Obligatory Time at Kamar Taj

"It's about damn time." came the voice of… well… me as we stepped through the portal.

I stood before us with a punchable smirk on my face below my epic mustache in a vibranium black version of the Viltrumite Emperor suit. A stonelike Uru belt around my hips bore six glowing stones that almost distracted me from the sight of a smiling Kate standing next to Hela Odinsdottir.

What did distract me though was the pouch hung over my groin, visible under my white fur cape.

"Is that a fucking fanny pack?" I demanded.

"The Bag of Infinite Capacity." other me laughed, "Hung in the place I will protect with my very life."

"Makes sense." I nodded as we walked towards each other and fist bumped on the way passed.

"Come, Angstrom Levy. I am a man of my word." Other me stated, "But first…"

My older self pulled the Mind Stone off his belt and pressed it to Angstrom's bulging forehead, causing the man to spasm until I lifted the stone away and pressed it to my own forehead.

"Thank's for your knowledge of the Omniverse." I grinned and with a circular motion of my hand tore open a portal to another universe compliments of Levy's donation and the future trio stepped through with a greatly confused Angstrom.

Seeing my plan play out so well filled me with determination, determination that held out as I knocked on every door in Kathmandu and asked, "Kamar Taj?"

This continued until a man in orange robes answered back from behind me, "Kamar Taj." in the gravelly tone of Mads Mikelson.

"That was quick." I smiled down at the man.

"When a giant in a bright red scuba suit goes around asking for Kamar Taj we tend to find out swiftly." Kaicilius smirked and indicated to follow him.

We came upon an unassuming brown brick building with a rough wooden door, Kaecilius waited for a moment, as if hoping to hear some snarky comment on the lack of Kamar Tajeyness, but soon found himself the victim of the disinterested patient stares of a pair of millennia old Immortals.

Poor boy would lose the waiting game ten times out of ten.

We came upon a smokey octagonal hall walled with widely woven black walnut wooden slats that allowed the sunlight to filter in from the temple's true location. All around us burned incense in bronze braziers and an assortment of tasteful vases rested on a well polished beechwood shelf.

It was a fine place to spend our time.

I locked eyes with Tilda Swinton and grinned, "You look good bald."

"Thank you, Markus." she smiled back.

A nice black robed apprentice brought us tea and we took a pair of stools at her low table as seats. I chuckled at how she was now forced to look up my kilt due to the ridiculous posture of a seven foot two inch man sitting on that low seat.

"Don't be so sure of your absolute advantage in strength and speed in this universe." The Ancient One informed us, "This is after all a cinematic universe, and battles happening faster than the eye can comprehend aren't cinematic."

"Hmm… makes sense." nodded as I sipped my tea, fortunately brought in a huge mug rather than a tea cup, "Could be worse." I smiled, "We could have come to a comic verse where characters can casually lift quintillions of tons and travel thousands of times faster than the speed of light. I'd take some cinematic leeway over that retarded fuckery any day."

"Quite." the Ancient One agreed, "It's almost as if people think adding a few zeros to a character's feats is interesting. I find it rather drole, and creatively bankrupt."

"That's why I will keep the Omniverse traveling to the more cinematic and toned down universes." I informed her.

"I will gladly train you both in magic so long as you promise not to kill the Wakandan's when they hoot at you like monkeys because non-blacks are not allowed to speak in their presence." the Ancient One offered.

I let out a deep sigh, "That will require a significant effort of will." then I nodded, "But for your teachings I will not destroy the incredibly rude xenophobic ethnostate toted as the pinnacle of African thought and achievement despite having the political system of ancient Uruk. Good God it's like no one ever watched Star Trek and learned how a dignified and advanced culture operates. I will take all their vibranium though."

"I didn't say anything about not heisting a mountain of Vibranium out from under them." she smirked and I knew for sure we could work together swimmingly.

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"So this is why you insisted I learn all those languages." Kate grumbled as we worked our way through the magic library of Kamar Taj.

"Yep." I agreed as I thumbed through a text stolen from K'un-Lun by a particularly handy Sorcerer back in the day.

I took a moment away from my book to concentrate and my hand glowed with a radiant light so strong I almost blinded everyone in the area.

"Okay." I chuckled as I doused the power, "I'll need to learn to hold that back or at least limit its conversion to light."

"I didn't know I would need welder's goggles for this trip to the library." Kate groused as she rubbed her eyes.

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Feeling out dimensional energy turned out to be a synch for Planeswalkers like us. Kate and I enjoyed beating on each other with Eldritch weaponry, and today I really pulled out all the stops by making a sparking orange steed that could prance around on the air while I wielded a long fiery glaive against Kate with big sweeping attacks.

She battered my strikes away with an extending staff, but occasionally I would force out extra sparks as a glittering trail in the wake of my swings that would explode with radiant light as I mixed in a little delayed Chi into the Eldritch construct.

Kate really hated when she maneuvered behind my majestic energy steed and he farted out a torrent of exploding Chi sparks.

"Okay that's it." she yelled as she broke our unwritten rule and cracked out her given powers to fly through the air and thwacked me off my noble stallion.

"Cheater!" I cried as my horse kicked her in the head and she fell on the ground next to me.

"Good boy, Captain Crunch." I told the loyal energy beast as he faded away.

"That was an impressive display." The ancient one commented from a safe distance.

"I always wanted an energy horse." I chuckled as we rose up off the ground.

"You've certainly taken the multifarious nature of Eldritch Manipulation to new heights, and mixing it with Chi is something few before you have ever even thought to achieve." she praised, "But you've both come more than far enough in your short time with us to rise up as Master's of the Mystic Arts."

This wasn't some overly impressive feat, as a Master of the Mystic Arts is more like a black belt in Karate. You are now recognized as someone who knows the basics. Stephen Strange took only a year to achieve this and he still needed to learn the languages used in the library.

Sure he used an Infinity Stone to get ahead, but that is just good thinking on his part. Steven of course wouldn't be coming to Kamar Taj for a handful of years yet, so for now we are still technically in the running for the next Sorcerer Supreme.

The Ancient One led us to the New York Sanctum Sanctorum and we met it's guardian, Daniel Drumm, who followed us to the Museum section where powerful artifacts are kept.

"Just walk around, see if anything calls out to you. No need to concern yourself if nothing does." The Ancient One explained the process.

I needed no time at all to feel the call of my Artifact, and found myself in front of a purse.

"You'll be the envy of Murder Hobos everywhere with the Bag of Infinite Capacity. You can store anything you can carry within, no matter the dimensions." The Ancient One described the features of my Artifact.

"Like a mountain of vibranium." I chuckled.

"I found mine as well." Kate announced from the other side of the room.

We walked to her and within a glass case rested a midnight black shamshir.

"The Black Blade of Baghdad." the Ancient One smirked and cast a knowing side eye at my partner, "A lifeforce absorbing sword that was until quite recently possessed by the spirit of its original owner, the Sorcerer Raazer. The wielder becomes immortal from exposure to the massive store of lifeforce within this mighty sword."

"I get it… you are still sour about how I became Immortal." Kate hissed at the catty woman.

"If you have this then why the whole…" I indicated to my forehead.

"Because extending your life through taking lifeforce from others is a wretched existence." the Ancient One declared, "It will warp you as you transition into reliance on it for life. Obviously that isn't the case if it is in the hands of someone already Immortal… so really it is just an extra sharp sword for you."

The Ancient One unlocked the case and Kate took up the sword. She paused for a moment then duplicated herself. Two Kates stood before us wielding two black shamshirs. She dropped one then reabsorbed her clone, but the sword vanished in a puff of navy smoke instead of remain on the floor.

"So no infinite items exploit." I muttered in disappointment.

"That is still an absolutely terrifying ability." The Ancient One huffed and we exited the museum, "I almost feel sorry for the aliens invading tomorrow." then she smirked as she opened a portal for herself back to Kamar Taj, "Almost."