35. Chapter 35

Chapter 35

Ten days later, Lizzy sat with Georgiana in the Darcy family carriage after a morning of shopping and visiting the modiste. It was hard to believe how quickly the time had passed whilst in such agreeable society. Her only real complaint was one that Lizzy could not voice to anyone. She could not keep herself away from Georgiana's 'twins'. Yet each time she held them, played with them, or rocked them to sleep, her heartache grew a little deeper knowing she would never enjoy such domestic felicity herself. In the midst of it all, Georgiana continued to remind her of the need to forgive Fitzwilliam for whatever he had said because he was the best of men and would surely prove himself if given the chance. If only she knew it was me, not him.

She screwed up her courage and drew a breath to speak. The carriage lurched to a stop in front of the town house and a moment later, the driver handed her out, her words and courage lost in the disruption. The butler opened the door for them.

"Have these packages sent upstairs," Georgiana said, nodding to him. She led Elizabeth into the foyer, unbuttoning her pelisse as she did. "Did I not promise you that you would approve of the gowns?"

"Your modiste is incredible." Lizzy unwound her fichu and handed it and her spencer to the waiting maid. "I have never seen such fine stitchery."

"She is very good, is she not? Aunt Matlock discovered her, and we have used no one else since." Georgian removed her pelisse and bonnet. "I am glad to be back home, though."

They walked to the parlor where a light luncheon was spread on the buffet.

"Mrs. Hutchins is so good! I am so hungry!" Georgiana's smile was filled with girlhood wonder, and Lizzy nearly laughed. "Lizzy, you really must try this spiced ham; I have never had any so good as hers."

"It looks lovely." Lizzy placed a slice on her plate, though it looked much like any other spiced ham to her.

Georgiana fluffed her skirt and lowered herself onto the overstuffed chair, carefully balancing her overfull plate. "I am so glad you agreed to stand up with me. Since Richard said he would stand up with his brother, I would have felt so odd without someone to stand with me."

"I must admit, I had no idea that such an honor would be included in the notion of helping you prepare for your wedding." The corner of Lizzy's lips twitched, a sure tell for her teasing that she had never been able to bring under her control.

"Please, do not be so serious now! It is entirely unlike you, and I do not think it becomes you at all." Georgiana pressed her lips tightly, not quite able to control her smirk. She tried to hide it in a dainty bite of ham and almost choked.

Lizzy laughed heartily. "I am afraid you are right. Such propriety is entirely unlike me. I must be straightforward and not at all ladylike." She lifted hands in surrender.

"Like you were at the modiste?" Georgiana dabbed her lips with her napkin, eyes twinkling.

"It seems you did not mind then." Lizzy wagged her finger. "As I recall, you were rather relieved someone was willing to be honest with her and confess that her first design made you look like a frothy syllabub.*" She took a sip from her glass.

Georgiana snickered and coughed, covering her mouth with her hands. "Do not do that or I shall surely choke! You are right, though. I do not know what she was thinking. That gown would have been the talk of the ton—"

"—but all in the wrong way! Perhaps she had a little too much French cream** in her tea the night she designed it." Lizzy's eyes twinkled. "It is a good thing she redeemed herself when she remade it."

"Indeed she did. It is just too beautiful now." Georgiana looked away, a wistful expression on her face. A heavy sigh escaped as she set down her glass.

"Do not wonder if you deserve to wear something so lovely on your wedding day." Lizzy set aside her plate and leaned toward Georgiana. "That is what you are thinking, is it not?"

"How do you know what I am thinking? You do this far too often for comfort." Georgiana huffed lightly.

"I am my father's daughter, I suppose. He has an uncanny way of always knowing what I am thinking." Lizzy's eyes narrowed. "I am right, though. That is what you were wondering."

"Oh, how can I not?" Georgiana exhaled heavily and leaned her head back. "I am so glad it will only be our family at the ceremony. I could not bear to have many people there, staring at me. I would wonder if they knew and what they were thinking of me."

"You probably always will."

Georgiana snapped upright and glared. "Thank you, for that oh-so-bolstering thought. I am sure it will give me great comfort during long nights in the future."

Lizzy patted Georgiana's knee and held her eyes in a deep gaze. "It is not so bad. You get used to it."

"What do you mean? I cannot imagine you—"

Lizzy's brow quirked, and she cocked her head. "Though Papa is well known in Meryton, there are still those who stare at my father when we are out. Since I am often with him, I find those stares often directed at me."

"How awful." Georgiana gulped and settled back into her chair.

"It has been that way so long that I have a hard time remembering anything else."

"Do you not wonder what they are thinking of you? If they are judging you?"

"Of course they are judging me. That is the nature of people." Lizzy looked at the ceiling and rubbed her temples. "My own cousin judged my father as smitten by God and necessarily guilty of some horrible hidden sin. He casts my sisters and I in the same light, especially now, after what happened in Kent."

"How can you tolerate that? I know that Anne judges me most severely over what happened, and it…it hurts…so much." Georgiana looked away.

Lizzy got up from her chair and sat beside her on the ottoman. She took Georgiana's hands. "It does, most bitterly, but it does not make one iota of what they say true. That perhaps is the most important thing to keep in mind. Do not start to believe what they say about you. It is not easy, but it becomes less difficult with practice."

"Fitzwilliam was right." Georgiana turned to her, blinking back the brightness in her eyes. "He told me you were very wise and compassionate. He was sure that you would help me to see things differently."

"He is very kind."

"I am so very glad that we will be sisters soon." Georgiana smiled.

Lizzy swallowed hard. "Even if for some reason we do not become sisters, I pray that we will still be friends."

"Why ever would we not become sisters?" She looked into Lizzy's face intently. "Is this about the quarrel you had with my brother? Oh, Lizzy, please, whatever he said to you, I know he did not mean it. Fitzwilliam is just that way sometimes. He is so somber and does not always know how others hear what he says. Please, give him a chance to explain. Do not assume him to be as harsh as he sounds."

Lizzy chewed her lip and struggled to find the courage she had only recently called up. "It is not that. I…I said some things…"

"Well, then there is nothing to be concerned about." The light returned to Georgiana's eyes. "He never mentioned them to me. He does not seem to think there is a problem, so do not worry."

"He wrote to me and said—"

The butler appeared in the doorway. "Colonel Fitzwilliam to see you, madam."

Georgiana jumped to her feet and rushed to the doorway. "Richard!"

Colonel Fitzwilliam took her hands warmly and kissed her cheek. "You look lovely as always, my dear. How are the girls?"

"They are sleeping right now. I am afraid that Daphne is cutting a new tooth and is particularly cranky of late."

"Well, she always cheers up when her Uncle Richard is near. I will set her to rights!" He peeked around her to see what company she kept.

"Well, do not just stand here. Come in and take some luncheon with us." Georgiana led him in. "You have already been introduced to Miss Bennet, I believe." She gestured toward Lizzy.

"Miss Bennet," he said as he bowed, an odd look in his eyes. "I am pleased to see you."

"Thank you, sir. It is a pleasure to see you again." She curtsied and wondered what he must think to find her here. When he had left Meryton, she was not certain of his opinion of her, and that uncertainty now taunted her. Her cheeks burned.

Georgiana served a plate for him, and they all sat down.

"So what brings you here? Have you news? Oh my, your father? How is he? I should have asked. I am sorry…" Georgiana's brow knotted and some of the color left her face.

Richard took the plate from her. "Do not worry, he is as well as can be expected. The doctors say he is a stubborn old man, and he is waiting for my brother's return before he takes his final leave of us."

"I am relieved to hear that. I can see by your face, though, there is news."

"That is true. I have had two letters of some significance that I thought to share with you." He turned to Elizabeth. "I believe you will find both of interest as well, Miss Bennet."

"Do not keep us in suspense. Is it good news or bad?" Georgiana wrung her hands.

"A bit of both, I am afraid. The good news is that I have heard from Darcy, and he arrived safely in Calais." He reached into his coat pocket.

"That is good news indeed. I will not rest easy, though, until he is safely back home."

"Then you will be please to know that it should not be much longer. He writes that he has located Andrew, who included this note to you." He handed Georgiana a neatly folded note.

She took it with a shy smile and tucked it into her pocket.

"Darcy says that Andrew is pleased the arrangements for the wedding are being made, and that he looks forward to your upcoming nuptials."

Georgiana blushed and giggled.

Lizzy found herself smiling as well, pleased to see Georgiana's genuine reactions. She studied Colonel Fitzwilliam's face with sidelong glances and decided that he, too, was pleased with the news and with the wedding plans. Her opinion of him rose several notches.

"He also misses the girls very much and is looking forward to seeing them. Darcy says they have already booked passage back and should be arriving in about a week."

Georgiana turned to Lizzy. "I am so glad you thought to tell the modiste we would need the dresses finished by next Tuesday!"

"Dresses?" Richard asked.

"Fitzwilliam insisted I have a new dress made for the wedding, and since Lizzy is standing up with me, I insisted she have one made herself." Georgiana made a show of reaching for Lizzy's hand and squeezing it warmly.

"You are standing up with her?" His eyebrows lifted. "I am pleased to have such a lovely counterpart to stand with on Georgiana's big day."

"Thank you, sir. I had thought your sister a more appropriate choice. I hope no offense has been given." Lizzy's blush extended to her ears.

"None at all, I assure you." He tipped his head slightly. "I believe that Darcy will be pleased."

"You should see Lizzy's dress! It is so lovely on her. It is a good thing I am not prone to jealousy…" Georgiana winked.

"You have nothing to be jealous of. You will be an extraordinarily lovely bride, and none will have eyes for any but you." Lizzy squeezed her hand back.

Georgiana blushed and giggled. "I suppose then, we will be able to finalize the orders with the merchants now, and Mrs. Hutchins will be able to finish all the details that concern her as well. That is a good thing."

"Indeed, it will be. She has been fretting so about having everything right for you." Lizzy sat back against her chair and willed the flames in her cheeks to die down.

"You said you had several letters?" Georgian turned back to Richard.

His eyes drooped and his jaw hardened. "I am afraid that I do, and the news is not nearly so pleasant. I am afraid, Miss Bennet," he turned to look at her, "that it might be most distressing for you."

Lizzy sat up much straighter. "Why would you think that?"

"It is news from Kent, regarding your cousin and mine."

Lizzy bit her lip. "Heavens! What has happened? I can hardly imagine, given the character of both of them."

"Mr. Clarke, the curate at Rosings, has written to say there was an accident. The letter I have, dictated by Anne, appears to confirm it. Your cousin, Mr. Collins, was involved. As I gather from the two accounts, he was walking down the staircase with my cousin and something happened; no one is certain exactly what. Anne became agitated, and somehow Mr. Collins fell down the stairs and was gravely injured. Mr. Clarke reports the doctors say he will live, but he has broken his back and lost the use of his legs."

"How awful!" Lizzy's hand flew to her mouth.

"How terrible!" Georgiana exclaimed. "Oh, Lizzy, I will understand if you feel you need to go to him…"

"Do not fear for that, I have no intention of doing so. My father has forbidden me to be near him again after what happened while I was there."

"He is a wise man, Miss Bennet." Richard muttered. "As you can imagine, Anne is beside herself right now. Somehow she is consumed with the thought that the magistrate will be called, and she will be held responsible for the accident and hanged."

"No." Georgiana's jaw gaped, and she shared a wide-eyed glance with Lizzy.

"She must be utterly terrified," Lizzy whispered, though there was little sympathy in her tone.

"Indeed she is. Collins has always been a simpering fool. Forgive me, Miss Bennet, I had the dubious pleasure of meeting him when he was installed in the curacy last year."

She waved her absolution to him.

"I do not expect it was Collins who told suggested to Anne that she was in danger form the magistrate. I suspect one of the doctors said something in order to excite some compassion in her toward the unfortunate vicar. I suppose the tactic was something of a success in that she says that Collins will be cared for at Rosings manor for the remainder of his life and will keep his appointment as vicar, with Mr. Clarke continuing in his responsibilities as curate." Richard laced his hands and worried his thumbs together.

"I am glad to hear that Mr. Clarke will not lose his position." Lizzy released a deep breath. "He and his wife are very good people."

"Yes, they are." Georgiana rubbed her temples. "Perhaps they will be able to bring sense into Rosings Park somehow."

"That might be asking too much of anyone, my dear." Richard laughed, the sound a bit hollow in Lizzy's ears.

A maid slipped into the room and whispered into Georgiana's ear.

"The babies are awake, and Daphne is fussing terribly. If you will excuse me for a few moments, I will bring the girls down and we can see if Uncle Richard can charm his little niece once again." Georgian left quickly.

Richard looked back at the door, sighing. "Anne writes to beg me to relay a message to you personally."

"Oh." Lizzy's brows rose. "What does she have to say?"

"She apologizes profusely for, in her words, 'her hasty sentiments, poorly expressed' at the end of your stay. She also entreats me to beg your indulgence and asks that you return to Kent to fulfill your promises to her mother. She says that she needs you desperately and is most anxious to have you return." Richard frowned.

Lizzy looked away and stood. She walked to the window, hands listless at her sides. "I see." She played with the rich fabric of the drapes, letting the fabric slip through her fingers. She looked over her shoulder at him. "It does not seem that you approve of her request."

"Darcy acquainted me with the things she said to you and the way she treated you, despite what you were trying to do for her." He bounced his knuckles against his lips. "I have never been good at hiding my disapproval. If it were up to me, I would counsel you to have nothing more to do with her. "

"You do not like your cousin."

"Darcy has always been far more patient and tolerant of her than I."

"Because of her blindness?" Lizzy's eyes narrow, waiting to cast judgment.

"Because of her disagreeable disposition and utter disdain for the feelings of others." He spat and joined her near the window. "She is not a pleasant creature now, nor has she ever been. I do not know how he has put up with the outlandish things she has said and done throughout the years."

Lizzy nodded and looked back out the window. She felt him standing very close to her, almost touching her. He looked over her shoulder at the carriages and horses passing by.

"He told me about what happened…everything." His voice was so low she could hardly hear it.

The hair on the back of her neck prickled from the touch of his words. "I see. Your family seems very peculiar about its secrets."

"Darcy is my best friend and has been since childhood. He and I, Georgiana, and Andrew, have always been very close well. We trust each other."

"What did he tell you?" She traced her finger down the glass, relishing the smooth coolness.

"He felt terribly guilty over what happened. You should never have found things out the way that you did. He should have stopped Wickham before he hurt your family. He may very well never forgive himself for the latter."

She pressed her lips hard and tried to ignore the sick feeling in her gut.

"He does not blame you for…what you said to him and is pleased that you were willing to stay to help Georgiana; and hopes that you two could be friends, despite what has transpired between you and him."

"We are. She is a dear girl, and I am honored to count her among my friends." She leaned her forehead on the windowpane.

"He has not given you up, you know."

She shuffled her feet on the carpet, wondering if it sounded as loud in his ears as it did hers.

"I am not sure he ever will."

"It would be best if he did." She fisted the curtain in her hand and immediately regretted the work the servants would be put to in order to remove the wrinkles she had placed there.

"How can you say that? I have never seen him so effected." Though he had not moved, she was certain that somehow he must, and she moved closer to the window as his breath tickled the back of her neck.

"It will pass, I am sure."

Colonel Fitzwilliam harrumphed; a peculiar, low tone that sounded remarkably like an expression Darcy made. "Perhaps it would for a man who felt less, but not for Darcy. No woman has ever affected him as you have."

"I am not a proper lady and no proper wife for a gentleman like him." She straightened and glanced up at him.

"Perhaps not for a typical gentleman." He frowned, and once again looked eerily like his cousin. "But for him, yes, you are."

The intensity of his gaze drove her into motion, and she hurried toward the fireplace. "Why are you saying these things? What are you trying to accomplish?" With her back to him, she shook her fists at her side.

"I want to see him happy." He braced his back against the window. She heard the glass creak in protest. "Darcy has been so busy being what everyone else needed that he has neglected to consider what he wants or needs. Now that he has found it. I do not wish to see him deprived of it."

"You speak very boldly for one so little acquainted with me, sir."

His boots made a unique scrape as they scuffed across the floor, moving toward her. "I hear you are accustomed to boldness. Darcy tells me your father favors the same strategy."

She did not respond. He was doing it again, standing too close to ignore.

"Anne asks for a response to her request."

She steeled herself and looked up, over her shoulder, directly into the clear blue of his eyes. "Should I write her directly, or should I send it through you?"

He threw back his head with a gasp. "You are not actually considering her request are you?"

"Of course I am." She folded her arms over her chest and summoned up her boldest, most irate tone. "She needs me. After the wedding here, I will go to stand up with my sister when she marries Mr. Bingley. Then I must decide what I will do. I do not believe I will be needed at home, and I did make a promise to Lady Catherine."

"You cannot be serious? You cannot be." He barked out a coarse laugh. "After the way she abused you? You would return for more of the same?"

"Who are you to know it would be more of the same? Perhaps she has come to an understanding—"

"That is highly unlikely. Mr. Clarke believes that Anne pushed Mr. Collins in a fit of pique and was most directly the cause of his accident. Out of guilt she is having him cared for at the house, but can no longer stand to be in his presence. I believe she does not want to be reminded of the consequences of her behavior or hear that another has needs as relevant as hers."

"What a horrible thing to say!" Lizzy balled her fists and glared up at him.

"In all likelihood she is hoping to foist off the care of Collins on you!" He snorted and scuffed his toe on the carpet. "Which I recall you telling me just a few moment ago, your father expressly forbid."

"How can—"

"Miss Bennet! You are every bit as stubborn as Darcy. I would swear that you back is up just now simply because I express a strong opinion on what you should do. Simply to vex me you will insist the opposite."

Her face flushed and she grumbled deep in her throat just as her father did when pushed too hard.

He looked at her and she glanced up to catch his eyes. His expression soften, warmth in his eyes that looked far too much like Darcy."I do not think she intended to hurt Collins, but she did. That is enough to make me fear for your safety."

"But she is in need—"

He rolled his eyes and silenced her with an upraised hand. "—in need of living with the consequences of her selfish behavior and not being rescued by yet another overly sympathetic soul."

Lizzy squeezed her eyes shut and struggled not to snap back.

"If there is someone who needs you, and desperately wants you, it is Darcy."

"You said he told you everything. So then, you know what I said to him."

Colonel Fitzwilliam nodded sharply. "I also know he is prepared to forgetit all at a word from you."

"I am sorry, sir. There is still too much you and your cousin do not know about me that makes this all a moot point."

He drew a sharp breath as an infant's wail cut him off.

"Here is Uncle Richard; he promises to make it all better!" Georgiana cooed and brought Daphne to Richard.

"How is my girl?" He took her and held her up high to look down into his face. Daphne's unhappy shriek stopped abruptly, replaced by giggles.

*syllabub: a traditional English dessert, made from rich milk or cream seasoned with sugar and lightly curdled with wine

**French cream: Brandy, when served in tea