If We Were On Mars

Life was never fair, and I don't think it will ever be. One time, I thought, 'Wow....I must've killed a nation on my previous life. And now, living another life is my punishment.' Everyone gets tired, but this is just another level of exhaustion. Everyday is a just vicious cycle of me struggling with life. It's a shame that I get to wake up every morning when there are others who don't. I feel like I'm just waiting to be one of those people. Everyone is nice to me, and at the same time, they're not. There are people who use me, but at the same time, I feel useless. People often congratulate me, but I still feel like a failure. I have many achievements, but I feel like a lost cause. No one ever knew me, until our paths crossed...For the first time in ever, I met my self. We did shared wonderful moments until fate took you from me. Kahit pa masakit sa akin ay ipagpipilitin kong tanggapin na hindi tayo maaaring maging masaya. Nang sa gayon ay hindi na ako maging sanhi ng iyong paghihirap. At kahit alam kong muli na lamang kitang makikita sa aking ala-ala, asahan mong hindi kailanman kukupas ang aking pag-ibig na para sa iyo lamang. It would've been perfect, but life will never let that be. If we can't be together in this life....let us meet again, in a world where no one nor nothing could stop us. Aking hihintayin ang ating muling pagkikita, ginoo. Hayaan nating maulit ang plano ng tadhana na tayo'y magtagpo...aking sisiguraduhin na ating mababago ang mapait na wakas na nakatakda.

marcheline_dern · History

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2 Chs

Prologue: A true love, in a wrong setting...

(A/N: This part of the story isn't edited. Expect that there would likely be typos, grammatical errors, etc.)

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Everything is blurry.

My head feels like it has been hit by something for a thousand times, just like how it felt like every single day. My chest feels heavy and its hard to breath. It feels as if my arteries have been clogged, making my heart ache. My knees feel weak, as if any moment I could fall down to the cold ground. Ngunit hindi na ito bago sa akin, sapagkat ganoon ang aking nararamdaman sa bawat araw na lumilipas. Tumingala ako sa nagdidilim na kalangitan na nila bang nababatid nito ang aking nararamdamang matinding pighati at kalungkutan. Just like myself, it could shed droplets of sadness at any moment.

Most of my life, I've felt alone. I've felt like nobody isn't really there for me. Yes, I had someone by my side physically, but no one ever really understood me. I've never felt any real love from anyone. Everyone loved my accomplishments, my performance, my talents. But none of those people loved me, the real me. Well, would it be fair if I say that I never really showed who I am?

The first thing ever to comfort me was the sky, and he comes next... I never thought that despite of everything that's happened, happiness could actually still find its way to me. For the past years, I felt that constant feeling of hopelessness, the one that makes you stuck in a dark lonely place. I believed I would never see myself smile again. I always give everyone a convincing fake smile, I couldn't even remember the last time that I smiled genuinely before.

Maski ako ay nagugulumihanan nang siya'y aking makilala. Siya ay naiiba sa mga taong nasa paligid ko. Sa umpisa pa lamang ay napagtanto ko nang siya ay espesyal sapagkat nagkaroon ng bakas ng kasiyahan ang aking buhay. There was something about him that made my lips curve, that made my mouth talk, that made my stomach swirl, that made my eyes go wide, that made my heart flutter, that made my time stop. Siya ang kauna-unahang tao na nakatuklas sa aking tunay na sarili. Kapag siya ang aking kasama alam ko sa sarili ko na hindi ko na kakailanganing magpanggap pa. Ni kailanman ay hindi niya hinusgaan ang aking pagkatao. He made me appreciate myself for the first time ever. He showed me my worth that I've never seen before.

I've been existing in a black pitch dark place and he came to me as if he was the light.... That blinding yet comforting light made me realize that I was worthy of love and life and everything.

But at the same time, meeting him made everything miserable go worse. We loved each other, and we knew we can't be together. We wanted to be together...and that gave the people around us nothing but problems. We gave each other an exceptional love and happiness, but we also brought pain to everyone, most especially to ourselves.

Nababatid kong ako ang may kasalanan at ako ang dahilan sa kung bakit kinakailangang humantong ang lahat sa puntong ito. Ako ang dahilan kung kaya't kinailangang magdusa ng mga tao sa paligid ko, kung bakit siya nagdusa, at kung bakit ako nagdudusa. Hindi ko na dapat dinagdagan pa ang mga maling desisyon na aking pinili. Hindi ko na dapat ipinilit pa kahit alam kong ito'y mali.

Hindi ko na masisilayan pa ang matatamis niyang ngiti o ang kanyang mapupungay na mga mata. Hindi ko na maririnig pa ang kanyang magandang tinig at pagtawa. Hindi ko na muli pang mapagmamasdan ang kanyang mga matang palaging nakatitig sa akin. Hindi ko na muling mararamdaman ang kaligtasan kapag ako'y nakakulong sa kanyang mga bisig. Hindi ko na makukuha muli mga mapagmahal niyang halik. Hindi ko na mapagpapantasyahan pa ang kanyang mga maginoong galawan. Hindi ko na muli pang maririnig mula sa kaniyang mga labi ang mga munting matatamis na salita na noo'y hindi makapag-patulog sa akin. Hindi ko na siya makikita pang muli, hindi na kami magkakasama pang muli.

I would give up everything I have just to experience those things again, to just see him again. Just for one day, no one hour, or 5 minutes. Even if you make that one minute, I would still give it a shot. Hindi ko na kailangang sabihin pa ang lahat ng nilalaman ng aking isipan. Magpapanggap akong walang nangyari kung maaari sa pagkaka-dahilanang labis kong nais na maranasan muli ang mga panahong masaya at magkasama kaming dalawa.

Ibinaling ko ang aking paningin sa bandang gilid ng kinatatayuan ko, kay gandang pagmasdan ng mga bulaklak. Pumitas ako ng dalawang piraso ng bulaklak ng anemone at itinapat ito sa aking dibdib. Alam kong batid mo ang sigaw at tibok ng aking puso kahit pa hindi kona masasabi at mapaparamdam pa ito.

Panghabang-buhay mananahan ang iyong ala-ala at pag-ibig sa aking puso mahal ko. Kung may posibilidad man na dumating ang araw na ang iyong mga natitirang ala-ala ay mabura sa aking isipan, hindi hahayaan ng aking puso na ikaw ay kalimutan nito ng tuluyan. Huwag mo sanang kakaliktaan kailan man na ikaw lamang ang maaaring maghari rito, irog ko. Hiling kong maramdaman mo muli ang tamis at init ng pagmamahal ko. Ikaw ang taong bumuhay sa namamatay kong puso, ipinakita mo saakin na maaaring magmahal at mahalin ang isang taong katulad ko. Hindi biro ang ating hinarap upang ipaglaban ang ating nararamdaman....kung kaya't ako ay tunay na labis na magagalak kapag nalaman kong sa mga oras na ito ay nakakamtan mo na ang kasiyahang dapat para sa iyo. Kahit imposible, pipilitin kong kalimutan ang pagdurusa na dinulot sa atin ng pag-ibig. Dadalhin ko ang ating mga ngiti, tawa, at kagalakan hanggang sa kabila at sa susunod kong buhay.

Hindi ko mawari kung paano ipapaliwanag ang kalungkutang aking nadarama sa mga oras na ito. Pakiramdam ko ay lumipas na ang habambuhay sa tagal mula ng huli tayong magkasama.

Please have the patience to wait for me, my love. I will find you and I will willingly go to you. Everything gets worse as each day passes by without you. I can't seem to continue to breathe; knowing you wouldn't be there to stop me from crashing because of the little things. I can't sleep...realizing that I'm all alone again.

I'm longing for you mahal ko....how can I get to you?

I believe that I was bound to exist for him and him only...

And so I, with neither doubts nor second thoughts, will give up my life to be with and for him.

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