Min Figures out a System

The sky slowly turned red as the sun rose over the horizon. The banquet was scheduled to start shortly after daybreak. Peonie didn't have much time. The pitter-patter of her bare feet echoed across the empty stone hallways of the palace. 

The noble girl was down to her underwear, a translucent chemise that did little to hide her intimates. Her sisters had taken the other clothes she had as punishment, blaming her for their embarrassing scandal from the day before, and kicked her out of their room with an evil cackle.

She stopped running at an intersection to take cover behind a wall, she could hear a couple of maids walking down the hallway. Peonie held her breath as they passed by her. Luckilly, they were too engrossed in their conversation to notice the skimply-dressed noble. Peonie allowed her to breath a sight of relief and she kept aimlessly wandering the halls. 

The prince was a stickler for etiquette. If walking barefoot around the castle was uncouth, what would he say if he caught her gallivanting in her underwear? She needed to find clothes, but who could help Peonie in her sorry state?

What about the jester? She had recognized her alright. It was that adventurer, what was she called? Rim? Nim? Ugh, she had such a weird name, Peonie could never remember it. She didn't know why she changed jobs, but she should be at least sympathetic to her plight.

But where did the Jester sleep? Well, if the royal palace was anything like her own, probably somewhere in the basement next to the dungeon. Being accosted by an insufferable buffoon was part of the prisoners' torture most of the time.

Standing on her tiptoes, Peonie began slowly making her way down the stairs, her eyes peeled for anyone who might catch her in the act. Luckily, it was still too early for anyone but the night guard to be awake. And they seemed too engrossed in card game by the entrance to notice Peonie quickly slipping down into the catacombs.

The basement was as dreary as Peonie expected, the air was thick and damp, and half-burnt torches offered scant light in the gloomy stone hallway. Now, where could she find her former companion?

A maniac laughter echoed from deeper in the dungeon, giving Peonie´s goosebumps. What kind of madman was locked up in the dungeon?... No, wait, she recognized that voice. It was Nim´s laughter. Why was she chuckling to herself? Was she was practicing her routine for the banquet?

Peonie followed the sound and found herself in front of a little room at the end of the hallway. Nim´s laughter was defintely coming from inside. She opened the door and stuck her head inside the Jester's Room. "Ermm, Nim? It's me-by the Sisters!"

Strange scribbles covered the walls, the floor, and even a part of the ceiling, words of a language Peonie had never seen before. Painted lines and arrows joined the disparate phrases together. Min was in the middle of the room, laughing as she finished her mad design.

"Of course. It's not a curse, it's a blessing! Hehe… Ah! Who goes there?"

"H-hi, it's me, remember? We met in that goat barn? Fought a lich together? ... ring any bells?" Peonie was too scared to enter the room proper, she remained at a safe distance by the door. Min didn´t seem to be in the most rational state of mind at the moment. 

"Ah yes, the middle Peonie. Is it OK if I keep calling you Peonie? I'll call your youngest sister Peobrat and your oldest Pelder." 

"Err, sure, that's fine, but …Nim, are you ok?"

"It´s Min! Not Nim, Min!"

"Ack, s-sorry! Well, err, Min, are you ok?"

"I'm better than ever!" Min replied, her smile stretching across her whole face. "I HAVE A SYSTEM NOW!"

"A… system?"

"A SYSTEM! TO MAKE THIS WORLD BEND TO MY WILL! Or, you know, finish quests more easily without getting naked. That's good too."

Peonie took a careful step inside the room. Min had a maniacal look on her face, and some bags under her eyes. "Err, did you get any sleep last night? Why would you need to strip to finish a quest?"

"Aha! Glad you asked! You see, it all started with this goddess or spirit or whatever," Min got up, retracing her scribbles to the beginning, to the drawing of a silver-haired woman. "After I died, she reincarnated me into this world with a catch; I have the Jester's curse, which endeavors to humiliate me in the funniest way possible. Usually, by stripping me naked."

Peonie clasped her hands over her mouth. "YOU DIED?"

"Yeah, it's no biggie."

 "And then you got cursed?!"

"…Blessed, more like! You see, I misunderstood." Min paced around the room, showing more scribbles to Peonie. "What happened to your sisters made me realize that the curse wants to laugh, but it doesn't care whose misfortune tickles its metaphorical funny bone. That's why the fairies had problems casting their spells. That's the key to my system!"

"Huh?"

"I will become the curse's jester, and direct its misfortune towards my enemies. So long as I keep the slapstick rolling, my pants will remain on my legs. This is how I'll become a great heroine! It's a way more unique class than a run of the mill rogue or mage, that's for sure."

"Class? But who's the teacher? You?" Peonie shook her head. That wasn't the weird part of the idea. "That's your system? Sacrificing other people's dignity to spare a bit of your own?!"

"No, but you see. I'll use my powers for good. Bandits's pants will fall and they'll trip to my feet. Rogue mages will have their spells backfire against them. It will be a living Looney Tunes cartoon! That's the beauty of the system."

"Riiiiiight. However, a system would imply a series of repeatable actions that can result in a similar outcome each time. This sounds like you will just run up to your enemies and hope your curse acts on them instead of you."

"Well, aren't you a walking dictionary? In any case, I can make the curse work on whoever I want. THAT is the system."

"What, you going to walk up to a bandit, tell a bad pun, and hope the curse makes his armor explode?"

"N-no, I´m going to walk up to a bandit pull down his pants and then push him down a hill. With the curse´s bad luck, he will probably fall right into the pillory with his ass in the air." 

"Right, and when he tries to stab you because you are trying to pull down his pants, what are you going to do then, huh?"

"Then he is going to miss, or I´m going to trip and dodge the sword just in time in the most comical fashion possible. Bleeding to death is not funny, Peonie. I already told you that the curse wants to laugh."

"That sounds far-fetched. You don´t even have proof it will work that way!"

"That´s what kept us, and me specifically, alive during our fight with the lich!"

"Or maybe it was your experience and adventuring instincts. You should have a bit more faith in your own abilities, Min." 

"I have! I´m an adventurer from another world fated for greatness! I will become the World´s most famous heroine!" Min replied, stomping her feet like a petulant kid.

"That´s the spirit! Forget about this curse nonsense, go forge your own path-"

"But I´ll do so using my system to make the curse defeat all my foes!"

Peonie sighed, slowly massaging her temple with her fingers. "Ugh, do you even know if this curse is real and not just back luck? Or if it even affects other people?!" 

"Yes, It is real! I already double-checked with some wizards and everything. They told me it affects other people as well. In fact, the more cute they are, the more likely the curse is to spread to them. It´s why our whole party was stripped in that dungeon, and I guess why you are dressed like a strumpet right now. I don't suppose you usually sleepwalk into catacombs, right?"

"... did you just admit you find me cute?"

"N-no, I mean, yes? B-but not in that way! You are attractive by the standards of the curse´s caster."

"I don´t know if I should be flattered, or... wait. You are the reason our dungeon adventure went to hell?! That I had to do all kind of demeaning tasks for that damnable lich in the nude?" Peonie stomped over to Min. The meek jester backed away until her back met the wall. 

"S-sorry, I didn´t know I was cursed at the time. But see? if I could redirect that bad luck into more deserving people, none of us would have to suffer. That´s the beauty of the system." 

Peonie took a deep breath to calm herself. She didn´t know if what Min said was true or if the unlucky adventurer was trying to rationalize her streak of bad luck. But even if it was true, it´s not like Min directly sabotaged their expedition.

"Hmm, I still don´t know if I believe you, but IF what you say is true, what will you do when you fight a real ugly bastard, or a monster? According to you, the curse only acts on "attractive" people."

"N-not quite, the curse acts on me, but it spreads to attractive people. So long as I take my beastly opponents in a funny fashion, I think the curse will protect me. After all, if it found my death funny, I would already been six feet under by now considering everything I faced up to this point..."

"SPREADS?! So I´m cursed now?"

"Very possibly? S-sorry. Althought I´m told that it´s a weak version that dillutes over time. The curse should go away on it´s own if you stop spending time with me... I think."

"Great, so now I have to attend a banquet with the whole royal court with nothing but the worst curse possible for a fancy social gathering. Thanks, Min! So thoughtful of you! If you get scabies next, will you come running to give me a big hug?!"

"D-dont worry, I´ll make the curse attack someone else! Since you don´t believe in my system, I´ll show how it works. I'll show you all! HEHEHehehe…he."

"…You need to take a nap, Nim."

Min's body rocked back and forth, she was barely standing on her feet. "It's Min! But you are right. Can you wake me up for the banquet? I'll show you all there..." she yawned.

"Oh, that's right!" Peonie clasped her hands, remembering why she came. "Do you have something I can borrow for the banquet?"