A new beginning.... maybe!!?
The sound of honking could be heard, as I sat silently in the cab I don't even know what I was expecting from a scum. Partly it was my fault I fucking deserve it. because not all scums are manipulative I was just too deeply in love to know what I want and just do whatever I feel it will please him. He never tells me to do anything because he doesn't care anyway. It was just me. It's all on me!!
Like transfer from arts class to science class. stop pursuing my passion of being an artist and just decide to apply to the same university because I thought he would hate being in a long distance relationship. Aah!! I must be a failure to my ancestors just looking at me from above must be a pain in the ass.
Oh seems I didn't introduce myself the name's bahaar according to my mother it means sea it from Arabic language. My mom says that she has a bestie named bahaar, she always says that she's the beautiful and most kind hearted woman she'll ever met because apparently she passed away. As my mother says good people die early because God feel like their souls will be tainted by evil but I doubt that cause my mom is a very good example of; if kind and good was a person and she's very much alive. I don't know why she gave me a girl's name though because I have a big sister called steffany. We never got along cause she's an intolerable ego meniac.
Anyway my mom named me bahaar because she wanted me to be free just like the sea. To be calm and wild when situation calls for it and also to give people peace and relaxition when they're near me. If anything I live most of my life quite opposite of what people were expecting from me. I let my family down especially my mom. I let my one and only best friend down whom I don't see eye to eye nowdays. As for my sister I don't know what she thinks about me and I don't even care. There's nothing apology can't fix. It's not that I'm a lost cause and I didn't kill anybody it's not wrong to fall in love. It's not a crime!!!
"Hey kid do you want to sleep on my car or something" comes the arrogant gruff voice of the cab driver.
'Okay rude' but I guess we arrive here soon than what I expected I look outside the car window and see the apartment building Infront of me. It was a gift from my mom when I graduated high school well not the whole building duuh... I've never used it though because....
"Hey dude pay up and get the fuck out...I got places to be" said the shabby looking driver said....I mean what wrong with cab driver nowdays they're fucking rude. And he looks like hed been drinking.. unbelievable!!
'fucker' I cuss at him in my mind..I'm too tired to care. I just slid off the hood hiding my puffed eyes and giving the driver one of my rarest smile"oh I'm so sorry mister driver" I seemed to caught him off guard as he flustered and blushed I snicker in my mind 'sucker'
"Oh um it's okay"
After paying up the fare I started walking and enter the building as i wait for the lift I feel the glances and gazes of people around me probably the tenants and my future neighbors. I didn't bother greeting them because I'm too tired for formalities I just want to sleep and cool my medulla because till I'm standing here it
takes all my mental power.
When I reach the floor where my place is I walk through the corridor to my room.. I put my password and open the door. Still the same a little dusty but at least I have a place to sleep..where would I go in the night like this and it's not like it's a bad place cause it's very homey here everything screams me. My mom's knows me best and despite everything she didn't sale this place. I just want to sleep cause I don't have to unpack anything I come here with just a hoodie and sweatpants cause all the things I own in that place doesn't really belong to me...the things I do, clothes I wear, things I watched was just things the scum love. I want to do what makes me happy for once.
Wanna mark this as a new beginning...maybe!!?