Face Your Fears

I woke up in the middle of the night, feeling a bit disorientated. "Umm… What happened?". The question got answered quickly, as the memories flooded back in. "You didn't have it easy, my daughter. Your mother told me this wasn't the first time. Serelis was a very good prevention measure, but not the solution", father's voice sounded in the darkness. "Dad?", I asked, confused. "We will work on your anger everyday from now on. I'm not asking you to restrain yourself, but to control that anger for your own benefit. If you are scared of yourself, how do you plan to face the future?", he asked.

"...I don't know…", "Let me tell you a story. During my very early childhood, I witnessed how my father got consumed by his own anger. He couldn't control it. His rage took over, just like your rage took over you. Everything standing in his path became an enemy. Even me and my mother", he narrated.

"My father managed to wake up and regain the control of his actions, but only when he wounded my mother who protected me. My father wasn't aggressive normally, he wouldn't lift a hand against me or my mother. Though that lack of control made him capable of that… I don't blame him to this day, neither did my mother", he continued. The story was already sad, yet father wasn't done.

"My father knew there was a chance I'd experience the same issues. He knew, because my grandfather was the same. Then our ancestors had to be the same too. This is like a curse running in our family for generations. That doesn't mean everyone in our family has such anger inside them. Only my lineage, if you will, has this trait. My uncle, his kids and their kids, they don't have it and probably never will".

"I'm sure you felt like another 'you' took over your body. The 'you' who's full of negative emotions, the 'you' who spoke to me during the sparring… That should be common throughout our lineage, though each individual has different… Symptoms, if you will. My father was sort of similar to me, though I can't be certain. You on the other hand, your anger is different. In a sense, there are two stages of your anger. Your rage will fight and try to remove any enemies in your path. The moment you give up, and realise there's no way to win, it'll try to remove you. I don't know why, but it's scary, isn't it? You have to fight that fear, control your rage and use it as your own strength. Oppose it, not accept it", father finished.

My father was correct. The rage inside my body was sort of another me, but the emotions were all negative. When father restrained me with his own Aura, the other 'me' tried to kill me instead. Though my father didn't know why, I had an inkling. 'I felt like the other 'me' was trying to say, I wasn't worthy of being alive… But I'm not sure whether that is correct'.

"... What am I supposed to do then? My body moves by itself, I have no control over it", I asked. "That's because you let that rage control you. Refuse it, fight for your own values instead of hiding in fear. Such resolution will solve nothing", he replied. "Yea, that's easy for you to say. I'm not a legendary Emperor, with strength unrivalled on the whole continent", I said quietly in defeat.

Father snorted at that remark. "That's what you think? You don't know how many years I struggled with the rage inside me. My father wasn't there to help me, no, people would kill me if they knew. Even then, my resolution didn't disappear. Maybe you are too young to understand that. Since it's easier for you to cower in fear, that is what you choose. The easy way, let everything happen around you. If that is your choice, we have nothing to talk about anymore. You can go back to sleep now".

'Then leave me alone, you idiot', I went back to sleep. Father didn't speak to me the next day. Mother seemed rather quiet too. 'Why am I the one getting ignored? I did nothing wrong!'. We didn't train together, because my father left towards Sedon for something. My mother stayed at home, but she didn't speak with me either.

"Why are you ignoring me as well? I've done nothing wrong!", I asked my mother when my father left. "You made him angry, Anna. He's trying to help you, but you act like a spoiled kid. Are you really surprised he's not in a good mood?", she replied. "I didn't act… You don't understand. You guys are…", she cut me off, "Anna, you don't understand. Your father struggled for most of his life. It's not easy for him to say? Your father had to go through a lot of pain, shed a lot of blood to achieve what he has today".

"How do you think your puny complaints look in his eyes? Do you think he blames you for that anger? Do you think he blames you for the hardships in your life? No, he blames himself. He's disappointed in your actions, in your words. He didn't have a father or mother who'd teach him everything. He was alone most of his life, at least in a social way", she added. "...I don't know... I just said it, like that… I complain sometimes, I didn't mean anything by it…", I replied.

"Perhaps, but he's right as well. Standing up to your fears, is the only solution to your problem. If you avoid them, and let others control you… How could he stop worrying about you? We can't be next to you forever, preventing your outbursts. Besides, you promised me to work hard, without complaints. Are you planning on breaking that promise?", she asked.

"No, but…", she added before I finished, "Apologise to him then. Admit to your mistakes and let him teach you. He understands that fear better than you. He faced his own rage many times after all". "...I know mom… I'm not saying you had it easy, I just... I'll try my best from now on, for you and dad", I promised. "Pat, pat… Your father, he's very proud of his daughter, you know? Throughout our trip, he always talked about you. People were already tired of him speaking about his little daughter. He is really happy to have you, that's why he was upset when you acted all dejected and defeated. He wants his daughter to do well in life. Moreover, he wants you to be safe and healthy", she said.

"Hehe, that father of yours... I shouldn't say, but he actually regretted scolding you like that. He blames himself all the time. For not being here when you grew up, for making you suffer with such anger. His way of thinking can be… weird sometimes. I learned that first hand, but he's trying in his own way. He insisted on acting tough and angry, when he'd actually prefer to snuggle his little daughter. Though his attitude should tell you to think about his words. That's what he tried to achieve. Don't look at me like that, I'm his wife after all. I know what he's like. Hehe, that idiot… I love him though", she added.

She was probably right. I acted a bit like a spoiled brat, since my father was who he was. "I'll talk with him when he gets back. There were no doubts in my mind he was trying to help. I just complained, since he's the Emperor and… Maybe because he's my father, who's been missing for years", I replied. "I'm glad we could clear that up then", she said before returning to her activities.

When my father returned in the evening, the act of feeling upset and angry was still there. He sat down with my mother on a bench, but didn't talk with me. I jumped in between them, then hugged him. "You can stop acting, mother told me everything", "You traitor…", father mumbled towards mother. "Dad, I'm not a boy. Mom telling me all that made me realise my mistake. I shouldn't complain to you, or rather act like that. You want to help me, and I should appreciate that. I'm scared, like you said, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't try, right? After all, you will be there to help me", I added.

"Ah you little… Both of you are little vixens. Come here", father gave me and my mother a hug. "It's late, but if you want, we can still train today. I don't mind", I proposed. "Nah, rushing is not the same as pushing oneself. We will start properly tomorrow. Anna, remember that I'll help you, but it will be difficult. Moreover, you'll get battered quite a bit throughout this training. That is the best method to draw your anger out. Focus on regaining the control of your body, not control of your anger. You can't control it right now, but you can fight against the control of your body. That is what we will focus on. After all, walking comes before running", he added.

Following morning, the training with my father began. He beat me up countless times, making my rage explode. There were many occasions where that rage tried to kill me, but father was there. He wouldn't let anything happen to me. I could colic on resisting, and trying to regain the control of my body. Although difficult, I tried really hard everyday.

Father told me that this would take time, maybe even years. The rage running in our family wasn't something simple. It was connected to something called Art of War, also known as the Art of Rage. The days slowly passed, until about a month went by. "You are not as scared anymore, which is a good sign. Though, we will postpone this training for a while. After all, we were supposed to visit our family in the Endrosian Empire, right?", father said.

"Yes! I'm really eager to visit. Moreover, I'm also interested in my relatives. Hopefully there are some younger people, I'm usually around old guys, like you", I replied, excited. "Hey! You little rascal, you don't like to spend time with your dad or mom?", he protested. "Stop acting like you are mad. I like to spend time with you, I just want to meet some people my age. What's wrong in that?", I argued.

"Don't worry, dear. There should be loads of youngsters there. Your relatives included", my mother added. "I can't wait then… I wonder what the Endrosian Empire looks like?", I asked myself. "Actually, most of the Endrosian Empire consists of forests. The people coined the term Great Forest, to describe the whole Empire pretty much. There are loads of animals living there, and loads of settlements where Humans live. North really is much different when we compare the two Empires. Anyway, with Frosty's speed we should make it in about two days", father explained.

"I never agreed to that", Frosty's thick voice sounded from the distance. "You'll get fat and lazy, if you sleep all day and night. Some exercise will do you a lot of good, you know? Besides, can't you do it for me? I really want to see the Human Empire", I asked. Frosty acted imposing and whatnot, but he really cared for our family. He wouldn't decline, though he liked to be praised and rewarded too.

Frosty played hard to get, but I pleaded a few more times until he agreed, "Fine, this once". "I must say, my daughter really knows which spots to press for you to agree. She's so cute, right?", father said with a chuckle. "I agreed to take her, not you. Wanna run all the way there?", Frosty replied. "Buddy, don't be like that. Look into my eyes, and tell me I don't care about you", father said. "Go away, you are just creepy", Frosty replied while averting his gaze. Their exchanges always made me chuckle. They were so close to each other, but never wanted to admit it.

"What about Turry? We can't really take him with us, right?", I asked. "Don't worry, Ulon will be here soon. He will be taking care of my garden, so he can take care of Turry as well", father explained. "What about exercise? Turry needs it, or he will get fat", I asked. "Don't worry so much, I'm sure Ulon will take care of everything. Anyway, go pack a few things for yourself. We will be away for a while", he added. "Okay", I agreed. 'This trip will be great, I can't wait. Even though it's with my parents, I can still have a proper look at the Endrosian Empire'. The thought of uncovering new places was really exciting. Moreover, I'd finally meet my other relatives. People my parents called family.