Lord Gulon's Rules of Fine Dining

"Release that Chocolate Bar!"

Lord Gulon raged, trampling a number of pepper plants as he hurried over. With no regard for the marked path, he trudged through the few sections separating him from the two people and his chocolate bar.

Ye Zuliao turned around, the evidence of his crime plastered all over his mouth. Zhou Hua saw the massive dog-cat hybrid beast and involuntarily stepped back. Eventually, she was pressed up against the tree behind them, unable to move any further. Finding herself trapped, and the creature getting closer, she summoned her knife and prepared for battle.

Lord Gulon's wide eyes scanned the image before him, seeing that all of the 100 Grand was not eaten. Immediately, his frenzied state went away and he heaved a sigh of relief. Now, all that bothered him was the fact that two strangers had shown up in his forest garden. They were silent, unless you counted Ye Zuliao's obnoxiously loud licking sounds as he cleaned his mouth.

"Who are you? A Glutton? If you wanted a piece all you had to do was ask." Ye Zuliao, finished cleaning himself, looked up at the puzzled face of Lord Gulon. Lord Gulon sniffed, seeming confused for a second.

Trying to remain unbothered, he straightened up and said, "I am Lord Gulon, and you have trespassed into my Forest Garden. Luckily, you did not fully devour my newest addition. Hand the remainder of the 100 Grand to me, boy."

Ye Zuliao gulped, then looked over to Zhou Hua. She had already put her knife away after she heard that the creature was actually Lord Gulon. She nodded, indicating that handing over the chocolate was the best course of action.

Ye Zuliao did just that, and so they were spared from Lord Gulon's wrath.

"I'm sorry, Lord Gulon. It's just that, that thing was so annoying."

Lord Gulon took the chocolate bar with his claws, then tossed it up to his head. Once he was sure it was secure, he returned his attention to them. "Annoying, you say? Did you not like something about the way it looked?"

Ye Zuliao and Zhou Hua exchanged glances.

"I had absolutely nothing against the blasted thing; it had a problem with us though. With all humans, as a matter of fact." Ye Zuliao scoffed as he recalled some of the things that the 100 Grand had said. Lord Gulon was only more confused by this, still curiously sniffing the air around Ye Zuliao.

"That's right, it was totally... racist!" Zhou Hua added while stepping forward, looking Lord Gulon dead in the eyes.

The beast's brows furrowed for a while and its head tilted to one side, almost throwing the chocolate off. After a short while of thinking, Lord Gulon jumped and he stared down at them in horror.

"Do you mean... the 100 Grand could talk?"

"Yeah. It had a lot to say about humans... and you too," Ye Zuliao added this after seeing the look on Lord Gulon's face, thinking that he was still mad at them. Instead of lashing out, Lord Gulon reached for the 100 Grand atop his head.

"Chocolate Bar! 100 Grand Chocolate Bar! Speak! Speak, damnit!"

Lord Gulon shook the 100 Grand violently, slapped it up, tried mouth-to-whatever-part-of-the-chocolate-remained and even tried to cast a magic healing spell on it.

"Heal, Heal, Magic-Magic Nonsense!" Lord Gulon was bathed in a bright green light and endless vitality poured out of his aura, yet he could not revive the chocolate bar's consciousness.

"Oh, Empress! How can this be!? How!? Why!? Why this!?" Lord Gulon buried his head into the ground and cried and bawled with all his might. Ye Zuliao and Zhou Hua silently crept away, but before they could get even a few feet away, Lord Gulon remembered they existed.

"You! Do you know what you have done!" Stomping heavily, he arrived in front of them and blocked their path. Lowering his head, he snarled and glared at them as if he was ready to eat them up.

"Ignorant pests! What kind of Gluttons are you? Do you not even know such simple things!"

Ye Zuliao and Zhou Hua immediately huddled together, ready for the worst. Lord Gulon raised himself up, his forelimbs at either side of his head. Bellowing, he glared at them and prepared to grab them up.

"Run!" Zhou Hua pushed Ye Zuliao away, trying to create a distance between the two of them. Sadly, Lord Gulon snatched them both up in an instant.

"Fine then. Fine! I shall inform you of the severity of your crime!"

In his paws, Zhou Hua and Ye Zuliao could not even struggle.

"Brother Zuliao!"

"I'm fine, Sister Hua! You?"

"Same! Lord Gulon, you'll be sorry if you harm us!"

Lord Gulon scoffed. "Harm you? Why on earth would I do that?"

"Eh?"

"Eh?"

Lord Gulon's limbs swung powerfully, tossing both of them onto its head while also causing a shockwave due to the swift motion. Once they landed on his head, Lord Gulon took off, shattering the tree that once stored the 100 Grand chocolate.

As he trotted through the forest garden, Lord Gulon spoke to them in the tone of an elder.

"When it comes to ceaseless gluttony, regulations are necessary. Without them, we are nothing but animals, eating everything in sight. Divine fruits, culinary treasures, spiritual foods... There are things we must remember- rules we must observe- regarding them."

Ye Zuliao's ears perked up, sensing a kind of resonance between him and the words coming out of Lord Gulon's mouth. Zhou Hua was too busy looking around at all the foods they were passing by. She saw a number of things she had already seen, but a lot of things she had never seen before as well.

"You have broken one of those rules. Thus, I, Lord Gulon, shall remind you of them all!"

Ye Zuliao inched closer to the front of Lord Gulon's head, directly between his two ears. For some reason, a part of him wanted nothing more than to hear those rules. It was like he was learning something he was meant to learn- destined to learn.

He felt that... it was his dao...

Zhou Hua, one the other hand, was being called to something else. With each item of food they passed by and left behind, she felt a pain in her heart threaten to jab at her very soul. Eventually, it grew too much to bear and she decided to take matters into her own hands.

Logean Wuji had said that they would be able to teleport back to the dorm, so she was not worried about being separated from Ye Zuliao. Once she psyched herself up, she slid off of Lord Gulon and fell to the ground, rolling a bit before coming to a halt. "Oof!"

She got up, looking back at the retreating figure of the massive creature and the boy on his head. Once she made sure that Lord Gulon would not be coming back for her, she went about on her way.

As for Lord Gulon, he had already sensed the dao-resonance with Ye Zuliao that was not present in Zhou Hua. Thus, he did not bother turning back for her, but continued his instruction.

"Prepare yourself, boy! These are Lord Gulon's Rules of Fine Dining!"

"Rule 1: Never become attached to your food, no matter the form it takes! In the Infinite Expanses, anything can acquire a consciousness and become sentient. Food, naturally, is not exempt from this. When you encounter an item of food, you must remember this rule! Attachment is forbidden!"

Ye Zuliao nodded, eyes shining.

"Rule 2: All Gluttons must be made aware of the Yummy-Yummy Food Tier Ranking System! From the Mamma Mia Tier all the way to the Bussin'-Bussin' Tier, a Glutton must memorize each tier and their respective characteristics!"

"Rule 3: In the event that Bussin'-Bussin' Food is found, a Glutton is only permitted to indulge once he has invited at least one other Glutton to join in on the dish! Failure to do this, upon discovery by I, Lord Gulon, will result in three revolutions of starvation."

Ye Zuliao nodded rapidly, soaking all the information in. "How long is a revolution?"

"Thirteen centuries in suspended existence!"

"Hot damn!"

"Rule 4: Gluttons are not permitted to battle each other for food, unless it is above the Lick Your Lips Tier. However, if a group of Gluttons happens to stumble across food in the Bussin'-Bussin' Tier, they MUST all share it!"

Ye Zuliao frowned, taking issue with that. "What if, aside from me, all the others are pitifully weak. They don't deserve my Bussin'-Bussin' food, do they?"

Lord Gulon huffed and halted his movement, almost causing Ye Zuliao to be flung off of his head.

"That brings me to... Rule 5: Cultivation does not matter in the world of the Glutton. Your rank is determined by the 'Bellyful Value' on your Glutton Badge. However, no rank puts you above my rules!"

Ye Zuliao nodded, eyes sparkling as he saw Lord Gulon approach a fountain. There was a vineyard surrounding the fountain, and a number of trellises whereupon a large amount of wild vines had grown. As they neared, Ye Zuliao also noticed an odd statue near the fountain.

It was large, but weirdly shaped. It seemed to have a smooth texture when you looked at it, but it was beyond uninviting. The form was of a type of giant worm, fat and bumpy. It had a large open mouth on one end that ran all the way down its body, almost reaching the other end.

"That's some mouth," Ye Zuliao said as he observed the statue closely, finding something odd about it. There was an air about it that, as weird as it seemed, made him feel hungry.

Lord Gulon brought his paw up for Ye Zuliao to step onto, taking him down and placing him on the ground by that statue.

"Well, kid, you're looking at a statue of Gluttony itself- one of the Sinful Ones."

"Oooh...." Ye Zuliao got closer in order to marvel at how realistic the statue seemed, but the closer he got the hungrier he became. Soon enough, his stomach grumbled and he had to clutch it in embarrassment and pain.

"When I smelled you earlier, I thought you were already a Glutton; you have the smell of a Glutton. I see now that you aren't, but you do possess a particular Art of Gluttony, something only an initiated Glutton should have."

Lord Gulon took the chocolate off of his head, then brought it down before the statue of Gluttony.

"This is an act of respect, thanking Gluttony for being able to devour food endlessly, but also as a rite to acknowledge that Gluttony is no longer with us. Though it is not a rule, a Glutton should always remember to share the presence of their food with the one who made us able to fill the bottomless pits of our stomachs."

Nodding both to Lord Gulon and the statue, Ye Zuliao then asked, "You said something about an Art of Gluttony? What's that?"

"The Arts of Gluttony are simply abilities- or skills- that allow us to attain aspects of Gluttony itself. The one that you possess is All-Devouring Inhalation, the ability to draw anything into your mouth and then devour it, within the limit of both your capabilities and tastes."

"That is actually the rarest skill for a Glutton to acquire during initiation, and also the hardest to master."

Ye Zuliao was stoked, thinking he was about to receive endless praise for having mastered the All-Devouring Inhalation. Instead, Lord Gulon picked up the remainder of the 100 Grand Chocolate and prepared to eat it while saying, "Judging by your smell, you don't even know how to use All-Devouring Inhalation. So you definitely aren't a Glutton. That's the only reason I haven't sent you into suspended existence to starve for three revolutions."

Ye Zuliao was crestfallen. He was unable to believe it. 'Was this not supposed to be a classic tale of one who inexplicably possesses a rare skill and has unknowingly mastered it? Am I not the main character in my own life?'

These and other thoughts filled his mind and, to make matters worse, he was now cripplingly hungry.

"Worry not, boy. Once I have finished the remainder of this wasted 100 Grand, which is likely a Bussin'-Bussin' Tier, I shall begin the initiation and make you a true Glutton!"