Hearing my concerns

Gemma found me that next afternoon in my room, hunched down on the floor with papers, pens, and paints everywhere.

"Hey! What are you doing?" She asked me as she stood by the door. "What's all that?"

"What?" Finally, realizing that I had been coop up in my room the whole day.

She entered my room and picked up some papers lying on the floor. "Why didn't you go to work today?"

I tried to fix my hair away from my face and straightened up my shoulders. "I forgot."

She bent down and picked up a few more pieces of paper on the floor next to her. "These are great. So you started drawing again," she stated, looking at my work.

I paused for a while from what I was doing and tilted my head to her. "Yeah!" I lowered my eyes to the floor with my work spread in front of me. "I had to see his face."

"Who?" Her brows furrowed as she carefully asked, not wanting to spook me.

Surveying my room and truly seeing it for the first time today, I could estimate what Gemma must be thinking when she walked in. Papers were scattered all around the floor and on my bed. I must be going crazy.

"This might sound insane, but I think I finally remembered... a man in my past. His name is Luke, and he was my boyfriend." I sounded crazy even to my ears, but I had to find a way to put all this together.

I needed to know what happened to the man I once loved. Maybe if my eyes could see it in plain view, it would change my perception. It might jar up more memories, make me remember more.

Fighting against your mind was very frustrating. It drove me crazy these past few days. Now that I had seen Luke's face, it changed everything. I just needed to what --- I need to make the memories come back and figure it out.

"Ok. Do you want to talk about Luke?" Gemma offered as she sat down on the bed.

Closing my eyes, I thought of what to say to my friend. "It's a long story. Is it ok if we talk about it later?"

"Sure. Why don't we eat first? I brought lasagna and a chocolate cake." Gemma stood up and walked towards the door. "Wait for you outside."

When I woke up this morning, I was determined to uncover my past. I could only think of one way, so I started drawing again until I sketched his face. After doing that, it did not generate the result that I wanted. It was still lacking.

In the corner, I saw the discarded empty canvas, finding myself lost in another world.

Closing my eyes and carefully analyzing the colors and lines of the image of Luke. The next thing, I was transferring his face from my mind to the blank canvas. After an hour, I had painted the ghost of my past. It was beautiful. He was beautiful.

Is he real? I knew in my heart that he was real. The emotions in his eyes were communicating with mine. He loved me, and I loved him, but what happened to us. Where was he now?

Why did he leave me? Maybe I left him. That was impossible. I could never do that. There were so many questions, and I wanted answers.

The ringing of my phone snapped me out of the spell as I tore my eyes away from his. The name of Daniel appeared on the screen. It was as if an ice bucket splashed over me as I came back to the present.

Despite my distressing thought, I answered his call with as much cheeriness I could muster. I did not want to cause him unnecessary worry. Remember what happened the last time. I could not do that to him again.

When Daniel left yesterday, I resolved to make our relationship work. He was the right man for me. I have to teach my heart to love him back.

"I started sketching again," saying that felt so liberating.

"That's fantastic. You never mentioned that you could draw." I could not help but smile over the phone. He might not have seen that, but his response told me that he did felt it.

The delight in his voice drastically changed my mood. Or was it the fact that I did something I thought I would never do again in this lifetime? Whatever it was, I felt glad. "I stopped ever since Harry died," I told him.

"Why?" he asked. The same questions I asked myself today.

"I think it had something to do with the fact that I felt guilty that Harry was not able to accomplish what he wanted in his life because he died. I believed I did not deserve to do the things that I loved." It made sense at that time, but I realized now that Harry would never want me to stop. He would have wanted me to chase my dreams. I now saw the errors of my ways.

"You know that will never be true, Scarlet. Right?" Daniel inquired. I realized now. We talked more for several minutes before he had to end the call.

I placed the canvas on the table to let it dry and went to the kitchen where Gemma was sitting quietly, waiting for me with food on the table. She figured that I had not eaten yet, so she prepared a meal for us.

I was not aware of how hungry I was, not until I took a spoonful of the lasagna. It was amazingly delicious. Finally, I made Gemma smile. I did not like to see her worried because of me. She had enough to think about, to include me. We ate, and she told me about the plans for the baby and of course the wedding. I was suddenly looking forward to it.

After a while, I knew she was still waiting for me to share my story. Slowly, I told her all the things that happened the past few days and how my memories came back.

"Do you think I can ask for a few days' leave from work? I want to visit Mom," I asked her. "I think she could help me uncover what happened in my past."

"Of course you can. You barely used your vacation leave ever since you started at the diner," Gemma assured me. "I think that would be a good idea. All you need is a break and a little clarity."

Gemma had been supportive after hearing my concerns. She agreed that talking with my mom about it would be best. After convincing her that I was fine, Gemma finally went back with James.