Beyond his hands

"It was still dark when I woke up inside the bus. As I looked out the window, I saw some familiar places. Although some changed, I thought it was still the same place where I grew up. I recognized the small bookstore where my dad bought me my first coloring book, but it was now a coffee shop.

In another corner was the diner, Harry and our friends loved to hang out on the weekends. It looked like they had it renovated into some fancy restaurant. I wondered if teenagers still went there nowadays.

My drop point was just a few blocks from where I intended to go, so I ready myself to get down as soon as the bus made the next stop.

I called my mom when I boarded the bus yesterday informing her of my plan. She was not happy about my impulsive decision to travel alone.

She insisted that I go back, and we could travel together the next day. She had her good intention, but this time I did not back down.

"I have to do this on my own, Mom. You have to let me." I begged her. She had no choice but to concede. She asked me to call her if I would need any help. I promised.

In essence, the dread of losing the people I loved was the one running my life all these years. My father, who I adored and loved, died while I was still young. My brother, who sacrificed so much for me, passed away just when his future was already set for him. Then, Mia, my bestfriend, left me, at the time I needed her the most.

I was so scared to lose people close to me that I built a wall in my heart, apparently in my brain too, to prevent risking my heart from being broken again.

I wanted to open my heart again. To do that, I had to face my fears. Wondering what happened to Luke and me would always haunt me. I had to unlock my past to move on so I could learn to love again.

The dawn was almost glowing on the horizon when I started walking to my destination. Most people did not like to walk in this part of the town, especially at this time, when it was still relatively dark.

When I entered that old massive iron gates, I automatically felt at peace.

The eerie stillness of this place was what I was hoping to find. The quiet neighborhood was solitude to my soul.

I walked to the familiar place. One by one, I saw the mark of the people who once lived and made an impact in another one's life.

I saw that there were no people anywhere in sight, which was just perfect. I wished to be alone with him, to talk to him without any interruptions.

"Hi, Harry!" I stopped just in front of him. I placed the flowers I bought yesterday on my way here. The cold breeze of the morning dew was the only reaction I got. Maybe it was his way of greeting me.

"I hope you're proud of me because I stopped crying," I said, hoping that he could hear me. "I still missed you, but I'm not sad anymore."

"Mom and I are doing great. I'm now her favorite person. Don't get jealous. We will make it up to you next time we see each other." I crossed my heart as I promised him. "At least you have Dad with you." Looking on my right as I also placed a flower on top of it.

I sat down cross-legged as I continued to talk to him about the exciting life I had since he left. Actually, it was better to describe it as chaotic.

"I met this incredible guy. You would like him." I started wiping the headstone with my hands, removing some leaves and dust on top of it. "He is exactly like you. His name is Daniel."

After a moment of pause, I finally told him about Daniel. "Don't get mad, but he's my boyfriend. It's not yet the same as what you had with Mia, but I'm hopeful."

A long silence was the only response she got, I continued. "I also met another guy. Honestly, I'm very attracted to him. He's different. He made me feel things I never felt before. He also scared the shit out of me." She remembered how protective Harry was, scaring off boys who he thought were not good enough for me.

"I know if you are here, you will make sure that he never got near me. You'll never like him. He's arrogant and a womanizer. I know how much you dislike them. That's why I decided to avoid him. He'll only break my heart." A strong breeze blew again in my direction, messing up my hair. I had to wipe away the tendrils that propelled in my face.

A chill just went through me, hugging myself, considering if it was a sign. I continued with my monologue. "I guess you agree with me." I laughed at his response.

"Harry, I have a question. I wish you could find a way to answer me back."

I blew a remaining tendril in front of my nose, before continuing. "What happened to me and my memories? Why is my brain refusing my mind from accessing my past?"

I touched my neck as a habit, but the locket was not there. I brought it to the jeweler to have the chain fixed. "What happened to Luke and me? Where is he now? Did he left me too?"

A single tear dropped off my eyes, down to my cheeks. I quickly wiped it off, not wanting to show my brother my weakness.

"Help me. Give me a sign." I implored him to respond. "Help me find him. The person I love in this lifetime. My soulmate." I whispered to him.

The silence was the only answered I got. That goes my sign, feeling a bit disappointed.

It must be beyond his hands.

Until.