Vivid Awareness

Sirens blaring

Skin tearing

Blood pumping

Eyes burning.

 There's a constant sloshing pulse pushing through my veins, seemingly to the beat of the sounds around me. It's chaotic and my mind struggles to focus on what they are individually. I try to pry my eyes open but the pull of fatigue keeps them closed. There's fuzziness at every corner of my thoughts as they faze in and out of my mind. There's an overwhelming metallic taste on my tongue, teeth and the roof of my mouth. The sensation is nauseating. A few minutes go by and I finally get my mind to still, once again prying my eyes open. This time, with great effort, they stay open. The variety of sounds halts as I regain consciousness. I lay there staring up at the ceiling. A red light pulses to a siren in the room, hollow but deafening. My own breathing reaches my ears. It's constricted. My right hand lifts and fingers dance over the article over my mouth and nose. The mask of the mechanical ventilator except the machine is off. My head turn slightly to the left, eyes straining to look down. There's an IV needle in my arm. Jet black orbs follow the tube to the IV bag. It looks empty; a slight yellowish brown color covers the bag. It looks dirty, like it's been there for a while. The hand that still rest over the mask now moves down, desperately pulling the needle out. I wince out in pain, tears forming in my eyes. It burns. I can feel every point the needle touches, the way it pushes and pulls at the flesh under my skin. A burning ache spreads from the needle hole, creeping into my nervous system, irritating the receptors in my arms and hands. A violent shake grips my hands, the muscles in my fingers spasm as I finally pull the needle out. I lay still, waiting for the shaking and pain to subside. When there's only a dull ache left, I turn to the side. My whole body feels heavy. I try to push myself up using my hands. A tremor passes through me and I collapse back on the bed. The mask fogs up as I heave. Deciding it's time to get rid of the restriction, I push up on it with my palm, forcing it off my face. The fresh air burns my air way as I breathe in.

a Grunt leaves my mouth as I push myself up again. My arms are shaking from the effort but I finally manage to sit up. The pulse in my head spikes up again, worsened with the still present siren blaring through the building. Besides the pulsing red light from the alarm, there is a dimly lit lamp in the corner of the room. The daze in my mind takes a while to fade. When it does, I take a deep breath. 'I need to leave' I think.

Getting off the bed was a struggle. Off the bed and immediately onto the stale tile flooring. A few more tries and I'm finally on my feet but still supporting my weight by holding onto the bed. My body is weak, so, so weak. Like I haven't eaten in months and aching like I slept in the same position for too long. Nausea washes over me as I stumble to the door. The muscles in my jaw contract with the need to vomit. I reach the glass door, trying to push using my arms but to no avail. Frustrated, I throw myself against the door, stumbling to the ground into the hallway as it gives way. The sound of the siren is louder out here than in the room. The hallway is coated in the intense red light. Out here, there's no other light but the red one. Muscle memory kicks in as I make my way through the halls of the facility. An elevator probably wouldn't work in case of emergency? I squint my eyes trying to see if the lights of the elevator are on. It's at the very end of the hallway and would be a waste of energy and time to walk all the way there if it is out of service. The stairs are only a few steps away. Standing at the top of the stairs, I gaze down. The silence that backgrounds the alarm is unsettling. No buzzing from machines, calls over the intercoms, footsteps or even people talking. There's just … nothing. Swallowing down the fear, I step down, knuckles white from gripping the railing. It takes some time but I managed to get myself to the level below. Against the wall is a sign showing the way to the cafeteria and lockers. Glancing down my form I decide the lockers would be a good place to go first.  I need to get out of this hospital gown. The lockers aren't too far, only past a few doors. I push open a navy wooden door, definitely easier than the glass doors. The light is much dimmer in the room. I drag my feet over the floor. I still remember where my locker is but my hands instinctively reach out to feel around in the dark. Only sight I have is the red pulse momentarily lighting the room. My fingers roam the cold air aimlessly, searching for the wall of cold metal cases. My fingers jerk as they make contact with the lockers. Mine is the one second from the corner. I reach it, turning the knop on it to set in the code. It opens up. Inside is my black gym bag which has my gym and casual clothes in. I take the bag and feel around for my boots, pulling them out as well. I exit the room to dress in the better lit hallway.

The black bag drops to the floor as I clutch my mouth and stomach. The nausea is getting worse. I take a few steps to the side dropping to my knees. I can't hold it. The content in my stomach push up and lurches out of my throat and mouth, some of it spilling from my nostrils. It burns and it feels disgusting. The force of the action forces my eyes shut. A second wave pushes out of my body and I can feel it spilling on my knees and my hands that brace them on the cold floor. My chest heaves and my stomach clenches. My lids slip open, eyes drifting from side to side, then to finally settle on the scene in front of me. My eyes widen in horror, the welled up tears now falling from them. There's blood everywhere. Thick, dark, and so, so much of it. So much that I'm kneeling in it, soaking the bottom of the gown. Some blood is splattered on the wall and my forearms. And I can feel it plastered around my mouth and nose. I lift my hands out of the pool of blood, thick strings of red trail after them as they reach my line of sight. Frantically I try to wipe the blood off only spreading more of it on my gown. Pushing myself off the ground, stumbling backwards as I rip the gown off my frame. I stand there naked trying desperately to wipe the blood of my skin. Violent sobs shakes my body. This has happened before right? There is a fragmented image of vomit and blood but the pulsing in my head dissipates the picture. I rush over to the bag, emptying its content on the floor. My clothes from … before? Plain black underwear, I pull those on first. Then, a black T-shirt with some neon anime woman on it, the text reads 'Woman Warrior'. Next are black cargo pants and then boots. Army grade boots, sturdy and practical. These particular ones have a custom chain on them. I used to clip charms on them but most have broken off. The only ones left are a rubber black cat wearing a witch's hat and a flat metallic frog. The rest of the clothes on the floor are gym wear and a jacket. The jacket was always my favorite. Covered in grey fur with a purple winking skull on the right side of the purple zipper and the letter E on the left. I put the jacket and the rest of the clothes back in the bag. Zipping the bag closed and slinging it over my shoulder, I get up to leave again. I give one last glance to the mess I made earlier. Remnants of it still under my nails and lingering on my senses.

'Ground floor' the sign read with an arrow pointing towards the stairs. I don't go down immediately. The noises stop me. It's faint, distant but it seems … off. The same sounds muddled up when I was fighting unconsciousness. Distant screeches, it's hard to describe exactly what it sounds like. Slowly, I set down the first step.

Right foot first.

Then left foot.

And then right again.

Stepping as if the ground beneath me might crumble away if I go to hard or fast.

Left foot-

Right foot-

Left foot.

I step into the hall of the ground floor. Look left, look right. My eyes scan the area. Past a few doors is the reception. It very well lit from the big glass entrance, although tinted red from the still raging siren. Glass double doors and wide glass windows give way to a lot of natural light. Thank god it's not night time. I turn my body to step toward the reception but just as my boot touches the tile floor, a gurgling noise sounds from the other side of the door to my right. The door has a sign that reads one of the doctor's last names, his office. There's shuffling behind the door and a soft …growl? My chest tightens in fear and my breathing hitches in my throat. Slowly approaching the door, my fingers ghost over the metal handle. I haven't seen anyone, not even a sound aside from the siren. Or maybe the siren drowned it out? I can feel the blood pulsing through my ears and my heart beating in my throat. My grip tightens on the handle. Slowly, so slowly, I press down. The door creaks softly as it opens. There's a moment between the siren where everything is dead silent, deafening silent. Then…

a figure lurches out, a blood curdling shriek pushes from its mouth. There's no chance for me to even react. I fall to the floor, head bouncing back from the impact with the floor. My right arm instinctively moves to cover my face as a shadow zooms forward still screaming. Rotten teeth dig into the skin of my forearm. A pained scream rips from my throat, echoing through the facility. The figures eyes are glossed over and unfocussed. Dead. Skin rotting and pealing from the skull. The smell is disgusting. Adrenaline shoots through my core and I push back. Mustering up all the strength in my body, I push it over and with force, swinging its head into the hard floor. There's a crack and its jaw slide to the side almost detaching from the rest of the face but the teeth in my arm are iron gripped. I pull back up, rotting head following suit, and using my full weight I slam back down. There's another crack and a bit of dark blood trickles out from the corpses nose but it doesn't let go. Pained grunts frequently escape my lips. From under the pain a dull sensitive ache spreads and I know I need to get this thing off me before I lose my whole fucking arm. Bringing my right foot up next to its face and bracing my left hand against the figures forehead, tried to steady my breathing while feeling teeth wriggling in my flesh. With shaky breath I press down my left hand and pull my right arm. A long rasped scream pull from my lungs as skin, sinew and muscle tears loose. I fall backward on my side, screaming and clutching my arm, curling my body inward from the excruciating pain. My peripheral warns me that the onslaught is not over. Just as the figure launches, my good arm pistons backwards and hits it forcefully in the face. It stutters back, jaw now only hanging on a rotten piece of muscle. Without a second thought I jump to my feet only to slip on the blood spurting from my arm. The corpse jumps towards me. I pull myself to the side and out of its contact. It tries to turn and attack but also slips in my blood, rotten body slamming on the floor.

With the corpse now blocking my way to the reception, I stand and run back the way I came. The adrenaline pumping in my veins and arteries pushes me up the stairs and sprinting through the hallway. I don't even look back to see if the creature is following. My eyes catch the green exit sign. Following, I run to the single wooden door signaling the outside. This time I throw the door open and turn around to quickly push it shut. My breathing comes out labored, tears streaming down my cheeks as blood streams from my gaping arm. Slowly and out of breath I turn to face the outside world. But the broken world I see makes my breathing stop altogether. The metal steps my feet stand on are completely rusted. The once lush grass now dead and yellow. The garden burned down and barren. There are carcasses of military Humvee's and bodies litter the fields around the facility. A broken cry pushes passed my lips as I fall forward, bracing my hands on the rusted railing.

And then it hits me. Like a wave crashing over my trembling body…