Sometimes I wish I was never born

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thump

thump

thump

(….)

I imagined myself falling off of there for a second as I sat down on the roof dangling my legs over the edge. Mom had kicked me once again and this place became my hideout.

"I want to live"

I repeated to myself softly though I couldn't tell if I had actually opened my mouth, not like it mattered. My fingers traced over the scars on my wrist once more reminding myself how far I had come along. Deep down I knew it didn't matter as I kept razors on the bottom of my shoes (just in case).

I had always dreamed of what others thought of as a simple life, but to me much more. I wanted a home.

bzz

1 new notification from I Am Sober

I checked holding my wrist carefully as my phone notified me of two months of cleaness.

only two fucking months

I grabbed my bag careful to not let my shit fall through the holes and headed on down. I had no idea where to go to now, it was late at night and I didn't want another button incident.

almost as if she heard me, I received a text from mom telling me to come home. She had switched personalities again back to the one that didn't hate me. I sighed.

I didn't want to go back. What if she switched back by the time i got home? The thought of being able to lay down convinced me though.

I didn't reply, I never did.

I took the pack of cigarettes out of my bag along with the lighter and took a few puffs. I'd feel okay for once. The smell comforted me it was one of the only thing that I could remember from my father, that and alcohol. I tried to not think of him so I payed all of my attention to tobacco in my palm. The smoke accompanied me on the way home.