Jenny Speaks

I shouldn't have gone to your house, I was at a loss and just wanted to walked it off but then I ended up at your house.

I remember your mom was surprised to see me, shocked when I told her I was looking for you and then confused.

" What's your name ? " she asked me.

" Jenny, Jenifer Andera " I said.

" You go to school with Troy " she asked and I nodded. She looked at me as if didn't believe anything I had said.

" Are you friends with him ? " I didn't know, was I ?

" Never mind, just come in " she realized she was asking a lot of questions freaking me out.

" Sorry for the endless question, you must think I'm like those nosy moms " she led me into the house then pointed at the couch. I sat there.

I longed to look at you, where were you ? I wanted to ask your mom but thought again.

She poured me juice " So, are you from around here ? "

" Yeah, I live two houses from here "

" Oh, that house "

' Where is Troy ? ' I wanted to ask. I don't know why but I had this feeling, seeing you would maybe make me feel a little better.

" I should go call Troy " she had caught me looking around, she had read my mind.

" Nice dress Jenny " she said and walked up the stairs.

" Thanks "

I remember when I first saw you, I keep wishing I could take back what I did next. Maybe things would've been better. And they were supposed to be but you didn't try to make them better. I'm trying to hate you for that.

" What are you doing here ? "

I raised my eyes up and they met yours.

My feeling was right, I felt better not a little but better.

" Hey " I smiled.

You just looked at me, like you always do, a confused lost look. So innocent, maybe that's why I always want to be around you. Your Innocent childish sweet look. But then I'm mad at you. You don't know this and I know it's stupid but I can't help it. I just met you and I'm being a jealous bitch. I hope one day you realize it. Maybe you won't.

I told your mom we wanted to do some research outside. I thought she'd ask a lot of questions but she didn't. Infact she was happy, at times she looked at me and smiled, it was creepy but it made me feel, special, wanted.

She also makes the best pancakes.

We got out of your house. I had already noticed that confused look, that look on your face asked a lot of questions.

' What are doing here ? ' was the question that, I bet you wished to know most. That's funny, what was I doing there. I don't know.

And there is that look in your eyes that reflects a certain vulnerability within you. You're a mush inside, so innocent.

I wanted to tell you everything, you were ready to listen but, I couldn't. I instead said " Can we just. . . walk around. . . and talk " it was stupid and I thought you'd look at me weirdly then I took it back.

But you didn't you just smiled and agreed. But then again I hate myself for what I did next, I thought about him, I had promised myself not to but the mind is a wicked thing, it always wants you to remember what you want to forget.

You talked and I listened but didn't actually listen my mind had traveled I remembered every single time I came here with him.

I don't know how many times we moved in circles but I wasn't there with you, I'm sorry.

You said you wanted to go somewhere else then I remembered our restaurant, me and him. I took you there I had this feeling, maybe he was there sitting waiting for me so he can apologise. It was all in my mind.

You and I sat in our spot, me and him.

That was our spot whenever went to that restaurant we sat there, which was almost everyday. It'd been long since I had gone there, I wanted to make him jealous, hurt him like he did to me.

Which was stupid because he wasn't there.

You sat near me and you were nervous, I could tell from how you avoided looking straight at me and how you tried too hard to make me interested in what you were saying. My mind wasn't there. You asked me what I wanted to order and I didn't reply so you got orange juice for both of us. You told me how fast the Wi-Fi was but I already knew that.

You noticed I wasn't paying any attention to you, and that something was bothering me.

" Are you okay ? " you said.

" Yeah. I'm fine " I wasn't fine.

" Are you sure ? " you said again. I said I was fine, it meant I didn't want to talk about it. Couldn't you get that.

I nodded. But you just had to insist.

I lost it.

" I'm fine. I just told you that, Can't you juts leave me alone " I shouted at you. That's new to me, I lose it sometimes. I don't whether it's because of him or you or maybe me.

I didn't have the guts to look at you after that.

We just sat silently there for about ten minutes, maybe you were shocked by my reaction, maybe you realised I didn't want to talk about it.

You could've walked away from there but you didn't, I realized I had hurt your feeling Surprisingly I didn't feel bad about it, I just felt good. I don't like what I've become but it's for the better. I sighed and then turned to look at you, straight in the eye.

You were nervous. You were shy. You couldn't look me in the eye.

" Troy can you look at me "

But fuck you, people always say I've mean, I usually don't disagree, I like it that way. I've simply learned to put my feelings first before others.

One person that made me change, turn this way, I was better when I was with him, that didn't quite go well, he made me change and gave me reasons to be what I've become, simply so that people can't hurt me first.

And when I met you, you broke my shell and reached my soft self and I wanted to be the old me again, be good, be kind all that bullshit, but then I remembered what that had led me to, I hard to be a heartless bitch and I was, unlike others you didn't push me away.And that soften me.

I decided to treat you a little better but then you proved me wrong.

***to be continued....