Grand Dress-down

Both of us went into the kitchen, so far away from Ritsuka that I doubt either of them could hear anything about our conversation.

There, in the midst of washed silverware piled up in stacks and unlit industrial-sized cooking stations, I started.

"What the fuck, Archer?"

Crossing my arms. My brows furrowed into an expression of anger.

Archer mirrored me and crossed his arms as well. With a dismissive look as though my anger didn't matter, he said, "I don't know what you mean."

"Oh please, you think I can't understand what Zvezdnyy is saying? You criticized her so harshly that she ran away crying!"

Communication Talent allowed me to understand Zvezdnyy's way of speaking. It allowed me to parse through all the flowery languages and reach the true meaning underneath it. Although it wasn't an immediate translation as the Talent only came into effect a few hours after I acquired it.

The Talent hadn't taken weeks to translate Zvezdnyy's way of speaking since, while not a full-on different language, it is very fringe in terms of syntax.

"I said what needed to be said. Zvezdnyy is playing as a savior with the power of a God. I pointed that out and she couldn't take it."

I thumbed the bridge of my nose, before gesturing to the sides with the same hand as if I was asking 'are you serious?'

"Seriously? She's still a kid Archer. I understand she has fantastical powers, but at the end of the day, she's still a kid. She still has room to mature."

"To a Goddess, she might be a kid. But to us mortals, she is of the divine through and through. I think the only reason why Alaya allows such beings to walk the Earth without the container of a Divine Spirit is solely because of the current situation we find ourselves in."

Divine? I guess to a Servant of the Nasuverse, Zvezdnyy would definitely appear to be an unrestrained God. Their Authority were unbound as they changed reality however they liked.

"She's still a kid. A mighty kid but a kid nonetheless."

"That 'kid' can easily kill us all with a single wish."

"She's not going to."

"Oh? How do you know that?"

Archer asked as he leaned forward a bit.

I glared at him in response, "Do not insinuate such slanderous things about my family, Counter Guardian." I was tempted to call him 'Emiya', "Zvezdnyy is a good kid. She needs guidance and growth. During her birth, she annihilated the hospital she was born in. Afterward, she was taken in by that world's version of the Chaldea Security Organization. She grew up in a lab, never experiencing the love of a family or even a name beyond a set of numbers."

As I spoke, an aura surrounded me. Archer's muscles tensed like prey who knows they're being stalked by a top-tier predator.

"Of course, growing up during her formative years in such circumstances has led her to be a bit skewed. I want to realign her worldview by having her travel across all of history."

Archer's eyes narrowed. His steel-like eyes stared into my own.

"You… don't want to save the world for humanity's sake. You just view all of this as a fun journey for Zvezdnyy to gain life experience from."

My jaw dropped. What the hell? Where did he get that from?

I replayed everything that I just said in my mind and saw how, although my intention was to try and give Zvezdnyy a chance at growing up, a very cynical person like Archer must've taken it as 'if it weren't for Zvezdnyy, I wouldn't be here helping humanity'.

Haaaah… I rubbed the bridge of my nose again in frustration.

"Archer. Stop your cynicism for a moment. I literally told you how I saved a world before, do you honestly think I'm here only to give Zvezdnyy a chance to grow up? That I wouldn't save humanity regardless?"

"I don't know. You're a Goddess, alright, but Gods are capricious beings. They have caused plenty of deviations that ended in a pruning by Alaya." Archer spoke like a veteran talking about the battles they fought in, "A dozen more evils are committed for every good deed they have done for mortals."

My fist tightened. I had never met someone who would question me so much before, except maybe against Captain Sarah Hughes of Tau-5.

Everyone I met or haven't met trusts me inherently, since to them I saved them from Daybreak. I was the ultimate savior. Everyone loved me. All across the reinstated Internet, there were those who would create songs about me and my deeds, praising me. So many stories were told of how I saved people. There was so much praise thrown my way that the fastest way to rile someone up in the new age was to insult my honor.

I was… a true god in the eyes of these people in the world I saved. My word was law, and if I asked someone to jump off a building, I genuinely think most would ask 'Which one?' instead of being horrified at what I'm asking them to do.

I denied his insinuation, "I am… not one of those Gods. Otherwise, why would I have saved the last world I was in when I could've easily chosen another one?" I said as I placed a hand above my chest.

"We don't live in the Age of Gods anymore. We live in the Age of Man. Your actions in the Grand Order could cause a regression back to the Age of Gods since it wasn't humans who saved themselves. What will you do then? Against the inevitable pruning done by Alaya?"

That's what he's worried about? "So you're worried that if I do too much when everything returns to how it was before the Incineration, it'll be an Age of Gods instead of the Age of Man," I concluded.

"Partially. I'm more worried about Zvezdnyy. As a Child God, do you really think taking a hands-off approach is wise? She needs discipline—"

"Do not judge how I raise Zvezdnyy," I said defensively. "Do you have more experience than I do?"

Admittedly, before signing on with the Company, I had next to zero experience raising a child. However, during that year of my stay to help the SCP World rebuild, I read a lot of child-raising help books. Enough that I'm pretty sure I can gain a Bachelor's Degree in the field of Child Psychology.

"Given how you never once objected to the girl acting in such a childishly dramatic manner, I think I do. You were always there to bail her out, am I wrong? Always seeing her as a child and never giving her any true responsibility."

My body recoiled, my mouth forming into a grimace as my brows furrowed, "What are you talking about? I do give her responsibility! For example, I told Zvezdnyy to write me an essay about her journey when she returns!"

"I said 'true' responsibility. She has the wishing power of a Holy Grail. She can just wish for the appearance of an essay. True responsibility is her being accountable for her powers and actions, where you aren't just there to bail her out."

"She's just a kid!" I exclaimed, trying to emphasize my point. She isn't even a teen yet, and now Archer demands that Zvezdnyy behave like an adult. What kind of demand is that?

"She is a kid with the powers of a god. She needs to grow up faster lest those around her suffer because of her careless actions."

I grit my teeth at the brick wall that is Archer. Tightening my hands into fists, I turned around and walked out of the kitchen. I got out of that situation since based on Communication Talent, there was no way to budge Archer. And I fear that if I stayed any longer in his presence I'd lash out and silence him once and for all.

I'm not a tyrant, but by all means, Archer is seriously pushing me toward that role.

I went out of the kitchen, fully intent on going to a quiet room to cool off—

"My Polkovodets?"

Hearing Zvezdnyy's words, I suppressed my anger and frustration and adopted a smile, "Yes, Zvezdnyy?"

Turning to face her, I found Zvezdnyy leaving her empty bowl of ice cream alone, her chair pushed out. Did she hear what I said to Archer? Briefly, I looked at Ritsuka, who was right beside the girl as though accompanying her.

Damn it… I specifically dragged Archer into the kitchen because I desired privacy…

"Please don't be angry with Archer. He only means the best. And don't be angry with my fellow in the Way of Drama either. I wanted to be here."

My fingers flinched. Squatting down to her level, I placed a hand on Zvezdnyy's head.

"Alright, alright, I will."

I should keep an eye on Archer and prevent any interaction Zvezdnyy might have with that Servant. "Zvezdnyy, could you promise me you'd try to avoid Archer?"

"... Alright." She seems hesitant.

"Also, I'm going to need that essay soon."

That look of hesitation instantly dropped as Zvezdnyy's mouth opened wide, "Ah! Verily, I thought that the mists of oblivion have clouded your mind! Dooooo I have to write it?" She whined.

I stood up, tall, and crossed my arms in a gesture of unyielding, "Of course." I said, "I'm going to need that essay before we go to the next Singularity, so you should have plenty of time. If you're having difficulties, there are many people you can go around asking for help. In fact, why don't we go research about how to write an essay right now?"

____

Inside Chaldea's record room, Cerejeira Elron sat behind a marble counter, reading one of the many historical documents electronically stored there.

Cerejeira was a Portuguese Magus. Her family wasn't impressive in the hall of the Clock Tower, so when Marisbury, one of the Twelve Lords, gave her an opportunity to work at Chaldea, Cerejeira's father couldn't have been happier.

The bookish Cerejeira who always loved reading was shipped off to the bottom of the world.

She was sad, but upon seeing Chaldea's vast libraries, Cerejeira became overjoyed and spent much of her time inside here, organizing the records and reading them in her downtime.

After the bombing caused by Lev Lainur a few days ago, much of Chaldea's records became inaccessible and locked down in cold storage for preservation purposes. This has drastically decreased her reading materials.

Cerejeira sighed in sadness, trying to think of her crush to cheer herself up. However, before she could do any of that—

*Psssss*

The door to Chaldea's historical record room slid open. From the still-opening gap burst forth an energetic child with a head of blonde hair.

"So this is Chaldea's Record Room." The girl said, loudly, completely out of place in a library such as this.

Cerejeira narrowed her eyes. Wait a second, the woman thought, why is there a young child here in Chaldea? There wasn't a single child candidate in any of the 48s that Lord Marisbury recruited, is there?

Then, a Goddess walked in behind the girl. The Goddess who was able to replicate the Third Magic.

Cerejeira's eyes widened like dinner plates. Her back went ramrod straight.

…Why is the Goddess here?!?! Cerejeira mentally screamed inside her mind but stayed physically quiet. Why?

She should say something, shouldn't she? Cerejeira wondered, or perhaps she should just stay quiet and pray that she's not noticed—

"You there."

Too late!

"Hee—hk!" Cerejeira cleared her throat as her voice cracked, "I mean, hello there, Goddess Kukulkan. Whaaa— Ahem— what brings you here to my neck of the woods?"

Cerejeira cleared her throat again, trying desperately to calm her nerves being in the presence of someone who could so easily kill her.

The Goddess placed a hand behind the little girl, ushering her forward, "Come on, ask the nice lady for help."

The girl appeared nervous. Then, she masked that nervousness with a cool and collected smile. "Do thou decree it so? Verily, I possess the Tainstvennyy knowledge to craft an essay of unparalleled grandeur."

"Zvezdnyy."

"Argh! So be it then." The girl— so this was the child that followed around the Goddess— faced the Magus, "Aid me in the forging of this essay."

…An essay? Like, a five-paragraph essay?

"Sure!" Cerejeira replied in faked cheer, "I can definitely help you with that! I'm Cerejeira Elron, what's your name?"

"I am the Zvezdnyy Rebenok! The Witch who will save all of mankind!"

"…" Huh. Well, Zvezdnyy wouldn't even be the most eccentric person in the Elron family…

Cerejeira then leaned over the counter, "Can you tell me what topic you're writing about?"

"I'm supposed to write an essay about my journey in the French Singularity."

The drawer let out a loud rumble as it was pulled out. Reaching in, Cerejeira took out several sheets of lined paper while clicking the non-business end of a pen. "Why don't you come over here, sit on this chair and we can get started on planning out your essay?"

Zvezdnyy did as the woman said and sat on the wheeled, rotating bar stool right beside her.

Once Zvezdnyy sat on the chair, Cerejeira saw how the stool was a bit short, since the counter table height reached the girl's chin.

"Um. Let me help you with that—"

Cerejeira moved to push the chair up only for the stool to grow as though it was a tree. The stem of the bar stool was now much higher than before.

How the hell?

Snapping out of her stupor, Cerejeira bent over to look at the stem of the bar stool, finding the length of the plastic much longer and wider than before, like someone increased the size of only a single part of that chair.

It's… not Projection magecraft.

Not magecraft period.

Before the magus could dive into that topic any deeper, Cerejeira decided to move on and actually continue with the essay. "Alright, let's help you write out this essay."

"By the way," The Goddess called out, prompting Cerejeira to turn and face her, "You're to help Zvezdnyy, not write it for her."

Cerejeira hurriedly nodded her head as though her life depended on it. With that, the Goddess left the record room.

Kukulkan must have a lot of trust in her, Cerejeira thought. Or perhaps the Goddess knew there was just no way for Cerejeira to possibly harm Zvezdnyy.

That last part is more likely to be true.

Returning to the present, brushed aside one of her bangs as she wrote out a basic outline for an essay. "Now, to start, we'll need to create a proper introduction. What did you do in the Singularity?"

Zvezdnyy smirked.

"As the Witch who will save all of humanity, my title was challenged by Archer's words. And so, I sought to prove to him that I am indeed a savior just like my Polkovodets…"

As soon as I left the record room, I found myself scratching my head. "Dah…"

That conversation with Archer seriously put a downer on my already low mood. Thumbing the bridge of my nose while squeezing my eyes shut, I pondered about what I should do about him.

I'm not going to kill him for something so trivial. Even if killing a Servant isn't the same as killing a human in my previous world, I found killing anything distasteful.

I found myself always turning away from a cube of melting ice. I didn't want to be in the presence of a pot of water on an active stove. Knowing of the eternity that comes after… once more, I ask, who would like the act of killing?

I'll… ask Ritsuka then. As the Master of Archer, he should have some sway over his actions, shouldn't he? If I remember correctly, the Command Seal in the game always regenerates after 24 hours, so maybe I can ask him to use a Command Seal on Archer?

Alright. Let's do exactly that.

Hovering a centimeter above the floor, I quickly flew through the halls of Chaldea, passing by janitors and other staff members before I finally reached the Cafeteria. He wasn't there. Neither was Archer.

He must be in this room, I concluded.

I flew once more. Oddly enough, right before reaching Ritsuka's room, I passed by Mash who was humming cheerfully.

Stopping by a door with the English and Japanese words for 'R. Fujimaru' on it, without a second thought, I tapped the 'open' button on the panel next to his door.

"Hey, Ritsuka—..."

I halted by the doorway, which was half-opened to let me in. My mind stopped as I saw Ritsuka.

He was sitting on the edge of the bed, devoid of clothing except a boxer. By his side on the bed was an uncapped tube of a greenish balm while his feet were stacked up on the other knee. Ritsuka was applying some kind of balm to his feet before I came in, only he stopped as he was staring at me right now, stunned like a deer in a headlight.

I gazed a bit at his undressed state. For someone from the modern era, he had excellent muscles—

Wait.

"—Shit!" I facepalmed. Privacy. Right, fucking— privacy— knock damn it, Kukulkan!

___

AN: Now, I know it ain't what you guys are expecting. But the fact is Kuku isn't the type to just go violent to force someone else to agree with her. At most, she'll flare up her power for intimidation, doing anything beyond that is really OOC for her as I don't think she's that prideful to demand everyone agree with what she's saying. Humility is a virtue guys...

Anyway, we see here Cerejeira. She is criminally underused for a character with such a good design. Thus, I'm using her as Zvezdnyy's tutor.