idontwantyouanymore

To see my mind think this way, feeling this pain in my heart like needles slowly piercing through my veins as blood begins to splurge out. It begins to hurt worse everyday when I'm with you as I see you with her with your arm around her shoulders holding her close as you then begin to lean in kissing your pretty pink lips wasting them on her, I was only an object to you as if a trophy you can admire from the top shelf but ignore it when you find no use of it's value after a day. You have always treated me differently in a special way compared to others and I always made myself believe I was the only one but it seems like I let my imagination run wild, you never wanted me, you never considered more than a toy you can play with till the threads on it begin to slowly rip apart till they are no longer attached. I don't want to be with you anymore but every moment of disbelief is changed when you slowly put your pointer finger and thumb on my chin as I cry tears running down from my tear ducts to the end of my chin falling down like rain drops in heavy rain, you say the word I love you like it has no meaning and my weak heart always chooses to stay with you even if you were with her.

I'm seeing the months and seasons pass by as the leaves fall down from their roots connected to the trees and the heavy snow falling down from the highest of branches, I stayed there watching you hold her and kiss her only making the needles go deeper in as a numbing pain began to slowly take over my heart running through my veins, I didn't want this pain anymore, so why do you continue to treat me like this like a game you can play over and over winning with no end to it. However there is always a final boss where the faith of the person playing will continue or end their story there, my limit was beginning to hurt as I tried everyday to please you, make you happy, make you try to want me but it never worked so I was starting to give up hope but...The might, the night where everything changed, I was finally through, I was finally free from your clutch this cage you built for me I was no longer your slave.  I found another boy, he flirted with me treating me the same way you did but the only difference was, he liked me back. So then I was around him getting closer, feeling the numbing pain you cause me begin to fade away, my heart melting like an ice cube surrounded by the heat of many fires, the warm feeling kicking inside.

As I stood there in the hallways of the school he looked down at me with his hand behind his back holding a rose in the palm of his hand, he began to turn red acting a bit shy and before he had a chance to spit out the words stuck in his mouth leaving me in suspense, I felt a sudden tight grip on my wrist. 

You pulled me away from him with your back turned to me as you dragged me away, I tried my best to break you off but I couldn't, your grip beginning to tighten more hurting my wrist then I found myself thrown into a bathroom stall my body against the wall my heart beginning to race out of fear. I looked at you as your expression of anger on your face glared down at me, what did I do wrong? The silence was killing me until your expression turned to sadness. You placed your head on my shoulder then hugged me tightly without saying any words. I stood there with my arms to my side not knowing what to do until I felt your arms shift to my arms putting them around you.

"Please don't leave me," He slowly lifted his head up to look at me then kissed my lips softly and the pain began to come falling back, the feelings I had lost came back like a spear to the heart and I couldn't pull away,  he breaks the kiss as he looks at me pausing then saying the words that hurt me the most "I love you." You don't love me, you love the idea of me, no matter how hard I try to leave you make me stay once again. 

I believed I was free but here I am once again, your puppet with the strings attached to the tips of your fingertips the lies I believe the secrets I have to keep. You never wanted me to leave your side, because I was the one who kept you happy and kept you satisfied, I don't want you anymore. It hurts too much and it begins to make my heart ache with this sensation of nothing but a feeling which was once the will to be here. So I'm sorry for leaving you like this, there was no other way, that's why I wrote you this letter before I took my final breath. You belong with her, I'm sorry.