What's else is on? ...AF 2022

Deep in the earth and sea, where mere mortals cannot touch, was quarantined a Boba Witch for the last 200 years. She was a bit bored waiting for her show, I was Born The Unloved twin, to come back after its very long break. No matter how many times she smacked the screen, nothing would come on and she was a bit bored of the reruns by now.

"What else is on?" the witch decided to change the channel.

Juuuuuust a bit.

The boba in the great fountain swirled, and the hamster wheel of life spun with a great light. The great light of the channel flipped, changing the scene on the screen.

The cute face of a little girl named Rosalia Ventrella morphed, as did the view of her world.

-

---*zip zap flip*---

—

*knock knock*

"I AM HERE FOR THE BAKE SALE CREAM FILLED PANCAKES PWEASE!"

The school's best athlete, the most chaotically infamous boy in school, Lukas. He appeared as suddenly as a freak thunderstorm. Just as loud too, with a sickening crack of the Home EC classroom's door meeting wall.

It made the poor baker scream and instinctively throw the mixing bowl. With amazing aim too, something Lukas could appreciate if it didn't hurt so bad out of nowhere.

But…

That scream

The instant throw

THIS DELICIOUS BOWL OF FROSTING CREAM DRIPPED OVER HIS NEW HEAD INJURY. Oh, Gable and Rosalia said to stop getting head injuries BUT THIS WASN'T HIS FAULT.

IT WAS THEM!?!!

THE ONE HE HAD BEEN LOOKING FOR!?!!

In a situation like this, what can the people really do? So here comes the bad chase scene. The assailant ran away with an "I'M SORRY" cry, sobbing in shame

Lukas, ever the athlete, did not disappoint even with a mixing bowl over his head. Giving chase in a very scary way to anyone who witnessed it. Confusing anyone who heard him screaming things like:

"IT'S YOU!"

"BLONDIE WITH THE NIPPLES!"

"THIS FROSTING IS RLY GOOD TOO!"

"wait wait wait COME BACK, DON'T YOU REMEMBER ME!? I WALKED IN ON YOU CHANGING AND YOU THREW A TUBA AT ME. WAIT I JUST WANNA TALK! Didn't you see the MANY POSTERS WE MADE LOOKING FOR YOU!!!"

"I KNOW IT'S YOU, I RECOGNIZE YOUR SCREAMING BEFORE AND I DEF. RECOGNIZE IT NOW!"

"EVEN IF YOU RUN, I'M AWESOME AND FASTER!"

"TUBA NIPPLES!!!"

The cries of the chased student went practically unheard, drowned out. But one could imagine how painful it was, with Lukas's echoing eternal teenaged shame down the hall. Curious, amused and unfortunate witnesses peeked out from their indoor clubrooms and activities.

The president of the Cultural Cheese Research club felt a breeze, then shrugged it off, calling for order. The burrito throwing club, led by was staking a rescue operation by the mini horchata fountain. The sports teams outside rubbed their ears, hearing their MVP player somewhere in the distance.

Somewhere off campus, the vilest, most popular mean girl, queen of the school, Rosalia Ventrella, shivered violently. Her "Lukas did something irreversibly stupid" senses were tingling.

---*zip zap flip*---

—

"Ahhhh bad American highschool au. Hmmm not really feeling teenaged cringe today. Next!" the witch flipped the channel.

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'And that's one terribly expensive handkerchief belonging to an infamous possibly dead tragic young villainess noblewoman beauty , going once for 3million going twice- oh I got 3.2million. Remember this is going to the "save the Mackerel Foundation- bidding 3.3million? GOING ONCE, GOING TWICE…'

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"Who even buys these things? " the witch asked no one in particular. Stuffing some snacks in her mouth, she checked the next channel.

—-

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Last time, on 'Breaking In with the Bicchieri'.

...the guys are placed in an entirely unknown territory.

"Is this supposed to be some kind of sex toy???" Giacobbe waved the flopping end of the stick.

It was a toilet plunger.

Domenico was utterly confused despite his silence, holding his own plunger the wrong way.

Meanwhile the youngest brother, Frederick, explains how he never did learn if commoner toilets are different or not. Well now was the time to find out.

Can the absurdly wealthy and out of touch Bicchieri men survive their first trip to a warehouse like Costco?

"It sounds fake," one brother decides.

"...No…" the eldest observes in shock, horror and slight awe.

"How barbaric, they have to manually flush things."

But as with all great discoveries, there must be research and observation. So into the public men's restroom they go to test their newest find.

*camera zooms to toilet*

"We need to clog the toilet first in order to see if the plunger works." Frederick gestured to the objects in the plan, though admittedly getting distracted with spinning the toilet paper roll. They didn't have something like that at home.

"....yes." Dom agreed, pulling out a giant jar of pickles from the purchases.

The camera crew had the receipt and everything.

"Go on Frederick, you can afford a pickle out of that ghastly large jar of yours. It was your idea." Giacobbe grimaced, carefully avoiding getting his designer clothes dirty in this place.

After a small fight, or a reasonable discussion on how to proceed, they sacrifice a WHOLE DAMN ASS PICKLE to the public toilet. Their theory was that it was relatively fresh human feces shaped.

After a few attempts, the toilet most definitely gets clogged and the experiment can continue.

Meanwhile, outside the Costco dumpster. The girls try out dumpster diving.

"Move that ass!" Valentia yelled at her sister, digging through the trash.

It was a whole new world down here. A game never before played. When she found a still cold wheel of cheese, she cheered. Yet when she looked over, Gemma was not in her supporting place at all.

*cue camera zoom in to woman in teetering heels running at break speed across the parking lot*

"Aw come on! We were supposed to be trying something new and bonding." Valentia complained to the camera.

*cue camera cut to interview*

"There's novelty and there's stupid. I get enough trash from my family, why would I jump into it myself?" Gemma checked her nails.

Meanwhile back inside the Costco

When security comes and the men are officially banned from Costco, at least from this location, how will the Bicchieri right this shame!?

Can a family buy a whole Costco to unban themselves?

Stay tuned to 'Breaking In with the Bicchieris!'

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"Ahhh just boring reality TV….?"

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—-

"To remove stains from the kitchen, bathtub, armory, or floors, try mansalt. Yes, pure organic human produced salt. If you can't cry enough on your own, store bought is fine." announced a kindly smiling man on the screen.

Clean with this and you could have your things cleaner than his shiny face and tiny eyebrows.

"For extra stubborn spots in your true love, try pure desperation.-"

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"Meh, infomercials." the witch flipped the wheel.

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—-

"Why, it's elementary my dear Lukas." the brilliant young heiress chewed her candy cigarette. Gorgeous even in simple menswear of suspenders and a plain white collared shirt. Though that was most likely due to spending the last 8 hours in her spa and salon.

Daddy and Grampa's money didn't cut her off there yet. Lady needed to maintain themselves.

"I'm not in elementary school, Rosa!" the actual badged detective shouted in frustration.

"There there, don't wreck your pretty little head in thinking. That's my job. See that CRIMINAL left these calling cards at the last stolen crime scene. My own Father's art museum! Thus we have all the evidence untampered. There's a hint of where the Phantom Thief will strike next! Oh ho ho!" Rosalia flipped her hair, styled scandalously flapper short, at her own genius.

"I thought he just wrote it down on the cards he sends us and to the HEROS force? You know like he did the last 7 times." Lukas groaned.

"It's a trap! A lie! We'll get him exactly next time. He will pay behind bars. Pay I say!!! Mark my words. I'm not Rosalia Ventrella, girl genius for nothing and I will get my inheritance back! Bahahaha!"

*knock knock*

The old ceiling fan waved slowly, hardly disturbing the air let alone the evidence. Blurry black and white photographs pinned on a board, scattered across the table. Yarn pinned around to find a pattern as the detectives worked tirelessly. Outside, the streets were bustling alive, with the clip clopping of horse carriages and people going about their day.

The agency's creaky door opened to a messy bespectacled man juggling a concerning tower of drinks and snacks.

"Still hard at work? I brought you guys coffee from the museum cafe." Amar announced his entry, as if the revitalizing smell of sweets and caffeine didn't do it.

"BREAK TIME!" Lukas jumped for joy, rushing over to help carry the take out coffee and pastries over.

Really though he ended up just picking up Amar whole and carrying him over to plop into a chair. When he dropped Amar's glasses, the young detective just picked them right off the floor, blew hard and put them back on his friend's face.

"Lukas! Amar! Careful of the evidence!!!" Rosalia righted the shaking cups of their drinks.

That was before diving into a brown paper bag of pastries. HMMM, still warm.

"Did Georgie make these? They're brilliant." she stuffed her face without care. After all it was just her minions here and she was tired from using her brain so much.

"Yeah, new items for this season. Thought you might like a check over of the products and a pick me up. How long have you guys been working on this one?" Amar leaned over their table.

"Since 4am after we got back from the last heist. Bleck! No cream or sugar! This one isn't mine!" Lukas stuck out his tongue, handing the wrong coffee back to his friend's side.

"Don't spit and eat quietly Lukas," Rosa stuffed one of the new scones into Lukas's crying mouth.

"Mmfffpfff nom tanks mff noms"

"You didn't sleep?" Amar looked at his friends' faces, noting the dark circles and haggard looks.

Mostly on Lukas, who looked like an abused sled dog forced to much too hard for a cruel driver. Rosalia's dark undereye circles were as she called them, "A look. You wouldn't understand fashion. The night calls and the Noir is in."

Either way, Amar felt a wave of guilt at their suffering.

"How can we when there is an overrated 'phantom' thief at large! Who knows what poor victim, what sum of precious money, he will make off with next!" Rosalia declared, throwing a sharp dart at the newspaper printed picture on the wall.

Holes and pins had already darted the picture before. But Lukas had already ruined the wall in property damage so Rosalia didn't care. She also had a lot of printed copies of her target. The best shot the paparazzi ever got of him. The masked Phantom thief that creates chaos in their society, striking museums, mansions, wherever treasure may lay.

Gone without a trace…

"You know…I think even Phantom thieves go to sleep?" Amar pointed out, poking their dark circles.

"Well we won't, not till we land him behind bars and throw away the keys! Right Lukas!?"

"Zzzzzzzzz."

Rosalia sighed in her palm as Amar laughed, telling her to quiet down and let the poor guy take a nap. Though they did poke him a bit to make sure he ate everything in his mouth and wasn't going to choke in his sleep.

"Fine, fine, he can have a bit of rest. Not like he'll be sleeping much tonight either. Lots to prepare." Rosalia thought out loud.

"Wait, why?" Amar asked, glasses slipping off skew when he tilted his head.

"We're going on a stake out of course!"

"...But why? The latest calling card states midnight at the Bicchieri family's private yacht club, over a week from now."

"Understandable, my dear dumb baa, baa, black sheep. The wool of public perception and ignorance has been fully pulled over your eyes." she stole the glasses right off his face and placed it on her very own nose. It made her look even more brilliantly intelligent than before. "You most likely don't know this as a member of the common civility, but there's a lot of work that goes into detectiving. A lot of traps. What the criminal says, no matter how shamelessly public, does not always go. Worry not, for our well prepared vigilant task force is always at least three steps ahead."

"ZZZZZZzzzzZZ snore zzzzz." a sleepy detective snored over on the couch they placed him. So ahead, yes.

"Uh huh," nodded Amar, quite unimpressed. "And you can't do that after getting some rest? It's not coming for…11 days? Besides, you guys aren't responsible for this. No one told you to?"

"I will take back my family honor and inheritance with that sneaky thief's stupid ass displayed in my family's zoo!" Rosalia screeched, throwing another dart at the newspaper picture.

"....right." Amar nodded along, feeling tired again just from listening.

"What could that fiend be doing with all those stolen treasures, not a single trace can be found. Where are they being sold on the black market when I have my contacts observing every corner. How? Why? So many questions." she mumbled over her notes, hand reaching for another snack.

"Maybe return them back to the original country and people they were stolen from? End international conflicts? Bury or destroy cursed artifacts?" Amar hopefully hinted.

"Unlikely! They're probably badly displayed in a vault somewhere as a testament to his ego or until he can find a safe buyer." Rosalia theorized back.

"...Right. Sure. Of course, Rosa." he wiped her messy face with a napkin.

"We'll trap him this time. He'll never get past my genius plans. Such a sacrifice I'm making. I'm working directly with my own annoying cousin to cover every detail."

"...annoying? Philippe? The one who actually owns the yacht club?"

"Well his Father technically does but it's the same thing. Yes. That one. Ugh. What a pain it's going to be dealing with his narcissistic shower of flower petals." she grimaced.

"He's funny." Amar nodded again.

"ZZZZZZZZZ SNORT zzzZZZZZzzzz." a sleeping Lukas also agreed, in his own unconscious way.

Rosalia leaned back in her chair, dart swirling in her hand like she was playing with a pen. Words quick and thoughts quicker.

"Oh he can try to strike, but we're restructuring the whole thing. That display gem he's claiming to steal? He'll never find the new hiding spot, not after touching the trap we're setting for him. Even though he'll never crack the code on the new safe under the StingRay aquarium! It's my Grandmother's birthday minus 5 and is encrypted in medieval poetry in the language Catalan! Ahahahahah! Even if he could scuba dive, swim to the hidden safe, understand Catalan enough to crack the impossible code, then the starved sharks will surely get him! The Phantom will never know what hit him!"

"...Oh?...Well that's…uh interesting. I like sharks." Amar nodded with a small smile, much slower this time.

"Praise me, for I am brilliant." Rosalia nodded back, gleeful.

"You're brilliant. Super smart. No one would never expect any of that." Amar clapped for her.

"Oh ho ho ho! I know!" she laughed, rightfully prideful.

"GOTCHU!!!"

Like a waking nightmare, Lukas jumped. A sudden burst of speed, strength and unnerving accuracy.

Too bad he was just sleepy and ended up clinging to his friend's back like a koala.

"Hi Lukas, did you have a nice nap?" Amar asked with a soft smile.

"Lukas, don't be so wild! Sheesh, you'll mess up the evidence table and spill the coffee! Get off Amar, you know he's a weak museum nerd and can't support more than three inventory boxes, let alone your weight." Rosa scolded.

The young detective yawned, slowly climbing down and stretching.

"A nap huh? What a dream, I remember chasing the Phantom down like I did before, almost about 3 times, but he always hides and gets away real quick. His back, I could have sworn….the size and shape of…." Lukas kept an arm around Amar for support, hand pressing over the other man's familiar shoulder. Comfortable in the scent of coffee and archiving dust in Rosalia's family museum, along with a slightly cloying undertone of something spiced.

"Now that you're up, Lukas, let's go visit the site. My cousin should already be down there working the blueprint details. Are you coming too, Amar?" Rosalia asked.

"Oh? I won't be in the way?" Amar gasped.

"Nah, it will be fun. Come on." Rosa returned the glasses back on his face, then stood up to gather her stuff.

"Sure." Amar followed, neatening up the table of drinks and evidence.

"Fun." Lukas yawned, sniffing the air filled with coffee, leather, dust, and spice.

Bones and newspaper ink. A collection vault buried and made public. His instincts are never wrong even when he can't make sense of it. It's why he's the rising star in the force, even if he chose to work alone and with his sidekick.

"Hurry up, Lukas!" the heiress investigator called, tapping her leather shoes at the door.

"Maybe if you didn't force him not to sleep…" Amar judged.

"Oh you hush, you civilian."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

Lukas stretched and grabbed his trench coat, not needing much more. He walked out last with the intention of locking up, passing by Rosa's torn up dart board of the Phantom's masked face. A soft and sly smile behind the black and white print.

Lukas yawned again and shrugged, he'll think better after more sleep. Maybe coffee. Definitely bacon.

"We're getting bacon!" he announced, chasing after his bickering friends down the hall.

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The boba witch slurped a coffee boba. Chewing the little tapioca balls as her snack. Why does watching stuff always make you want to eat or drink what they were eating?

" I like….love the costumes in this one, but I hate the setting. Nothing makes sense. Why are they speaking in vague Atlantic accents?? Why?! Is this New York or London? What time period is this? Where do you get detectives that dumb!?" she flipped the wheel, spinning to another channel.

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"LE GASP" the maiden in white swooned, nearly falling off the dramatic staircase in drama, drama and more drama.

"Le GASP IN SPANISH" she sobbed, crying her delicate dainty beauty into something shamefully ugly. Because no one really cries pretty, not even in dramas. Especially when she held an expensive and dangerous vase threateningly on top.

"Lilyanne, please don't do this." a man begged below.

"CHOOSE, DARLING. CHOOSE NOW. ME OR HER!" she sobbed ugly, so so ugly.

"Lily, please see reason, for once. Put down the vase! You don't know what's in there?!"

"How could you, HOW COULD YOU! THIS SHOULD BE AN EASY CHOICE." Lilyanne Ventrella, PRETTIEST GIRL AT THE PARTY, cried.

"....what?"

"Me! Your darling beautiful perfect to be future wife, OR THAT CHICKEN?!"

"...Wait what? When did we get engaged? Are you really jealous of a literal chicken?"

"Bak baaaaak!!!!" said literal chicken flapped in.

"SO YOU CHOOSE CHICKEN!?!?! Goodbye cruel world, for love, I leave you- sanity. COME HERE YOU STUPID HOMEWRECKING COCKBLOCKING FOWL. IMMA TURN YOUR BLOOD TO TOFU."

"BAK BAK BAAAAK BAAAK!"

"Le gasp! OH IT'S ON!"

Feathers. Blood. Flowers. More blood. More feathers! But whose? Oh the flames of passion.

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"Le gasp. Telenovellas love shapes WWE! I need to watch the previous episodes, I missed some parts. ….what else is on?"

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A ball ticked and spun. Spun like an old clock gone haywire. Broken. Haunted. Ruined in madness.

She must have been mad. She must have ticked down insanity to become like this.

Reason shudders, screams for her to stop this madness yet reason is not the victor. Reason doesn't flow through her veins. It had no power, no effect, as she abused her royal status. As she held balls after all balls like some stupid little obsessed teenager. Acting worse than her own sister.. Searching blindly, futilely, for something as useless as fascination.

Merely fascinating. She would never call it love. She doesn't know the word.

And she never will.

"This way…" she gasped, pulling at costumed claps out of any halls. Deeper and deeper into the castle, a stone fortress turned useless from the inside.

"The event-" he pants in between their stolen breaths. Interrupted in her haste. They rush before diving right back in. If it was up to him, screw the event and everyone waiting. What was the point of it all if not for this?

Why were they playing this game?

"Shuuut uuuuup- mmmpf"

He takes the opportunity as she yells at him to hurry, takes it and her open mouth.

In her shock, his tongue easily slides in and it feels like coming home. In her flustered rage, she pulls him in further and welcomes him back. The words she can't ever seem to say, she conveys through their mouths. It's wet and indecent, it's the best they ever felt.

Time seems to blur, there's no one else, nothing but them. But their time is also running out.

"Have- to *kiss* get you back ... " the words come broken between rough kisses.

"Don't give me that bullshit," she violently pulls at his hair. Down to where their lips could hurt each other once again.

She hopes it hurts. She really does.

She hopes his entire world burns like how hers was ruined by him. If only he had never appeared on that first night of the ball. If only she wasn't there either, locked away in the doom and gloom of her court work.

If only they had never met.

It wouldn't hurt so wretchedly. The want. Wanting starts all her problems, and she swore. As a young girl she swore on her parents' graves that she would never want anything again. Never again.

"I hate you." she wants to cry, clinging hard.

"...I know. "

"I have a husband," the dam breaks, salty tears dripping between.

"I know. "

"I could have done without you. I should have. I would have been fine on my own. I was stronger on my own. Why did you have to come into my life and ruin everything? Why?! You already have a life, your own. Freedom. Why did you need to come and ruin my only peace?!!"

There were no words to respond to that. Nothing that could really be said to fix the utterly broken truth.

Only strong arms and a warm hold to support her tears. .

She hasn't been held by a man since her own Grampa. She hasn't let herself accept human touch for so long.

"....do you love him? So much so this… betrayal…of your vows… hurts this much?" he bites out the words as if they were knives in his mouth.

"I love no one. Not even myself." cries turns to laughter in hers, it can only be madness.

"That cannot be, my Queen."

"Shut it. You are not my subject. I am the mechanical queen of a frozen over land in death. And you…" her hands shook as she reached out. Careful where she was so violent before, unreasonable to even herself how deeply she cared. How terrible and divine this heart in her hands was. She reached for his face and held him, as if she could keep this memory to keep her warm for the rest of her days. "...you are life….You are life, its very self... I can't have you. "

A kiss to her palm, so very gentle. Yet it burns ever deadly, burning a hole right through her heart.

"It will kill you." her voice breaks again, caressing the softness of what she could hold.

For now. Only for now.

"...Kill me then."

"I said to shut up!-mmffff."

Kisses pile up the breaking pressure in her heart. The clinks of party glasses still flow down stairs. There's an overflow. The glass. The wine. Her soul.

Lord have mercy on her poor overflowing heart. It was not so big. It could not hold so much.

"Shut up-" she managed between breaths, even though there were no more words.

To that he hears something else, he must. Shut up and keep kissing me senseless, it can only be that when she cries and holds on so desperately. This was not a woman who wanted to let go.

"The event…" but they must, they must eventually.

"No…don't go…don't leave too…." she cries brokenly when he half pulls away.

That's dangerous, her face, her voice. It was too lovely, too dangerous.

Thunder cracked and the party would go on. The unpredictable storms, from the worlds around them, would make them go on.

".if..if this goes on, I won't be able to stop for your piety...your majesty…"

"Don't call me that, never call me. Not when it's you, just us….besides...Is it even possible? Can you really ruin me any further?" she asks with a smile, cruel and self depreciating.

"Rosalia..."

She moans and attacks his lips at the call of her name. Something beastly, instinctual and right, just right.

"Is that….Do you really…want…to become an adult with me…" he pants, touching his forehead to hers.

"...Don't be so dramatic…something like that…means nothing to me. No man, not even you, has the power to change me so fundamentally." she lies to herself. Maybe if she lies enough times, it will become true.

They share an awkward moment. Of small smiles and the uncertainty of the future. Of actually standing in the present. Because the current present was already something impossible to the Rosalia of the past. Life is strange. It is relentless. It is tragic. It held these little pockets of golden sunshine. It felt nothing like how she thought happiness was supposed to feel like.

How unfair, this strange thing called life was.

"...you can....do …whatever…it is… over my dress" she can feel herself shaking.

From the shame, the impatience. The admission is as good as a confession. that she wants this, wants him too.

His fingers stilled.

His gaze was far too intense, even though she longed to look away. Tears already trembling along with her nerves, too sensitive, too set ablaze.

*rip*

The sound tearing cloth and snapping straps only served to heat the air. Her scream of shock seemed to echo. Flowing into gasping pants. Red flushed further from her cheeks down at the skin exposed to cool air.

"Like that?" his hands tore through the bothersome bust of her dress. His smile of appreciation looked mocking in her eyes.

"You terrible fool, you idiot, you fiend!? Do you know how much that cost?! You- you!!!" she screams angry, struggling to hold whatever modesty she had left. Strips of ribbons and frills, the heavy weight of her dress almost on the floor.

Anger was familiar. Anger she could do. The trembling girl, with tears and desire, reflected back in his eyes was too embarrassing for Rosalia to face as herself. Surely, it couldn't be?

She couldn't face it.

"I'll get you another,..." he whispered, voice low, a soothing balm to her anxious fear. Larger hands placed over her struggling ones. The contrast of them again made her feel strange, too strange, too aware of their different sexes.

The heat radiating from them was overwhelming.

It doesn't take much force to get her to let go. It doesn't take any force at all, when it comes to him.

She lets out a shameful squeak, at that heat, as the top of her dress finally falls. Falls to the floor. She can feel it as the crumpled torn hem slips past the peaks for her too suddenly sensitive breasts. Forcing her raw and revealed.

"...and another." hungry eyes bore down, removing her weak hands from view.

Weak. She felt far too weak.

If he wasn't holding her up against this door, she feared she would crumple along with the dress. His heat felt even impossibly closer. Hot breath further leaning down, teasing against her skin. Lower and lower.

Hot blood thundered through her ears, making her hardly able to hear let alone comprehend a thing. Not like this.

His hands hefted underneath her naked breast, finally touching but not quite. Hot breath far too close, ghosts of his lips. It made her squirm in dreaded anticipation, but for what...she doesn't want to know.

"I'll buy you all the pretty clothes, the kind you like, the kinds you've never seen before...and rip them off you too." He mouthed at the heated skin of her collar.

Then dove straight in, finally putting that sinful mouth to good use. Sucking. Hard.

She almost couldn't hear him over her own filthy pleasured screaming.-

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'That concludes the free preview. To continue watching this program, pay per view at 12 eternal sorrows or get a membership at only 19.99 souls a month!'

…

A boba was thrown at the screen. Then a table. Then the couch.

"RIGHT AT THE GOOD PART?!!!" the witch sobbed and screamed. What a horrible tease!?! What was this premium shit?!?

But 19.99 souls a month was just too rich for her blood, and the great Hamster system didn't accept her own misery as a form of valid payment.

It was best to just try to watch something else. Try. Maybe cry.

Definitely crying.

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"For over a millennium, the Goat curse of the southern Peninsula has baffled not only historians, but all walks of life. Even to the highest point of the feudalistic system, the conquerors."

Since the fall of Rome, officially set by historians in the year 476 on the Julien calendar, many foreign forces have crowned themselves with the title 'King of Italy." Most notable of all were the Franks.

But it was from their example, and most noble of family lines, that the Curse of the Goat followed.

For generations, the conquering kings would more or less be subjected to mysterious deaths in, on the road, or shortly after a trip from the ancient cities of lost Rome. Now the modern day National Forest of Death.

While not at the start of the line, the "Curse of the Goat" most famously affected the Three Ottos, in particular the younger generations. Unlike their unifying namesake, Otto II and Otto III would both die young, both with seemingly sudden mysterious deaths in the land of the Goat. Records indicate disease, outbreaks, and poor traveling conditions in the wake of the rebelling campaigns.

But the people whisper. What if it was the disapproving spirit of the Great Goat?

Further down the line of succession were-"

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A witch sobs, throwing everything she could at the screen.

"You can't SEDUCE OR COMFORT me with HISTORY CHANNEL after denying me the PREMIUM TEASE. WTF? WTF HAMA?!!? THIS ISN'T FAIR???! THINGS WERE GETTING STEAMY! BRING BACK THE SCANDALOUS ROYAL AFFAIR AU. I WANT TO WATCH MORE OF THAT!!! T-T"

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Tonight on 'Undercover Boss'..

Will Lilyanne Ventrella, socialite and humanitarian, recover the name of the Charitable Soup Kitchens? Or is it doomed to rot and fall from the inside out?

What internal strife ripples through the soup served on your plate?

Can the health inspector ever trust again?

How much were the hospital bills?

Will there be reconciliation? Or sheer violence?

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"That's not what I want either! T_T ARRRRRGGG"

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"What makes you think a 'plain' guy like you can stand then…as TOP MODEL?"

The judging panel asked, the lights dimming.

The sleeper hit contestant, Georgie, shrugged.

"My tiny boss is making me do this?"

The judging table of the world's greatest fashion critics stared critically. Their whispers and wigs went so fast, that they caught fire.

"HOLY SHIT THE SET IS ON FIRE? IS NO ONE GOING TO DO ANYTHING??!?" Georgie screamed from his spot.

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---*zip zap flip*---

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"I should go hustle some souls to afford the premium channels…there's nothing good on…"

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---*zip zap flip*---

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"Neeeigh!!!"

The horse galloped frantically across the overgrown field. Grass land that looked unlike any other that it, or its rider, had ever seen before.

While normally the young teenager would have been quite fascinated by the possibility of studying a new undiscovered plant on the roadside, there were more pressing matters. Deadly matters of disbelief.

Such as being chased by a dinosaur.

Yes, a dinosaur.

No, not a surviving modern creature like a crocodile. A real dinosaur. With teeth, fangs, and long extinct terrors. Not just one but many.

They were in a place with dinosaurs. A world marvel. What was this, time travel? Magic? Jurassic Park? Just one young lad and his horse. Right. It was going to be like a combo meal.

"Go on Gino, get. " Frederick urged his steed on.

They could at least hide and lose their predators in the woods. Anywhere was better than this big empty field of 'come eat us! We're easy!'

But try as he might, champion born and bred horse or not, these were fucking dinosaurs.

They never quite found the genes to make a horse outrun dinosaurs. Obviously.

At the very least, young Frederick thinks he'll die a pretty cool death at this rate. Dinosaurs. Sounds pretty cool. He'd rather not, but it sounded alright on paper. If his family or anyone ever finds him that is.

All he wanted was to go on a quick 20 hour ride and hide away into the forests of his own mansion's backyard. Somewhere his Mother would be too frustrated to send any spies to drag him back to homework, work, home with work, or anything of the sort. Was he good at it? Yes. Was he also not just a 13 year old boy? Also yes.

Riding off like that was always perfectly safe in the massive property of his own backyard.

His man Alfonso would often pack him a briefcase of snacks and gear. If anything, the house's head Butler, Martinez, would scream and rescue any heirs from a sorry fate.

Frederick had always found the strange old man a bit…much, but now he would very much like Martinez to come save him. If anyone was going to save him from a dinosaur it would probably be Martinez. No not his useless Father, but the butler. Always the butler.

Did he mention the dinosaur part?

Was there perhaps a slew of hidden cameras around? Was this all a horribly cruel joke from his big siblings? He would bet money on it being either Valentia or Giacobbe. But he would also bet that no one, not even his family, had the resources to engineer and replace the flora, fauna and local landscape into whatever the dinosaur filled acid dream was. Wild lands and even wilder animals.

Dinosaurs.

Oh his Lord Father was going to be so proud. His own son, eaten by an extinct dinosaur. Maybe many if they would be so kind to share.

"Gino, this is an all you can eat buffet of the most scrumptious and exotic grass. I'm sure it's packed with nutrients beyond anything any horse on earth has ever tasted. But you won't get to enjoy any of it, if we are eaten. So run. Quickly."

While neither horse nor human spoke the same language, some things were just universally understood. Like the fear of a violent death.

Right when Frederick rode into the edge of the woods, barely escaping some sharp chomping jaws by the skin of his teeth, an absurd picture appeared before him.

Leaping out of the trees, a barefooted child kicked the carnivorous dinosaur away.

While Gino, such a good horse, did all the running, Frederick could turn back and gape. His face stayed calm and collected sure but it was rather set that way in frozen fear. He was admittedly afraid of the dinosaur trying to eat him. But what was he supposed to feel for the humanoid monster that was currently kicking around such beasts to death.

It was a terrifying and ferocious thing. While it walked, or murdered, on two little legs, it had the intimidating mane of a permed lion. The strength of nothing Freddy could even begin to compare to. It wasn't just hunting those ferocious dinosaurs, it was playing with them cruelly for sport!

"Lalala~ Gab nab shooooood murpeoo! Triilili? Gabgab! Oh ho ho ho~"

Dear lord, even its war cry was terrifyingly human like, yet not. A missing link of monsters. Frederick shudders to think what would happen if it turned its eyes on poor him and Gino. They would never survive.

Sadly the hunt was not so simple or over with.

*ROAAAAAR*

A predator, smaller than the others, zipped through the trees. Still on the chase and now in the lead to sink its teeth into the foreign flesh.

The teen winced at the impact of wind, force and finally being thrown off his own horse. By the time he knew it he had rolled on the ground. Gino lay not too far, dazed and scarred.

They weren't dead.

The smaller dinosaur didn't get them.

A filthy foot and bloody fist appeared from the dust cloud. Dinosaurs of relatively reasonable size, only 3-5x larger than what looked like a little caveperson, were dragged across the dirt into a pile. It really did appear human like, five toes per foot, five fingers for hands. A filthy little face with big brown eyes under all that …hair?

"Unga boo ghoss? Para du morf?'' The creature seemed to speak much like a human, though Frederick couldn't understand a word.

With a bloody hand and a shift of its waist, it threw the latest dinosaur into the pile.

"Enim! Ton serous em detedh!" it pointed at him, then waves all around with its hands. Then to his horse. Then back to the pile of dead and dying meat. Then growled at him.

All very fascinating if Frederick wasn't so damn lost, confused and terrified.

Finally the child threw its hands in the air as if in defeat and walked away. If the creature was a young child that shared human traits, Frederick would say it sounded annoyed.

There was no time to catch his breath or relax though, as the neanderthal child was back with a nice big pointy stick. Something it used to poke him with. He was very glad it was only a poke and not a stab. Because in his state, actually in any state, he had no way of fighting against that.

"Pardon.. Hello? Did you…did you save me?" The young teen slowly found his voice again. Especially when his horse started whining.

Shit, Frederick quickly got up to check his horse. If Gino was injured and unable to walk then he was really screwed. His cell phone wasn't exactly in the reception range of their on-call vet.

"Ka keaw? Wwwa os keaw. Hiw our suom lla emit? Pffffft." the childish creature laughed and poked.

He didn't think it understood him, or vice versa. But it was an emergency situation and at least it didn't seem to be actively ready to eat him.

"Thank you for saving us. But is there any place safe? Water. People?"

The creature blinked at him with ridiculously large eyes. Large and watery, deep pools of browns that could make up their own planet. In them, Frederick saw the truth.

The frightfully strong little creature was incredibly stupid.

Right. What was he expecting? Nothing.

It was better to deal with the situation at hand first, the first aid. From his humble and limited knowledge of veterinary care, he would say his horse was most likely in shock more than any lasting injury. No broken legs. Thank god for that.

Thank the Butlers also for the emergency supplies packed on Gino and his saddle. No, not god, that isn't tangible in any way, shape or manner. Thank the butlers.

"Ooooooh esurea, gabo wwwooooooo?!" the bushy little creature was still there, getting closer every second as it stared at him and every move he made.

He paid careful attention as he unpacked the first aid kit, tending to his own injuries. As she got closer and closer, her eyes staring wide in such curiosity, he found it rather intimidating, or well impossible, to shoo it away.

Also it tried to lick him.

"....hand." he called out, perhaps foolishly.

For some odd reason, maybe it understood gestures, because it stopped licking his face and held out one of its bloody hands out in a high five for him.

The creature was supernaturally far tougher than he was. He didn't even know why he bothered. But he poured his own limited supply of water and medical supplies on it. Then stopped it from drinking the water straight out its bloody hand. On further inspection, he found a thin claw mark gash on its oddly human-like arm. Then bandaged that up to.

It was the least he could do for his saviour, stupid as it was.

"OOHHHHHH!!! Relahs, gia! Oooooo oh ho ho!" it held its clean sanitized hands and bandages out with such sparkles in its eyes, it was as if they were fine jewels that decorated a person.

Frederick was just glad it seemed distracted and amicable.

"Ooood ish wow ow hooo?! Ya!" the little creature bounced back to his side.

Somehow it was now shed of most of the furs sacks and straw that previously clothed it. Practically naked, like a little jungle book child in front of him. It patted its bare belly and pointed to itself very self assuredly.

Frederick felt a headache coming on.

"What now? Are you hungry? Is that it? Put your clothes back on and….oh why bother communicating with it. "

Any attempts to reclothe it resulted in the creature kicking it's own clothes angrily, rolling around on the ground, and crying strange "Boo hoo hoo hoo" sounds as it patted its belly. Such motions frustrated him to the point he fed it a broken granola bar from the emergency pack.

"MMMMMMM?!!!!! MMMMHH MHHH MHHHHH!!!!!!!" its big eyes sparkled, face squished up with hands to their cheeks like a fat happy squirrel.

A part of him worried he had done something wrong. Like feeding a wild animal human food it shouldn't ever consume. Did he mess up its natural diet and ecosystem?

"MMM Ohh Ah ah! Aww ahhh~"

Somehow, against all reason, he still fed it. When it whined pathetically for more, he fearfully fed a bit of everything suitable from his pack.. Maybe he didn't want it to eat him? Right. Stave off the potential cannibal, if they even were the same family of homosapien. If.

Like a human child though, it seemed to have fallen asleep when it was sated. Happily cooing and hugging its naked belly in a nap. What a relief.

Then he could relax enough to focus on himself, his horse, and this messed up situation. Eat. Rest. Mentally try not to panic. While he wasn't a particularly vain boy, the reflection back in the emergency mirror showed what a sorry state he was in. He certainly felt it.

"ZZZzzzzz" the creature snored, rolling over to flop like a starfish.

"...You'll get sick like that…if your species even gets sick." Frederick observed.

It didn't mean anything when he threw his three quarter length riding jacket over its small frame like a blanket. He felt filthy and needed to check for injuries anyways. Maybe a quick wet wipe clean up before the next mess got him.

If only he knew….if he knew what would happen next, he would've left right as soon as he could. Just run. But as a modern rich boy with modern sensibilities, he had no way of knowing. Of sensing anything off, not when he was too preoccupied with the dinosaur thing.

He was still cleaning off when a certain something, or someone, awoke.

She awoke from a good nap to sunlight, yummy foods in her belly and pretty white ribbons wrapped around herself. An even prettier blue cloak that smelled like flowers, draped over her in warmth.

Someone had placed their cloak on her?! Someone that wasn't her Papas!?!!

To her village, and many surrounding others, there was a very obvious double meaning when placing one's cloak on another.

"Let me take care of you.", "Be one Family with me." and "Your home is with me now."

Butterflies burst in her tummy as a pink storm overtook her head, blushing hot.

Oh my! What should she do? How should she respond?! She was too young! GabGab always said so! Besides, she couldn't just accept any strange thing that wanted to be mates!

Still it was her very first proposal. How her heart thumped wildly in so many confusing emotions.

She got a proposal?

SHE GOT A PROPOSAL!

AHAHAHAHA TAKE THAT STUPID OTHER GIRLS IN THE VILLAGE. SHE GOT A PROPOSAL AFTER ALL!!! So what if she was the strongest in the village, even over most of the adults, SOMEONE PROPOSED TO HER!

Her shooting excitement dropped like a fallen star when she remembered just who owned the pretty blue cloak.

That stupid starving weakling.

She didn't mind saving people. Her papas always praised that. She just never ever saw anything so weak in her life. How did he, she was gonna assume it was a he, survive all this time? And he couldn't even speak right?!

But when he did, he had a very lovely sounding voice. It was oddly pretty.

She looked down at the neatly wrapped white ribbons on her arms in joy. Such lovely things! As a young girl she couldn't help but adore all things pretty. Especially such pure snow white ribbons. He seemed like a nice guy, though obviously quick to die. His snacks were also delicious!

She could let him down easy, nicely, and maybe still get some more ribbons and snacks. Enough to wrap around her waist all pretty? As friends! That wasn't too dishonorable right!?

Shyly, she picked up the pretty cloak and gave it a last hug and sniff. No matter how much she liked it, one could not wear another's cloak so easily! She must be respectful and reject the weakling properly by returning it.

Ok, one more hug and smell. It was very nice.

That was exactly what she set out to do, following the short trail of his scent. She knew he couldn't have gone far. He was too weak and -

The creek trickled, sunlight and gems reflecting off the water. Creamy fair skin against a young but growing back. The bones of a good frame showing promise. But what stood out most were the blooming summer red flowers. No. That was hair. That was someone's natural hair.

Mar-ia felt like she was a child again and had swallowed a rock. Her throat caught with something heavy and choking.

The weakling youth, with summer flowers for hair, turned around at her rustling. Droplets of water splashing on him like morning dew drops. A face more beautiful than any legend or tales of fairies told to her when she was young. Two twin suns had been placed in his eyes and suddenly she was blinded.

As a pure and honorable daughter of the great hero and their most renowned village shaman, Mar-ia was never raised to have impure or unjust thoughts. She didn't know how to plan much or think anything beyond her capabilities.

But against this? Against someone so pretty?!!

She would have to be an ancient animal God to be able to resist such a face!

There was no decision to make. The cloak of flower scented winter was in her arms. The eternal bloom of a red summer right in front of her. Sunshine promised in his heavenly eyes.

So what if he was weak!? Holy goats! For a beauty like that, it was nothing Mar-ia couldn't handle. Yes, yes, and a million times more yes!

As heartfelt as this moment would always be for a certain young girl, all Frederick would see when looking back was the cave child running up to grab his freshly washed face, screaming and crying "OOOOOOHHHHHHHH".

Then he would horrifyingly hang on as the child lifted him AND his 2000lb horse in her arms with seemingly no issue. In her joy, she would run and jump her way at inhuman speeds to god knows where.

Later on he would learn this child to be called something loosely translated as 'Maria'. But only after being brought to a fascinatingly primitive village, and beat in the head with a magic stick by a raving shaman.

Before falling into the painful darkness, his brain must have made up the last part of the dialogue he shouldn't be able to understand.

"Papa! Gab Gab! I found a mate! I really did! Can I keep him?! Please! Oh papa you must let me keep him! He'll die without me!"

"ABSOLUTELY NOT! Where did you even pick him up from! You know better than to pick bad mushrooms! He could be dangerous! Or malicious! Or-

"He's not, he's not! Gab Gab we're as good as mates! I licked his wounds! He tied the purest of white ribbons on my hands and fed me and…. I got …I got his cloak…"

"YOU WHAT?!"

"Papa, tell Gable I can keep my mate! Please. Pweasie. Pleeeeease!

"C-cloak….she took his…MARIA YOU THROW THAT NASTY THING AWAY! WE TAUGHT YOU BETTER THAN THAT!"

"Errr…well honey bunches of oatcakes, how about we wait for the lost boy to ahem wake up first. I don't think he understands."

"Right! He's a bit stupid but we'll work on it! Pleeeease papa! I'll never be bad again. Please please please.

"THROW HIM BACK TO THE WOODS WHERE YOU FOUND HIM!? Ron, you can't let her-"

"Of course not Gabe, but he's just a lost kid. Our little Maria just did a good thing of saving someone in need."

"My mate totally needs me! I'll do everything you ask papa and won't run away from workies anymore! My poor mate is just so weak, I promise to work hard to raise him and our beautiful future flower babies super well!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!" *thump*

"Gabe? Gable! Nooooo! Maria, apologize for scaring your Gabgab right now. Look, you made him faint in stress! Besides, we explicitly told you: no mates till you've seen 18 summers. "

"GABGAB NOOOOOOOOOO! Even if I wait, who will marry us under the Beast God Altar if not for you!?!!?"`

Frederick didn't want to dream such strange dreams anymore. Hopefully when he woke up again, it would all just be one wild dream. His last thoughts before drifting off, with the nightmare of a childish sing-song chanting that went "Teehee mate mate mate! I got a mate! Mate mate mate. Oho ho~ Mate!"

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---*zip zap flip*---

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"Awww. That was kinda cute. In some messed up dubious consent way. But cute!...What else is on?"

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---*zip zap flip*---

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"Welcome to the most exciting season yet of MY OTOME HAREM! I'm your host, Lilyanne! Alongside our much more silent co-host, Cosimo! Aren't you jumping out your boots in nerves Cos!"

"....no"

"Well I sure am! This season the LUCKY Bachelorette gets to choose between 8 whole high spec. capture targets. But not just that, the true love routes have expanded to include 3 whole bonus Jacks! Isn't that just dreamy?!!"

"...no."

"Teee hee, always the joker Cosimo! We know you're more excited to see this season play out than anyone else!"

"...."

"Now let's introduce to our stage, the one, the only, THE BEAUTIFUL BACHLORETTE OF MY OTOME HAREM SEASON 8! MY SISTER ROSALIA!!!"

*cue crickets chirping*

"Rosa?" the lovely MC asked, hand cracking the microphone.

At least that got Cosimo, co-MC, to finally do his job.

"....Call security. She ran away again."

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---*zip zap flip*---

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"Okay…not so cute. …What else is on? "

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---*zip zap flip*---

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Boom!

"You'll never catch me. Alive or dead. Never, you bastards!" a lithe figure ran out of the smokey mess.

She couldn't breathe.

The maze of the port docks varied, paths large and small. The relatively small and slim figure darted around it with the ease of a trained obstacle course master. Even though they had never studied this particular course or site.

"Damn Grampa, good for something I guess. "

Small and squirrely, a youth not yet finished growing up. For despite the boyish clothes, and choppy walnut dark hair was hidden under a cap, their voice was particularly high. With similar grace to a wild creature, they jumped and swung the rope of a moving freight.

It was chaos. It was a mess.

Screams and smoke. Shouts of "After!" and orders. The youth scowled to hide a crazed smile beginning to peak out.

It shouldn't be fun.

Escape was the first priority. Out of this place, these lands. There was too much-hidden control on the other side. They were going to kill her. They tried to kill her!?!

The insult of it was even more painful than the still healing wounds they left behind.

But she swore it wasn't retreating. It wasn't her running for her life. Oh no. If there was anything to be learned from this messed-up family. It was how to win the war. Screw the battles. She was going to gut, flay, and impale the heads of all her enemies. Any and all of them.

As for her foolish little sister?

Oh, she had something much worse, much pettier in store.

But for now, she had to get out of this. Out of here.

The problem now was the risk of her gambles, the uncertainty of it. That and getting rid of that annoying mess chasing her. Probably the most immediate concern. If only she could find the damn ship. Uncertain or not, certainly stupid, but she didn't have any choice but to trust that idiot. Just a bit.

She owed him that much for what she, technically her cousin, did to him. Unfamiliar guilt tasted foully sour in her already parched mouth.

"So it was you?"

Barely was she able to register a voice, coming from seemingly nowhere, when a force and pain struck her in combination. It threw her against her back, knocking her painfully into a wooden frame that drooped her an unknown height to a holding underground. The breath knocked out of her before darkness, hay dust and salt assaulted her senses. There was no time to numb herself from any impact, she barely got into a position to minimize the damage from the fall but that was it.

She couldn't breathe.

The force of another person dropped down right behind her. Slower. Controlled. Heavier.

He dropped almost gracefully, it must have been a man. She could tell that much in the darkness. In the lowness of his voice, and the strong warm hand pulling her up by the throat.

Hot and cold.

A warm weight settled over her while a thin band of cold sharp metal played between where his fingers held her. The air cleared with something strongly sobering. An assault of the senses.

"So you're the one that did that him? Hmmm?"

Goosebumps rose as her heart beat too fast, desperate to pump oxygen. Her feet slowly left the ground as her back scraped up from where she was being threatened. Blearily, slowly, she opened her eyes that were scrunched shut from the impact.

Only the light filtered above gave her any sight in this daze. The noise of chaos passing up above. Silver gleamed like a needle near her larynx. The tiniest beads of ruby blood formed at the edge, her blood.

Was it ironic then?

That she finally felt like she could breathe a bit?

"...Nice knife...too bad my gun is bigger. "

A single eye in the darkness widened, before jumping out the way of the magical bullet she activated.

She wanted to curse but couldn't do so, because not only did he dodge, he did so with his hand tight on her throat the whole time. She managed one more blind shot before being utterly incapacitated, again.

Alfonso was going to be so disappointed. Captured before she even got started. She was just so sick of this shit.

"Nice gun you got there? Too bad you can't even use it. Borrowed it from your daddy? "

"Let go of me!"

Let no one say she didn't go down with a struggle. Cursing like a trooper the whole way.

"Feisty? Yeah. It wasn't you. Whoever destroyed Lukas's face could at least aim."

"How dare you-...wait. Did you say Lukas? Lukas as in the big sunburnt white porkchop? About this ceiling tall? Big old pathetic kicked puppy eyes with the shitty hero complex?"

"What's it to you? Miss. bad hair dye?"

"Hey! It's not dye! And I'll have you know I am no miss! I'm a boy!"

"...."

"Stop looking at me like that before I give your shitty face a reason to actually need that patch. Do you or do you not know Lukas…I…I have a deal with him….I'm not trying to hurt him…I'm not…"

"... You can walk."

The hand on her throat loosened, settling for dragging her by the back of her shirt. Still threatening and honestly more humiliating, but at least she wasn't being dragged around like a chicken to the soup pot.

Shame she couldn't stay quiet.

"...Is it you? Are you the old friend Lukas was talking about?...With the fast ships? Where did he a innocent dumb guy like him meet a shady fucker like you? Ouch, watch it! I am not a sack of luggage- AHHHHH!!!"

"I take it back. You walk too slow. "

Thrown over like a mere sack over the shoulder. Rage flushed her face as red as her late Father's hair. She was gonna kill this impudent fool, she thought. Lukas's friend or not she was going to kill him. This asshole she only just violently met was quickly rising to the top of th Kill list in her head.

"You set me down! Set me down you shitty psycho! Wait. Gasp. Is this….Are you a pervert! I said I was a boy! A mere choir boy, run off from the church, you know how they are. Yes, that's it. I'm really a guy! Wait, are you into that sort of thing? That makes you an even worse pervert! I'm super underaged! Did I mention I'm a boy!? I have a pickle! I have an incurable disease! Where the hell are you touching? Let me go AAAHHHHH, I'M GETTING MOTION SICK, " she screamed, swinging from the back.

Light was approaching, brightening to a more peaceful spot away from the wreck. Closer to the freshness of the sea and squawking of the birds.

"...Noisy. You're Lukas's 'friend' alright. This is enough to make you sick? Then you're going to have so much fun aboard."

"What's that supposed to mean?! A threat! You can't threaten me?! PUT ME DOWN ALREADY!!! I'll bite! I bite your ass, it's right there-…oh *pat pat pat…pat pat* …how fascinating."

Down she went, straight into the fresh air, sunlight, and salty sea.

"FUCK!" she gurgled in shock, screaming out the cold water.

The asshole who dropped her looked down with a rather disgusted grimace, as people aboard and stocking the tied ship came over to see the commotion. In the sunlight she could see he had horrible hair. Horrible horrible unfairly silky smooth long hair. Better than any of her horses' tails. The gods were not fair. This sea water was going to make hers, even cut short, horribly bushy!

"Is that Rosa!? Is Rosa here!" a somewhat familiar, overly loud voice squeaked in the distance.

A crowd of filthy ragtags gathered quickly, peering over the edge at the cursing drowned rat screaming how she wasn't this "Rosa? God damn it! Who the fuck is that? The proper way to say it is Rosalia! Which is not me….And I'm a boy!".

Chuckles went around at the show.

"That's Rosa! You made it! You really made it! Are you taking a swim? You found her! You're the best! Wait, Rosa, do you know how to swim? You're not doing a very awesome job at it." a big pasty blond in a face mask clamored out, nearly falling in the water with her.

"Please don't get your bandages wet. Again." one crew member held back the only one loud enough to be Lukas.

"Are we picking up another useless pet?" asked another.

"Hey like not to be weird but that face down there annoys me so bad. It reminds me of someone I used to know. That awful holy bitch. Hey ugly down there, did anyone ever tell you that you look a lot of Lilyanne Ventrella?"

"See, this is why you're not exactly popular...with anyone."

"We can do introductions and kill each other later. Schedule. Take off. What is the status?"

"Who the fuck. Oh right, that Lukas one has weird names for everyone."

"Ohhhh, remember when you wanted a dog and got a dog? Remember that? Who has to clean up for it? ME!?!! AM I GOING TO BE TAKING CARE OF THAT ONE TOO? I HAVE ENOUGH ON MY PLATE OK?!! CAN WE NOT JUST GO PICKING UP RANDOM BARBARIANS-"

Noise all around, it was impossible to make it all out.

"What should we call you then? " mocked the asshole in the center of it all.

She spat in his face, or well tried too. Mostly she was just spitting out the bad wash sea water. Try she does though, tough as the lot of them. She'll show them.

Rosalia Therese Ventrella was dead. The blood in her mouth from her death was finally washed by the salt of the sea. It hurt. It stung. She could breathe.

A foul hand reached out, ready to either help her over or push her back overboard. This time, she took it with no hesitation, dragging a sopping wet mess with her.

She was going to show them all.

"Terry. My name is Terry. "

—---------

—-

A boba witch applauded at the great Hama-wheel theater.

"Ehhh how nostalgic! I really liked this show when it came out. What was that like in episode 2? Huh, I wonder when the new season will come out….What else is on today? Maybe I'll just watch something else entirely.

Is that Queen of the Castaway Isles thing still on?"

—-*zip zap flip*----

—-