You cannot pay me enough to be Hokage

Well, I told the old man Hokage about the gaps in my memory. Now, how would he react? The Third Hokage quickly regained his composure and then called out.

" Dog!"

A chill went down my spine as the ANBU appeared, and I worried I might have screwed up. The Third Hokage then asked.

" Remind me again which orphanage Naruto resides in."

" He did reside at the Will of Fire Orphanage but was recently kicked out due to the rumors surrounding him."

The Hokage stood up and roared out with fury.

" What, why am I just hearing about this now!?"

" Apologies, Lord Third, but with Naruto's accident and the investigation around it took priority at your orders."

So I'm homeless at 6, great, I thought sarcastically. However, this does make sense, as the villagers already know about Kurama being sealed within me. However, what is going to happen now though? My next serving of Ramen came, and I dug in as I listened to the Third Hokage's conversation.

" Dog, tell me the exact reason why Naruto was kicked out of the orphanage."

" Yes, sir. A few weeks back, rumors about Naruto being the incarnation of the demon fox started to spread amongst the civilians like wildfire. Despite ANBU's best efforts at finding the source of the rumors, we only found dead ends, and as the information had already spread, there was no stopping the rumors. From then on..."

As ANBU Kakashi gave his report, I got a few more orders of Ramen as I did not feel full yet. I got myself some seafood Ramen for variety, and as I ate and listened, my mind wandered. I got a rough idea of my current situation and hoped this meant I would get my own apartment soon, plus an allowance to take care of myself as the original Naruto did. I got an order of Miso Ramen next as I listened in.

" And that concludes my report, Lord Third."

" Again, why am I only hearing this now, Dog!?"

Kakashi scratches the back of his head as he answers sheepishly.

" There is a report on your desk, sir. It's just mixed in with everything else."

" Sage, help me."

The old man prayed as he looked ready just to call it quits, and I decided to offer a bit of advice.

" Old man, you know you can have your paperwork divided beforehand into the necessary categories by order of urgency and importance. It would probably save you time, plus you could hire some Chunin or Genin with decent heads on their shoulders to help sift through the paperwork."

I got another order of Ramen as I was beginning to understand what a bottomless pit this body is as I was still not full. I looked to see both Kakashi and the Third Hokage looking at me like I grew a second head. I question them why.

" What? It's just a suggestion, unlike anyone else who could not think of it themselves."

The Third Hokage coughed, feeling a bit awkward as he replied.

" Yes, of course, it is a simple but well-thought-out suggestion, Naruto. Thank you."

I swear, whether now or in the future, Shinobi was never really shown to be capable of an efficient bureaucracy. Even Future Naruto, with a freaking computer, was swamped with paperwork to the point of exhaustion. Yeah, somebody else can be Hokage, as I am not touching that post with a ten-foot pole. I think I will get some Tonkotsu Ramen next, but before that, I asked the Third Hokage.

" So, old man, what am I supposed to do now that I have nowhere to live?"

" I have a few ideas, Naruto. Just give me until the end of the day to set things up for you."

I nodded in understanding and thanked him as he was going to do something at least.

" Thanks, old man."

So far, the Third Hokage is giving the impression of a kind but incompetent old man, which means he likely does not fully know what Danzo is up to these days. As I got another order of Ramen, the old man finally started eating his after dismissing Kakashi from his sight. Now, I just need to wait and see whether or not I shot myself in the foot by playing the amnesia card.

________________________________________

The Third Hokage looked at the stacks of papers on his desk and felt ready to enter the Pure Lands then and there, but he endured as he should because he was a Shinobi first. He lit his pipe to smoke, then called out to his ANBU.

" Dog, Deer, Bat, and Boar!"

The four ANBU appeared kneeling and ready for their orders, letting out a puff of smoke, the Third Hokage commanded.

" I want the four of you to find a cheap apartment for Naruto since he cannot reside with any clan. Then I need you to get me a list of Chunin and Genin who have experience with office work, including even those who have retired. Lastly, call Danzo to my office. Disperse!"

The four left with a Body Flicker, and Hiruzen's mind turned toward the most likely candidate that revealed Naruto's status as a Jinchūriki. His old friend\teammate Danzo, another one of his schemes, no doubt, to make him Hokage by dragging him under. The Third Hokage hoped his old friend had a good excuse for this breach in secrecy because the last thing he needed was the other Shinobi Villages getting ideas about having the Nine Tails for themselves.

Unfortunately, considering the damage that has already been wrought by the rumors already being widespread, he has no choice but to ignore them and treat them as lies. Otherwise, it would put a target on Naruto's back with the other villages, which meant that his charge left to him by the Fourth Hokage and his wife would now have to suffer under everyone's misconception. More and more, every time there was an incident, the Third Hokage felt he was too old for this hat and chair as he felt his incompetence on his shoulders.

He took a long drag from his pipe to settle his nerves before trying to tackle the mountain range of paperwork on his desk. He smiled with wry amusement at Naruto's suggestion on how to tackle his paperwork more efficiently. In fact, he already has a few ideas about which Genin and Chunin he wants to help him manage his daily but no less monumental task. After smoking for a few minutes, he sat down and started combing through the paperwork to find the report he was supposed to have on the initial spread of the rumors.

After toppling his paperwork over from searching for the report, purely by accident, of course, and not a vain attempt at procrastination, he did find the report on the spread of rumors about Naruto being the incarnation of the Nine Tails. The Third Hokage went over the report and could not help but frown at what he read. It only furthered his suspicions that Danzo was the source of the rumors.

Hiruzen sighed as he felt his age catch up to him once more. He quietly cursed.

" Damn it, Danzo."

He started to pick up his paperwork from his office floor and then placed it back on his desk. The Third Hokage ready himself for the slog ahead and began to go through the miscellaneous paperwork on the new standardization of Kunai knife's weight. It's dry and tedious, but unfortunately, not something he can ignore. Hiruzen muttered to himself as he went through similar subjects.

" Why I never thought about hiring help to organize this mess, I will never understand."

Aside from himself, there were the Three Elders of Konoha, the Jonin Council, and the Genin Corps, who are involved with the logistics of the village. The Elders help him in managing different affairs of the village, like finances for Koharu, and keeping track of the Land of Fire's political landscape was Homura's duty. The less said about Danzo, the better.

The Jonin Council handled border and internal security for the village and the Land of Fire. The Genin Corps handled mundane day-to-day affairs within the village while the rest was put on his shoulders. Dog reappeared first after an hour with a list of candidates for office aides. A rare smile graced the Third Hokage's lips as he saw a few familiar names from his generation and knew who he wanted in his office.

" You are dismissed, Dog."

The ANBU disappeared without another word, and Hiruzen went over the list as he needed to identify who would best help in managing his worst nemesis, paperwork. As he went through the list looking for the best candidates to help him, his office got a visitor in the form of Danzo. The bandaged elder demanded.

" What is Hiruzen?"

" That's Hokage to you, Danzo."

Hiruzen was not having his old friend's usual antics as he crossed a line that he knew he shouldn't have. Danzo stiffened as he felt a suffocating pressure erupt from the Third Hokage from a combination of Chakra and killing intent born from years of bloodshed. Hiruzen looked at his old teammate with narrowed eyes as he said.

" I am giving you one chance to admit your guilt, Danzo, and only once. Did you or did you not start the rumors about Naruto being the Nine Tail's vessel? I know it was you, as no one else in the village would dare spread this S-Rank secret. I turned a blind eye to a lot of what you have done, Danzo, because I always felt you acted in the village's best interest, but now, with the spread of these rumors, I am starting to doubt that."

Danzo started to break out in cold sweat as before him was not his old sentimental friend that he took liberties from on a regular basis but a battle harden Shinobi that survived three Ninja Wars. Left with no choice, he used his trump card, Kotoamatsukami, which he snatched from Shisui Uchiha. He had no deep mastery of the eye technique yet, so he could not use complex commands on his old teammate.

Do not doubt my loyalty to Konoha.

A simple but effective command as the Third Hokage eased off his killing intent immediately and took out his pipe to smoke casually. Hiruzen then said with a tired expression.

" Danzo, I do not know why you spread these rumors in the first place, but I know you care about the village above all else, so I am only going to have you disband ROOT and be under house arrest until further notice."

Danzo frowned as it was not ideal, but it was better than being considered a traitor. He could always keep ROOT operating in the shadows, plus being under house arrest does not really limit him a great deal. The bandaged elder decided to keep his head down for the time being to avoid suspicions, as Hiruzen and the other Elders knew about Kotoamatsukami before he quietly dealt with Shisui. Plus, he was still an elder of Konoha.

" I understand, Hiruzen."

" You are dismissed, Danzo."

The Third Hokage sent his old friend away as he started looking through the list of candidates for becoming his assistants in managing paperwork.

________________________________________

I was really starting to miss my cell phone as I was bored out of my mind waiting for the Third Hokage to handle my housing situation. Although thankfully, he agreed to foot the bill on any more orders of Ichiraku Ramen if I got hungry while waiting. Right now, I am enjoying some chicken gyoza, which is really good as well. Imagine my surprise: Ichiraku served things other than Ramen, but this made me crave food from my previous life more.

Pizza, hotdogs, burgers, fries, burritos, tacos, pasta, and several others as well since I really wasn't a Ramen guy in my previous life. I was also wondering what in the heck I was going to do with my free time as I usually read Manga, light novels, fanfiction, a couple of different book series, games, and watch some streamed shows and anime. Training goes without saying, but I need something to relax and unwind because, in all things, balance is key to a healthy state of mind.

I know there are some books here. Make Out Series by Jiraiya is at the top of my list of course. Maybe take up cooking, since I definitely want to recreate some food from my past life? After finally feeling full, I stopped eating and let my mind wander to pass the time. A usual fanfiction trope was plagiarizing works from Earth to earn money, which I will undoubtedly need for one reason or another.

Before doing that, I should see what sort of novels are popular in this world to get a feel about what might work here if I go down that route, another thing to consider is how badly I am going to screw up the canon of Naruto since I am in the protagonist's body because I am nothing like the Original Naruto. If I had a choice, I would probably settle for being a Chunin, then spam the Shadow Clone Jutsu to earn money to retire early and chill.

But I likely don't, as there are too many things I can't ignore, and I sure as heck can't expect Sasuke to save the day. I sighed as I had a lot of things to handle. The sooner, the better in a lot of cases. So many problems I need to nip in the bud, and I am currently powerless to do anything right now. My most immediate problem is dealing with Danzo and his ROOT, as the number of headaches they cause or are involved in are not few in number.

Before anything else, I need power; otherwise there is nothing I can do even if I wanted to. What a pain in the freaking ass. As I was lost in my head, I heard someone call out to me.

" Naruto."

I looked up to see an ANBU wearing a bat mask and asked.

" Yes, what do you need?"

" I am leading you to your new apartment."

I grinned as it would be nice not to worry about having a roof over my head. I told the ANBU as I got out of my seat.

" Lead the way."

He placed his hand on my shoulder, and I felt like I was suddenly moving really quickly, and I nearly lost my lunch. I forced the feeling down and looked around to see my surroundings have changed. If that was the Body Flicker Jutsu he used on me, I hope it's only affecting me this way because I was riding along instead of using it myself. The ANBU then led me to the same apartment the original Naruto had from what I remember, and he told me.

" This is where you will reside from now on."

He handed me the keys to the place, then disappeared with a Body Flicker, and I entered my new home.