New Life
It's been 6 months now, and let me tell you that life as a baby is absolute hell! Not having control of *Ahem* basic functions is the most soul crushing thing in my entire life. Not to mention I'm now a girl! It just feels different and it was extraordinarily hard to adapt. Life is only going to get harder for me and I have absolutely no confidence in being able to keep going. I must though. I have been given a stroke of luck to end up here after I died and I cannot wast this life!
This is the 7th month since my birth and I can happily say that I have regained control of myself so that I can now start living properly. Toddling through the large oaken hallway, back to my mother in our room. A maid passes by me a smile, I reach my mother, Silvia, who is watching me attentively in a leather armchair by the window of the room. This is the only room in this manor that feels like home, only our room.
Mum: Look at you sweetie, already walking by yourself.
I giggle at her as she picks me up and hugs me tight. She starts reading me a story from a picture book. Whilst prentending to be interested in the book, I should tell you a bit about this world. I've learned from listening to the maids and visitors of my mother that I was born to Silvia Marlington, the Duchess of the empire. Don't know the name of the empire, Just the empire.
This world is very dangerous, there are beasts that roam the lands outside and the people of this world are constantly at war with eachother. Apparently I have 2 brothers, the youngest being 12 and the oldest is a young man now. My middle brother is at military school, and my oldest brother is with my father, who has held the northern border of the empire for the last 30 years.
My mother tells me stories about them. I don't know if it's intuition but I think my mother knows that I've been able to understand her from a very young age. I feel so guilty about it all. She wanted a daughter so badly because she's always alone, but instead she gets some guy that has taken over this body. It's eating me up whenever I look into her eyes that contain endless love. I always wanted a mother and I don't think i could bare to part with her, but I feel so guilty.
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Mum: Time to wake up sweetie, todays your special day.
As i gently rub my eyes, I roll over in bed to look at my mother. She likes to sleep with me by her side ever since I was a baby. Looking into her eyes and yawning cutely, I smile at her, saying: morning mum.
Mum: Happy birthday sweetheart. What do you want to do today?
Asia: Lets spend the day together... I just want to be with you.
She smiles at me and helps me get up and get dressed. I'm still not used to wearing dresses, but they are very confortable, so I don't mind so much, I'm sure that weird feeling will fade away with time.
I've been thinking a lot about my new life. The biggest Issue with everything right now is this horrible guilt that has been piling up for a long time. I just can't let it go, and it's starting to tear me apart. I need to do something about it, so for better or worse, I'm going to tell mum about my reincarnation. If she rejects me that's fine, but I can't continue to live like this, it's horrible.
Walking with mum down the hallways, weaving through the stately halls of the manor, we reach the main hall where the head maid meets us every morning. I think mum wants to do stuff like dress herself so she doesn't become overly dependant on the maids. She used to be a high rank adventurer you see, and I found out the hard way that she is extraordinarily strong.
Asia: Mum, I want to sit on the chair myself today.
She looks at me with teary eyes and faintly lets out: Are you sure sweety?
Those eyes damnit! I feel so terrible. I'm a terrible daughter. I smile at her brightly and nod my head, while the guilt threatens to spew out of me. We walk down the stairs, greeting a couple passing maids on the way, and reach the dining area on the first floor. It's a spacious room with a fireplace and tallwooden furniture.
???: Good morning mistress, what would you like for breakfast today?
The head maid, who followed us, a lady with grey hair, about the same age as mum, her hair tied in a bun with a sharp angled face, bespecticled and I swear her blue eyes are so sharp they could cut you. Definitely a formidable person.
Mum: Good morning Maria, Asia can decide what we're having for breakfast today.
Maria: Of course mistress, it is a special occasion after all. Congratulations young mistress on your first cycle.
Asia: Good morning Maria! Can we please have fried bread that has been soaked in egg with tomatoes and fruit juice.
Maria: Oh? That sounds nice, I will have the chefs prepare it right away.
Maria, ever serious in her duties, strode through the large doors into the kitchen whilst mum helped me up into the raised chair next to her. Normally she feeds me herself whilst I sit on her lap, I think shes becoming dependant on me a little. I must tell her the truth or I'll be crushed by all this guilt.
Maria came back with our breakfast soon after she left and simply stayed to the side as we ate. I decided that I would simply like to walk through our property with mum today. Our property is huge. Our manor overlooks a rather large town situated in a mountainous valley. Our house stands on the only hill covered in grass, and extends down the other side, bordering the forest at the bottom ofthe hill that spreads as far as the eye can see.
As we have finished our breakfast and prepare to head out to spend the day together, I ask: Mum, can we go into the forest today?
Silvia: The forest?... I don't see why not, It's your birthday after all. But I will be holding your hand the entire time, if you can't promise me that then you can forget about it.
I look into her eyes that hold no room for argument and nodded assuredly to her, promising: I promise mum, lets go lets go!
SIlvia laughs as she watches her cute daughter nod her head frantically and pull her along by the hand. As she's lead along by her daughter she thinks to herself about the past year since she was born. Silvia, unkown to Asia, is a very powerful sensitive. She is very attuned to the emotions of everyone and the world itself, granting her premonitions in the form of emotions and sometimes visions if strong enough.
'Hmm. I've been having strong visions ever since her birth about her. She wants to tell me something, I know that, but these feelings and images about her future are still too blurry.' Silvia thinks to herself as she's lead down the hill to the edge of the forest. She allows herself to be pulled into the forest after her daughter. The thick canopy of trees blocking a lot of the sunlight and the lush forest ground filled with many different colours of wild flours and mushrooms is almost enchanting.
Silvia: Be careful honey and hold my hand. There are many dangers in the forest so we can't go too far in okay?
Asia: Yes mum.
Asia keeps quiet as she leads them a little deeper into the forest where they come across a stream and she chooses to sit there. Sivlia picks up Asia and puts her in her lap, sitting in the long grass and bathing in the cool breeze blowing through the trees.
Silvia: Okay sweetie, what is it you wanted to tell me?
Asia's mouth goes O as she her mind whirls at a million miles an hour trying to think of how to even start talking. I mean, howare you supposed to tell your mother that their child has already lived and entire life before?!
Asia: How did you...
Silvia: I'm your mother dear, it's my job to know when something's wrong. Now, what is it that you wanted to tell me?
Asia: I....
Silvia: ...It's okay dear. No matter what, you're still my daughter, and I will always love you. You're my world Asia, so tell me what's wrong okay?
She looks into Asia's dazzling amethyst eyes as they start to water, radiating with endless love that only a mother can show, Asia bitterly fighting back the tears forming in her eyes.
Asia: (Whipser) *I don't know if I deserve this...*
Silvia looks at her daughter a little oddly: Deserve what dear?
Asia: I don't know if I... If I deserve you as my mother...
Silvia looks at her daughter strangely and starts to giggle: And what brought this on hmm? Why do you look so guilty?
Asia: Please don't hate me... please...
Silvia: And why would I ever hate you???
Asia: ......You see...
And so I told mum through my tears about my reincarnation. Her first reaction was to look at me strangely and say in a soothing tone: It's okay dear, it's okay. I think I understand how this would be eating at you. Come here.
She held me close as I cried, letting out all my pent up feeling about my guilt. She told me it was okay and she will love me no matter what. I don't understand! How can she just accept me! Hey! Your daughter lived for over 20 years as a man already! How?! WHY?!! MUM!!!!
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Silvia: So are you going to tell me more about yourself then?
Asia: O-okay mum.
I told her everything that happened from my first memories to the husk I found myself as after my friends deaths. I spoke about my father and how he raised me single handedly, how I had always wanted a mother, but my life was still a good one without regrets, so I felt so selfish for so long that I now have a mother, I already had a good life! Do I deserve this?!
Silvia: Sweetie... even if it is selfish, I think it's okay to be selfish sometimes, don't you?
.....That's true isn't it? How have I forgotten? I remembered back to when I saw how my fathers kindness was thrown back at him by those above him, how he never reacted and how it ended up when he got demoted and put in a permanent backlog position. I will be selfish as I've always been! I will live just for me!
Giving a radiant smile at my mother, my regrets are gone, my mind has cleared up and I can feel properly now for the first time since I've been born: Mum! I love you!
Jumping into her arms and wiping my tear stained cheeks on her sleeve, I feel at peace for the first time in a long time.
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Feeling Asia falling asleep, Silvia picks her up gently and carries her back to the manor. Tucking her into bed upon arriving, she looks down at her child with surges of different emotions. It was a lot to take in, having a child with an already adult mind, but when she remembered the intense conflict she saw in her daughters eyes before all this, her heart relaxed. Her daughter gave her her trust, and she is her mother and will accept her no matter what happens.
Looking at her daughter lying there, she is so cute. Her soft and delicate creamy white skin with tinges of colour on her cheeks. Her soft and silky silver hair, tinged with slight bits of pink flashing and reflecting the afternoon sunlight, just like her mothers, draping perfectly on her head to frame her face. The cute button nose, chubby round face and long fluttering eyelashes. 'She is my daughter and I will always love her', she swore to herself, before she too went joined Asia in bed and fell asleep. After all, it's been a long day already.