Chapter 1 -- Unrequited Worship

[author] Editor: Me [Re-editing]

Proofreader: Sagedagger[/author]

In a blank, sterile landscape filled with willow trees, a dream-like lake was rippling. Shadows of white birds and clouds flew around on its surface, while translucent leaves carried the reflections away.

It was beautiful; so beautiful, that one would blind himself if they were to look at it. Blanketed in white, it was lonely, frigid and untouched by color.

"How pretty,"

As soon as the faint whisper reverberated throughout the tranquil world, everything stopped moving. A transparent outline materialized before the lake, clothed in white. However, the moment it stepped into the lake, the water solidified into a branching crystal lattice.

"Where is she?" It asked, and the world answered with a bang.

At the immediate end of the expansive yet frozen lake, the willow trees wilted. A small brick house, filled with color, materialized out of thin air. The moment it appeared however, the entire world erupted in protest. The colorless sky rippled, and adopted an elegant blue hue. The sun boiled, and shone yellow light upon the world.

All because of her.

The being watched from afar, as a girl came out of the house. The mere touch of her pale feet dripped color into her surroundings, while greenery grew wherever she would look. The birds sang, as if they wanted to mimic the cadence of her laughter.

"I can look at her for hours, yet she never feels the need to look at me. How unfair, " The being mused, its surroundings still colorless.

True to its words, the girl never even glanced at its side of the lake. She looked to be stuck on the other side, unaware that she was being watched.

"She lives in her world, unaware of mine. What could be greater than this tragedy of mine?" It reached out its hand, but it touched nothing but air.

The house near the lake rippled once more, as man, clad in red, exited it. The girl joyfully ran towards him, and pulled him in an embrace. The world danced, as if it was happy along with them.

While on the other side, it stood alone. Jealousy wasn't what it felt -- it felt empty, like something had been torn from its chest.

'He can't possibly love you more than me!' it thought, unwilling to cope. But the truth soon dawned upon it, that anyone with half a handsome face could love her more, because for her, it had never existed.

"I won't allow this!" It yelled, revealing the visage of a youth within its head. The world crackled, as he jumped into the lake, and forcibly tried to cross the distance between them. Unfortunately, he could do nothing but watch as they sat down by the house, while the lake expanded.

"I will never allow this! He'll never love you like I have – never – never! I'm jealous of even the rain that falls on your skin, I'll never let go!" He screamed, but his words disappeared before they could reach her. He felt the water clog his throat, and suffocate him.

That was terrible.

It was always, always dreadful to wake up from a dream like that. Crushed from the ensuing vitriol, I threw away the blanket and slapped myself. I wish it had hurt, but it didn't.

The pale light coming from the dining room shone upon my sweat, exposing it to my eyes. The sweat streaming down my scalp didn't stop, as I dashed to the bathroom and washed my face. 'Something like that…isn't possible. No way,' I told myself, as I closed the tap.

For the past few days, I'd been having the same dream – one where I was given dominance over a world, yet brutally failed to stop her from falling in love with someone else. The locations would change, the men would change, but the scenario would still remain the same.

I drank cold water, and soothed myself. There was nothing to worry about, surely. Mostly because over the past few years I had been looking at her from my apartment, I had never noticed a man with her. But of course, she'd often have male relatives over, but I had never noticed anything weird between them.

"Calm down, Yuu. Calm down. Recurring dreams rarely come true, so I've nothing to worry about," I parroted in a raspy tone, almost falling over due to the knot in my stomach.

A difficult tranquility reigned over my apartment today. All of the lights were turned on, and despite being orderly, it looked like a fight had happened here. It was midnight, thus I wasn't really bothered to go out of my room anymore.

If anyone saw me, they would laugh.

'Why is he getting so worked up for a girl that doesn't even know his name?', they would say, and laugh.

But I was just fooling myself. I didn't have any friends, nor did anyone bother with me – so a question like that, even if it were to be filled with contempt, would never be asked. And that made me feel thankful.

Thus, without even bothering to eat dinner, I went to the study room. It had everything I needed: a desk for studying, and a separate table accommodating a few hundred thousand yen[modern_footnote]¥100,000 = $945 / So, a few hundred thousand yen = mostly likely $2000~$3000.[/modern_footnote] worth of computer and imagery equipment. I disregarded the mountain of school work lying around –it was midnight, after all— and checked the camera positioned atop a motorized mount.

While cleaning the lens of the camera however, I noticed that the flat on the 6th floor of the apartment complex next to mine had its lights on. Since it was directly adjacent to mine, I had a rough view of the brightly-lit room at its left, and quickly deduced that she was awake.

"Hmh? She's still awake? At 1AM? Did something happen?" I voiced out my concern, and immediately set off to turn on my computer. I turned off the lights in the room, and immediately raised the camera to the height of her apartment. Since it was rather close, I optically zoomed in on her room and started recording.

My initial guess had been correct. She was awake.

There, on the leftmost side of the apartment, was her bedroom. Only her lights were turned on, while the others' rooms were dark.

Humans have always had an obsession with beauty. But she, Tanabe Yuri, was…

There she was, doing nothing yet boring a hole through my heart.

Yuri held her body, as she shuddered due to the bitter chill coming in from the open balcony. Her beguiling face, a bit whitish, looked strained as she stared at the letter in her hand.

The video footage wasn't blurry, yet I couldn't discern why she looked so…different today. Her jet-black hair was messy, and she would often stand up, wander around, and sit down again.

Only someone incapable of thought would be unable to recognize the letter in her hands. Merely the holes lined up on its edge -- evidence that it was torn from a notebook -- gave it away that it was a confession letter.

'Is someone bothering her?' Was the most natural thought that came to me. I knew how attractive she was – perhaps I knew it the best – so it wasn't unusual for her to get confession letters. Like moths to a flame, they would be usually burnt alive, however.

'It can't be. I can't just jump to conclusions like that,' I thought, as I shook my head with a brisk frown. I had never seen her ruminate over confession letters before, thus it was unlikely. I was entirely willing to abandon my hypothesis to placate myself.

A few moments later, Yuri neatly folded the letter, and packed it into a rose-tinted envelope. My heart sank, but nonetheless I continued to watch as she convulsed, and undid the top buttons of her blue blouse.

'I'm sorry.'

I closed my eyes and quickly rotated the camera -- I didn't want to watch her undress, despite how hypocritical it might've been. I was unwilling to defile her purity.

'She needs to be more careful. What's she thinking, undressing with the curtains open," I thought.

A few minutes later, I redirected the camera back to her room. I had been thinking that she was changing into pajamas, but instead, she had changed into a pair of thick clothes, and left her room.

"What?" I visibly choked, mortified by the thoughts that were appearing in my head. I quickly threw a trench coat over my body, and rushed outside. The stairs appeared unending, almost like it's length was correlated with my misery.

I bolted out, while Yuri disappeared in the distance. I chased after her in the darkness, ensuring that she never saw me. The fact that even after five minutes she hadn't turned around once made me worry. Because she had the habit of never turning around to investigate disturbances while she was distressed.

The night was as tranquil as ever, with only street lamps left behind to illuminate it. I hid my face from the light, and tailed her from a ten-meter distance.

Chasing after her sent my heart aflutter.

Yuri looked rather elegant as she moved about with furrowed brows, going somewhere only she knew. She eventually stopped before a gated community, and with the permission of the security guards, entered and disappeared.

I was, of course, left behind. I wasn't so bold that I'd try sneaking into a gated community, thus I waited for her near a bush. I recognized the overall layout of its walls, but for some reason, I stood still – a certain part of me burned because I wanted to know what she was doing.

I sighed in relief when she came back. The expression on her face changed to one of relief, as if she had finally finished a monumental task. She then briskly hailed a taxi, and left.

I expressionlessly left, sulking about the fact that I had been left behind again. Of course, we both belonged to two different worlds; thus, it was granted. But why had she come here?

By the time I reached home, half an hour had passed, and the light in her apartment had disappeared. I had school tomorrow, so I retired for the night but…

'What was in that letter?'