't know whether they will miss you or forget you. He used to talk one day and then he will not talk for a week or 10 days. And then while talking again he used to react like nothing happened. Maybe that was not an big issue for him. But it became an issue for me. I was feeling very much lonely and was feeling like being in hell. I didn't liked to talk to anyone. The conversation between me and my parents was also dieing because I was not at all feeling to talk to anyone expect him. Everytime when my phone ranged I used to see it so much expectation that it's his call, but when I realized that it wasn't him the expectations started turning into disappointments.
I feel that a relationship starts dieing when the conversation dies. I had a strong feeling that my its going to end. It was like having a nightmare after having a pleasant dream. I fantasised my whole future with him. Our wedding, family, house, children, and everything about us. If it was about to finish ,forgetting him is miles apart I can't even think of a while of my life without him. Few months ago he went offline for everyone except me to chat with me alone. Now he is online for everyone except for me.