Chapter Twenty Six: Azazel

I landed in a big huge pile of trash. I was glad to not have a body. I was glad to not experience the sheer stench of it. All around me was trash, miles and miles and miles. I did not recognize what country we were in. I was disorientated. I had no idea where I was or even what time period. There were no land features. No grass, trees, or rocks. The mounds of trash just looked like colored static. Up above-- the sky was a clear, cloudless blue and birds circled the stinky mountain peaks. The mountains of garbage cast massive jagged shadows across the ground. There wasn't even a path to walk.

I must be in real time, I thought as I stepped through the trash. All of the trash was of fast food wrappers and broken plastic. Every item I could see was of modern origin. I used my normal human avatar shape, but I was a fleshless ghost. I did not want to expend the energy to transubstantiate a real physical body for this literal shit. I could feel Raum was near somewhere, but I wasn't exact in my coordinates. He was somewhere among the rubbish somewhere close. Was this a city dump, I wondered? Why was he here of all places?

I stepped through dirty diapers and rubber tires. I found toys, packaging, and scrap metal. As I meandered through the mess looking for Raum, I found the end of the garbage. It was a literal shoreline. I was on an island of garbage, floating out at sea. I wasn't able to totally orientate myself, but I suddenly had an idea of where I was. It was likely somewhere out in the Pacific ocean. The garbage pile was so gargantuan that it was its own landmass with its own natural features and fauna. Water lapped naturally at the trash as if I were walking on a sunny beach (but with razor-blades and used needles instead of sand.) Fun for the whole family.

That's when I spotted Raum.

He was still more or less the same from last I saw him in 1937. Except, he was literally picking up cans. I was careful to cloak myself so I could not be detected. I just wanted to watch before I announced my presence. It was nice to see my brothers act naturally, to do what they do instinctively when they know they are not being observed. Raum, just like before, was in the shape of a raven and picking up trash. He first picked up the pieces in his claws then to his beak. Afterwards, the piece of trash was tucked under his wing and it disappeared.

I was curious so I honed my insight deeper. I focused my magic so I could get a little better idea of what was happening. It appeared that Raum was simply cleaning. He was removing the human made trash. It was slow, to be sure, but he was removing pollution from the ocean. His aura and vibrations were clear and pure. Something about him had changed.

First, his raven suit was a little different. It wasn't small and black, like it was in 1937. He looked like a physically real crow back then. Now, he was much larger. His feathers were white, as if he had albinism. He was still raven shaped, but he somehow seemed more powerful. When I probed a little deeper, I could see his aura had changed, too. It was like looking at a reverse-fallen angel. I had never seen anything like that before.

Since he was in spirit form, proportions didn't make sense. He was a raven but he managed to pick up an old refrigerator in his claws. Either he became larger or the trash became smaller. Then, I watched as Raum tucked the old refrigerator away. It vanished into the Void-- thrown away for good. Before it was gone I saw a flash of stars in the darkness as if he had the solar system mysteriously under his wing. He was like a magician creating an illusion with a magic, feather cloak. He made the broken fridge simply disappear from reality.

One by one, one piece of garbage at a time. Each piece required energy and effort. There was no acolytes, no recognition. He was simply doing good for the sake of doing good. I wondered if he choose to pick up garbage because of my teasing, or if I had given him the idea somehow. Raum hopped from one thing to the next, targeting larger items before going after smaller ones. It was clear he was concentrating and working hard on this purposefully thankless job.

He wasn't alone, either. I didn't notice them at first because I had thought they were gulls circling above, but no. They were not seagulls. They were birds that did not belong out on the ocean. Songbirds, parrots, and finches. There was at least a dozen of them. I knew they weren't natural, physical birds. I could feel it-- I could feel them. Since we are brothers we share a bond. I didn't know who they were, exactly, without alerting them all of my presence. They were fallen angels, though, taking the guise of birds to clean up human made waste with brother Raum.

I couldn't get over it. Maybe 'Ol Phones was right. Something interesting was happening here. A movement? Why were they reading so differently? Something about them had changed. It reminded me of Sachiel, a good angel who recently fallen. Were doors I never were aware of opened? Was I seeing a fallen angel turned good? What the fresh Hell was this, I wondered? What was I looking at?

"Ahem," I said, clearing my throat as I made myself visible to Raum. I was annoyed when he didn't even look up. "I said... -ahem-! Looks like you got quite a following--a flock, you could say. Hahaha! Flock, right?"

Raum didn't say anything and he still did not look up at me. Now I know he was ignoring me on purpose. I stepped out from around the massive landfill. I knew that if I had a physical body that I would be retching from the stench. The garbage was baking under the relentless tropical sun. Every step I took squelched and oozed. There were actual seagulls screaming and pecking at the putrefied, rotting plastic products and various debris.

"What is this, a cult?" I kept prying, trying to get a response. "Did you start a cult, here? Bad guys doing good deeds, or what?"

"A Court," Raum barked, annoyed and bristling. "A Court!"

"A what?" I replied, genuinely confused. "A cult?" I repeated.

"A Court, a Court," he cawed, flapping his fresh, white wings and looking and sounding very corvid like. "The Court of Raum!"

"Oh! A -Court-," I repeated. "It just sounded like you were cawing or something, I'm sorry. What's the Court of Raum, then?" I asked.

Raum perched upon the remains of a broken bed frame and tilted his head at me. It was hard to take him seriously without seeing a more human or angelic appearance. He just looked like a dirty old bird. But then, I realized, a lot of the brothers like an avian avatar. There were a lot of owls. I understood that the feathers helped humans understand that we were elusive, ephemeral creatures. But it still annoyed me. Why did he not want to look like the dominant force in the universe? There were a dozen reasons why I choose a man-shaped appearance.

"It's what I do. It's the path I live by. Others wanted to join me and I was not one to stop them if they are called. We call ourselves the Court of Raum."

"Oh, yeah? And what do you do? Just pick up trash?" I asked. "Is it because of that thing I said to you?"

"In part," answered Raum bluntly. "Just because it was your idea doesn't mean it is always awful."

"So, what else does the Court of Raum do? Are you officially redeemed, then? There is something different about you," I said as I picked up an interesting bit of trash. It appeared to be an old wheel from a train set.

"Shortly after you visited me in the prison ward, I heard from God directly without aid of a messenger, such as Sandalphon or Metatron. It was him, it was truly God. That's when they came... That's when my forgotten brothers wanted to follow me. As far as I know, I am the first of my kind," Raum said. "The first fallen one that could feel the love of God clearly again."

Although I had to discreetly pick my jaw up from the floor, I believed him. Not even I could really talk to God.

"They follow me because they, too, want to feel the presence of the Creator again. But, so far, it is only me. So, I communicate for them. That's when my feathers changed white as a dove. I saw it as a gift from the Creator. It wasn't something I did. I had been touched. We can sometimes be seen by humans that are gifted, so we stay cloaked in our bird forms. We are 'birds of a feather that flock together', unified in our desire to be redeemed. We are birds like a uniform. Since I was saved they believe they can be, too."

"That's the stupidest crap I've ever heard," I grumbled. Feeling watched, I looked up into the sky. Several other fallen angels in the form of various birds were circling ahead, either listening or watching. Probably both. Since they were being 'good,' I knew I wasn't under attack. They were likely just eavesdropping in. I just hoped they wouldn't drop bird shit on me.

"What's funny is just when you've been redeemed... We recently came across another brother, or cousin, whatever you want to call it-- a good guy. A good guy who just fell."

"Who?" asked Raum.

"You probably never knew him, but Sachiel. Yeah, he was a good guy that just fell. Went bad I guess. Though, we never figured out why. We just found him on the shoreline one day and... well, he is pal-ing around with Adremelech right now, as we speak. So, he will likely get eaten."

"So, I've been redeemed while another one falls? Perhaps there is some balance needed that we do not yet fully understand. Something strange is afoot."

"I'll say," I said.

"Did you ever sort things out with brother Meresin?" Raum asked.

I slept with brother Meresin's pet project human, Wendy, but I certainly didn't want to tell Raum that. I paused as I tried to answer. I hesitated for a while and dropped the wheel into my pocket. I needed something to distract myself with, so I went looking for the rest of the toy train from the trash.

"Uh, no, I never sorted that out. I came here for a reason, actually. I think I'm dying," I said casually as I pulled out an antique toy train. It was a piece from a Lionel train set, a really rare find. Excited, I went digging further into the trash barge in hopes to find more pieces of the train.

I didn't really want to talk about what Azrael said to me, but what else was I supposed to talk about? Azrael was the one who sent me to Raum in the first place.

"You think you're dying?" repeated Raum.

"Yeah, right? Azrael said so. It isn't that I think I'm dying. I know I am. Azrael sent me here, in fact."

"And how would Azrael know?" wondered Raum skeptically.

"He's the original angel of death!" I scoffed. "so, of course he would know! He said it was the reason he allowed me to consume him in the first place. Because I'm dying. We're dying, actually. All of us, him included. He seemed a little too enthusiastic about it, if you asked me. Kind of morbid. Everyone... all except you. Good and bad angels alike. Apparently, we are becoming an endangered species for some reason."

"All except me? Truly? Because I am saved?" Raum boggled. "I feel blessed and honored. I don't know if my deeds were why I am saved, but I suspect it is so."

"Hold up, but God never told you why she saved you? What if it has nothing to do with your good deeds? Because I don't think it does. If you ask me, God has something planned. I think it is over some arbitrary incomprehensible decision. That sounds more like the God I know."

"It is true. The Creator never spoke when I changed. It just was. Though, I truly believe it is because I've made the conscious decision to be good. You may not think so, but I do. I feel it is a direct cause and effect. Every piece of trash I remove requires energy and concentration. It requires a sacrifice of my energy and personal being. I knew that if I was going to do good... then it had to hurt. I felt it was my prayer to the Lord. It has to be hard. Otherwise, it isn't a sacrifice at all. If I could vanish mountains of garbage at a time—I would. Instead, I choose to do things that are very difficult or impossible. This is why I am saved. I called out to God long enough until I was heard."

"And them? It hurts them to clean, too?" I asked, waving my hand to the flock of birds circling above us. "They're just flying around hurting themselves until God comes by and saves them like she did you?"

"No, they are praying to find their way. In the meantime, they help me so they can avoid doing evil. They help me until they find their personal calling that will save them. I feel they need to do something unique to them that will ultimately lead to their path to redemption."

"What did God say to you when you became saved?" I asked heatedly.

"The Creator... didn't say anything. It was a feeling that came over me. The Creator's love. I could feel it. Then, it manifested by changing my feathers from black to white miraculously. As you said, maybe it wasn't about the deeds I did-- but the intention it was behind them. I am the first, but I hope not the last. I don't understand God's mysteries, but I see the evidence enough for it to be true."

"I want to talk to God," I blurted angrily, demandingly. "Since you have a direct line to her, tell her I want to talk to her. I want her attention. Since she will talk to you, surely she will have a word with me. It isn't fair. It has been long enough now. When I do speak to God, it is never a back and forth. I know she cannot 'see' me, whatever that means. I've had enough. This is stupid. How are you saved and I-- the first of the fallen-- am not? How does that even make any sense?"

"No, Azazel, that is not how this works," said Raum, immediately pissing me off. "You cannot just force it. Speaking to the Creator is not instant like that. You cannot just command me to do your bidding."

"The Hell I can, Raum!" I shouted. "Don't you understand who and what I am!??? You're made from me, you're a broken piece of my consciousness, not God's! You should do as I tell you! You should allow me to consume you, return from whence you came! Do as Azrael has! You wouldn't even be redeemed in the first place if it weren't for me!!" I screamed at the over-sized bird perched on a mound of garbage. "How dare you look down on me!!" I went on. "Do as I say, I command you! Tell God I've got a bone to pick with her and I've got a million issues to deal with... such as the encroaching Void! Everything is breaking apart and it is God's fault, not mine!!! Everything is so-... so fucked!!"

"Are you done?" asked Raum, unflappable. Above us, the Court of Raum was circling closer and closer. I could hear the fallen brothers muttering among themselves. It somehow sounded both like the brothers talking and a flock of birds chattering in excitement. They were all growing defensive of me, I could feel it. I knew when my welcome was worn out.

"I am not going to pick up garbage until the Lord decides to talk to me!!! I want her to speak with me now! I will not pick up trash like some common criminal!! I want her to speak to me!!! Now!! I don't care what I have to do. I will get her attention. Oh yes I will. Just you see, Raum! Just you wait and see!! I'll have the Lord's attention. I'll have her talking to me. I'll have her talking to me way faster than you. I'll have her sit down and we will do a face to face, Raum. Just you see. Just you see, you dirty little bird."

"Whatever pleases you, Azazel. I have no quarrel with you," said the snooty white raven sitting on his throne of trash.

"No? Well, I got a bone to pick with you, birdboy. But, you just wait and see. This isn't over. You think you're so special, getting saved by God. She doesn't want to kill you but she will kill me, her favorite. Her favorite among the fallen. Her first and only Morningstar. Don't you forget that, Raum. I'm the favorite, not you. You've not replaced me, just you hold onto your tail-feathers and you'll see."

"I'm sure I will," Raum answered condescendingly.

"I just gotta figure out how I'll get the Lord's attention," I said, more to myself than him. I was getting ready to leave. With my Lionel train stuffed into my jacket pocket, I decided to take my leave. I didn't want to start a whole squabble with the stupid Court of Raum. I knew I didn't have any bird seed to distract them with, anyway.

I immediately left the floating barge of trash on my own accord. I didn't know where I was going, but I wanted out of there