11 CHAPTER 11

"Lucy, are you alright? You haven't talked to me since you woke up.", I heard Josh asking.

I kept my mouth shut, ignoring his question and just looked ahead of the road. I don't want to talk right now. I feel like I swallowed my tongue. For once or twice, I saw myself smiling and uttering some words, not a sentence, not a phrase but just expressions. And I wasn't in the mood to drive my car either that I gave the key to Josh and let him drive.

No one likes me to be cold and lifeless especially Rain. As much as possible, she'll ask my side, consider my opinion, beg for my advice on what to do and I like sharing my sentiments as well. But this time, I don't know. I feel like I was betrayed. And I have my reasons.

"Josh when you approached me on the very first day that we met, what's your impression about me?", I asked him, hoping I can catch him by his own statements.

I know I was silent earlier but now I feel like I want to have a conversation with him. Suddenly, he stopped driving as he park his car. Where are we?

"You said it's your dad's favorite place. Do you want us to have a conversation here? Hoping this place will help you unload your burden."

"Thank you for bringing me here. So as I was asking, what's your impression about me? Do you have any background of me?"

He stared blankly at the night sky after we stepped out of his car. I removed my shoes and run barefooted to feel the sand, filling the spaces in my toes.

From a distance, I can see him smiling while looking at me. Why not answer my question already?

"Okay, when I first saw you that day, I got captivated with your eyes. Those green eyes are very distinct and visible even from afar. I know you need help, seeing you kneeling on the ground."

"Do you know me even before that?"

"I heard some things about you. Everyone's admiring your beauty. I'm one of them. Honestly when I saw you that day, I had this feeling inside me, a sense of responsibility."

I looked at him while I was kneeling on the sand, facing him. He isn't looking away and is staring straight to my eyes, yet his expressions are cold and boring. He seems so serious and I feel like burning here with his stares.

"Sense of responsibility?", I asked.

"You look defenseless. You look like someone who can't stand alone, which I found out later on that it's because of you being dependent to your mom, back in the days you were blind. You look very submissive to someone you think can protect you, to someone who's stronger than you basically."

I looked away knowing it was true. After my mom and I separated, I became dependent to those who used to take care of me at the orphanage. I never hesitated going out the orphanage with mom Kelly for she looks competitive, independent and she looks like someone who will fight for me. When I get to know Rain, I became so dependent to her that I forgot having other friends for she's a total package. Then with him, because I can feel Josh can protect me, I feel so comfortable with him. I slept at his house coz I know he will do nothing but protect me.

"That's why you acted strong that day?", my series of questions were followed by another.

"I am strong Lucy. I play the game of life fair. Isn't it considered as the strongest player?", he said and I can see conviction in his eyes, he is trying to convince me he's fair.

"How about lying? Is that what you call playing the game fair?"

He shook his head as if he isn't getting my point. I stood up and draw closer to him, waiting for his answer.

"What are you pointing out Lucy?", his voice is shaky.

"Just answer my question.", I intensified my stare on him but he doesn't mind. Is he not scared of me?

"No, that's unfair.", he finally answered my question.

"Exactly. So if that is not fair, tell me. What's with you trying to scare me by pasting some sticky notes on my desk?"

His eyes widened, mouth slightly opened. Maybe he's not expecting me to ask him directly.

"Maybe you aren't expecting me to know about this. It's such a pity I caught you."

His expressions are still in shock but instead of submitting to the feeling of intimidation I am building up against him, he stepped closer until he's about a foot away. I gasped for air as I feel his breath, touching my skin, even consuming my system. You can't lose to his charm Lucy! Pick up yourself.

"So tell me, how did you know about my cover?", he asked.

"Okay I'll tell you."

-FLASHBACK-

"So tell me about your day Lucy."

For a minute or two, I intentionally didn't blink for Josh's eyes are glued on me. I'm scared that he might never look at me that way again that's why I decided to suspend my blink until I feel tears are slowly building at the corners of my eyes.

He then snapped his fingers and I shook my head to get out of that empty shell of my imagination..

"Sorry.", I said, embarrassed of myself that I feel my cheeks are burning up, turning my freckles to a blush.

"I was asking you about your day sweetie."

His softly spoken term of endearment sent me butterflies in my stomach. That husk, manly voice he used in his undertone.

"I, again, received this letter.", I said, pulling the sticky note I got from my desk that I was keeping on my bag and gave it to him.

"Why are you scared of letting me in to your life? You have to hear me out.", he is reading the note carefully then he stared back at me again.

Those blue eyes are locked in mine again. Those eyes tickle every inch of my body. Since when did I feel this way about him? I never been this close to a guy before.

"You're safe with me Lucy.", he said.

What was that? That's pretty far from the topic.

"You have to rest for a while before I drive you home. I'm sure the noises will disturb you again so why not take a nap on my room?"

"I think I should give my eyes some rest. It's getting heavy."

He stood up and held my hand, assisting me to get up.

"You go upstairs first, I'll follow."

I made my few steps and noticed him behind me. I pressed the knob and went inside his room. His space is neat, aside from some books piled in his desk.

I turned back only to fall in his arms for he is behind me. I haven't noticed him so close to me that as soon as I faced his door, I bumped myself on his built body and because I was shocked, I flinched there. So glad he got me in his arms.

"Thank you.", I said.

"I'll be downstairs.", he replied.

I nodded and he immediately went pass the door and locked it for me. Because I was amazed of his neatness and him being organized, I explored my eyes both on the paintings on his room then glued my eyes on his study table. I then saw a yellow sticky note placed on top of the pile of books. That note is familiar.

I let go of my clenched right hand. I saw the same sticky note as to what I'm holding. Wait, that's the same sticky note I used when he was in the clinic for his temperature risen to 39 degrees. Automatically, tears started falling down my cheeks.

Why is he scaring me, pulling a prank like this on me? He even went with us to find who the verdict is and yet it's him?

"Lucy, don't just forget your past.", the first page of the sticky note says.

I flipped the first page and saw there's still a note written on the second page of the sticky note.

"You let your guards down and trusted the wrong person."

I cried after reading that. The note is true. Why on earth did I trust Josh? He just saved me once and yet I let him intrude and ruin my life, scaring me to death. I hate him! And I hate myself for trusting him.

"Are you mad?", he is staring at me while the tears are rushing down reaching my chin before he wiped it dry.

I punched him at his core. I was never been this broken over a guy before. He made me feel safe, not knowing he is doing things behind me.

"Lucy I'm sorry.", he said before hugging me.

I freed myself from that hug for it doesn't feel much of a comfort anymore. I thumped my chest three times for I can't even feel my breath.

"Lucy, let's talk it over.", he said lending his arms but I am stepping back away from him.

"I trusted you."

"I know. And yes you have to trust me."

"After making a fool out of me? Telling me my father's alive?"

"Lucy, I am saving you from the wrong person. You have to believe in me."

"After you lying constantly? Sense of responsibility? You suck at handling responsibilities that's the truth. And yes you're right, I trusted the wrong person because I chose to trust you."

"Lucy let's talk it over. You have to hear me out. All of those things are true."

"Nothing's true than your lies. Let's end this all up.", I said, trying to compose myself even though it hurts me.

"End what? Lucy no! I love you."

I shook my head after hearing those words.

"Let's just end this up. Give me my key."

"Lucy you're not even fine. You can't drive alone."

"Give me my key.", my voice even cracked more.

I saw his eyes diffused. I can tell by that look that he is worried about me but I know that he feels pity for me too.

I lend my hand expecting him to drop my key to it. He gave my key back to me and stepped away from my car. He isn't looking at me. He is crying as well.

I immediately went inside the car and pass through him as if he is nothing. He even held me in my wrist and said:

"Lucy, I'll be always here. I'll wait for you. I love you."

I drove maybe about two kilometers away from that place before I hit a full stop, placing my head on the steering wheel. That was my dad's favorite place but it is now more of a heartbreak.

This is the first time that I felt something like this for someone. For 18 years straight, I never had this kind of feeling before. Is love really this complicated? Is this love story of us gonna end as complicated as mom Kelly and that Alexander's relationship?