186 186. Fight For Yourself

So many days passed and everyday I cry. I was still living with sunny. she didn't go back to Drek's home. After that day I didn't see him. she only leave me alone for work. I copped in her house. I didn't even come out of her room. Always staring outside.

Whenever I saw sunny I end up crying. I feel so weak inside and outside. I don't even now what's going to happen with me. I know I can't be like this and I feel scared. I feel like my life was ruined there's nothing for me in this world. I feel so alone.

I thoughts turned negative. I don't have any motive to continue this baseless life. I can't think my life with him. l always think my future with him. He's in every moment of my life. But he already left me. He throw me out of his life like a dirty rag. I don't want live like.

In these days I feel sick. I feel nauseous. I want to vomit every time I smell something disgusting. I don't know what's happening to me.

I heard the doors opening sound and turned to it. I feel so downward already and then I saw sunny I started crying. sunny comes to me and hugged me.

she sat in front me and wiped my tears off. I was sniffling. she's staring me continuously. After some she said in a firm voice -" Alexa..... I know whatever happened was so wrong.... and we can't change anything..... whatever happened just happened... but it doesn't mean you have to stay sad for the rest of your life..."

I looked at her and said slowly -" I can't be happy without him.... sunny..... I love him so much...."

" oh my god Alexa this is not you ...so you are saying that you still wanted to go back to him after he raped you...."

I wide my eyes and said -" no he didn't....."

" oh please Alexa you know very well what he did."

" no.... he...forced me but not rape..."

she stopped me and said -" Its the same thing Alexa ...and please stop defending him....."

I shook my head. I don't want to listen but deep down I know its the reality. she grabbed my arms and said -" The Alexa I know was not like this. she knows the difference in right and wrong. she knows how to fight for herself and she respect herself. she has self esteem and the most amazing thing she loves herself...

But this Alexa in front me I feel like I don't her she's someone else..... This is not you baby.. I can't do anything about this no one can do. ... the only person who can do any is you Alexa... you are the only one who can fight for yourself...."

" I can't sunny..... I can't...." I sobbed.

" My Alexa was not a loser ..... what do you think Nicholas mourning after his cruel actions....no baby you are so wrong...the night he broke you he went to his fucking office next day.....he don't care...my Alexa was a winner and I want to see you win again Alexa."

I didn't say anything. I know she's right. I can't be sit in a corner for my life. I have my all life ahead of me. I stand up from the bed and walked inside the bathroom.

I washed my face and looked at myself in the mirror. I am not going to cry anymore.

....I know what I should do the first thing in the next morning.....