Chapter 2

The sound of lockers being slammed shut rattles in my ears as I reach for my English book. Looking down at my overflowing arms, I use the toe of my boot to shut my own locker door. I shoot the lock a death glare knowing it would do absolutely no good. I start to make way to my first class. I notice that my best friend Kayla, is still at her locker.

I head over to where she is struggling with her own arm full of books. "So please tell me you have English first period? I will not make it through this class without you!"

I shoot Kayla an evil grin before I snag her schedule away from inside her notebook. With intense concentration I look it over while we walk to first period.

"We have every period together except fourth. I've got weightlifting and you've got drama club."

I watch as Kayla stumbles a bit out of shock. "No freaking way! Let me see!"

She took both schedules from me and begun to compare them for herself as we wondered into the English classroom. Kayla shook her head, "Stella this is almost too good to be true!"

"I know right!" I smile at the unexpected good fortune. I guide us toward the pair of empty seats near the back of the classroom that were beside the window. I think to myself, perfectly out of the way.

Suddenly, the hair on my arms and the back of my neck stood straight up as I took my seat. Feeling a pair of eyes on me, I turn my head to see who could be so rudely staring or watching me.

My breath catches in my throat and I take a big gulp of air. Watching me from across the classroom was an all to familiar pair of green eyes. I make eye contact very briefly and feel my heart hit the pit of my stomach. Discreetly I reach for the bottle of antacids and pop one before class starts.

I plop my books, notebooks, and pens on my desk and proceed to try and make myself busy getting organized for the lesson of the day. Thinking to myself, I wonder exactly how drunk, and if he was even drunk at all, the night before when he had sent that cryptic text message.

I shake away the thought and tune into what Kayla was chattering on about. Something about amazing memories to come and stuff this year, I think. Scolding myself for letting Zach even enter my thoughts.

***

I feel her presence the minute she walks in the room. Hearing her laugh makes me look up from the conversation I've been having with a couple of my buddies. I give no notice to the thought of being rude as I carefully examine her as she boldly walks across the room.

I know immediately that she's heading towards the window seats that are still unoccupied. Whenever there's a class she doesn't particularly care for, she sits by the window so she can gaze off into the world beyond the glass.

I notice her tense up as she feels my eyes on her. That was something to see, I muse to myself, almost like a cat bristling at the scent of a dog nearby. Biting the inside of my cheek I pick up my water bottle and take a few gulps.

I take my time in noticing how shes basically all long skinny legs with dark brown hair that tumbles out of the makeshift ponytail she has her hair in. Feeling a dark pull low in my stomach I switch gears to look at her face. Just as I remember, I think to myself, eyes full of secrets, pain, and depth, lips as plump and pink as a rose in the spring, nose still slightly crooked from an old soccer accident.

Chuckling to myself I allow myself to be pulled into the end of the conversation with my buddies just as the teacher stands up from the oak desk in the front of the room.

"I'll call your name only one time and point to a desk. If I hear any complaining, you will find yourself after school with me in detention. Am I clear?"

A few respond with a "Yes, very."

"Alex next to Paige."

"Payton next to Emily."

"Austin next to Rachel."

"Brandon next to Nicole."

"Chris next to Kayla."

"And Zach next to Stella."

A few gasps escape some, while others try to whisper gossip, but as threatened, nobody complains as they take their seats.

"People, people, we have ten weeks to prepare for your semester project. Which means that if you happen to not be paying attention, lose focus, or are absent for ANY reason, then I highly suggest that you make buddy with the person you are now seated next to. For they are going to be your partner till the end of the year."

I notice how Stella sits in shock, staring straight ahead with a glassy look to her eyes. She's gripping the edge of the desk so tight her knuckles are turning white.

I'm not in too much shock really; stranger things have happened to me before. This certainty tops my good fortune though. Besides, if I recall correctly, it was always Stella that used to say that everything happens for a reason. Why should today be an exception? It shouldn't.

Since she seems to be frozen in shock, I gather my things and take Kayla's former place next to her. I look straight into her stone-cold glare she's giving me without so much of a flinch.

Yeah, I can pull off a poker face just as well as you can pull off that freeze. I think to myself.

"So, Stella, would you like to have this conversation now or perhaps tomorrow?"

I watch as she gives a frustrated sigh and wraps her arms around herself as a shield. I return my attention back to the teacher with a hyperawareness of her slightly shaking in the chair next to me.

***

This is a dream, right? A nightmare even? Someone has to be playing a practical joke on me. But wait, I heard the teacher's request. Had heard the gasps from those around me. Had even felt myself go completely numb as he took Kayla's now empty seat.

No this was reality and very much real. Slowly I turn my head and look into the eyes of the guy that has haunted my thoughts, dreams, and nightmares, for the past three years.

"So, Stella, would you like to have this conversation now or perhaps tomorrow?"

My mind has gone completely blank. It's my luck that I would get paired with the one person that could make this class even more unbearable.

I turn and look him straight in the eyes with every ounce of self-control I can muster.

"Why should I talk to you? When all you ever did was run from me, avoid me, ignore me, and even cheat on me."

Before I could let him respond, the bell signaling the end of the class period was now ringing, I sprint out before it finishes.

I run down the hallway so fast that I am not paying attention to anything around me. I feel the tears flowing down my face, hear the gossip whispers from those around me, and still, I keep running. I run straight into the nearest girl's bathroom and just lean up against one of the sinks.

"I can't believe this!" I shout at myself in the mirror. I brace myself against the sink and just cry. After I'm sure I that all the salt has left my body, I gingerly sit down as a sudden wave of nausea and dizziness washes over me.

I pull out my Gatorade and a vitamin from my bag. I swallow the vitamin and gulp down half of the red liquid at once and lean my head against the wall and attempt to catch my breath.

He is out of his mind if he thinks I am going to talk to him now. I can barely keep it together when I'm forced to be in the same room as him, I can only imagine an actual legit conversation. It would not go very well. I don't even know if I would just start punching and hitting him (attempting to inflict as much pain as possible), or just start yelling at him and accusing him of everything and anything, or if I would just start balling and lose my marbles completely.

I face palm myself. I can't believe I'm having this conversation with myself. I'm losing my marbles.

I stand in silence listening to my breathing even out to normal. Trying to regain an ounce of my dignity I might have left. But as I stare at my reflection in the mirror, my thoughts drift off into a flashback.

*2 years ago*

It's a cold and rainy day out. Perfect to match my mood. In other words, crappy. I am currently curled up on the couch, bundled up in my overly large comforter, eating an extremely large tub of chocolate ice cream, attempting to forget about the bullet hole in my heart.

Not only two hours ago I had been dressed up all cute, ready to go to Zach's baseball game. I had decided to go to the field early to wish him luck. Only thing is, when I pulled up next to his car, he had another girl in his lap. In a lip lock.

I know I must have looked like a deer in headlights. He had looked up to see me staring in shock. I did not give him another glance as I tore my gaze away and sped home. Landing me in front of the T.V. with a gallon of ice cream and nursing my broken heart and my wounded ego.

The sound of tires screaming to a stop outside in my driveway cause me to about drop my giant tub of medicine. I gingerly lift my head to hear a car door slam shut and the sound of someone running towards the front door. Sighing in defeat, I wrap my comforter around myself as a shield and go to the door just as someone starts banging on it causing me to jump.

"Stella will you please let me in! Stella will you please just listen?!" Zach shouts through the closed door. "I didn't mean to kiss her! She kissed me! You have to believe me!" I jump back startled and slip on the tile flooring in the entryway as he starts banging on the front door again.

"Is that you? Are you standing on the other side of the door? Please you have to hear me out!" I stare at the closed door. Not sure if it's my best choice, but I decide to open the door. I see him through the screen door looking like a hot mess.

He meets my eyes with his own and I can tell he is pleading to have me hear him out. The rain is pouring down causing his tears to mix with the rain drops on his face. The dark purple of the sky casts a dark broken shadow across his pleading eyes.

"How? How Zach? How on earth do you plan on explaining exactly what I saw?" I whisper to him. My voice quite due to the rawness of my throat. Crying for a few hours straight does not do anything pretty for your vocal cords. "You can't explain it. I know what I saw. Even if you did not mean to kiss her this time, you still had her in your car alone with the intention of probably doing something." My throat is so constricted right now due to the effort of not breaking down in front of him. "I think it's best if you just go. Please just go home."

He looks at me with eyes that look shattered. "Stella..." He gulps before he speaks. "Please just let me try and explain." He reaches out and puts his hand over mine on the other side of the screen door.

I push open the screen door and shove him off the porch into the rain. I don't notice the rain pouring down onto me, soaking me clear to the bone. "I cannot stand here and let you try and explain why you shattered my heart again!! Zach you just BROKE ME!! I gave you my everything and still YOU CHOSE HER!!" I close my eyes as the tears start to fall and my resolve starts to crumble.

The lightning flashes across the sky above us and the thunder rumbles so loud it shakes the ground. He stands there with tears of his own falling unnoticed down his cheeks. Looking completely lost and broken himself.

"Stella, I didn't choose her! I can't explain why she was in my car. Believe me when I say I would if I could. I need you to believe me it's not at all what it looked like."

"I think you should go home." And with that I turn my head and run back inside to the shelter of my bed.

***

I hear the tardy bell ring for the last time signaling I was late to Chemistry second period. Great, now I need to find a tardy pass. I stand up and gather myself together. I wonder down to the band room and find that my favorite all time teacher is hanging out in his office. I knock on his door and sheepishly look at the ground.

"Ah. You think you could write me another tardy pass for Chemistry?" I look up to see Mr. Carl giving me a look of sympathy.

"Do I want to even know what made you cry this time Stella?"

I quickly shake my head. "No, probably not."

Mr. Carl pulls out his pad of tardy passes and scrawls a quick note and signature for me before handing it over. I give him a sad smile as a take the note. "I'll see you later today in class."

"Make sure you're not late to my class okay?" He gives me a wink to make me smile. I feel a tad bit better as I head off to Chemistry. Mr. Carl has been my band director since grade school. A perk of small-town living. He's pretty much aware of all the lives of his students that pass through the music department.

Thankfully, everyone was struggling so bad in Chemistry that nobody had the energy to gossip about why I came in late. The teacher took my pass and told me to catch up on the notes. I nod and hastily grab my seat next to Kayla who is trying desperately to not get lost in what Mrs. Crane was trying to explain regarding the periodic table of elements. She passes her notes over to me so I can copy what I can with what little time is left of class.

When the bell rings, Kayla and I gather our things and make our way outside to get some fresh air and eat our lunch.