Chapter 22 - Awake and asleep

As I opened my eyes, the light illuminating the room was blinding. It hurt to look at anything so I tried to ease my way into it, slowly adjusting to the brightness surrounding me. The second thing I noticed, after the sun high in the sky, was the quietness I found myself in. It was so different to what I had been used to especially during the expedition. It was almost eerily silent. At the very least I would usually hear the chatter of strangers on the streets, unintelligible murmurs, or even the sounds of metal wheels as they collided with the uneven ground. Right now, none of that was present. It felt like the entire world had fallen asleep temporarily but it looked like noon. Should this not be the busiest and loudest time of all?

Looking around I could tell that I was at some sort of infirmary but not which one. After all, they all look similar. It was an average one-person room. Although the room was solely for me, it wasn't heavily decorated or elaborate with top-notch instruments in the way a noble's would be. Instead it felt like a room reserved for extremely unwell commoners. Though I did not mind because I was hardly from a well-off family in my past life, it left a bitter taste in my mouth to know that my current family name was being looked down upon. While we weren't amazing, I should think we were at least above this. It was insulting really, to not only be here, but to not even have anyone present. Forget family or so-called friends, where were the people who should have been in charge of monitoring my health?

The room was empty in every sense of the word. I was the sole occupant and the only one present. There were no decorations, instead there was an empty vase on the windowsill that they couldn't even care to fill. Rather than feeling bad for myself over such small things I decided to brush it aside and find someone to tell me what had happened. All I knew was that we were on the verge of being attacked when my mind suddenly went blank and I collapsed. I didn't even know how much time had passed since then, nor where we had travelled to. As I sat up, I turned my lower body to the side so that my legs were dangling off the edge of the small bed. My legs felt too weak to push my body up, likely from the lack of use, so I used my upper body to push myself into a standing position. Although my head was spinning, I held on to the wall for support and continued making my way to the door. It was white like everything else in the room, clinical and cold. There was nothing comfortable about the atmosphere. Clearly there was no intention to allow those who were unwell to feel at ease. Instead the blankness of it all gave way for deep fears to take root. That this was it. That the world would only be this cold moving forward because they had become damaged in some way, shape or form.

I tried not to think too much as I slowly made my way out of the room, staring down the long and empty corridor. It felt irrational for the world to become so empty suddenly that I struggled to believe I was awake. Instead it was like a nightmare, I was chasing after something that was out of my grasp. As I walked further and further down the corridor, I became more used to using my legs again and could apply more pressure on the ground. Rather than collapsing on the walls and using my arms to push me farther, I began walking somewhat properly. I continued on until I could hear people, finally. There was a relief in knowing I had not been abandoned by the world. Near the end of the corridor, one of the rooms had its door slightly ajar and I could hear familiar voices coming out of it. Part of me wishes I had remained behind that door, unaware of what was to come.

As I stepped inside I saw that this room was larger than the one I had been in. It had two beds inside and the backs of many men blocked me from seeing who was laying on the beds. I stepped closer, trying to weave my way through the small crowd, ignoring the familiar voices calling my name and trying to gently hold me from going any further. The closer I got the greater the weight in my heart became. In front of me, I watched Leslie and and Hank lay lifeless on the beds as our team surrounded them with distraught faces. It was beyond belief how they were managing to lay so still and control their breathing. I mean, there's no way they were actually dead. It hadn't been long since we were all speaking together, and they had done their best to help me feel comfortable in our group. It wouldn't make sense for them to have passed away while I survived.

I watched intently, ready to catch them out the moment I saw their chest rise even slightly. I stared until my eyes began to water and sting from the pain of dryness. But no matter how long I looked, the movement never came. Reaching out, I brushed Hank's hair to the side so that his face was fully visible but I could no longer feel the warmth of life.

He looked at peace, they both did. That very peace had now left me as I grieved a loss I had not yet come to accept or even understand. It was a loss so abrupt that I didn't know what to do. So I just stood there, with the others, hoping that at least our company would give them some peace even after death. Perhaps this quiet is what they would need to be at ease.