C U E

Aisha wasn't quite herself, of course. She dressed impeccably, embodying the young lady who diligently nurtured her social connections with gleeful nights out at the club. However, attending events at CUE held a special significance for her. It was a memory from her youth, when she often vacationed in the capital city. Those were the days.

It all began with rumours about cool bands or DJs suddenly performing at CUE. Aisha and her friends would consistently attend these midweek events. But, of course, it eventually became about more than just the music. Everyone knew that even the most esteemed nightclubs had a darker side.

The handsome men who enjoyed non-mainstream music instantly became the favourites of Aisha's friends. And, inevitably, Aisha herself was judged in the same way. Such was the presumption of those observing their group. They were all dragged into the typical perception: girls who only sought pleasure without concern for the consequences.

Yet, no one minded at all. The presence of these beautiful and vibrant young girls always managed to dispel the weariness of the day, simply by seeing them dance and laugh confidently as if they were the most beautiful and fortunate creatures all night along.

CUE, since its inception, has always been filled with people who genuinely appreciate good music, especially on weekdays. EDM wasn't merely a background for letting loose. Certain individuals scheduled their midweek outings, while groups of young girls gathered, hoping to catch someone's attention.

Or perhaps to bring along some trouble?

Just like Aisha back then. Truly, a clichéd and stale story. She was alone, completely immersed in the performance of Club 8 more than a decade ago. Unbeknownst to her, her friends had scattered, each with their own targets in mind. She wasn't naïve, but she also wasn't as open as many of her friends. That night, she had come purely to witness Club 8's performance. A charming man approached and simply took a seat beside her. They shared a connection while enjoying the unconventional show, at least within these lands, a country far away from the North.

Light conversation ensued, interweaving their emotions about performances that always differed from recorded versions or music videos. It's easy to connect with a stranger when you share a common interest, especially when it comes to music for Aisha. Few words were needed, and the night became more exhilarating. It was no surprise that it ended wildly between them.

However, the handsome man's excessive curiosity didn't make Aisha just another fleeting encounter. He blew the illusion that she held great value and was highly esteemed by him. The fact that both sets of parents disapproved was disregarded and seen as an obstacle to their love. The handsome man intoxicated Aisha, bewitching her with overflowing affection. It was like the romance fiction loved by young girls, a pregnancy before any commitment being seen as a way out. As they basically citizen of an Eastern country, that was unacceptable.

They married when they were both so young, unaware of the ways of life. Their love was genuine, being legal with reluctant parental consent. Everything seemed to be going well because Aisha and her handsome man were fully aware of their decision. They embraced the responsibility of their choices without any burden. Everything seemed to be going well. Even Rahman was immensely proud of them, although he knew his parents were not as good as the parents of his friends or acquaintances.

With unwavering determination and struggling through the weight of responsibility became an absolute necessity for Aisha. But it seemed that the true test came in the form of multiple hardships. She realized that her real trials began when the handsome man found himself at a standstill in pursuing his dreams as a band member repeatedly rejected by labels. It wasn't that he couldn't find work, but his stubbornness dragged Aisha and Rahman into the uncertainties of life.

Emotions started to explode chaotically, and suddenly, unfamiliar names began to circulate. The fragrance of love thickened and transitioned into frustration, dancing on the threshold of depression.

Aisha's steps slowly came to a halt as she glanced toward the corner below, where the table near the stage was situated—the very place where she had first met her ex-husband. The interior had changed, but her heart trembled with memories. Suddenly, she remembered receiving a powerful hit to her stomach.

At that time, she had only suggested to the handsome man to seek alternative employment. He downed a fresh glass of gin without leaving a drop, which made it easy for his pride to be wounded. Aisha touched her abdomen, the pain still lingering in her memory. Her ex-husband was a complete bastard, shamelessly awakening Aisha from a deep sleep caused by exhaustion from crying and bearing the pain that had made her vomit blood. It was as if his mere apology was enough to shower Aisha with affectionate gestures.

For a moment, Aisha swallowed the bitter pain that also shattered her heart. She acknowledged her mother's words that love alone was not enough in life. The next day went on as usual, as if the events of the previous night had never occurred. It was a callous disregard, believing that all matters had been resolved, as the woman lay nestled in the embrace of sweat and the pounding of a man. The shallowness of her ex-husband's thoughts truly pierced her with eternal anguish.

Aisha was no longer the same after that. She slowly receded, silently observing, carefully measuring. She understood all too well that love could no longer be measured. But she was ashamed to lick her own spit, having already defied her parents. There was not an ounce of courage in her heart to vent her grievances. She regarded it as God's karma for hurting her mother's heart. A substitute punishment from a father who couldn't bring himself to scold her.

Aisha nearly stumbled, unaware as she grasped Aymard's arm, gripping it too tightly. It made Aymard wonder. Aisha had once told him about her first encounter with her ex-husband at CUE. It was surprising for Aymard to see how emotional she was now. Aymard looked at her, questioning, sensing the deep significance of CUE in Aisha's life. Of course, Aymard did not immediately recognize that the handsome man on the lower floor, who danced in front of Faithless while raising a bottle of gin high, had been a part of Aisha's life. He was the man Aisha had decided to distance herself from when her days became increasingly scorching. The man who frightened her with his reckless behaviour allowing Rahman's curiosity to taste a sip of his favourite canned gin.

Her decision was firm, even though she was pregnant with the twins. They went through a tumultuous divorce after she had kissed her parents' feet. Her weeping mother transformed into fury upon hearing Aisha's story. No matter how patient her father was, his heart hardened upon discovering the truth. Aisha remembered the teak tree blossoming in the front yard, casting a fierce reddish glow moon behind it. It seemed as though the universe was demanding the moon to curse angrily when the man came just to sweet-talking and expressing his desire to bring her back. He tried to prevent Aisha from succumbing to the doubts that arose in her heart.

This time, her parents were determined not to let her enter the same world of torment. They firmly believed that their daughter should not be entrusted to a man who couldn't handle his own emotions. Fortunately, not long after, news spread that a wealthy young woman demanded responsibility from her Handsome Man for their unborn child. The salt sprinkled on her wounded heart added bitterness. There was no longer any remaining feeling for her previous love. Two families that should have been bound by kinship were shattered without meaning.

But the man is here now, with a young and beautiful woman who resembles an angel. They sway in front of the stage as a true couple in love. Aisha sees Jaya Emyr leaning casually against the balcony railing, observing them.

"Did you do this on purpose?" Aisha questions as she approaches Jaya Emyr's side.

Jaya Emyr turns, looking at Aisha with an expression that is difficult to interpret. Slowly, he nods.

"I'm sorry."

Both Aymard and Alaric furrow their brows, understanding that something is happening to Aisha.

"My dear sister, you need a shock therapy to truly let him go," Jaya Emyr suggests.

Aisha clenches her jaw. Aymard turns slowly, following Aisha's gaze downwards. His feelings instantly become chaotic as he realizes whom Aisha is observing. He knows who that person is. Aisha briefly mentioned him when pointing dismissively at a portrait of a musician featured in an influential music magazine. It was full of sarcastic remarks, that's what Aisha commented at the time.

"But this isn't the right way, Jaya! This is completely wrong. I want to go home!" Aisha exclaims.

Jaya Emyr sighs, "Don't. 'Insomnia' hasn't been played yet."

Aisha stares blankly at Jaya Emyr.

"What if I kick them out and put them on the CUE blacklist forever?" he suggests.

Aisha snorts, "That won't make a difference! My feelings are already ruined, Jaya!" she says as she turns away.

Alaric blocks Aisha's path, "I don't understand why you're like this, but they've been one of your favourite musicians since you were young. Aren't you sad to miss their performance?"

Jaya Emyr smiles knowingly. Alaric, who knows nothing at all, often interferes. Sometimes, there is always a need for someone who pretends to know it all and enjoys being a hero for everyone. Alaric is taking on that role. Aymard shakes his head in annoyance while Jaya Emyr sighs,

"I'll take you home later. For now, just wait in my room."

Aisha nods, "Yes. I'll be in your room. Make sure you're ready because I will hold you accountable for this recklessness!"

Aymard furrows his brow as he observes Aisha speaking with a trembling voice. Her steps are wide and her back appears tense.

"I'll accompany her upstairs," Aymard whispers to Jaya Emyr.

Aisha doesn't take her eyes off the man who was once her world. Despite walking briskly, she still feels unsteady as she trembles to contain the turmoil within her. There is too much chaos that immediately engulfs her upon seeing her ex-husband.

Aymard smiles sympathetically at her. In Jaya Emyr's comfortable and quiet room, they sit facing the glass wall, watching the performance silently. Actually, if they want to hear the sound of the stage performance, they just need to press a button. But Aisha has lost interest in it now.

"Do you want to talk?" Aymard asks, offering a canned soda he took from Jaya Emyr's mini bar.

Aisha musters a forced smile, a sign of reluctance to share her story.

"The influence of an ex-husband is truly remarkable," Aymard whispers.

Aisha laughs bitterly, "However, he was a part of my life in the past, Ay."

Aymard nods, "What does it feel like to break up with a boyfriend?"

Aisha bursts into laughter for a moment, "What? How dare you! It's completely different! I can't even begin to describe how much more painful it is!"

Aymard looks at Aisha sympathetically.

"You know, marriage is like signing a contract. Arguments are seen as reminders to get back on track. And love, quickly buried beneath other, more real emotions. If only one tries to keep the wheel turning, it won't last long."

Aymard nods, "I've never seen an unexpected divorce before," he mumbles.

"What do you mean?" Aisha asks.

Aymard glances at her and smiles faintly, "The divorces I've witnessed didn't involve deep feelings. Maybe it's because their marriage itself began with various agreements. Once one of those agreements was not fulfilled, it was over. It's as simple as that."

Aisha gazes at Aymard intently, "Are you implying that the divorce you witnessed was initiated by a complicated arranged marriage typical of your social circles?"

Aymard nods while casually leaning back on the sofa he's sitting on. His gaze now turns towards the stage.

"Perhaps to you, it seems like a temporary agreement. But when it becomes an absolute agreement, like my parents, a prenuptial agreement is just a reinforcement of the commitment to marriage itself."

Aisha doesn't blink, "Damn, is there something wrong with me? That kind of approach feels right and sensible to me than falling in love and entrusting my life to a man who eventually changes his mind. Feeling reluctant to bear the burden at the end!"

Aymard chuckles, "That means he wasn't worth it, Ai."

Aisha snorts, "How would I know if he was pretending to be valuable in the beginning?"

Aymard's laughter resurfaces, "In that case, I suggest you go for an arranged marriage."

Aisha glares in annoyance, but seconds later, she chuckles softly. Aymard smiled at her.

"How many years has it been?" he asked.

"What?" Aisha responded.

"Since the divorce."

Aisha falls silent, her hand gripping the soda can tightly until make its sounding. Aymard knows he has created an awkward atmosphere. He gazes deeply into Aisha's eyes, hoping she understands his intention.

"Time keeps moving forward, Ai. You'll lose out if you stay in one place."

Aisha sighs. She's not an inexperienced girl who has just opened her eyes to the world; she understands Aymard's meaning very well. She looks down, fixated on the hissing soda foam.

"You know, I mean realize, that I'm interested in you, right?" Aymard says.

Aisha briefly turns her head, reluctantly smiles, then nods softly, "Yes," she murmured.

Aymard nodded, "So, may I know if there is actually a chance for me, Ai?"

Aisha looks back at her soda can, this time lost in thought. Her throat suddenly feels dry, "You know it would be complicated if you insist, Ay," she said weakly.

"I know," Aymard responded.

Aisha glances up for a moment, trying to prevent the tears that well up in her eyes from falling. She uses one hand to wipe the corners of her eyes. She laughs dryly and then gazes sharply at Aymard.

"You already know that. I won't accept a dating invitation, Ay."

Aymard returns Aisha's gaze seriously, a reassuring smile appearing on his face. "I understand, Ai. Boytoy or hubby, which one I could be?"

"Oh, crap! Just realize that, Ay. There's quite an age gap between us. I thought it's more appropriate to consider you as a boytoy. That's what people would think!"

"I don't mind what people think."

Aisha falls silent upon heard Aymard's words.

"What I mind is if you don't give me a chance to be serious," Aymard added.

Aisha snorted, "Aymard, what's wrong with you? Did the CUE lights disorient you?"

Aymard shrugged, "Maybe. But correct me if I'm wrong, Ai. I'm sure you're interested in me."

Aisha looks at Aymard, who doesn't flinch even though she initially squints skeptically. It doesn't take long for Aisha to swallow her pride. Aymard is clearly not a man easily fooled by words; he relies more on body language and everyday banter as a reflection of feelings. Aisha chucklsd sourly, leaning on her knees as she mutters,

"You're not wrong." she murmured.

"Then?" Aymard asked.

"I've already told you, haven't I? It would be too complicated! Look at my situation, look at yours too! It's not just about people who will sneer. It's also about my own self who is still traumatized," Aisha said with trembling voice.

Aymard looks at Aisha, "Do you still love him so much? It's been three years, hasn't it?"

"It's not about how deep the love is until I can't forget him, Ay. You have to understand that! This is about ten years of my life! I've spent almost half of my life with him. Clearly, it's not something that can be taken lightly or treated as something new or old! The pain isn't just in my heart, but it has paralyzed my logic as well. It's too complex that I've forgotten how it feels. I'm confused about everything because the truth is not determined by a comfortable heart!"

Aymard is taken aback, "So, how much of a chance do I have to be with you?"

Aisha quickly turns her head, surprised to find Aymard persisting. He remains calm, speaking as usual, flatly and staying focused on his intention. Aymard's habit of not caring about things outside his focus from the beginning has made Aisha comfortable, as she believes he only sees the good and disregards the rest. But she's been trying hard to deny it. Aisha knows that people like Aymard always have hidden agendas.

"I won't accept a dating offer, Ay!" Aisha's voice trembles.

"I don't intend to be your boytoy, Ai!"

Aisha shook her head. Aymard nodded.

"If you're willing, we'll explore it slowly."

"Nonsense, Ay!" Aisha exclaims, holding back her emotions.

Aymard shakes his head, "I'm serious, Ai."

Aisha remains frozen as she locked eyes with Aymard. Then she forceed a stiff smile at him before burying her face in her knees. Aymard held his breath, berating himself for pushing too hard. He thought this was the right situation, but he forgot that he's not dealing with a woman who enjoys being enchanted in her heart. Aisha hasn't shared much with him, but he believes her heartache runs deeper than any other woman he knows.

Aymard suddenly feels weak, collapsing beside Aisha. His back feels boneless as it meets the support of the sofa. He knows he should have been patient for a little longer, finding a more suitable time. But tonight, seeing Aisha immediately disturbed by the presence of her ex-husband, and after a week of feeling undermined by Jaya Emyr, who is, in fact, very close to Aisha, irrationality momentarily takes hold of him. Aymard simply doesn't want to lose the momentum.

"I am orry," he whispered.

Aisha remains silent, still burying her face in her own knees. Slowly, she pulled her legs up onto the sofa, hugging them and looking at Aymard.

"You can't joke about something like this, Aymard."

Aymard shook his head, "I'm not joking. In fact, I understand what I mean. I believe that you hope your heart can heal. But Ai, maybe all you need is a little help gathering the scattered pieces of your heart."

Aisha chuckled, "You're stubborn."

Aymard smiled faintly.

"Too much like him," Aisha mutters, turning her face away.

Aymard's smile faded.

"Yes, Ay. I think it's because you share many similarities with Rahman's father."

Aymard didn't like it at all, "I'm not him."

Aisha smiles bitterly, "No, you're not. But the comfort you radiate to us is too much like him. It makes me even more afraid, Ay."

Aymard held his breath. His chest tightens before he released his breath.

"I want, and I need time to heal. I'm also a mother with three dependents who will certainly be a handful. Are you foolish enough to dare say you want to make me your wife?"

Aymard laughed bitterly as he shook his head, "I'm not foolish, even though I may be daring. I've calculated everything, Ai."

Aisha scrutinized Aymard. Perhaps the man in front of her was just trying to appear grounded. Aisha had encountered this in the past, men who adapted themselves to her preferences in order to win her heart. Pretender act had an expiration after all.

Aisha's eyes blinked slowly, like window blinds briefly closing off the unfamiliar world that Aymard was trying to understand. This woman was too captivating for him. Even the fact that she had three children didn't diminish Aisha's allure. Aymard was certain that there were many hidden aspects of this woman with her big, expressive eyes, which didn't require any dark shading to frame them. The momentary break in eye contact caused by Aisha's blink made Aymard realize that he was acting on his instincts. It was unlike his usual self, but he didn't feel that he had done anything wrong.

"I might need all the remaining time to truly heal and become a whole person, Ay."

Aymard froze. He was rejected. A wry smile formed on his face, causing Aisha to feel a pang in her heart. Aymard might resemble those handsome Bastard, but in every way, Aymard was simultaneously much more beautiful. Aisha understood it well – Aymard was a man who would always choose responsibility.

She was perturbed, what reason could be so compelling about her that made Aymard willingly bear the weight of her burdens? That was just about herself and the children, not to mention the other burdens that Aymard didn't know about. Aisha wouldn't act hastily; she didn't want to deal with a failed marriage again just because a man changed his mind, feeling overwhelmed by her and the children. So, Aisha restrained herself from asking, making Aymard wonder about the hesitant thoughts in her mind. This time, he chose to be patient. Aisha, in her fragile state, truly made his heart and mind turbulent.

"You can take all the time in the world, Ai. But don't forget, we are human beings. In the end, we all die. You know I'm not a romantic person who chooses sweet words or fragrant flowers. Even sex is just sex to me, although I don't disregard the sense of its as a 'ritual'. For me, it's a bonus, Ai. I would definitely be grateful if I'm blessed with that. Besides, I'm not immune to the cunning ways of the world, Ai. Don't deprive me of the chance because you think I'm too good for you. I won't tolerate it if that's the case. You are valuable, you are extraordinary."

Aisha fell silent. Aymard moved, briefly kissing the top of Aisha's head.

"Consider me," he whispered.

Then Aymard left, leaving Aisha stunned in the spacious room with the stage in front of her. The magnificent lighting alternated and flickered, showering the stage that seemed to grow more spirited. People raised their hands or lifted their bottles. Some twirled their cigarettes, moving in sync with the music.

Aisha could reckoned that colourful lights always made the excitement feel more tangible as they cut through the floating smoke. The dissipating scent of bodies mixed with the wafting aroma of alcohol, triggering a sense of familiarity that was anything but artificial. Aisha couldn't care less about the pheromones of the people around her; she only had music in mind and the shared enthusiasm for primal melodies and rhythms. It was an involvement that didn't require much logic. Like briefly running on a jogging track, the dance floor of CUE was simply a release of the urge to move in sync with everyone there.

What nonsense did Aymard just say? Men were all the same, asking to be understood and tolerated. Aisha held back her tears, even though her eyes had become warm. Aymard was probably trying to be humble, claiming that he was as cunning as the world. Aisha stood up. Her gaze still fixed on the man who had once been a part of her life. Unchanged, he was always enjoying the attention by getting close to the stage.

What's wrong with Aymard? A charming single man from a respected family had just whispered words to her that were not cheesy but seemed too utopian for Aisha. The bitterness in Aisha's heart took control, and she walked out onto the dance floor. She intended to do one thing she had wanted to do for a long time – to tease a man who belonged to another woman.

*****