The wind blew. The clouds kept changing shape against the dark orange sky. The color of the sunset. The color of the end of the world, And at the same time of a new beginning.
I was with suzuha on the roof of the Radio kaikan building. In front of us the time machine glowed ominously at dusk. A deceptive sight of the impending chaos that would break out into this world.
I didn't care now. After countless unsuccessful attempts to save Mayuri from death and with the certainty that suzuha would lose her memory on her journey back in time and would end after 25 long years, I was caught in a time loop. I had forgotten how long i lived the same two days in a row to give myself the illusion of a peaceful world. Maybe two months, maybe two years. I had become a shell of myself. My emotions had died and been replaced by the darkest thoughts that almost made me do something to those i wanted to protect. I looked ruefully from the corner of my eye at the girl who was standing next to me.
It was she who finally saved me and showed me a way out when i was on the verge of madness. Suzuha was the only one who noticed the change in my personality and the dead expression of my eyes and confronted me with her suspicion that i could be stuck on a time loop. I then told her everything about her failed mission and Mayuri's destiny. We decided to travel back in time to change the future. Maybe it would have an impact on the divergence if i came along, but we cant be sure.
" I've said it many times before, but this time machine can only travel back in time. If you go there is no going back. Are you sure you want to go with me?" Asked the girl.
I nodded slowly. "And how about you? There is a likelihood that we will both lose our memories." Suzuha looked nervous. "It took me 24 years to remember the mission, didn't i? but this time i have you. maybe that will change something.
"Wishful thinking." I replied out of habit. Nothing could change, at most this time there would be a man named Okabe Rintarou who committed suicide with Hashida Suzu, I thought pessimistically.
Suzuha put her hands on her hips and gave me a disapproving look. "So are you backing out? Not me!"
"...I'm already prepared," I replied. This time we are definitely at a disadvantage. but i couldn't be more grateful not knowing what was going to happen. After all these days that i had experienced over and over again the thought of an unknown future where anything could happen is so stimulating that it made me tremble with excitement, finally i could feel that i was really there.
I had left all the lab members with handwritten farewell letters... Mayuri, Daru, Kurisu. I had also written to my parents and other friends, asking them not to look for me. At this time everyone was probably in turmoil.
"I'm not running away this time." I thought quietly. At least i wanted to believe that. No, the time loop had been an escape from reality. This is the moment to turn around and face my problems.
"It's almost like.." Suzuha began embarrassed, pausing for a moment, looking at the time machine with a slight smile and at the same time close to tears, "We were going on a suicide mission together."
"There is nothing you should feel guilty for." I replied blankly, still out of my senses after a long period of emotional emptiness. "Instead, I want to thank you Suzuha." I said in a weak voice, unable to say the second part of the sentence. "If you hadn't made this offer to me, I would still be living in the loop like a corpse. Let's fight to change the future... together."
"Yes..." my companion replied tenderly. We wrapped our hands around each other. Her grip was so strong that it almost hurt. But the pain was a sensation that i could feel, as opposed to the numb emptiness that previously defined my inner being i almost felt the need to make my mad scientist laugh but refrained, maybe i would be willing to do that again someday.
1975... that was before i was born. Back in the past... well, that wasn't quite right. Rather, it was a journey into a whole new future.
As we held our hands, our eyes roamed. no words were needed. no extravagant speeches, nothing. All i needed was Suzuha's secure grip.
"Let's go."
"...Yes."
We would distort the world line, that was our mission. We raised our eyes, ready to fight fate together.
Suzuha led me inside the time machine and i took a sit beside her. It was a little tight since there was no second seat. Suzuha started inputting data on the dashboard and with one last push of a button i could feel an emerging migraine similar to that of the reading steiner. fragments of golden spheres glittered in the cockpit.
"What's this?"
"Something like fragments of time," the part time soldier answered my question. "Pretty, isn't it?"
With one last sharp pain in my head indicating the beginning of our journey through time.
"To the future?" Asked my companion with her haunting smile.
"Yes," I smiled back, "off to the unknown."
The G-force got stronger and pulled at me, the world around us disappeared into nothing and yet I couldn't have been happier at that moment. The loop was over. Time to exceed the one percent divergence.