Monday

"Okay fucker, last time was the final warning." An idiot says idiotically. Then the idiot, very idiotically, continues, "You are getting it this time."

I sigh. What else can I do?

This idiot, who goes by the name of Danny Taylor despite me telling him that 'idiot' sounds better, has had his latest girlfriend break-up with him because she was more attracted to me. Well, today is Monday, so I am not surprised this is happening. Furthermore, his latest ex-girlfriend confessed to me yesterday so I am not at all surprised this is happening. And I put 'latest' there for a reason.

"Seriously Danny, how many times has it been? This is like the 17th girl that left you for the exact same reason." I say quite mockingly, to which of course,

"You jackass, you are the reason this is happening in the first place." He says like an annoying anime villain giving his most annoyed anime face. He basically looks like Shinji Matou from Fate at this point, aside from the fact that he has brown hair and looks uglier. His is as tall as I am, well, I am saying that because I never bothered to find out how tall that Shinji was.

"You can't blame your ugliness on me." I answer quite frantically. "Besides, people have different opinions. I am sure there'd be some girl out there who'd be willing to downgrade from me to you for the sake of …"

As I were about to name some good characteristic he might have that might make a girl like him ... no, I can't think of any.

"No man, forget what I said just now. You're gonna stay a loser all your life."

A sound of "Tsk!" came (quite predictable of Shinji-types) and then came something else, something … a little … harsher.

*****

"Mama Mia! What's wrong with your face?" the hyper-as-always manager of the store I work in says while putting her arms to her mouth which has been turned in the shape of 'o' for whatever reason.

This woman is of Jamaican origin and is actually a really sweet person, like I've heard most Jamaicans are. She is, however, quite … uh, healthy (to put it mildly). She has black hair folded into cornrows with protruding eyes shining quite brightly with their hazel color. To top it all off, she has a Nubian nose and frankly a legendary wide mouth.

Oh, you are wondering why I know about her characteristics in so much detail when I have only worked here for about a month (did I mention that before? No? Well, I am mentioning it now), it's not because I have been staring at her or anything. Believe me, she is not the type of material I would stare at. The reason her characteristics have so much detail to the point that my own nose shape has not been revealed (that is obviously one of the biggest mysteries of this book) but hers is, is because the AUTHOR HAS TOO MUCH TIME TO WASTE!

Oh, he doesn't have time to spend in naming the book something that is not just the name of the main character but he does have time TO WRITE CHARACTER DESCRIPTIONS FOR WOMEN!

I have a button nose by the way.

"Oi, Irium, you gonna keep monologuing or answer my question?" She huffs using her Nubian nose in irritation with hands at her waist.

"Oh, that? Nothing happened to my face. It's completely fine." I answer in an emotionless voice trying to hold back my anger at Mondays.

"It's not fine. It's used to look like a newly laid egg till yesterday, and today it looks like the chick has hatched." And so my face is explained in quite a … unique manner.

"It's a Monday. What else would have happened? Someone's girlfriend left him for me, then got turned down by me and then that guy who lost his girlfriend came to me for revenge and tomorrow I have a lecture by the 'Woman's Heart Group' to attend to for breaking the heart of that oh so poor girl that confessed to me out of the blue that I had never seen in my life before yesterday."

I sigh forcefully, and continue,

"And here I am, still coming to work every day even after everything that happens in the school. You should be grateful, Manager Cadella."

Cadella Smith is her name by the way. I don't know why it wasn't mentioned till now, had the author forgotten how to write?

"I should be grateful, you say?" she asks with arms folded as she starts looking down on me even though she is as tall as I am.

"Yes, that is what I just said." I answer in a plain voice.

"Fine," She sighs and continues, "I'd be grateful of you if you can deliver this package to the given address within next 15 minutes."

Hah! What the hell!?

She hands me the package with the address of a place that is exactly 20 minutes from here on my bicycle.

Well, I accept your challenge, woman!

And I don't even have the time to say that so I run along and get on my bicycle with the package. If it isn't clear yet, I am the delivery boy of a department store.

****

Less than one minute remaining, with the protagonist-kun about to reach the target in 250 meters. It's a close match that shows the effort put in by both players, be it protagonist-kun or time-san. The game, however, is still in favor of time-san and protagonist-kun is having trouble maintaining his stamina.

Will the protagonist-kun make it? No one can tell as the game has now entered a nail-biting finale stage where anything can happen.

The protagonist-kun is giving his all by pedaling his bicycle with the worst battle cries of all time escaping his mouth as he sails through the wind trying to outrun time-san but time-san had seen this coming and had already made sure to run out on traffic lights-san to stop the protagonist-kun.

Does the protagonist-kun fall for this ploy? No, the protagonist does not fall for this ploy as he uses his assurance of his ultimate hidden ability, Plot Armor, to anger police-san by defying laws-kun and pedaling through red lights-san.

But time-san has already readied his next ploy. A meteor strikes the path of the protagonist-kun.

"What the freaking heck!!!" The protagonist-kun, I, say in an over-excited voice. "That's foul play."

*****