Desire to live

'What is going to happen to me now? Hoping for another chance is asking for too much. Will i lose my memories and reincarnate again? Will I go to heaven or hell? Will I just dissapear altogether? Why is everything always so uncertain even in death? Why did I have to die? Why didn't I work harder?'

Time passed while I kept thinking over the same questions as I was waiting for what was to come. Minutes became hours and hours became days.

'Why am I still here? What is keeping me? Is this my punishment? Giving me a chance and then because I made a mistake I lose it? Did I really do something so bad? Why do I have to stay here?! There has to be something I can do to get out. I will not just accept my death because of some stupid mistake! What can I do to get out of this place? Will magic work here? I have to try at least.'

I started trying to feel the mana within me. I felt the same warm feeling but it was incredibly weak. After trying multiple times and failing to make use of the little mana I had I knew I had to try something else.

'My mana is there but feels as if it's asleep. How can I activate it? What can strengthen my mana? Wait, if everything has mana then I should be able to interact with it right? If I can do that I can absorb it from around me and use it as my own.'

I calmed my mind and let my mana flow out an interact with everything around me. The mana was there so I tried to mix it with my own and further expand the range of my mana absorption. Once I understood the feeling I let myself drift with it and my mana expanded rapidly. Even when I felt my mana awaken from its sleeplike state I still continued to absorb mana.

When I started feeling pain I started to search for anything in the darkness.I searched carefully for what felt like a few hours until I felt a slight ripple which I immediately shot my mana at.

…

I awoke to find that I was in a bed. I looked around and saw a grey room with very few decorations and the only furniture was a small table with two chairs. My throat was extremely dry and I felt weak. As I got up off the bed my knees buckled and I grabbed ahold of a chair to steady myself but caused the chair to tip and I fell to the ground. It was then I noticed that I couldn't feel my left arm because it wasn't there. I had bandages wrapped around the remains of my shoulder.

When I was still shocked to not have an arm the door opened abruptly and an elven man rushed over to me.

"You're awake! Here, you need to lay down and rest. Your injuries have not healed and you are weakened."

I tried speaking but I could barley whisper. After the elf helped me back to the bed he scanned my body and gave me water before telling me to stay in bed and leaving.

After about five minutes I fell asleep. When I woke up I looked over and saw Kota sitting at the table a meter away from me seemingly deep in thought.

"Kota?"

My voice was hoarse and quiet but Kotas head snapped up and he looked at me surprised and relieved.

"You really did wake up! How are you feeling? Are you in pain? Do you need anything? Food? Water? Me?"

"Haha glad to see you haven't changed. What happened?"

"After you didn't come back for a day me and Charlotte went to look for you and found you half dead in the eternium cavern. We brought you back and had a doctor heal you but you didn't wake up until now. You were asleep for four weeks."

"Four weeks? What about Veron?"

"He was dead when we got there, we couldn't do anything."

'Veron died? How could he have died? He wasn't near the battle between me and the elemental. What could he have died from?'