Interlude Commercial

Introducing Aperture Science's newest military-grade marvel, the W.A.R.G.! Engineered to redefine the frontline, our W.A.R.G. is the epitome of what happens when cutting-edge technology and innovative warfare meet.

Boasting a sleek, unique design that is not only scientifically optimized but also tremendously trendy, the W.A.R.G.'s Z-shaped guns are meticulously calibrated for optimal ballistic trajectories. Function over fashion, ladies, and gentlemen. Remember, no one ever said that devastating firepower can't be stylish.

Now let's talk camouflage. The W.A.R.G.'s blending capabilities are next-level. Seamlessly integrating into any terrain, you may just lose track of it. Don't panic. It's probably nearby, silently observing. Like a good friend... a terrifying, silent, robotic friend.

Onto our P.U.R.R. system, or as we like to call it, the Pulsating Ultrasonic Resonance Renderer. Contrary to rumor, the P.U.R.R. is not an outlet for its sadistic tendencies. It's a strategic tool that emits an array of subsonic frequencies designed to induce unease and tension. It's science, not sadism, folks.

But what's firepower without accuracy? Enter L.R.G.E.P.R.G - Long Range Guns Enhanced with Propulsion Repulsion Gel. These babies provide unprecedented projectile speed and precision. Field-tested in the most challenging environments on Earth, and maybe off it, they're your one-way ticket to victory. And the Z-shape? Well, it's just another testament to Aperture's innovative genius.

Let's not forget the W.A.R.G.'s advanced A.I. system, facilitating flawless cooperation with human operators, and delivering fully autonomous operations for missions too dangerous for human involvement. With the W.A.R.G., 'barely ever harms its operators' is more than just a reassuring slogan. It's a nearly guaranteed reality.

So, step into the future of warfare with Aperture Science's W.A.R.G. It's effective, it's efficient, and it's more than ready to be your ally on the battlefield. Remember, at Aperture Science, we're not just creating technology, we're crafting the future.

Disclaimer: If you lose sight of your W.A.R.G., do not panic. Its silent observation is a feature, not a bug. Sadistic tendencies are included in the basic package and are mandatory. Aperture Science is not responsible for any accidental harm to operators. Always remember, the future is now, and it's Aperture Science.

A quick note for operators: Be clear, be direct, and be precise. The W.A.R.G. thrives on explicit commands. Phrases like 'take care of that pesky priest,' 'give him cement shoes,' or 'make him push up daisies,' may result in unpredictable actions. Speak the language of clarity, folks.