chapter 1-the market is a conquerable beast

it was 3 weeks ago, the olukace walled of my beloved state, turned it into a damned M.M.O. Some people from Oklahoma think like this but i don't, i have an idea, I have an idea that could potentially allow me the break the market system.A low-life like me, a minimum wage worker, could become the richest man in this new Oklahoma. In my basement lies the key to all this, Ill show ye right now

*charlie carefully descends a rusty,deprecated set of wooden stairs, creaking after every other step*

you see, as soon as the olukace showed up this blue cube just appeared. every 8 minutes, like fucking clockwork this little creature known as a geluma just appears beside this cube. They're tough enough brawlers but a shitty little rusty knife does the job. I then sell their rusty hides on the market for eight coins a piece, do the fucking maths, 1440 coins a day, don't need to do quests or anything. I live my life, once a day i come down to this basement and make enough money to sustain myself. A loaf of bread for a coin a day, 3 gallons of water for 5 coins, sometimes i need clothes, that leaves behind about 1425 coins a day on average. i usually blow this on useless shit to pass time but i've still got piles of coins in the bank.

I spend the rest of the day just fucking about, sometimes me and my mate Darren go out and do quests but only if they're fun. You see, you may not think it but a lazy git like me acctually longs for adventure, but not these shitty little quests in Oklahoma. Everybody comes home from a day of questing completely depressed, utterly exhausted and looking for a way out. I want the adventures that give me a thrill, make me discover things about myself i never knew, meet new people and go places i never thought real. Not the quests these wankers go on, last wednesday a gang of lads fought a dragon and the olukace bastards gave them 820 coins a piece, wankers. 

You lot dont understand though, this shops got everything, shit you never even thought real. Bruv look at this shit. Portal gun 17500 coins, pet elephant 40000 coins, portal to the pissing underworld 13,000,000 coins. more importantly i can buy a better sword that doesnt rust up the geluma hides when i kill them, the not so rusty ones sell for 25 a piece, fucking investments

Hang on, Darrens acctually shot me a text, he's asked if i want to fight a group of raging vampires at the local k.f.c. abso-fucking-lutely