Ch 23 Are you really sure?

"Camilla....." 

I turned around to see Alaric running towards her. He passed by me and helped Camilla up. He ignored me. 

"Camilla, are you alright?" He asked in a worried voice. 

" Yeah, I am fine." She said and looked towards me to say something but Alaric stepped in front of her. 

" Madeleine, What are you doing?" He shouted at me. 

He was frowning and was really mad at me. I didn't do anything this time. She fell on ground herself.

" I....I...she...." I stuttered. 

I was shocked to see him like that. Nobody ever shouted at me before. No one had this right, not even him. I won't give anyone the right to shout at me. 

" I saw, you pushed her on the ground." He blamed me. 

Camilla came forward and grabbed his arm. 

" She really didn't do that. It was me....I.."

She told him but he didn't listen. 

" Camilla, you don't have to take her side. She is wrong here." He said.

His words hurted me like a knife. My heart was bleeding. How could he? 

I looked at her with malice in my eyes. She was still grabbing his hand and trying to convince him. 

I got it. It was her plan all along. She wanted him to be against me. She succeeded and created a rift between us. 

" Answer me." He demanded again with authority. I wasn't obliged to answer him.

I turned around to walk but he grabbed my hand. I looked at him. 

" Leave my hand....." I said in a cold voice. 

He didn't instead tightened his grip on my hand. He was just looking at me with disappointment in his eyes but he was hiding something behind his anger. His eyes were calling me again.

NO, Madeleine snap out of it. I prep talked myself. 

" WHO ARE YOU TOUCH ME?" I emphasized and eyed him. 

He was marvelled my question. He was looking at me with wide eyes and gaping at me like a fish. He leaved me and took a step back. 

" I am your lover." He said in a weak voice. 

" You are making me doubt that..." My voice choked. 

" You were never sure about my love for you." He accused me. 

" Oh right, the problem was always me." I said and turned around to walk away. 

" So, you are walking away now."He said but I never stopped . He continued,

"You always doubted my love. Are you even sure about your own feelings? "

My breathe stopped.This line shaked me from inside. I was thunderstruck. After hearing this, every emotion just diminished in me and I felt hollow. 

My anger, Jealousy even my love just diminished. What was this feeling? Was I sure? I was so determined at first. But, now I felt like I was....I was....doubting everything we had. Was it even real? I was feeling stuffy. I just wanted to get rid of these feelings. They were choking my soul. 

The first time I experienced these feelings I felt complete and happy. Now, it felt like the flower of emotions once bloomed had now withered. My heart almost stopped at this thought. No way, my feelings..... I was sure. 

" Yeah, I was sure." I muttered to myself.

I locked my every doubt, every feeling that could destroy me in a second. I won't be able to bear that shock. It was better not to think about it. I was sure about how I felt. I was....was...in...l..love. 

" Princess, did the tea party go well?" Jenifer asked me when I reached the palace. 

My mind wasn't in the state to process anything, to respond. I was in a daze and I just nodded. She said something else but I didn't hear it and walked to my room. 

His words were echoing in my mind even though I wasn't even thinking about self doubting. Every thought led to him, just him. He was in my mind every second. How could I not be sure? 

" Yeah, I was sure....." I whispered. 

" What are you sure about princess?" Amy said. I didn't answer. She waved her hand in front of me and I finally snapped out my train of thoughts. 

" You are lost princess. Did something happen?" She asked sitting beside me. 

I looked at her. She was obviously tensed. I smiled and lie my head down on her lap. 

" Nothing, just missing nanny's chocolate mint cupcakes." 

" I can make for you, if you want...."

" You can but not like her. I miss nanny."

" You are right. I miss her too." She said while caressing my head. Today, I felt like I didn't belong here. I didn't fit anywhere not with the nobles ladies, not even with my own lover, not anymore. This palace wasn't my home. It offered me every comfort and luxury that I couldn't experience before. The walls were painted and floors were carpeted. Everything was beautiful but, still wisteria palace wasn't my home. In lone palace, the walls were old and floors weren't even carpeted. It was always cold in there. But I grew up there and that old palace saw me grew up. Memories of my childhood were trapped in there. My childhood was hidden there. I missed my home. 

Alaric 

" Why didn't you listen to me?" She asked. 

I just walked aimlessly without answering her. She came and stood in front of me. 

" What is the meaning of all this? Answer me Alaric." She yelled. 

She really wanted to know. I pulled her in between in my mess. She was really worried and looking at me for answers. 

" You weren't like that before. Why did you shout at her? Who are you now? What have you become?" She asked and became out of breathe.She inhaled deeply and grabbed my arm. 

" I know...." 

" What do you know?" 

" I know what you want to tell me." 

She was shocked to hear this. 

" Then, Why...Why did you do that?"

I gulped and said," It was necessary.I can't make you understand but it's about time. Soon, her attraction will fade away and she will realise her mistake." 

" You..." 

" Camilla, please.....I want to be alone." 

" Okay, just last question." 

I nodded 

" Are you sure about your feelings? It isn't like Gabriella..."

I looked into her eyes. I was determined.

" I am sure. I love her, only her...."

She smiled at me and walked away. I shouted at her. She wasn't the only one to be hurt by my actions. I was hurt too. More than her because I knew I was reason of her pain. She wanted to get rid of me, these feelings. It really hurts. It was time to tell her everything. I looked around. Her happiness was slowly fading away like the warmness in weather. Her brightness was fading like the moon of winter. I thought I would handle everything but everything slipped out of my hands like sand. She even resented my touch. I sat there for a few hours. I wanted to meet her. Would she want to meet me? 

Madeleine

I was standing in the balcony feeling the cold wind against my skin. I wanted to feel something, I was afraid I would become hollow otherwise. I wanted to feel him. He was on my mind only that's why, I was wide awake even at midnight.

I turned around to go back but I stopped because I sensed him. Winds carried his scents to me. 

" So, you can't sleep either." His voice penetrated the silence and hollowness in me. 

I turned around to look at him. He was looking tired. His skin was pale. He was wearing only a thin black shirt. 

" You will catch a cold." I said without thinking. Words came out of my mouth as soon as I saw him like this.

He smiled slightly and said,

" Now, you are worried about me."

" Are you here to fight me?"

" No, I was just..."

" Why do you care so much about Camilla?"

" She is my best friend."

" Just friend..."

" Yeah , just friend.....Why are you jealous of her?"

" I am not..." I looked away

" Then, why are you avoiding looking into my eyes."

I looked at him and said," yes, I am jealous of her not because she is pretty and is rich than me but because she can stay with you in the light, can hold hands and talk to you in open but I have to wait for darkness to talk to you, to touch you, to spent time with you.....I don't want that.....I can't do that anymore. When people talk about you two being together, my heart bleeds. She is with you in reality and I...I am just your dirty secret, hidden in the shadows of night." 

I turned around and went inside. I closed the door behind me immediately. I was crying. I didn't want him to see me like this. He knocked the door but I didn't respond. 

" Listen to me, it's not like that." He begged.

I wiped my tears and looked at him through the glass door. 

" I want to ask something....." I said while putting my hand on glass door.

" You can ask me anything...." He responded in his kind voice putting his hand against mine on other side of door .

" Do you really love me?"