His pain, her courage

Li Xiqing continued kissing her. But he didn't take anything further. His erection was pressing hard on her tummy, and that was making Shao Yan more restless.

Her body was burning. She wanted him.

His kisses suddenly slowed down and left her lips. She was laying down under him, looking at him with a blushing face and swollen pink lips. She looked so inviting, so turned on.

He loomed on top of her, and gently caressed her cheek, tracing the soft skin with his fingertips. He controlled his breathing, trying to calm down.

Her big round eyes were looking at him, questioning his abrupt halt. He saw her eyes were searching for his, and he saw that she was disappointed.

He softly sighed. She must have misunderstood.

"Yan Yan"

He murmured her name, while trying with all his might to control his growing beast.

He leaned his forehead on hers, "I am not in a good mood today. I am not happy" she heard Li Xiqing said that with his ever soothing voice.

.....

Shao Yan was surprised. She did not dare to move, she wanted him to continue his words. His words were laced with something that she did not understand... sulk? Pain? Loneliness?

Her arms were wrapped around his waist. He could feel that she want to have a little distance between them so that she can see his face. She gave a little nudge to push him, but he stopped her.

"Let me finish first, alright?" he held her still while still leaning on her forehead.

He closed his eyes and just stayed silent for a while, before he finally whispered.

"Yan Yan, I care so much about you."

He did not lean in anymore, but instead, he looked right into her eyes. One arm was propped next to her head, while other hand was tracing her face, caressing her hair.

"Maybe I was just thinking too much, but what is it with the paper?" he searched her eyes, "You were so distracted because of it the whole day."

He saw her eyes gradually cleared up, and she slightly furrowed the soft area between her eyebrows. She lightly bit on her lower lip.

His heart squeezed. He was right. It had something to do with the past.

.....

Shao Yan's heart lurched when she heard him said that he was not in a good mood, that he was not happy. She was even more surprised that he knew it was because of the paper.

She slowly took a deep breath. One of her hands that were hugging his waist, slowly left his skin from the back. She touched his face. Her fingertips were tracing his eyebrows, she was choosing her words.

Li Xiqing patiently waited for her. He never left his sight from her face. He took in everything he saw. He did not want to miss every single expressions.

He saw all of her inner struggles within her. Her surprise when he said that. Her pain, that came gradually after that.

And then he saw her doubt. He saw she was debating on her words in her mind. He saw a light came through her darkness. And finally.. Her sprouting courage.

.....

".... Xiqing.." she opened her mouth, and then she paused, she closed it again. She slowly chose her words before opened to say, "I met someone from the past today."

She found her little courage was gradually growing stronger. She did not want to stop.

"He was a friend from university" she looked into his eyes and then said, "He was that guy's roommate".

Li Xiqing did not know if he should feel relieve or not. He thought Zhong Yu was that guy. But apparently he was not -- so it's good. Right?

But for him to distract Yan Yan a lot .... He was not sure how to feel about that.

Shao Yan did not see any change in Li Xiqing's face, so she continued.

"... I.. I was distracted because I was angry."

She left his eyes, and looked down, at his chin, and then down to his Adam's apple and finally his neckline.

"When Liwei courted me in the past, he would send me his drawings and write me love letters."

She paused, and he could feel her eyelashes slightly trembling. This was the first time he heard Yan Yan mentioned that guy's name.

His hand unconsciously clenched, and his heart felt so uncomfortable. He could feel his possessiveness over her was taking over his calmness.

Shao Yan slowly continued, "I was angry because... " She was controlling her breathing and her chaotic emotions, "Because today I realized, that it was a lie."

Her sight left his Adam's apple and back to his eyes.

"It was his handwriting" she paused, searching for his reaction. But he did not give any, he was still looking at her so gently and urged her to continue. She gradually calmed down.

"Apparently, Zhong Yu was the one who sent those letters in the past."

.....

Li Xiqing slowly got up, and pulled her up with him. He leaned back to the headboard with her wrapped in his embrace.

Shao Yan let him do everything, all she did was to wrap her arms around his waist too, and held him tight.

Her head was resting on the crook of his neck, her soft breaths tickled his neckline. He leaned in his cheek on the top of her head. He was waiting for her to continue.

Shao Yan did not know what else to say, but she knew this man was feeling insecure right now.

She tightened her hold around him.

"I was angry because I felt cheated. I felt I was being lied to. That the whole past was only a lie."

She looked up, "But Xiqing, it will never affect the present me."

She lifted her hand and touched his face. She put her hand on his cheek and looked into his eyes, "I am sorry that it made you feel insecure. But you have to know that my happiness is you. My home... is you, Li Xiqing."

She waited for his stiff jaw to soften. She closed in and lightly brushed her lips on the corner of his lips.

It was just a soft touch. But he could feel all of her emotions within that simple kiss. She wanted to reassure him. She knew words could be useless. So she chose to show it through her actions.