dairy 1995

Before waking up ...if you smell something good, it means you're in a nice place...but, I always have to wake up with....smell of....nothing...but my sweat.

Last night was horrible as well as of a good experience. 'You ready for today' the fucking handsome dude's voice. Why the hell was I so irritated, angry, tired. It's being 5 years into this job, and I've never been so offended, by any of the comments, then was I yesterday.

"yeah, sure" I replied as calmly as I could. 'Today what you have to do is a bit different and you could either take yourself to new heights or well...just continue being a normal person. The offer is, well... it's you have to be in a movie, well more of an adult movie. To be precise, you are to be aired naked. I Don't want an answer, I'm here to persuade you to do this, as it can change yours as well as mine life too".

He left

People don't care about it unless you have a good face and body.

.

.

After few hours, I went to his doors;

I was welcomed, in a coy manner of his. "So.... should we " STOP!! I blurted.

"This is my body, so shouldn't it be mine decision to decide whether to be aired naked or not. Who are you to impose in such a way to me? .. This isn't...."

Even before I could place my thoughts into words, I was falling backwards; fingers on my hair, they pulled me back... grabbing as if I was nothing but a mere sandbag. "Who do you think you are to take such decisions? "

I opened my eyes, which were... I don't know were shut by stimuli or fear. What I saw was...the face I had seen the night I was forced into the car..... "Don't do that to her hair!!.." the grip loosened...

He told the guy, who had almost raped me 3 years ago. "Just make sure she leaves in 10 minutes... I'll be waiting... outside." As soon as he went outside he pulled me through my hair closer to him and "You heard him right.. we want you out with your things in 10 minutes."

"Why would I??..I work here... and you can't do this to me. I seeked for help to that dude" He just stood there with his head down. He made me face my crush the #handsomeboy and then all of a sudden I couldn't listen or I DIDN'T WANTED TO LISTEN. It seemed as if I'd closed my ears for a second.

"HE SOLD YOU" the cruel guy replied.

why? He was standing there...just like that....and said "I told you.. it's for yours n my good fortune we had ahead." He replied.

It wasn't his comment that made my eyes show the pain; it was his audacity to look me in the eye after he had betrayed me.

...

"Are you crying???" he laughed so loud...so loudly... I thought it would burst my ears.

It wasn't the day I felt betrayed but...was the day that taught me never to show my vulnerable self.