10.000 Deaths

I could only think about, death.

It's not that I recalled it. My head was completely full of it.

I could see flashing in my eyes. Every. Single. Possible. Death.

I felt it, I saw it, I heard it.

The pain of a heart attack.

The gruesome view of a head squished by a passing truck.

The ear shattering scream of a woman dying during labour.

I sensed again and again, an infinite loop of death and suffering, of others... It lasted hours and hours, I legit thought I was in hell... Until actual hell started...

I felt like I was 2, a small child in someone's arms, bathing, until I was drowned...

Then I became an elderly man, in a sickbed, with my family around me, with a pack of medicine being injected into my veins that made me feel I was burning inside, unable to even move, or say anything, until I could no longer see...

Then I could feel and hear as my body was ravaged by rapists somewhere in a cold tundra, screaming for help from the soldiers in front of me, who nothing did, until my throat was slit open...

10.000 deaths

That's how many deaths I saw.

Also how many times I died in my mind.

Every possible way to die. From murder, to poison, to shark bite.

I died in every possible way, ever.

But I could see the reason for every single death.

The faces of those responsible for it.

The pleasure in the eyes of those who assaulted me.

The pain in the eyes of those who mourned me.

The hatred I felt towards my own end.

My whole mind went red.

I wanted to revenge myself.

I wanted to revenge all those who wrongfully died.

I wanted to paint the soil and the sky of the world red, from the men who fulfilled those deeds as far as the God who allowed them to happen. I shan't forgive nor forget!

Kill

Kill

KILL

<K I L L>

<DESTROY EVERY SINGLE THING YOU COME ACROSS>

The voices got louder and louder.

Until I could no longer think on my own.

I was encroached by the irresistible urge to destroy everything.

To make every single being suffer as much as I did.

<<None of that happened to you>>

Then a different voice resounded.

<<What do I need to do?>>

<<Do not go insane>>

I heard a conversation I thought had once happened but could no longer recall clearly, almost like a dejavú.