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I'd Like to Change My Reincarnation Subscription, Please

Superpowers abound. Villains rule the world. A transmigrated dork that has absolutely no idea what’s going on. Strong-armed by the Superhero Enhancement System into the thankless job of endlessly performing good deeds in a world where such actions are often met with violence, Lucas Lynn doesn't have much choice in regards to using his supposed gifts. It’s bad enough having to pretend to be a supervillain, but how exactly does Boss System expect him to save the world with only the help of a homeless orphan, a dog that’s smarter than he is, and a yoyo? Oh, just trick some supervillains into becoming superheroes instead? You make it sound so easy! ----- Tags: Sci-Fi, Isekai, System, Dark Comedy, Satire, Superpowers, Anti-Hero, Time Looping, Gore, Slice of Life, Rubber Ducky (yes, Mr. Quacks deserves his own tag) ----- Do a google search for "Geminel WordPress" for a page that has a little about me, information about the novel's inspiration, a link to the discord server, a link to the character reference sheet, a char art gallery, and a collection of short stories, both within and independent of this novel's universe. ----- Excerpt from the end of Ch1: [Bzzt... Scan complete. Analyzing...] 'Eh?' [Analysis complete. Positive value found, now loading... Loading complete.] 'Okay, WTF is...' [Binding successful. Congratulations upstanding citizen. You have been selected by the Superhero Enhancement System. Please select your desired enhancement. The following options are avail...] 'I'M DYING! IS NOT DYING AN OPTION!?' [Error, invalid selection. An enhancement will be randomly selected. Randomizing... Strength has been selected. Enhanced strength will be calibrated for your rebirth. Please look forward to it.] 'WHAT IN THE ACTUAL F-' With this final thought, Lucas dies in a pool of his own blood on the sidewalk.

Geminel · Sci-fi
Not enough ratings
244 Chs

I4LO 4 U N ME

Thankfully, before anyone else has a chance to notice, Lucas manages to control his facial expressions. He's already annoyed enough without having to explain why.

Once the call has ended and Miss Calculated shares Lakshmi's contact details with Lucas, she can't resist chuckling a bit while thinking it back over.

"Really, nothing should be a surprise anymore if it involves Lakshmi. Sometimes I can't help but think that they actually have the most powerful and impressive power in the world. On more than one occasion it has proven to be rather far-reaching, if it even has any restrictions at all, and it's all passive to boot. For all we know, everything that happened this morning was just leading up to you becoming a source of funds for them. For example, Something as simple as Mash deciding not to follow me to work today would have lead to a radically different morning. Ah, anyway, back to prepping your preliminary paperwork, since thinking about the various possibilities doesn't do us any good... For I4, you're updating Jonathan's registered name, as well as acquiring a fresh ID for... Willy was it?" Initially simply musing out loud, eventually, Miss Calculated meanders her way over to her question regarding the extent of their upcoming planned trip to I4.

'Wait... Is she for real? That seems a bit... Much?'

[It would be nearly impossible to say conclusively, but honestly, there's a chance she's right. Thanks to the fact that it doesn't take any conscious effort on their part, it's far too much of a challenge to determine the causality of reality.]

'That's... I... Sheesh.'

As soon as she had finished asking, Willy quickly gave a happy bark in confirmation, causing Miss Calculated to smile at him before turning her gaze back over toward Lucas.

"Oh, uh, yeah. I dunno what name he was called before, if any, but he wanted us to come up with a new one, and he seemed happy enough when I suggested Willy. I think that's all we need to do at I4? I don't need to do anything fancy before becoming the boss of an org, right?" Realizing that Miss Calculated wanted an answer from him, Lucas obliges. In regards to his own question, he gets a headshake in response.

"No, you'll be fine. Hmm, if you don't mind Willy, I could do some quick bloodwork for you, it'll help speed up my side of checking your registration as well as let me do a bunch of the preliminary work on your ID for you..? Being able to instantly rule out any other pet registration that had has different data submitted would remove most of my potential busywork." As Miss Calculated fishes for consent from Willy, he barely hesitates before barking once in response, might as well have someone he has established some degree of trust with do it than potentially some other stranger.

With a self-satisfied, victorious, smile, Miss Calculated gets up and goes over to rummage through some cabinetry set against the wall furthest from the door. Finding her goal, she comes back over to settle down on the couch once again with two boxes, as well as some loose blank papers and a small mechanical rectangle that has a slit through it, just large enough for one piece of paper at a time to slide through.

Pulling out a series of individually wrapped sterilized objects, she sets about pulling on a pair of gloves and shaving a small patch of fur near the scar of his late ID chip site. With the fur cleared she wipes the area down with an alcohol wipe before drawing a small sample of Willy's blood from his lateral saphenous vein. Afterward, as she's holding a cotton swab in place to stop the bleeding, she looks up to ask if someone could lend a hand and wrap the bandage for her, but Jonathan is suddenly already in place and reaching out to pick up the binding before she has a chance to begin to ask.

Seeing that he has the bandaging process under control, she flashes him a quick smile, then sets about distributing the blood drawn into a few different testing instruments from the second box she brought over. With the bandage wrapped around his leg, Willy flexes it a little to make sure it's comfortable and secure, giving Jonathan a small arf of appreciation, gently bonking the top of his head against Jonathan's arm to further reinforce his thankfulness.

Making himself comfortable next to Willy on his side opposite Miss Calculated, Jonathan absentmindedly gives Willy a few ear rubs as he pulls out his phone in pursuit of new entertainment.

The now left alone Miss Chievous uses this newly claimed solitude to lie down and sprawl out, taking up the entirety of the couch. She doesn't seem particularly bothered by the loss of companionship as she continues wrestling with falling blocks.

The strength supe sofa of power has at some point turned into a lecture on the various enhanced-capable gym equipment options available to Lucas, as Miss Masher stubbornly refuses to acknowledge any possible reality which doesn't involve Lucas designating part of his upcoming HQ to becoming a gym. Which she has full access rights to, of course.

After some time spent filled with processing, lecturing, gaming, more gaming, acting cute, and fussing around with a tablet, Miss Calculated picks up the rectangular device and a few sheets of paper. Lining the paper up with the slit in the device, she smacks the side of it a few times before it pulls the paper through itself, printing out a large QR code on it.

"Here, not even a faulty service bot could mess things up with this. You SHOULD be able to be in and out of I4 in no time at all, though filing for your supervillain organization should take the same amount of time whether I help you with any preliminary work or not. By the time you're finished at I4 and the DVO I should have everything ready for you to finalize Willy's FR-023, as well as being ready to close up the MCAC for the rest of the day. Between the time spent in here as well as going out afterward, I know there's no way James would stay to hold down the fort while I'm gone. Leaving the service bots without any assistance is about as useful as being closed anyway, so there's not much point leaving them operating unsupervised. At this point, I almost want to intentionally break them the next time I do any repairs, just so they'll finally buy us some damn upgrades. Ahem, sorry about that." As Miss Calculated finishes her monologue, Jonathan pockets his phone and accepts the printed QR code she's holding out, on Lucas's behalf.

'Eh? Why print it, can't the scanners normally read those things off of phone screens and stuff?'

[Well, her hostility for faulty equipment is probably from experience. I'd say chances are that this way it removes an unnecessary risk to your phone.]

'Oh... Okay, yeah, I get it.'

"Thanks a bunch, see you in... However long then?" As Lucas stands up to get ready to leave, Miss Masher follows suit in short order, still debating the merits of an artificial gravity electromagnetic pole versus classic barbell weights throughout the process.

"-As satisfying as it is to handle natural weights, and there's never any worry about some weird tech issue, the fail-safes in the grav-pole make it safe to use even if you don't have someone to spot you, since it will cut off its replicated weight as soon as it detects that it is falling too fast." As she doesn't even miss a beat on her way towards the door, Lucas pauses for a moment and turns to face her.

"You're uh, coming too?" As Lucas asks this with an incredulous tone of voice, she simply raises an eyebrow at him, seeming to find it strange that he even asked.

"Well yeah, not like I have anything better to do when they're busy. Oh, so for Jonathan, you're probably going to want to get several different kinds of treadmills, and I'm not sure if he'd have issues with a conventional chest strap heart monitor or not, since some speed supes-" Smoothly falling back into her discussion of supe-capable workout equipment, Lucas shoots a pleading look over to Miss Calculated.

She has a look of equal parts apology and helplessness, giving a small head shake to indicate there's nothing she can do, causing the corner of Lucas's mouth to twitch.

[On the bright side, you'll be done planning out Miss Masher's, I mean your, gym sooner this way.]

'...Damnit.'

-----

Lucas kills this chapter: 0

Lucas total kills: 7

Lucas deaths this chapter: 0

Lucas total deaths: 10

Lucas current GDV: 8.94

Lucas's fame level: 2.5* (Mostly just local)

Lucas's hero suspicion level: 1* (Only highly paranoid people)

Jonathan kills this chapter: 0

Jonathan total kills: 5

Jonathan deaths this chapter: 0

Jonathan total deaths: 2

Jonathan current GDV: 1.96

Jonathan's fame level: 1.75* (Just local)

Jonathan's hero suspicion level: 1* (Only highly paranoid people)

Supervillain social circle size: 10

-----

Little character theater:

Jonathan, paying far more attention to Miss Masher's workout equipment info dump than Lucas: Ooh, that water-resistance treadmill sounds pretty cool...

Willy, ready to go and accept his newly updated identity: Bark!

Lucas, nodding along to Miss Masher, having already decided he'll just buy one of everything rather than try to make any decisions: Yeah, uhuh, cool, mmhmm, you don't say...

427, openly laughing in Lucas's mind: [You do realize that the more agreeable you are now, the harder it will be for you to try and stop her in the future, right?]

Author, also openly laughing: F. Just, F.

Mr. Quacks, still scolding the author for not having any backup chapters written in advance ever since the first half of the chapter was incompletely posted previously: Quack!