chap 1 - rebirth

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this first chapter contains mentions of death, suicide, bodily harm, needles, drugs and more so be warned. 

this chapter will quickly cover our MC's first life

2216 words!

// 12/08/2014 \\ 

It's like this everyday. its dark, dusty, smoky and full of people. there's never a passing moment where someone isn't coughing, screaming, shouting or in the midst of passing out. 

Were in a whore house, located in Shinjuku, Japan. Our current residence is the basement where we are allowed to live for free, how kind right? Not really, mommy has to work for us to stay here and it always sounds like she's in pain. The sad thing is because she's English she is seen as more 'desirable' and 'exotic' as the customers like to call her and is therefore put to work more. This earns us a few more scraps but I wouldn't mind if mommy stopped, in fact I'd rather she did. It can't be too hard to find another job that doesn't cause her so much pain, right? Right? 

There was no answer returned, probably because the only person that can hear me is me I guess? I've always had a problem talking to others, I don't know why, i just do. I can talk when I'm by myself but when around people my body just freezes up. The only people i can talk to is mommy and my little brother, Asahi. 

I suppose I didn't say how old I am did I? I'm 13, mommy is 36 and Asahi is 7. also if your wondering, the reason I have an English name and my little brother's is Japanese is because me and mommy moved to Japan when 9 years ago after her breakup with daddy. In short after we moved to Japan mommy met another man, had Asahi, 3 years later he disappeared with everything including all the money and any way to identify me, Asahi and mommy. 

We had been left for dead. Our identity's probably stolen. 

Mommy is just an empty husk of a woman now, compared to the beauty that she used to be. Imagine it, 5'11, perfectly round shaped head with a cheeky smile and blue, round curious eys that adorn it. Smooth, golden-blonde locks of hair trailing down to the small of her back, perky boobs, long legs and good posture. Isn't the sight perfect? 

Now imagine this, empty eyes that always seem to be looking down, a frown ever present. Dull, almost murky blonde hair that never has the old, smooth feel to it, always rough. Her boobs sag and she's always looking for anything to reduce the stress of her days, as she walks down the steps to the basement she completely walks past the sleeping body of Asahi and haphazardly roughs up the top of my head without sparing me a glance. 

 Her destination was one of the many men leaning against the back wall, the moment their eyes meet he pulls out a tray and rolls a joint (weed). Her eyes seem to gain back that old glow they used to have but they didn't hold even a tenth of what they used to be. Her and the other girls all sat in one corner of the room while the men where in another, albeit some woman tended to drift over to the men a lot. 

This was a common site for me, sitting on the mattress that i share with Asahi, watching my mother destroy her lungs and pierce her skin with needles. It doesn't effect me outwardly watching her destroy herself but inside it hurts. It hurts so much, so much i can't stand it but too weak to do anything about it. What a sad existence we all live. 

another common occurrence was just as I was falling asleep i would here these familiar words whispered into my ear, "lily, please. Never give up hope, we will make it out of here one way or another."

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// 16/08/2015 \\ 

Its just me now, I'm alone on the streets with nothing. Walking down the streets in my filthy clothes i walked past a gaming shop, on a screen in the window was a group of animated 3d characters talking and responding to messages, a live stream? Eh, oh well. 

As i walked to my destination all i could think about was when the two most important people in my life disappeared. 

Asahi, at the age of 7 years and 10 months dies due to contaminated blood after a needle was stabbed into his arm by a crazy psycho bitch. I cried for weeks on end, and after crying came nothing. I didn't feel anything or notice anything going on around me for weeks. On the day of Asahi's would-be birthday it all changed. Mommy stopped all the drugs and she seemed like a happier person but in the end she couldn't stand it. She wanted to be with Asahi so bad she did the unthinkable. 

I told myself i would never be that weak and would stay strong as i knew they were watching over me but as all people do, i began to doubt myself. 

As i look down from the 5 story car park there was only one thing on my mind; One step. One step and like Asahi and mommy, i will be happy! 

i had a few drinks and almost finished my bottle, i stood up on the wall and out of no where i laughed, i laughed so loudly and freely it was exhilarating. 

"AHAHAAHAAA" eyes closed and head tilted back I laughed care free.

arms spread out i walked across the wall separating me from a 5 story drop, one large step at a time. when i reached back where my phone is I spun on my tippy toes and faced the car park. 

I leaned back and I was free. 

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"and that's the end?" a man in a blue officer outfit said to another officer wearing glasses. 

"that's it. Wow... to think a 14 year old could do this kind of thing is just so wrong." 

Beside them was a bottle of sake sitting on the wall of the car park, and beneath them on the ground floor... a large white cloth died red. Ambulances surrounded the area and many people made a commotion. 

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It was sudden, It came out of no where but after what felt like an eternity of nothing I breathed what felt like my first breath. 

What's happening? Was i not successful? Did i just wake up to a coma? 

The stinging cold and wet like feeling my body is experiencing would counter that possibility I guess. 

All of a sudden i was encased in a the softest towel I've ever felt in my entire life, IT WAS SO SOFT AND FLUFFY! Like seriously it was sooooo warm! 

Every moment since i 'woke up' was shock after shock but nothing could of prepared me for what happened next. It was a scene of mommy; young, tired and sweaty but beautiful and glowing. The word beautiful has never been used so... right before. This moment will forever be etched into my memory, that smile that I haven't seen for so long, so so long. I promise to forever treasure it. 

I couldn't hold back the tears, they left my body one after the other and eventually I cried myself to sleep. 

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2002 

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Its 2002. From what I've gathered from the last year is this; I've been reborn. Plain and simple, I was not alive and now I am. Youd think it would be a dream come true right? Wrong. A whole year, it took a whole year just to gain any freedom what so ever, I can finally move properly. 

But that isn't my only problem, my main problem is I know what's destined for my future and I need to change it. In 2 years mommy and daddy will break up, and in 3 years we will move to Japan. 

I think i could easily avoid that whole fate by somehow stopping the move to Japan but that raises one problem, no Asahi and I'm afraid that just isn't an option. Asahi is my little angel and i refuse a world that doesn't have Asahi in it, Of course that goes for mommy too. 

I have a lot of work ahead of me but is it too much to just enjoy at least one more year before i begin my plans? I'm sorry Asahi but please allow me just this before I plan our future. Thats all I ask, in return I will make sure you grow up without worries. 

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Age 4 – 2005 

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Enjoy my life I did, but now things are getting serious. Mommy and daddy broke up 7 months ago and it's just us in a one room apartment, it's only a matter of time until we move to Japan and plans need to be put into action now. 

One thing i quickly found out is an app called YouTube, instantly plans formed in my head. I found that it was easy to make money off it but to be able to do that you have to be able to stand out. After some extensive research I quickly found that it was help videos that go big now, I guess that's what people mainly use the internet for in these early days. 

Only one problem that carried over to my rebirth, I can't speak to people, I'm mute. don't get me wrong I can speak fluent English and Japanese, my parents know this too because they hear me talking to myself all the time in my room. It's just when they burst in hearing me talk I just shut up all of a sudden and cant talk anymore.

Anyway, I know that these videos are going to go out for thousands of people to watch. Of course, I can't use my real voice anyway as I'm only 4 years old and I'm on my mom's phone, not exactly high tech, is it? 

An automated voice it is, I guess. That took a whole hour to sort out with my chubby fingers and the currently limited internet. And now all I need to do now is have an idea of a video. 

*sigh* this is going to be a long process isn't it? 

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Age 5 – 2006 

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Weve moved to Japan and mommy met him, the same man. I can remember him clearly from the before life, that short dark hair, those DEEP brown eyes, THAT SLIM figure of his, slight athletic but not a great catch. 

IT TAKES SO MUCH, SO SO MUCH EFFORT AND RESTRAINT TO NOT STRANGLE HIM IN HIS SLEEP. 

But he's necessary, he is Asahi's sperm donor after all. 

One day though, his time will come and i will make sure of it. 

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Age 7 - 2008 

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One thing i realized is that my new father has quite a bit of money, not an insane amount but enough to retire comfortably at the age of 45. 

For that reason, I maintained a good relationship with the man. Made him feel more at home whenever i could and always giving him 'love'. As i can't talk to people i learned sign language but nothing gets the message across better than actions in the form of sloppy kisses on the forehead and hugs coming out of no where. 

Of course i made mommy love him more and more then the before life and after Asahi was borne, i think that tipped the scale. Right at this moment i was dressed in a blue skirt as i was the flower girl for their wedding, in my left hand was a hand woven basket containing blue spider lilies, they are mommy's favourite flowers. 

On my left shoulder was a grown mans hand and every single millisecond that it sits there makes my shoulder burn and my heart rage more and more. Nevertheless i stood there still as a statue, a childish smile on my chubby face and eyes staring into the camera. His name was Daisuke, my mommy's second love. He wore a black and red tux and smart, shiny black shoes. 

 Leaning on the man stood behind me was mommy, she looked beautiful, elegant, pretty. Whatever the word is, she must be the best looking woman to ever grace the earth with their presence. Her white dress enveloping her form made her look even better. 

In mommy's arms was my little angel, cradled and sleeping from the long and eventful day we had so far, he looked so peaceful compared to how i remember. 

As the cameraman began taking his pictures my 'father' lent down and spoke to me in hushed tones, "Lilly your the best daughter a man could ask for." and he finished it off with a kiss to my forehead. 

I controlled my facial muscles to give off the biggest grin I could think of forming and even managed to let out as small giggle, this made him smile and cry. 

The tears were not as satisfying as you would think, they were tears of happiness. I'm never laughing again, EVER. 

I just want him gone already.