Husband from the past

One, everything has been an illusion conjured up by my brain or the bug that keeps making the girls deviate from the system. If this is the case, I honestly have nothing to worry about. I am just being delusional and imagining things. After so many years of being imprisoned by constant repetition of this game, it is not weird to experience something of that nature. 

Unfortunately, even though I wish for the first option to be the one, everything tends to point me in the second direction. 

And that answer is: everything happened. 

I experienced what I saw, felt, and heard alongside Rachel in the first and Kurokawa in the other. There was no illusion, no fantasy, no dream conjured up by my loneliness. The thunderous sky, the dust devils made from corroded materials, the beautiful blooming sakura tree with pink petals scattered in the air... all happened. What my heart felt during that brief moment in time truly existed. So did the impending desperate feeling of separation when everything collapsed into nothingness. 

Those images were not fake. They are my past. They are real.

Kurokawa and I were in love until no one was left alive. That...should have happened to Rachel, as well. The memory of feeling her skin against mine and the sensation of her hair on my face is imprinted in my mind.

Most important of all, I cannot deny any of them. 

This is my only logical explanation for my nostalgia after kissing Rachel and Kuro. They were once free. Moreover, they were by my side. And I...loved them dearly. 

*Badump*

My heart aches.

Why am I unable to remember anything? Why do I not know anything? Why is my knowledge and memory of the world so shallow compared to before? Could it be that the bug is actually interfering with my brain?

Or is it...something intentional? Something...that the past versions of me wanted to do? If so, what would be their reason? Why would they want to erase the memory of those times? Was it to protect myself? Was it to do something much grander than that? Or was it simply to conceal the truth? Is that why, after all, I am unable to recall anything?

What is the real reason behind the memories I cannot recall? 

Our past makes us. It is what shapes our present. Then, for me, whose past is hidden behind a dark curtain, am I the real me? 

Am I just a fragment of my true self? 

What am I?

Who am I?

What...do I do?

*Badump*

The deeper I look into this, the more the questions arise from uncertainty. If what I think is correct, there are still many things that I have yet to understand, locked away inside my head with no means to open them. However, despite its uncertain nature, there is a vague notion that this may make or break everyone. The moment the truth is revealed, we must make our choices. No matter which path we choose, it will lead us to change. No matter what we choose, it will make an eternal impact on our lives.

Me, Kurokawa, Laura, Rachel,...

In time, everyone will have to make their final choice. 

I really do not know why. I really do not know how. I only know...that I wish for them to be happy. 

I wish for them to have that courage.

As for now, I will keep living without knowing what exactly is going on. I will live in denial, pretending that nothing happened. But at the same time, I will go beyond the boundaries and find the answers buried in the depths of the past. The baton has been passed. What I need to do is to run with all my strength. I must get through this labyrinth and reach the light.

If that is impossible, I guess I will have to die trying. What do I have to lose anyway?

Looking down at my hand's ring finger where Kurokawa is still caressing it, I can still feel its soft surface made from nothing but medical gauze. It was Kurokawa who put the makeshift ring on my hand. And it was also Kurokawa who said her holy vows to that version of me, promising her everything to him. The image is still so vivid as if it happened only seconds ago.

Actually, while thinking about it, I just found a bad thing. 

What the hell am I going to do about these girls? 

I was in love with Kurokawa, for sure. Not only that, I was also in love with Rachel. Even though those two timeline did not coexist, I now believe it happened. In those visions, I was in a relationship with only one of them in each. But now, many want to be with me for some reason! Of course, this does not mean I can accept Kurokawa, especially when I have Laura as my girlfriend. Still, it does not feel wrong to be like this. It did not feel weird with Rachel, either. 

Can I really push them away?

...

No, I cannot resist this feeling. On the contrary, I want to savor this warmth. I want to store it inside my chest. I want to never let go of this special bond between us.

Nevertheless, let us leave that for the future C to decide. We still do not have enough evidence to say it is what happened. What I know is that the girls are much more lenient, which is a good thing for two-timing...actually, make that three-timing. 

...I am probably turning into a bastard...A shameless one, at that... 

Lastly, we must discuss the sudden change in demeanor between Rachel and Kurokawa after the kiss. 

After kissing Rachel, she did a 180 flip. From being a dangerous person, Blondie turned into a loving machine toward me. Her affectionate stares and the hearts in her eyes are from her passionate emotions. Without thinking twice, anyone would have been able to say that she was madly in love with me.

After kissing Kurokawa, she did not behave in such a way. Unlike Rachel, whose love overflows, Kuro is much more reserved, similar to her settings. She is less aggressive and controls her emotions better than the housewife. Still, now and then, her eyes look at me with such adoration that it is hard to believe. Kurokawa being close to me is an enormous deal as her special educator at home forbids her to do anything like that. I highly doubt there is anything she would not let me do if I were to ask. 

What are the chances of seeing two girls with yandere tendency change their behaviors after one kiss? Is it even possible? What are the chances of such a coincidence that trivial my existence? There is no denying that they have been showering me with affection throughout these 48 hours, but not to the level of after our lips' touched. Even a non-scientist like me can answer that question with ease. 

Luckily, we have a control group, albeit only one person exists in said group. Laura, my lovely class representative, will most likely cut my dick off and put it in my ass when she hears what I am about to speak to the bookworm. She has shown a constant stream of predictable behavior since we started dating officially. The class rep is blunt, straightforward, and a real go-getter. Everything about her is something I think all men would love to see in their girlfriends. Regardless, she is different from both Rachel and Laura. My girlfriend has yet to kiss me on the lips. Anything more intense than hand-holding will cause Laura to blush profusely. Yesterday and today are two similar Lauras. She did not jump from being slightly in love with me to asking me to give her a baby out of the blue. On the other hand, Rachel and Kurokawa are not.

For a human to change, we need time. For a yandere to change, we need time and, probably, some spare lives in case they have gone rogue. A kiss is powerful, but I do not think mine is a divine tool that can drastically make someone seem inherently different than before. At least, I have yet to see it happen before. If there are any examples in the outside world, please show me. 

The difference between the two groups is the kiss. One group has gotten it one way or another. The other group has not done it. Furthermore, we are not talking about just a kiss. But what lies behind it. All I can say is that I am grateful to have experienced such a thing. I cannot determine whether it is a miracle or a coincidence. Perhaps both. I have no proof to support my hypothesis. But I sure am willing to bet my life on it.

There should be a hidden mechanism behind my kiss to achieve such a drastic shift in the girls. 

For example, what would happen if the kiss showed them what I saw but from their perspective. They saw everything, felt everything, and remembered everything. Only that could explain their sudden change. That could explain their boost in affection.

It happened to me. Why could it not do the same to the girls? It is plausible and is worthy of a trial.

"...Kuro." After a while, I break the silence.

"Yes?" Kurokawa immediately replies as if she has been waiting for me to speak up.

"I do."

Maybe she understands what I am talking about. Perhaps she does not. In any case, I owe Kuro those two words. While she proposed to me in that vision with the gauze ring, there was no reply. And with what I am feeling right now in the chest, that answer is good enough.

...Laura will probably murder me, though.

With eyes wide open and a stunned look on her face, Kurokawa's smile blooms like a happy flower. Soon after, in the corners of her face are tiny droplets of tears, shining bright under the sun. 

My chest feels light after seeing those tears of hers. It seems my thoughts are correct.

Clenching my hand tightly, Kurokawa opens her soft lips: "So, you agree to be my husband?" 

(This chapter is the second half of chapter 87 on Patreon)