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I Just Want To Go Back

Alex Stanley is a 23-year-old American shut-in who had a college degree, a job, a house, and debt free: a life that any recent college graduate would dream of. However, without a choice, he was transmigrated into a world of monsters, swords, and magic. Of course, he had his very own cheat, the system! Epic, right? WRONG! Alex Stanley, now A Chul, now had to survive in a world where he's under average, world shortage of entertainment, with an apartment he can barely live in, and over 50 billion won debt, and- to help the "hero" kill the demon king? "I don't want to be here! Let me go back!" [Ding! The host can only return to Earth when the Demon King dies or the host dies.] A Chul tried many ways to commit suicide to go back. [Ding! Due to the host's willingness and desire for death, he received the gift of Immortality!] "I didn't want to be here in the first place!" Editor: TofuMeats A/N: Cringy sh*tpost- I mean, novel updates every Friday 5 PM CST

ForgotName · Fantasy
Not enough ratings
25 Chs

20

"A Chul- Why are you wearing a mask?" The Lie Detector asked, interrupting the attendance call.

"Uhh-" I thought for a second, "I caught a cold."

[Ding! Even without using her Skill, "Psychogalvanometer", Heo Soomin can confirm the Host was lying.]

What? How!? That lie was flawless!

[Ding! Even after practicing the line in front of a mirror for two hours, the Host took too long to respond to the question.]

It was only a second!

[Ding! Another reason is the human body had evolved to have immunity against rhinoviruses over a decade ago. "Catching a cold" in the world of Numen is physically impossible.]

Dang. So the "neighborhood kid playing with water sprinkler" excuse is a no-go too.

"A Chul. Please take your mask off. You're distracting others."

Taking off my perfectly good mask while being in the same room as the walking trash-can?

I knew the cheap surgical mask barely did anything, but it is still better than straight up smelling rotten eggs and oranges. At least it puts my mind at ease.

"Mister Chul. Please do not look at me like I just made you eat garbage." A bunch of kids snickered.

I honestly didn't know what kind of face I was making, but making me take off this mask might as well be forcing me to eat garbage.

I refused to give up my dignity. I continued to glare at her, and she glared back at me. After a few minutes of awkward silence, she gave up and sighed.

"Moving on-"

I ignored everything else she said, probably not important.

[Ding! The Host missed the advisor meeting yesterday due to ignoring Heo Soomin's announcement after the attendance.]

Again, PROBABLY not important.

Anyway, after yesterday's series of unfortunate events, I now have a carcass in my inventory. Without access to the black market, however, the corpse is as useless as… a corpse.

I swear, I'm just a completely normal student..

[Ding! The Goddess of Luck and Fortune, Fortuna, declared that she doubts the Host.]

I snorted out loud, ignoring the murderous aura coming from the Lie Detector.

Like she's the one who's stalking me 24/7 for her own amusement. Doesn't Fortuna have anything better to do? Like any of her "Godly" duties?

[Ding! The Goddess of Luck and Fortune, Fortuna, pointed out that one of her apostles is in the same room. The Host should try not to anger the Goddess.]

One of her apostles? Who?

[Ding! The Saintess, Kim Haru.]

F*ck! Didn't you say Appraisal users cannot see deity relationships from titles? What is going to happen if someone finds out about me?

[Ding! The title, "Saintess", does not specify what entity Kim Haru is serving. The system would also like to declare that the Host has mistaken Kim Haru's title too.]

I thought "Saintess" was only a title that gives you a Skill or two, like my "Entertainer" title. Not that you're actually a saintess under a God or Goddess. Why is no one talking about this?

[Ding! Due to the growth of human technology, the need for deities and beliefs is vacant. Most people view the Saintess title the same way the Host viewed priests or missionaries.]

Ah yes, speaking of technology. Where are the phones in this place?

[Ding! The technology in the world of Numen co-exists with magic and mana. Instead of mobile phones and PC technology like in the Host's old world, these technologies reside on the tiny screen of the Leaf on the Host's wrist. Average non-magical Numen citizens can buy a colorless version of Leaf from the market for everyday use.]

Sounds great, but I can't do anything with it. I miss my manga and anime. This world is disappointing.

[Ding! The existence of manga and anime-]

I know, I know. They don't exist.

[-are available illegally on the black market.]

"NANI?" I exclaimed, slamming both of my hands on the desk.

"A Chul! If you are going to act like a rabid animal, please excuse yourself from this classroom first so you do not disrupt other students' learning."

Of course I get yelled at. Why wouldn't I get yelled at?

"I'm sorry?" I wasn't sure if she really wanted me out. I mean, I did disrupt the classroom environment, but it was only the second day of the class. Was she teaching something important?

"If you dislike class so much, get out. While you're at it, go meet your advisor." The Lie Detector ordered. I could hear more snickers coming from around the room.

Before I could ask for directions, the Lie Detector shoved me out.

Wonderful, how kind of her.

Anyway,

Go Goøqle Måps! I choose you! Lead me to my 'advisor'!

I followed the arrows, even though I have no clue who my 'advisor' is.

[Ding! The Host's advisor is Hu Jung-Le.]

I was about to push the door when I heard the System. I stopped and looked at the door. The sign reads 'principal's office.'

Nice, I'm dead.

I was seriously contemplating running away from here, but before I could, the door clicked and swung open, revealing a blue bunned girl- uh, woman. Without my consent, she dragged me into the office and shoved me into one of the couches in the large office before running off and coming back to two bags of- Lies chips?

Who named the chip company?

"BBQ flavored or sour cream?" She asked with sparkling eyes.

"Uh- no thanks."

Hu Jung-Le shrugged before she sat on the couch on the other side of the coffee table. The sparkle in her eyes and the way she licked her lips told me I made the right choice.

She's 48, but she acts like a child. Well, she looks like a child. How tall is she again?

[Ding! Hu Jung-Le is at a height of 129.53 cm.]

Speak American, System.

[Ding! Hu Jung-Le is 4 feet 3 inches.]

And how tall am I?

[Ding! The Host is around 5 feet 6 inches tall.]

I remember having this conversation with you a week ago. Do I have to ask again where 5 inches of my height went?

[Ding! The Host is in a new physical body.]

Right, new body, duh. Where can I ask for a refund? I want my height back.

"Student A Chul?" I totally forgot the adult-child existed. "Did you obtain an artifact recently?"

"How did you know?" I blurted out without thinking.

Well sh*t. Curse my mouth. Time to go to prison for owning a poisonous weapon. Curse these stupid laws!

Hu Jung-Le then nodded with a smile.

Smile? Why is she smiling?

"That confirms our theory. You really do have an artifact that improves the power of your Skill." Hu Jung-Le rests her unfinished bags of potato chips on the glass coffee table before pulling a small notebook and pen out of her short trucker jacket. She then wrote something down with a smug, girly grin on her face.

An artifact that improves the power of my Skill? What is she talking about?

[Ding! Hu Jung-Le was under the impression that the Host picked up a high-ranked artifact that improves the power of the Skill, "Appraisal", from rank F to rank C.]

Right, no one knows that I can grow my Skills due to the system. Not even Skills, Appraisal is the only Skill I have that can grow.

"But student A Chul. You shouldn't rely on that artifact too much." Hu Jung-Le's tone suddenly turned serious, and she turned to stare me in the eye. "Although the rare artifact can raise the power of your Skill, using the improved Skill will also drain your mana faster."

Skills drain mana? Why haven't I heard of that?

[Ding! Since the Host's body was enhanced by the System, the effect of Skills consuming mana is removed.]

Then why does using my Art drain my mana?

[Ding! The Host only has the physical status of a perfect human, not the physical status of a Demon or a monster.]

Right, we humans are the weird ones in this world.

Speaking of mana, how much do I have now?

| - Status -

| Name: A Chul (Alex Stanley)

| Age: 16 (23)

| Species: 99.8% Human

| Title: Transmigrator, Entertainer, Undying

| Strength: 1.46

| Stamina: 1.60 (up 0.01)

| Mana: 0.39 (up 0.01)

| Dexterity: 2.37

| Agility: 2.45 (up 0.02)

| Luck: 1.12

| Fortune: 0.70 (up 0.15)

| Skills: Appraisal III [C], Rosetta's Gift [S], Fortuna's Contract [U], Immortality [U]

| Arts: Shadow Step [Dark], Shadow Inventory [Dark]

Oh, I see, 0.39-

Wait a minute. Why did my fortune go up by 0.15?

[Ding! Back in the Elgin Forest, the Host's corpse was being consumed by the Dwarf-]

AH YES! CREATIVE WAY TO DIE! GODDESS OF LUCK AND FORTUNE WAS ENTERTAINED! Please don't finish the sentence, I hate everything about this contract.

"Anyway, student A Chul. Thank you for listening." Hu Jung-Le beamed.

Listening? Did she say something?

[Ding! Hu Jung-Le gave a list of suggestions on how to improve the Host's combat ability and knowledge of magic beasts.]

Were they helpful?

[Ding! The suggestions are not relevant to the Host. The Host's stats are below average compared to an average human being.]

Then what's the average stat of a TREE student?

[Ding! The average stat of an Apogee (first year student) is 2.50 at the start of the year.]

The "cucoooo, cucoooo" bell rang as my self-confidence shattered like glass.

I can confirm that I would be very dead in this world. That is, if I could die.

I absent-mindedly left Hu Jung-Le's office. Outside of the office, I saw several people leaving school instead of heading towards the metal cubes.

Do we not have combat class today?

[Ding! If the Host was paying attention, he would know that Apogees (first-year students) only have combat classes three days a week.]

The system is being a smartass and wants me to pay attention, doesn't it?

[Ding! If the Host wants to survive and stop dying in the world of Numen, he has to pay attention to every little detail around the Host.]

Whatever, where's the black market? I've still got a corpse to get rid of.

[Ding! The nearest entrance to the most populated area of the black market is in the Church of Fortune.]

What is this? "Blåck Lågoon?" Why would a church have connections to the black market? You know what, I've already seen people from demon-cults, cute killer bunnies, and a school that trains its students in life-or-death combat. This is actually one of the more realistic things in this world.

Time to ask for my friendly-neighborhood blue arrow for the directions.

I expected to ride the bus for at least a solid ten minutes around the city, but the church turned out to be next door.

Good job government! Thanks for putting the black market in the basement of a church next to a school! It makes it so convenient for totally normal students like me!

At this point, I've stopped questioning this world.

I walked in through the big church-y entrance. There were only a few people in here, probably because it was not a Sunday. I followed the arrows, which pointed to a confession booth.

Am I supposed to go in there to confess something I've done? What blasphemous deed have I committed?

[Ding! The Host called Fortuna, the Goddess of Luck and Fortune, the "Goddess of S*x".]

So? Am I wrong?

[Ding! The Goddess of Luck and Fortune, Fortuna, laughs at the irony of the Host's thoughts while being in one of her churches.]

This is your church? Why is there a black market entrance here?

[Ding! The Goddess of Luck and Fortune, Fortuna, ignored the question and told the Host that the church was only using her name, and there were almost no believers around the Host.]

Nope. From my years of experience watching anime, I can tell where the flags are pointing to. I am not going to help or solve or in any way get involved with whatever is going on with the church. I don't even want to know. The less I know, the longer I'll live.

I grabbed the door handle and turned it, pulling the door open. There was a table with two vases, one had a white flower that looked like a lily and the other had a red flower that looked like a spider lily-

Wait, aren't red spider lilies poisonous?

[Ding! Although there is a flower in the world of Numen that's similar to the red spider lily in the Host's old world, both flowers in the room are made out of polymers.]

So it's fake. Damn, those looked realistic though.

The wall had a small window covered by white curtains, and on the other side of the wooden booth was a bench with a cushioned seat.

The room was empty and small like any confession booth. No other windows or vents, and the only source of light is the wall lamp hanging above the short curtains.

I'm just glad I'm not claustrophobic.

"Fellow lost lamb of the Goddess, please shut the door on your way in." A feminine voice came from behind the curtain.

I complied, shutting the door behind me, and took a seat on the bench.

"Please take one of the flowers. The white if you seek to pursue your future and red if you wish to be relieved from your past"

What if I take both? Just what if? Because I'm pretty sure there's at least one person in the world that wants both. Did they not check for any loopholes?

[Ding! If the Host wants to have access to the black market, he needs to react with a series of movements that serves as a password.]

There's a password? What is even the password?

[Ding! The system suggests the Host take the red polymer amaryllidaceae.]

What's that?

[Ding! The flower that looks like Earth's red spider lily.]

I took the fake corpse flower.

Now what?

Before I heard an answer from the system, the curtain opened, revealing a pair of white-gloved hands. The hands pushed a wooden box with a tag taped on the side that read, "donations".

These guys are a bunch of cheapskates!

[Ding! The Host should take out the silver Woke token from his inventory and put it in the box.]

I reached a hand into my pocket and took out the silver coin from the shadow inventory.

What's so special about this coin? It looks just like any coin you'd find in a fantasy game. Other than the pentagram carved on one side and the spider lily on the other-

Isn't that the flower I'm holding right now? There's a connection between this church and Wokes?

I toss the coin in the box. I'm not even going to ask what is going on. I probably don't want to know. Maybe if I ignored the flags hard enough, they'd disappear.

Not even ten seconds later, one of the hands pushed the token back to me before closing the curtain.

Maybe I'm just overly on edge due to the number of insane things happening today, but I swear I felt the booth vibrating.

I heard a muffled, "Honorable guest, please enjoy your stay." from above.

This was an elevator?

With a clear "ding", the room stopped vibrating, and the door I walked into slid open. The scene was not at all what I expected: several well-dressed people stood behind a long white counter with a glass barrier on top. The white and gold room reminds me of a hotel receptionist's desk.

This black market should be called "the white market". Why is it so bright?

I stepped out of the tiny elevator as the door closed. While I was thinking about what to do next, a "ding" interrupted me.

[Ding! The system suggests the Host trade the polymer flower at the receptionist's desk.]

You're telling me to trade the thing? What value does it have? Why would people want it?

[Ding! Trading the polymer flower for a pin confirms the Host's identity as a guest instead of an uninvited intruder.]

So... What happens if I'm labeled as an intruder?

[Ding! The Host could be captured, traded away as an object, treated as a lab experiment-]

Okay, I guess this really is the black market.

[-or death.] The System finally finished.

Ah yes, death. The thing I'm most afraid of.

Enough with the sarcasm. I walked toward the receptionist's desk.

"Hello." The man bowed.

If the system didn't tell me that this place led to the black market, I would've thought I wandered into a five-star hotel. Why are they being so classy?

[Ding! The Host is holding a red polymer flower. Holding the red polymer flower symbolizes the Host is part of the Woke cult.]

Right, the coin. And why are Wokes important here?

[Ding! The cult of Woke in this city is equivalent to the Yakuza.]

City? This is a city?

"Welcome." The suited man called, "To one of the three lawless cities-"

[Ding! The Host is currently at one of the many entrances of the three major lawless cities, the City Under the Earth,-]

"-the city of Teton."

[-Teton.]

Happy Thanksgiving!

Also, no phones at the dinner table.

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